Reese Is The HBIC
When Jakey Poo moved into Reese Witherspoon's house, she immediately gave him a few ground rules. She told him that he couldn't have any boys after midnight, he has to wash his ass dildos after every use and he can only blast ABBA on Saturday afternoons.
A source told Star (via MSNBC) she also give him a few other rules, “Some of (the things she insists on) are run-of-the-mill. He has to take off his shoes when he’s in the house; trash must be taken out when the can is three-quarters full; and no feet on the coffee table.” Take out the trash? Um, doesn't she have a maid? And if she doesn't have a maid, that's what kids are fucking for.
Speaking of the word "fucking," Jakey Poo can't use it word anymore. The source went on to say, “Jake used to swear like a sailor, but not anymore. If he does, he has to apologize.” Boring! Who's going to teach the kids important words like cunt and slutbag? I bet Reese has one of those annoying swear jars where you have to give a dollar if you curse. I'd be fuckity fucked. Poor Jakey Poo. You know he loves saying, "Bitch, please" and now he can't.
Strict ass Reese also forces her family to eat at the dinner table and to tell each other in advance if they have other dinner plans. Reese is such a mom! And who the hell wants to eat at the dinner table unless there's a big TV in front of it!?
According to the source, Jakey Poo apparently loves all the rules. He would. He's a total sub.
Here's some pictures of floppy haired Jakey Poo in Paris with Mom Reese and her kids.
Splashnewsonline.com
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Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on July 15, 2008 - 12:45pm.
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erm...and what tribe would that be ?
Migraineuse on July 15, 2008 - 9:37am.
Submitted by zomay on July 15, 2008 - 6:26pm.
She's an Aries.
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Thanks, maybe I should see if she has a virgo or capricorn rising and or moon. I bet she likes to do lists. But I just lost the motivation to care about this.
Submitted by UKer on July 15, 2008 - 12:42pm.
i'll go with the "he's a big dork" theory, not speakin' for MK, though!LOL!
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"Here comes the story of the Hurricane.
The man the authorities came to blame,
for somethin' that he never done."
Submitted by UKer on July 15, 2008 - 9:44am.
On a personal note...did you say you were a member of the tribe?
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
It's alright if you love me,
It's alright if you don't
I'm not afraid of you runnin' away honey,
I've got this feeling you won't
You know, if I really believed any of the celeb shitola, I am almost impressed we don't read about a household staff outnumbering the residents.
With that though, I hope Jakey Poo looks good in a French maids outfit, garters and heels.
The giant feather duster was his contribution to chores.
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Submitted by sandiejones on July 15, 2008 - 12:30pm
Since she was married to her children's father for years, she already taught them that. She waited awhile before introducing Jake to her kids, and even longer before letting him move in. Better to shack up than be married and divorced a dozen times.
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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on July 15, 2008 - 12:39pm.
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Why thank you my dear :)
I doubt this story is true, but I suspect Reese is rather high maintenance.
Eh, whatever., She can afford it.
Submitted by Hysteria on July 15, 2008 - 12:31pm.
jake looks like a werewolf
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Or a fuzzy little bear
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on July 15, 2008 - 12:38pm.
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Oh I don't know... if I remember well, MK thinks that Jakey is a big dork. is that right Michael?
Submitted by UKer on July 15, 2008 - 9:35am.
ok... now I'm mad!!!!!
THIS FUCKING BITCH MADE ME COME OUT OF RETIREMENT!!!!!!
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glad to have you back, mate.
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
It's alright if you love me,
It's alright if you don't
I'm not afraid of you runnin' away honey,
I've got this feeling you won't
Submitted by UKer on July 15, 2008 - 12:35pm.
sshhh.. settle, settle... i'm sure he hates her too... he only has eyes for MK!
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"Here comes the story of the Hurricane.
The man the authorities came to blame,
for somethin' that he never done."
Submitted by oklahoma on July 15, 2008 - 9:23am.
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Puff Puff Pass........
OnT: Reese really needs to liven up and get a total makeover...she is looking very matronly and drab.
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I cannot brain today....I have the dumb -lolcats
Submitted by zomay on July 15, 2008 - 6:26pm.
She's an Aries.
*______________________________________*
"When your balls are free, you will find inner peace." - Utilikilts
ok... now I'm mad!!!!!
THIS FUCKING BITCH MADE ME COME OUT OF RETIREMENT!!!!!!
ARGGGGGGGGG!!! What does he seen in her?? someone please tell me.
She's so fucking dull and he is so unbelieveably hot and charming.
I HATE HER.
