Thursday, July 10th 2008

Tom Jones Has A Big One

Elvira aka Cassandra Peterson confessed to Blender Magazine (via Showbiz) that she lost her virginity to the pepaw raisin known as Tom Jones. Elvira was working as a nudie dancer in Las Vegas when she met and fucked Pepaw Tom. The experience left her in stitches, literally.

Elvira said, "Tom seemed gentlemanly and nice, so when he was jumping on me... I thought, 'Well, if I'm ever gonna do this, it might as well be with Tom Jones.' It was painful and horrible."

She said that his dick was so big that she needed to get stitches on the chocha area afterwards. Even though Tom practically ripped her in two, she still wanted to be with him, but found out that he's a total man whore. She said, "I thought for sure we were gonna run away together and get married. I went backstage to see him the next night, but he was with his two background singers... and was all over them. I was disgusted."

Below is a vintage picture of Pepaw Tom in a speedo. That shit don't look that big. Maybe he's a grower not a shower. He probably thinks he's such a fucking stud after hearing that Elvira story. Give me a quick minute or two with his beef jerky ass. I'd be shouting at him, "That's it?! Bitch, add a thumb up in there or something!"

Thanks Stacy

Posted by: Michael K


oklahoma's picture

Its not unusual to slam bang anyone!! da da daadaaaa da dada Its not unusual to send them to the ER..

lizzieb's picture

That’s revolting and ridiculous. I had stitches after giving birth to a nine pound baby but surely to go there’s not a dick on earth that could do that. What a horrible thought. Almost as horrible as his appearance. He looks like a testicle lightly dusted with pubes. Grow old gracefully dammit you look absurd.

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Leave the thinking to horses, they've got bigger heads.

Sandbitch's picture

Amy Winehouse should definitely hire Elvira or at least see if she can score her old wigs.

pompom's picture

Friends saw him a few months ago in concert. I think/hope he was wearing more clothes when he was singing. They were pretty icked out by the bras and big ol' undies being chucked at the stage.

ricki lake's picture

The vagina is a very pliable creature, but tissues can still tear during sex, especially if A) you're being penetrated by something huge, and B) you're not properly lubricated or turned on enough. Methinks Tom probably wasn't the most considerate lover, either, and basically used her box like it was his right hand.

kdracofan's picture

TMI. Seriously

"It's Not Unusual"

It's not unusual to be loved by anyone
It's not unusual to have fun with anyone
but when I see you hanging about with anyone
It's not unusual to see me cry,
oh I wanna' die
It's not unusual to go out at any time
but when I see you out and about it's such a crime
if you should ever want to be loved by anyone,
It's not unusual it happens every day no matter what you say
you find it happens all the time
love will never do what you want it to
why can't this crazy love be mine
It's not unusual, to be mad with anyone
It's not unusual, to be sad with anyone
but if I ever find that you've changed at anytime
it's not unusual to find out that I'm in love with you
whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh

Eddie's picture

Yeah just look at the heft that thing must bring

ricki lake's picture

I can understand the women not understanding it, but MK, there's really no excuse for you. The whole Speedo/"small peen" thing is obvious - Speedos are tight and smash that shit into your body! It's what they're meant to do. Swimmers would lose precious tenths of seconds if they had a big package flopping around in the water, no matter how entertaining it would be for the rest of us, sigh.

Oh, and Tom Jones is nasty.

Sandbitch's picture

A virgin nudie dancer in Las Vegas?

No wonder he pounded her arse.

ChubbyWubby's picture

This is a very famous and true story that has been well known for a long time. Cassandra fessed up to this years ago

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"Money is the magic wand that turns many a frog into a prince" - ChubbyWubby
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i dont think this is true....that's pretty impossible.

Triscuit's picture

WoW!
Thanks for the visual Michael!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
My children..Carly and Robert...

rotten_egg's picture

Now that's rough sex, I think. I'm all for well-endowed dudes, but I hate hairy cavemen with a passion. Yuck!.

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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.

LoLo's picture

MRS K ALREADY TOLD US THIS!!!!!
The cock thing, you know, that jones johnson was large.

She knows stuff that other people dont!
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!

But.Seriously.Folks's picture

Is she kidding? How the hell? What the hell?

**Warning - TMI below**

My college sweetie had to use Magnum (extra large) condoms and even those were tight. And I experienced no such horror. And no, I wasn't a used up slut. I can't figure out how that much damage was done. He must of used her as a freaking trampoline.

Sayonara's picture

Submitted by parissucksliterally on July 10, 2008 - 12:58pm.
OUCH!

I really could have gone through my life without ever knowing this.....
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Agreed! He was probably all rough and s*it.

Five foot two, eyes of blue,
da da da da da da da
has anybody seen my gal?

Mel-Tang's picture

I saw him in concert last year, and he is a HAWT old peepaw.
He was shaking and grinding it like he was still 19.
LMAO
And ANY of those grannies in the auditorium would have ripped their I.V.'s out in a second to have him pounce on them. Guaranteed.
One memaw threw her big ole panties to the stage, and by accident it landed on some other Mama Je'e's head.
Good Times.

<3-------------------------------<3

RIMADYL KILLS

Rest In Peace, baby boy
I love you

TheBreakdown's picture

Well, at least Elvira hit it before he started looking like Chucky's father!

www.myspace.com/triston

parissucksliterally's picture

OUCH!

I really could have gone through my life without ever knowing this.....

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“It’s even worse when they try to shake your hand. I’m like, ‘F**k off, wash your hand, it’s just been on your d*ck!!’”
-James McAvoy, on meeting fans in the bathroom

oklahoma's picture

OH god, I clinched and cringed when I read the stitching part.. awful.. oh oh !!

zomay's picture

TMI for reals!

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The greatest break-up song ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQVUtcytaw8