Angels Are Singing! The Chosen Ones Have Arrived!
I'm sure you already heard the news due to the fact that millions are rioting in the streets, thousands of people are shouting from mountain tops and your pet has probably taken shelter underneath your bed. Lock your doors, turn off your electricity and horde your water, because the second coming of Jesus is here (aka Saint Angelina gave birth to the twin messiahs). I know, don't you just want to burst into tears and bathe in holy water?
The chosen ones arrived on our planet yesterday in France. They can already talk, read, write and sing. Their SAT scores are already higher than yours and I'm sure they've already been shortlisted for an Oscar this year. A Nobel Peace Prize too.
Saint Angelina gave birth to a boy, Knox Leon, and a girl, Vivienne Marcheline. Knox was the middle name of Brad's pepaw. Marcheline was Angelina's mother's name.
Vivi weighed in at 5lbs and Knox weighed in at 5.03. Knox needs to go on the zone diet stat! Things in the Brangelina household are now even. 3 boys, 3 girls.
3 boys named Maddox, Pax and Knox. Those three should start a boy band and call themselves Triple X.
Saint Angelina's doctor told the Associated Press (via People) that the chosen ones were delivered via c-section. He said, "The babies are doing well. The operation went just perfectly. Angelina is in very good spirits. Brad Pitt was at her side. He was there and all was well."
Brangie's lawyers also wasted no time in buying up every single domain name for their chosen ones. They purchased everything from knoxleonjoliepitt.com to viviennemarchelinejoliepitt.biz. They covered all their bases.
There's good news though! Brangelinaisridiculous.com is still available!
So that's that! You now must immediately shut down your computer and spend the day praying at your Brangelina shrine, begging for forgiveness for all the sins you've committed. Or you can just spend the day drinking until your eyeballs roll back into your head. Either one works.
• 
I've already completeled upgrading my Brangie shrine. I'm just waiting for the new photos so I can get them dipped in angel dust (you know, the good kind) and blessed by the local priest. I've got to go through my ritual atonement first and cleanse myself before I touch the sacred pictures. I have to make three blood vials, sacrifice my son, and do an act of contrition. Can't taint the perfection that is Vox© (don't steal!).
But seriously though, I'm probably one of the only few Brangie fans on D-listed and I think they are awesome so congratulations.
And just because I'm an evil ho...Jen you are FAB! (FAKE ASS BITCH!)
I heard James Haven is currently nursing the two little ones. Breastfeeding is really exhausting! Take extra vitamins, James!
Submitted by Lisa Marie on July 14, 2008 - 12:36pm.
Where is James Haven? Is he too exhausted to post anything?
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He popped in early on the day of the births.
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"Shes like a catroach with nine lives and a disgusting shell"-LoLo on 6/24/08
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
i like the names... very nice..
Where is James Haven? Is he too exhausted to post anything?
Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on July 14, 2008 - 10:40am.
Useless comment.......
Good on you lady! that was not happy number!
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
Useless comment.......
The comment # was on 666, I couldn't let the evil stew and fester.
So.....
I ♥ The Brad, still.
?&!
"Don't get me twisted with average fan losers you have encountered. I am not one of them."
"I am more of a manipulative bitch than a cunt"
"LOVE ANGELINA aka HEART ANGELINA aka ???"
MK this is one of your FUNNIEST posts man.. I read it yesterday and I was BUSTING out laughing... youre the bomb♥♥
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Sweet! The world SOOOOOOOO needs some more "slow types" running around licking windows and digging in their asses with their fat stupid little fingers.
I mean with Brads "smarts" and Angies "?" they could totaly like.... flip burgers? Bag groceries?
Wait no these special bitches have money.
OH WAIT! They could go into REAL ESTATE or LAW or BE RUMER WILLIS!
THERE IS NO END TO WHAT THESE LITTLE FUCKERS CANT DO! Congrats! Idiots..
Oh and D-listers you guys ARE HILARIOUS!