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on July 15, 2008 - 12:32pm.
alright.. but, damn! i really gotta get my shit together by next week
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"Here comes the story of the Hurricane.
The man the authorities came to blame,
for somethin' that he never done."
Submitted by sandiejones on July 15, 2008 - 10:30am.
Children should be taught that the first rule is to marry the person that you love and not just shack up with them and play house. Good rules that she has shown the kids but still missing the big picture of marriage...
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HAHAHAAA!!! SO true! Holy crap that was so obvious I can't believe I totally overlooked that shit!!
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)
Am I getting old or is the supermarket playing great music?
Submitted by sandiejones on July 15, 2008 - 11:30am.
Children should be taught that the first rule is to marry the person that you love and not just shack up with them and play house. Good rules that she has shown the kids but still missing the big picture of marriage...
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so used to these Hollywood dip-shits that I didn't even think about that. Thanks for pointing that out. Way to be a good role model for your kids there, Reese.
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“Chicks love wang bone. Why do you think they have strap-ons and things in that nature, to simulate wang bones, which i come stocked with.”
Sounds like a laugh a minute.
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on July 15, 2008 - 9:28am.
Every where you go you take the weather with you.
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
It's alright if you love me,
It's alright if you don't
I'm not afraid of you runnin' away honey,
I've got this feeling you won't
jake looks like a werewolf
Children should be taught that the first rule is to marry the person that you love and not just shack up with them and play house. Good rules that she has shown the kids but still missing the big picture of marriage...
Those sound like my rules even though I can't get my husband to take out the trash until it's so full you can't fit anything else in there. Asshole! Maybe I'm not so strict about the cussing rule, either...
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“Chicks love wang bone. Why do you think they have strap-ons and things in that nature, to simulate wang bones, which i come stocked with.”
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on July 15, 2008 - 12:26pm.
oh, just throw "Crowded House" lyrics at me and ditch me at the alter, 'eh?... i see how it is!
-----------------------------
"Here comes the story of the Hurricane.
The man the authorities came to blame,
for somethin' that he never done."
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on July 15, 2008 - 9:20am.
now we're gettin' somewhere!.. not sure where?! but, somewhere!
Well lay me out with your heart
Now we're gettin' somewhere
Push me back to the start
Now we're gettin' someplace
Take me out let me breathe
Now we're gettin' somewhere
When I'm with you I don't care
Where it is I'm falling
P.S. The wedding is off. The thrill is gone. But I will always ♥ you.
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
It's alright if you love me,
It's alright if you don't
I'm not afraid of you runnin' away honey,
I've got this feeling you won't
Man...she even makes Jakey walk two paces behind the nanny. He's the low "man" on the ladder here! Not that he minds...I imagine he's use to being on the bottom...
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"if I was allergic to nuts, my social life would be O-V-E-R." -M.K.
You know what, I would love to be the HBIC of the house. But I live alone, and I can just handle being the HBIC of my own biz. If you added a man into the equation, it would be too much hassle. Reese must have a maid or assistant, because being HBIC 24/7 is a fulltime job. That is so fucking Aries or Virgo of her.
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They prob live like in that movie about Johnny Cash.. Where her parents carry around those shotguns when his friends come over.. And she has a shotgun too.. Then they talk like that movie Pure Country "get your ass out of here.. Go on, I said, Get your ass out of here!" And then Reese is like "jake, want some Black berries" like nothing ever happened.. Woah, crazy!
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I'm Miss World, Somebody kill me!
Kill me pills; No one cares, my friends.
I'm Miss World,Watch me break and watch me burn
No one can hear me, my friends!
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on July 15, 2008 - 6:24pm.
Hahahaha! I didn't too!
*______________________________________*
"When your balls are free, you will find inner peace." - Utilikilts
Submitted by Migraineuse on July 15, 2008 - 12:21pm.
hey!.. my mother was strict, overprotective, and compulsive and i didn't... wait... nevermind!
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"Here comes the story of the Hurricane.
The man the authorities came to blame,
for somethin' that he never done."
Nova, I agree, I don't even smoke out of bongs or pipes,, it creeps me out. Icky! I'd rather have a big ole jolly joint to toke on! Pipes are laziness. My hub will pack a pipe when he doesn't want to 'roll' one.. I'm like, You stingy lil cunt. *pushes down the stairs*
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I'm Miss World, Somebody kill me!
Kill me pills; No one cares, my friends.
I'm Miss World,Watch me break and watch me burn
No one can hear me, my friends!
lol@okie :D
****++++****++++****++++****++++****
I cannot brain today....I have the dumb -lolcats
Submitted by Albino Squirrel on July 15, 2008 - 6:15pm.
