Is This A Lohan?
This is a picture of HoHan's supposed secret half-sister. InTouch has the first pictures of 13-year-old Ashley Kaufman and her mother, Kristi Kaufman. Kristi claims she did grossy grossy times with Michael Lohan and produced lil' Ashley.
Michael at first admitted it, but now he's denying it. He recently submitted his DNA for a paternity test. He said that if Ashley is his, he will accept responsibility. If she's not his, he plans to sue Kristi for defamation. Um...he should sue himself too, because he's already defamed himself plenty of times.
Michael told the NYDN last week, "I've seen pictures and, to tell the truth, there are similarities with Linds."
Hmmm....she doesn't have greasy orange skin, a cokey nose or a permanent poo stain on her upper lip. And she actually looks a normal 13-year-old and not a 35-year-old hooka! Nope, definitely not a Lohan! That being said, she'll still get her own reality show and record deal.
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Submitted by Clarisse on July 1, 2008 - 4:56pm.
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LOL ;-)
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass."
How much you want to bet the cash that Kristi Kaufman got for outing her child did not go to a college fund?
Getting your 13 yrs. of back child support in one lump sum...
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"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."
stock
oh god, how did I forget Rachael ray?
and hedi horseface and mcfaggot pratt.
and they only get dollar store douche, too.
no good shit for them.
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
QC,
Awwww suky suky now!
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Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion – they're two words which are both … different. In spelling.
Its too late to ask Santi Claus for a post dated abortion for your mommy little girl. Maybe Santa will bring your ass a nice useless foot ball to toss around with your shitty father.
The foot ball at least will have a better chance of getting this kid to college!
fuckers slipping nekkid dicks in unproteced chachas and forgeting babies are made that way!
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I love you, Cheetos. Mmm Cheetos, I love you so much!
Cute kid. Sorry for her to have the same name.
She looks just like the slimeball, poor thing.
Submitted by Clarisse on July 1, 2008 - 4:46pm.
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Oh, I'll give him something all right....can't promise it'll be PG, though.
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass."
Biggest Douche in the Universe Contest!
Prize: Case of Summer's Eve & Vagisill
(courtesy Christine The Hoff)
Here are the candidates so far:
feel free to add to list
MEN:
Kfed
trump
Micheal Lohan
billy ray douch
cruise
revolta
Clay Gayken
WOMEN:
okra
rosie o'donnell
Rachel Ray
OTHER:
Gallagher
Ryan Gaycrest
David Chuleta or whatever his name is
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"Not only would you sell your mother to make a deal, you'd send her C.O.D." - Gordon Gekko, from the movie "Wall Street"
QueenCharisma,
Good for you! Give him your very best flirty eyes and you're in!!!
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Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion – they're two words which are both … different. In spelling.
Submitted by DreamyAguileraEyes on July 1, 2008 - 4:37pm.
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Oh, I'm about to (unless he's already otherwise involved...I don't go after attached men)! You have no idea how much I've been kicking myself since our last encounter and me being too shy to ask him out. All of my friends wanted to beat the shit out of me too because they thought he was really into me (and it's a good sign that he remembered me after all this time, right?).
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass."
Submitted by Viva La Lohan on July 1, 2008 - 4:36pm.
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I'm about to go to grad school to major in psych...do you know how much money I'll make with all these fucked up celebuspawns running around?! These people are a therapists' dream! LOL...poor Ashley. This little girl should get herself legally emancipated ASAP so she doesn't have to go through this circus.
And thanks for the support!
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass."
She's too pretty and normal looking to be a Hohan. Maybe that's because she's been raised away from the whole shitpot that is the Hohan household and her mother isn't white Oprah. I wouldn't want Michael Hohan for a father, but I'd take him over Dina Hohan for a mother any day of the week.
♫ My pants are so tight, I think I'm going to cry and write a song about it, but my eyeliner will run, get my bangs and scarf wet, which will make me want to write another song... ♫
@ QueenCharisma
I hope you're putting your best moves on him. Don't let self doubts get in the way. If you really love him, FIGHT for him & once you get him. Keep him!! Hope it works out for you!!
~♥~my little boy breathes new life into me~Xtina to Glamour~♥~
~♥~Rather than change who I am for Max, I bring the life lessons I've learned to the table~Xtina to Glamour~♥~
QC - oh definitely. I bet therapists in her hometown are chasing their car down the street like shitty lawyers chasing after a car wreck.
*good luck on your new love,too. Just play it cool and be yourself!*
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maybe you should sign yourself in to see your physogologist to help u with your major self esteem issues! - Kitty whosafuck
I hope for this poor girl's sake that she's not a Lohan.