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
I'd like to share it with the hotties who also like sports I met at R I C H L O V I N G.C O M,where the hot affluent singles and sexy girls and models to hook up for Hot Love, Flirt and Sexy Dating!
What is up with their lameass obsession with the letter X? Maddox, Pax, Knox--one alone is ok, but altogether they just sound so stupid. I used to like the name "Max" but I think my attraction is waning.
Why is the girl's name so much better than the boy's? It's actually a GOOD name. Who would have guessed?
Holy shit 600 plus messages!
I just learned the chosen ones have finally arrived. I thought I heard the sound of trumpets coming from the heaves earlier, or maybe it was me hallucinating cuz I was all sorts of fucked up
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Fuck it!
Submitted by angel_i on July 13, 2008 - 5:39pm.
JJ PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:
Have-A-life @ 07/13/2008 at 6:46 pm
Have A Life is our little friend(?) Nectar. The spiteful little twerp that hung out with us a couple of months ago.
JesusWearsTennies, I believe is our dearly beloved little Kizzy
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And I find it kinda funny.
I find it kinda sad.
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had.
You just know there r going to be more, cos these 2 seem to suffer from the same syndrome that makes people keep 30 cats and 20 dogs in one house. If they really wanted to do some good for their existing kids, they should concentrate on their individual well being and not just keep upping the numbers.
What are the next boys going to be named - Hillocks and Bollocks?
I'm going to bed now; I just wanted to say I'm so proud of all of you Dlisters who did your part to try and stop the JJ madness. Way to stick together, guys, and thanks for the entertainment.
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Simplicity provides a fine line between eloquence and plainness. -LL Cool J
Are you fucking kidding me?? There is no way in Jolie Pitt hell that I am reading 600+ comments...
Just from reading the first page I get the gist that there was some sort of Jihad on Just Jared...good, I hope their little heads exploded while attempting to form some sort of rational thought.
spectacle
debacle
tentacle
That poor kid: KNOX? WTF!!!
~SAS
There is nothing I love more than being told I am absolutely right! I am shallow and petty that way. ~Mrs.Kravitz 7/11/08
YankeesDaily
That's good stuff.
Submitted by madam s. on July 13, 2008 - 7:24pm.
Tigerlilly,
We're outsourcing now.
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Oh, Ok, are there really a lot of Indian Brangeloonies? I keed, I Keed...
O/T: Knox??? SUX! And Angie is a crazy ass ho!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
I just hope Brad wasn't sent by himself off to some Italian furniture gallery to buy the cribs.
Tigerlilly,
We're outsourcing now.
What the fuck be goin' on up in here? For reals???? 600 + comments... Even LA couldn't produce that cluster fuck....
Who's the new Brangeloonie insighting a DListed riot?
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Well, dear JJ-er Jill has admitted that Brad dumped Jen, aka he dumped Jen because he was cheating with AJ and was commanded by her to dump his wife.
If I were Jen I'd be embarrassed to be associated with these two.
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
Submitted by thlayly5 on July 14, 2008 - 12:05am.
Le sigh.
"Jay swiss Fransayz, jay swiss Angelina Jolie. Mon mare s'apple Marcia Lynn."
Maybe Jamie Lynn can take a leaf out of the classy name book. J'taimeachaline anyone?
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Leave the thinking to horses, they've got bigger heads.
peaches, you missed JH, scroll back a few hours and you'll find him......
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"I won’t hold my breath either: they don’t know how to have intelligent conversations. These are loonies from the awfully racist website Dlisted who come here to start trouble..."
-poster on JJ
Only one person can make shit right again by coming here to elaborate us dlisters with the real facts! James haven, where art thou!?
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*I used to Love Celebrities, now I just love to Hate them!*
Le sigh.
"Jay swiss Fransayz, jay swiss Angelina Jolie. Mon mare s'apple Marcia Lynn."
AJ, on a heroin high, speaking her form of french--- she is just so classy
-"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
my sis took my son for the weekend,and strangely, I had the day off from work, so I'm just doing some half-assed cleaning and posting here.