Well, she seems like she'd be rigid and boring. Although I must say, it's kind of nice that she is being a strict parent. Maybe Ava & Deacon won't wind up in rehab in ten years. I can't fault her for that.
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I can. Kids of control freaks end up rebelling big time.
The trick is to be firm without being compulsive about it.
*______________________________________*
"When your balls are free, you will find inner peace." - Utilikilts
Submitted by oklahoma on July 15, 2008 - 9:08am.
Lame.. I'd be like Uh bitch.. This here Dildo only gets washed after every 3 or 4 uses.. Its like bong water.. The more used up, the better the taste!
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I change my bong water EVERY time....i like the freshness. :D I HATE it when someone hands me their bong and the water inside is like black. Yeah..uh, thanks...I really want to suck in your smegma. Disgusting. lol.
OnT: I can't really see these two getting married...
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I cannot brain today....I have the dumb -lolcats
I like her and I think she's right to want to establish order in her home. Her kids actually have a chance of turning out normal, unlike the Spears, Kardashians, Lohans, Hiltons...
Submitted by Kizzy on July 15, 2008 - 12:17pm.
now we're gettin' somewhere!.. not sure where?! but, somewhere!
-----------------------------
"Here comes the story of the Hurricane.
The man the authorities came to blame,
for somethin' that he never done."
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on July 15, 2008 - 12:14pm.
Jake likes Reese to wear her "strict schoolmarm" outfit during sexy times. (that better? ROFL)
************************************
"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Dinner together and no saying the F word.... that soundssss horrible.... NOT!
Good for her. You can't give men too much freedom!
*bawahhhahhaaahha-runs away*
Nova.. Good eye. I love his extensions, too! I want him to toss his head back and forth so his hair tickles my tummy or my back.. Whatever he's in the mood for. While he cusses, and says Fuck me! And Reese watches from the other room, w/ a tight perched mouth cause he cussed, but not cause he's fucking me.. Only cause he said Fuck! hahahahah
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I'm Miss World, Somebody kill me!
Kill me pills; No one cares, my friends.
I'm Miss World,Watch me break and watch me burn
No one can hear me, my friends!
Well, she seems like she'd be rigid and boring. Although I must say, it's kind of nice that she is being a strict parent. Maybe Ava & Deacon won't wind up in rehab in ten years. I can't fault her for that.
What is the point of this charade? Is Reese yet another publicity whore? I know she can't possibly believe he's straight. I wanna punch them both in the crotch.
Big deal. This is the way it goes with at least half of all co-habitating couples.
Submitted by Kizzy on July 15, 2008 - 12:10pm.
I don't see anything wrong with those rules. Children learn what they see, and she's just establishing structure for her children. That's a good mom, not a bad girlfriend. Her focus is on what's right for her kids, not herself, or her boyfriend.
look, if you're gonna bring logic into this... well, i'm just at a loss!LOL!
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"Here comes the story of the Hurricane.
The man the authorities came to blame,
for somethin' that he never done."
She prolly hits him on the knuckles with a ruler if he breaks any of the rules.
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
It's alright if you love me,
It's alright if you don't
I'm not afraid of you runnin' away honey,
I've got this feeling you won't
Wow, it's amazing what rates as scandalous sometimes.
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Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
LOL@ he's a total sub. Those rules are normal. We pretty much have the same rules here except for the no cussing thing. Of course the kids aren't allowed to cuss. No news here.
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)
Am I getting old or is the supermarket playing great music?
I suppose there's nothing wrong with the rules, it just seems so austere. When my son and I talk in earnest, he swears sometimes...it just seems so much more *real* (not that he's a beast and would swear in front of a teacher, or even his sisters). In real life, sometimes the trash overflows.
I'm starting to get a, "No-wire-coat-hangers" vibe from Reese.
Jake is rockin the long haired look. The rules don't sound too bad. Could be alot worse.
I think its cute to eat at the table.. dumb family stuff *sniffles* *kicks rocks* aw shucks! We ate at the table when I was younger and my parents were still together.. My mom would say Okie, eat all your GD liver, "no" well then Okie, You have to stay there until its done.. *forward 3 hours* its like 10:30 and I'm just hanging out at the table staring at my plate of liver and peas.. Finally my moms like GD it Okie..Go to bed.. Hence, Never having to eat Liver or Peas.. *bows*
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I'm Miss World, Somebody kill me!
Kill me pills; No one cares, my friends.
I'm Miss World,Watch me break and watch me burn
No one can hear me, my friends!