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"I thank God I wasn't born to a life of idle douchebaggery." - Secret Original, 6/24/08
At least she looks better than Ali.
http://danceontheroof.com
Submitted by Viva La Lohan on July 1, 2008 - 4:30pm.
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Well said. This little girl's going to need some serious therapy in the next couple of years.
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass."
OMG these people disgust me so much.
Nobody in the Lohanverse has ever heard of the PRESERVATION OF INNOCENCE.
Dad or not, this is a child who is now being used in some ploy by her mom and possible dad to get fame and attention FOR THEM. No acting roles are going to come of this for her. No Disney afternoon sitcom deals are in the works. She will just be this week's news item, scrutinized, laughed at, talked about, picked apart, and then forgotten next week when Amy Winehouse hocks a loogie or Paris Hilton pops a herp blister. It's fucked up and lame and in poor taste on her mom's part, regardless of paternity.
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maybe you should sign yourself in to see your physogologist to help u with your major self esteem issues! - Kitty whosafuck
Submitted by Viva La Lohan on July 1, 2008 - 4:24pm.
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Well, I don't know about that yet (the worth the wait part) since the guy has no clue how crazy about him I am, lol.
But thanks for the encouragement! :D
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass."
Poor kid.
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"Fuck off, ya Bitch-holes." by my son. I am so proud...
Submitted by Clarisse on July 1, 2008 - 4:17pm.
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Oh, I still am, lol. But even strong, independent women need love too. ;-)
Anyway, the guy's a musician and he's really sweet. I met him for the first time two years ago (my friend dragged me up to speak to him after one of his performances and I only said two words) and then a couple of months later, I had to interview him for my school's paper. Well, oddly enough, he remembered who I was when we met again even though we hadn't talked for two months or so. We had a great interview and he was really nice, inviting me to come hang out with him and his bandmates after his soundcheck.
Long story short, I hooked up with someone else in between then and now and we lost touch. Recently, I sent him an email asking him some questions about the music biz (he's getting pretty big on the indie circuit) 'cuz I want to eventually break in and I said he probably didn't remember me anyway since we hadn't talked in so long, but he did!! He remembered the exact time we last spoke, what the conversation was about and he said he was delighted to hear from me again because we hadn't spoken in so long. Now he wants to hear my music and maybe help me out....he's really sweet, but even though I'm totally in love with him, with my luck he's probably gay or not even interested in me that way...he's probably just being nice. LOL, whatevs...a girl can dream, right?
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass."
I know you are all off on tangents now...but i just read this....
Sources reveal exclusively to PerezHilton.com that Michael Lohan is planning to sell the results of his paternity test to the highest bidding magazine!
What an effing famewhore!!!!!!!!
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Support Bacteria - They're the only culture some people have. - Steven Wright
Submitted by QueenCharisma on July 1, 2008 - 1:03pm.
I'm in love, guys!
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CONGRATS QC! It's a wonderful thing and totally worth the wait, huh.
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maybe you should sign yourself in to see your physogologist to help u with your major self esteem issues! - Kitty whosafuck
I'm a good mom and I would NEVER sell my daughters pictures to get the cover of a stupid magazine. The fact that this comes out after 13 years is unbelievable. I bet Michael called this woman and told her it was time she sold the story....just so he could get some more famewhore time in. He is just THAT Kind of man.
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Support Bacteria - They're the only culture some people have. - Steven Wright
South park had the right idea, we really need to hold a biggest douche in the universe contest.
think of the candidate list
Kfed
trump
this douch
billy ray douch
okra
rosie o'donnell
cruise
revolta
how the FUCK would you pick a winner from this list of fine citizens???
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"In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.."
ROOF FLIES OFF!
RIP George Carlin
Submitted by Clarisse on July 1, 2008 - 4:47pm.
That's one of the things that makes Johnny so appealing-I don't think he tries to act famous. He's just a down to earth guy.
*swoon*
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The only gossip I'm interested in is in the Weekly World News - 'Woman's bra burst, 11 injured.' That kind of thing. -Johnny Depp
God be with you, dumbass.
Are we applying for homes? put me down for one, doesn't need to be too fancy. lol.
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http://fuzzygalore.buzznet.com
Team Troll - cause Spencer is a douche.
Team Haim? - am I a Haimaloonie? *hides*
M.E.,
I love love love how he's taking pics w/the crew!! What a doll! You know 95% of actors would NEVER mix with "workers".
QueenCharisma,
Oh, do tell. I thought you were Miss Independant? ;-)
Zomay,
Rest up and drink plenty of water! It's gonna be loonie!
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Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion – they're two words which are both … different. In spelling.
So he says..."yeah, i knew about her...i have visited her a few times over the years"...then he goes to..."I'm taking a DNA test and if she isnt mine, im going to sue for defamation!" I mean, WTF??? If he was already making visits to see her, he knew she was his....yet....this makes no sense other than the fact that he is using this to open his big fucking mouth super wide again to the media. He's gonna play this out as long as he can...you can bet on it.