I'm not much for TV, but family guy is on tonight.
and king of the hill, the simpsons and american dad.
anyone interested, really funny american dad going to air tonight.
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on July 13, 2008 - 6:56pm.
The militant affect is, if anything, a great spectator sport for a lazy Sunday.
I didn't have shit to do today.
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Trudat.
Or me too...I'm dead tired and free as a bird and the sad thing is that I should have played Desktop Tower Defense because that's WAY more fun. They're so boringly pedantic over there.
LOL! Are they all kids? Cuz that's mean...but whatever - they gotta grow up some day.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
thlayly5 on July 13, 2008 - 6:53pm
You have no idea, I want to post her posts from here and tell them they are all like her and see who claims her and defends her and who drop kicks her via the internet.
Let them live through that wrath and watch them run and flee in shear horror.
Or maybe I will watch a movie, I DVR'd "Bad Influence", in HD!
?&!
"Don't get me twisted with average fan losers you have encountered. I am not one of them."
"I am more of a manipulative bitch than a cunt"
"LOVE ANGELINA aka HEART ANGELINA aka ???"
angel_i on July 13, 2008 - 6:47pm
Well, this is my first and last day posting there for sure.
It's like the Christian Science Reading Room seriousness there, reading so much into the bullshit cranked out by PR hwores.
The militant affect is, if anything, a great spectator sport for a lazy Sunday.
I didn't have shit to do today.
joanne on July 13, 2008 - 6:46pm.
Brad Pitt is being much to quiet, he did not seem happy about this pregnancy at all.
- You get that too, huh.
?&!
"Don't get me twisted with average fan losers you have encountered. I am not one of them."
"I am more of a manipulative bitch than a cunt"
"LOVE ANGELINA aka HEART ANGELINA aka ???"
Submitted by angel_i on July 13, 2008 - 11:47pm.
xyz @ 07/13/2008 at 6:57 pm
I don’t believe anyone who’s 9 years older than her bow would totally comfortable in her old skin, especially when her bow’s around many young chickies.
Her bow? Is he straight as an arrow? Thanking you, tip your waitress, I'll be here all week.
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Leave the thinking to horses, they've got bigger heads.
Bradiful-
Why don't we just tell them that we were trying to emulate former dlister Love Angelina- we knew we were gonna piss a few people off, but we had to try and spread the truth about Brangie!
Bwa ha aha ha. cough cough
Chokes on cosmo-
ha ha ha ha
"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems!"-
& loving the JJ raid-posting -- am allergic to starfucker sites, so I'm in awe, but not so in awe as to not be heading for a nap in 1,2..
I'm giving serious thought to going "Commingback"
over there...
hmmmmm.....
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
For reals, Bradi. It must be hell for you - a whole fucking board full of them!
I can't do it anymore - this was the last straw. It's a little one but it's just...so...painfully...stooopid....
xyz @ 07/13/2008 at 6:57 pm
I don’t believe anyone who’s 9 years older than her bow would totally comfortable in her old skin, especially when her bow’s around many young chickies.
As for Brad being 11 years older than Ange, who knows Brad may experience the same issues later on. As far as Ange is concerned, she’s got no problems for she will always be much younger than Brad.
*EYEROLL!*
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
so yes: Pitt will be working way into his Depends shilling home gyms, glue-on hair plugs, etc., to keep paying palimony and child support for this Mia Farrow rip-off mess -- don't buy they are worth even half of what they claim, they've spent most of their shitload travelling getting their ego fixes and on high-maintenance houses. Even with the value of some of the good real estate, I think they're up shit creek if they can't get at least 3 MAJOR hits between them.
I guess that's why Jolie doesn't go through on her charity promises -- like that Maddox fund in Cambodia, skeezy broad.
Brad Pitt is being much to quiet, he did not seem happy about this pregnancy at all.
angel_i: "They should be with friends and family on this Sunday, doing things."
Oh, like having a brangiegasm online all day long like the loons at JJ? Please. Actually, I am supposed to be WORKING now but the miraculous birth has made me "lose my shit" and I must "spew hate about a newborn baby."
