Reese Is The HBIC
When Jakey Poo moved into Reese Witherspoon's house, she immediately gave him a few ground rules. She told him that he couldn't have any boys after midnight, he has to wash his ass dildos after every use and he can only blast ABBA on Saturday afternoons.
A source told Star (via MSNBC) she also give him a few other rules, “Some of (the things she insists on) are run-of-the-mill. He has to take off his shoes when he’s in the house; trash must be taken out when the can is three-quarters full; and no feet on the coffee table.” Take out the trash? Um, doesn't she have a maid? And if she doesn't have a maid, that's what kids are fucking for.
Speaking of the word "fucking," Jakey Poo can't use it word anymore. The source went on to say, “Jake used to swear like a sailor, but not anymore. If he does, he has to apologize.” Boring! Who's going to teach the kids important words like cunt and slutbag? I bet Reese has one of those annoying swear jars where you have to give a dollar if you curse. I'd be fuckity fucked. Poor Jakey Poo. You know he loves saying, "Bitch, please" and now he can't.
Strict ass Reese also forces her family to eat at the dinner table and to tell each other in advance if they have other dinner plans. Reese is such a mom! And who the hell wants to eat at the dinner table unless there's a big TV in front of it!?
According to the source, Jakey Poo apparently loves all the rules. He would. He's a total sub.
Here's some pictures of floppy haired Jakey Poo in Paris with Mom Reese and her kids.
Splashnewsonline.com
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No wonder Ryan shagged Abbie....
Wow, what a shame
And Jakey Poo needs to shave
I mean.......come on
He used to be kind of attractive
Two words: Donnie Darko
She sounds like a control-freak bitch.One of his rules should be for her to fix her gigantic pointy chin
She looks cute....Someone saw her profile with sexy photos on R I C H L O V I N G.C O M, a hot hook-up club for millionaires and celebrities. It seems the profile looks sincere and attractive. Is it real!? Lots of beautiful girls and lady are said to be there.
Geez, isn't that sort of demanding for someone who looks like a pekingese/bulldog mix? That squashed face alone would be hard or me to live with, but then to have a personality like that?
"Domestically Nazified" - that's brilliant. I'm going to steal that.
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"When your balls are free, you will find inner peace." - Utilikilts
Eh, big deal. These rules aren't bad or excessive. At least she's giving her kids' lives structure and making sure he facilitates it, too. If they already have a routine there's no point in letting him interrupt it.
How is it that even in a hetero relationship Jake Gyllenhaal is still getting fucked.
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"I'll go unlock the kids and make us all breakfast." - Theodore Bagwell
Ahh, you are cracking me up today!!!!LMFAO. She looks pretty domestically nazified.
It would be cool if these were equally imposed rules, like Jake had some for Reese, like don't leave your bras hanging on the shower rod and please put your menstrual gear away, not all over the bathroom counter. Somehow I doubt this is the case.
The no swearing rule reminds me of South Park, when Mr. Mackey taught the little kids not to swear by substituting words, like "Don't say shit say poo, you're a poohole."
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I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin
Love him to pieces, can barely stand her. I know two people who met him, and he is a very sweet person. Why Dlisted continues to bust on him, I have no idea.
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I love twinks! ;)
Reese has a production company called type A, She said it's in reference to her type A personality. well at least she ownes up to it.
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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
She also checks his homework every night.
I have a rule for Reese, Fix that fukin chin fer fuks sake
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I live with 15 dead cats, a purple dog that wears spats..
http://www.myspace.com/akathornhill
Gah! Does that woman ever NOT look unbearably smug?
MK, your thoughts on this topic make me feel normal.
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Sara M.
Jake doesn't need a cock when Reese has enough for both of them.
He'd better invest in dildos!
www.myspace.com/triston
I am honestly shocked that people still believe that living with a partner before marriage is morally objectionable. I agree that an individual with children should be cautious about who they move in with, and certainly should do so when they feel there is a strong possibility for marriage or an equivalent long-term commitment in the future. BUT I cannot imagine marrying someone who I have never lived with! I would much rather discover that I cannot live with someone before marriage then making a leap of faith and ending up divorced. Also, not everyone believes in marriage or particularly wants to get married. There are many unmarried couples, both gay and straight, who live together and raise very happy healthy children. Marriage does not guarantee a good relationship or well-adjusted children.
Well, it's official, Jake is a bottom. First cuz he likes getting chin fucked by Reese "Control Top Panties" Wethersoriginals. Now he has to follow the rules.
Sad, how the heroes fall.
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Exercising pointless futility.
Stop the presses, a movie star is acting like a...RESPONSIBLE ADULT? Oh no fucking way send that bitch to rehab, stat
ah, they make such a perfect pink couple! A tradition as old as 'mophobia: Hook up with a chick who'll play mom to you but looks good enough to make a hetero relationship believable.
what up w/that other bitch, with the dark hair, is she the nanny? why do these hollywood bitches always hire attractive nannies? i would SO not have even a remotely attractive girl of the same age chillaxing w/the man and i on vacation, etc. especially if i were reese, who couldn't BE more blah.
Reese is full of phobias! She fears germs and doesn't like to get her feet wet! And that's in a pool! She has to wear plastic bags on her feet followed by those flippers! It was very embarrassing for James Haven when he took her as a date to his Swim Club. He was already on the outs with the other clubbers, after he brought Dr. Dre and Snoop Dog and they got into melee with the lifeguards.
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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My kid knew every filthy word by the age of 2. Besides, as long as the kids know not to repeat those words who cares?
does she make him pee sitting down?
Submitted by zomay on July 15, 2008 - 6:46pm.
Oooh, I've had roommates like that. List makers and NOTE LEAVERS.
*fumes at the memory*
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"When your balls are free, you will find inner peace." - Utilikilts
Nah, Jake didn't move in with the bitch, he's not that kind of the bottom.
Submitted by bite me on July 15, 2008 - 1:09pm.
sweet baby Xenu in the manger!... welcome, bite me!... yeah, that just doesn't sound right!.. welcome, anyway!
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"Here comes the story of the Hurricane.
The man the authorities came to blame,
for somethin' that he never done."
ESE--
It's a date!
But now I am actually going to do some work.
What a novel concept.
MUAH.
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It's alright if you love me,
It's alright if you don't
I'm not afraid of you runnin' away honey,
I've got this feeling you won't
Trash bag only 3/4's full? Not very environmental friendly is she.
Perhaps Retardo DeCrapio can have a word with her. Or is he too busy flying around the world on a private jet?
Was I talking to you
oh sweet Xenu
i will not be another loveangelina
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on July 15, 2008 - 1:07pm.
i'll pencil ya in between blackouts!
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"Here comes the story of the Hurricane.
The man the authorities came to blame,
for somethin' that he never done."
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on July 15, 2008 - 10:05am.
You funny guy!
Next time I am in Florida I am going to drop by and say hi to you, 'K?
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
It's alright if you love me,
It's alright if you don't
I'm not afraid of you runnin' away honey,
I've got this feeling you won't
Submitted by bite me on July 15, 2008 - 10:05am.
How do we know you're not a spy from Just Jared?
j/k
WELCOME!
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
It's alright if you love me,
It's alright if you don't
I'm not afraid of you runnin' away honey,
I've got this feeling you won't
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on July 15, 2008 - 1:02pm.
great, now i gotta look up "edifying"... kidding, kidding!!LOL!
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"Here comes the story of the Hurricane.
The man the authorities came to blame,
for somethin' that he never done."
Was I talking to you
*slowly walks in the room*
hi sluts, i finally decided to join your lovely communtiy*
Reese just needs a good dick
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on July 15, 2008 - 10:01am.
well, SONOFA!... i really do learn somethin' new every day!
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All together now!
"Dlisted is very edifying."
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
It's alright if you love me,
It's alright if you don't
I'm not afraid of you runnin' away honey,
I've got this feeling you won't
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on July 15, 2008 - 12:59pm.
well, SONOFA!... i really do learn somethin' new every day!
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"Here comes the story of the Hurricane.
The man the authorities came to blame,
for somethin' that he never done."
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on July 15, 2008 - 9:54am.
Slang? Um, not really. I just came to me on the spot! I decided that it was a convenient and obvious way to ask UKer.
BUT we can add it to www.urbandictionary.com, yo.
member of the tribe A Jewish person. Often shortened to M.O.T. This is not a racist term, it was started by Jews. A motley crew is a group of a bunch of M.O.T.s.
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
It's alright if you love me,
It's alright if you don't
I'm not afraid of you runnin' away honey,
I've got this feeling you won't
Is he pee-pee pad trained?
AND Jakey has to stay on the paper until he learns. ;)
And finsh everything on his plate.
And has to say please and thank you to his elders.
;>
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on July 15, 2008 - 12:49pm.
Abraham, Isaac and Jacob
is that slang for being Jewish?... sorry, i can't keep up with all of you hip kids and your street lingo, and i hate being out of the loop
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"Here comes the story of the Hurricane.
The man the authorities came to blame,
for somethin' that he never done."
They should do a tv show called "My Two Beards"....that would be AWESOME. Jakey could totally star!!!
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I cannot brain today....I have the dumb -lolcats
Yeah, I agree with Kizzy. She's got some rules; good for her. I think we all know what happens when kids don't have any rules. And they're reasonable, logical rules.
Except for the garbage bag thing. I'm trying to economize, so the bag goes when it's 90% full.
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on July 15, 2008 - 12:49pm.
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ok I thought that's what you meant, I just didn't want to be presumptious.
I am indeed a member of the tribe, yes.
oy i love me some jake with that long hair. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Jake and his two beards.
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And in the end the love you take
Is equal to the love you make
Submitted by EveryStrangersEyes on July 15, 2008 - 12:46pm.
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Yes well if big dorks were so hot that I'd wanna kill myself over then then yeah, he is a huge dork lol
mmmm bong water!
These two are so boring, even the escandalo is shit my momma tells me every day. Exept she just learned the term "For Fuck's Sake" so we can say that all the livelong day
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I look at the world and I notice it's turning
While my guitar gently weeps
With every mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps
Submitted by UKer on July 15, 2008 - 9:47am.
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on July 15, 2008 - 12:45pm.
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erm...and what tribe would that be ?
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Abraham, Isaac and Jacob
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
It's alright if you love me,
It's alright if you don't
I'm not afraid of you runnin' away honey,
I've got this feeling you won't