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Support Bacteria - They're the only culture some people have. - Steven Wright
Submitted by DreamyAguileraEyes on July 1, 2008 - 4:12pm.
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Thanks! :) Even though the guy doesn't know about it yet, I'm still really happy right now, lol.
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Submitted by dustbunny on July 1, 2008 - 4:06pm.
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Your dad should be slapped for that. My dad's an absentee parent, too but he'd NEVER deny he was my father. That's crazy.
On Topic: This girl looks like Michael so I'd be shocked if she wasn't his.
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass."
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on July 1, 2008 - 4:10pm.
*packing a bag and my crockpot*
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I love you, Cheetos. Mmm Cheetos, I love you so much!
Submitted by QueenCharisma on July 1, 2008 - 9:03pm.
I'm in love, guys!
Ok, that was totally off topic but I had to say that somewhere...
*
Congrats!!! :0)
~♥~my little boy breathes new life into me~Xtina to Glamour~♥~
~♥~Rather than change who I am for Max, I bring the life lessons I've learned to the table~Xtina to Glamour~♥~
This kid looks exactly like him. The Lohan hookas look like White Oprah, so I'd place my bets now that this is his daughter, poor thing.
Submitted by LoLo on July 1, 2008 - 1:09pm.
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on July 1, 2008 - 4:03pm.
I want a house in Spain!
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Portugal is nice, too!
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DAE:I think some of them are missing important parts of their brain.
VLL: Yeah, the brain part.
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on July 1, 2008 - 4:03pm.
I want a house in Spain!
*looking around for the cockers that gets you a house in Spain. Scolds my sad nay-nis for not giving it to myself*
shame on me wee nay-nis!
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I love you, Cheetos. Mmm Cheetos, I love you so much!
His sudden decision to back track on being the father really hit a nerve with me. *shrugs* Just reminds me of my own absent father. Actually had the balls to say to my mom that he was sure he even remembered her! (they dated andlived together over 4 years) just messed up.
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http://fuzzygalore.buzznet.com
Team Troll - cause Spencer is a douche.
Team Haim? - am I a Haimaloonie? *hides*
OMG,she does look like the dad total match!
Submitted by LoLo on July 1, 2008 - 12:25pm.
Well when she was fucking this douche he was still a banker in NYC. Ive seen some dumb whores do some real dumb shit to sit on a bankers dick for a minute and pretend you'll get a house in the Hamptons if you bounce on it just right.
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I would like a house in the Hamptons, please.
Well, maybe the North Fork.
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DAE:I think some of them are missing important parts of their brain.
VLL: Yeah, the brain part.
I'm in love, guys!
Ok, that was totally off topic but I had to say that somewhere...
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass."
How does this effing guy afford all the freakin' child support he has to dish out??
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WISH GRANTED! >:)
myspace.com/draya23
She's cuter than Hohan or Ali.....but her Mother is only after fame & whatever fortune she can get (insert sarcasm) from Michael.
Apparently "shame" is not a trait this kid's mom possesses.
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WISH GRANTED! >:)
myspace.com/draya23
Ok everyone have a good day. Need to save my strength for the brangeloooons once the kids are popped out.
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OMG!!...Johnny Depp...touching his crotch...*turns into a puddle of goo* Happy day!!!
~♥~my little boy breathes new life into me~Xtina to Glamour~♥~
~♥~Rather than change who I am for Max, I bring the life lessons I've learned to the table~Xtina to Glamour~♥~
M.E., I have a Brad video on my CrackSpace page, I lost count on my viewing...
And his kidnapping spoof video.
?&!
"Don't get me twisted with average fan losers you have encountered. I am not one of them."
"I am more of a manipulative bitch than a cunt"
"LOVE ANGELINA aka HEART ANGELINA aka ???"
Bradi - Ive watched it 5x already.
I need help.
M.E. on July 1, 2008 - 3:46pm
Save it for the next babies being borned to the high holy Skeletina thread, it's going to be a long week and we're gonna need it.....
I have my finger on the Johnny Bat signal.
?&!
"Don't get me twisted with average fan losers you have encountered. I am not one of them."
"I am more of a manipulative bitch than a cunt"
"LOVE ANGELINA aka HEART ANGELINA aka ???"
Yes the girl looks like Michael.
He must have super sperm.
Why can't this asshole learn to wear a condom.
But yeah I agree the mom shouldn't have released this to the public. She is trying to cash in on the Lohan name and whore her kid out too! Ugh! Go away Lohan's Pleeeeeeeease!
Completely off topic - I just went to TMZ, they have a video of Johnny Depp.
I've messed myself.
*embarassed*