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I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin
angel_i on July 13, 2008 - 6:39pm
hahaha, I just read that and CTH's response to me.
I am almost ready to tell them WHO I BLAME for invading their temple today....
Oh and ON T, sure, why not:
I hope The Brad has his escape plan ready.
That would be something I maybe, might, you know, pray a little for.
?&!
"Don't get me twisted with average fan losers you have encountered. I am not one of them."
"I am more of a manipulative bitch than a cunt"
"LOVE ANGELINA aka HEART ANGELINA aka ???"
*bursts into tears* I'M a LOSER!!!!!
a racist loser.......*sob*
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"I won’t hold my breath either: they don’t know how to have intelligent conversations. These are loonies from the awfully racist website Dlisted who come here to start trouble..."
-poster on JJ
I couldn't help myself, I swear I will stop now though:
jesuswearstennisshoes @ 07/13/2008 at 6:56 pm The beautiful and classy Jennifer Anniston is too busy having multiple orgasms with her hot sexy young boyfriend to care that the unmarried Angie Jo had her children surgically removed in a country not her own while Bradley Boo cried like a nancy girl.
# 164 jesuswearstennisshoes @ 07/13/2008 at 6:57 pm That mayor with the birth certificates looks disturbingly like moses with the ten commandments tablets. I shall await the plague of frogs in my underground bunker.
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I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin
Submitted by angel_i on July 13, 2008 - 5:39pm.
aww, they hurt my little feelings!
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
here's my new favorite
My first thought was that Knox was the name of some architect Brad admired. But then it was said it was the name of his maternal grandfather, I think that’s correct. I liked that. Now you present this article and it is wonderful because it could be both relative and an artist he respect and admires.
They don’t pick names out of the air. They select names that have history and meaning. A good name is worth its weight in gold. These are not shallow people and they don’t select shallow names.
OT: We have all seen Shiloh carrying and cuddling her doll babies. We all suspect Angie was getting her ready for the birth of her brother and sister. But I must say that she will probably choke them before she drops them as she definitely has a death grip on their heads.
I hope when she holds her brother or sister she doesn’t hold them as tightly as she holds her little doll babies. I’m being funny for those who take things too seriously. Peace
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
JJ PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:
Have-A-life @ 07/13/2008 at 6:46 pm
The regulars on this site need to ignore the losers on that “other site” who are identical to high schooler girl gangs with sad home lives. Like I’ve said, they’ve driven everyone away on Dlisted and are just a poor pool of gals who need to get a life. Ignore them and leave them to themselves. They are envious of Angelina Jolie. They should be with friends and family on this Sunday, doing things. They are isolated and only have fake friends on that site and they gang up on people who are better than them. Jeez, there are so many losers on the internet!
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
zzzzzz, JLo's wideload ass beat them to the twin popping. It's all downhill for the TrangePitt train from here: If the movies either star in keep bombing (cartoon character voice-overs don't count), they'll need to fuck on the street to shock and prove it didn't take a micro probe to suck out sperm from Pitt's tiny peen and a baster to pull this off.
my latest gem
have been up for days and days waiting for her to queef out the two new wonders of the world.
thank God it all went well.
I hope brad doesn't cut the wrong cord.
is james haven avalible for comment?
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
OMG someone wrote a poem to Truthiness (QoC)! Too precious.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
thlayly5 and dead-actress: It's just too fun to poke those brangeloonies in the eye ball!!
Well, I haven't been banned yet; to test I posted the below. However, as has been pointed out, I don't want to increase his traffic, so I'll stop. The batshit loonies will think they've chased us off with their voodoo incantations and hate spewing. It's true they accuse everyone and sundry of hate mongering, yet they say the most vile things to other posters....
jesuswearstennisshoes @ 07/13/2008 at 6:43 pm So, the cord-cutting was like the scene in Alien where that creature pops out of that guy’s stomach?
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I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin
Bradiful
I answered you slut.
I said,
"may the fleas of a thousand jolies infest your armpits."
heee.
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin