Did You Feel The Earth Shaking This Morning?

No, it's wasn't Greasy Bear farting. It was Saint Angelina's precious angels entering the mortal world out of her holy vagina. Well, maybe. Yes, we're doing this shit again. Closer Magazine in France reports that St. Angie went into labor ~~Tuesday~~ Monday night and popped out the twin chosen ones this morning. This has not been confirmed and I called Maddox for the juice, but the line was busy. He's on the other line with Jenny Aniston and singing to her, "My mommy has 6 babies and you have 0. Mommy - 6. You - 0. Mommy wins! Ehehehehehe!" That's how Maddox laughs. Ehehehehehehe!

Figures that Angie would pop out the chosen ones on July 1st. Way to take the shine away from Canada.
Happy 141st Canada Day!

VIA Huffington Post

Thanks Ben

Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on July 2, 2008 - 11:23am.

Goddamnit Angelina. Can you seriously just let some things take the spotlight, like Canada Day? NO, YOU CAN'T USE YOUR MOM BEING FRENCH CANADIAN TO STEAL CANADA'S THUNDER.

Ugh. Let's hope the doctors FEED HER.

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"I'm allowed to complain that my fucking butt hurts every now and then." - Lolo

Submitted by lizzieb on July 2, 2008 - 10:52am.

I really shouldn't encourage them but read this:

Meli @ 07/02/2008 at 9:11 am Alexanderina @ 07/02/2008 at 8:53 am # 604 Meli @ 07/02/2008 at 8:42 am

Hi Meli, yes it was me and what a night that was :). We had a great time celebrating the birth of Shi here on JJ and we will again when the twins are born and I can’t wait. I am so excite
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So I remember well!
Let’s see who will be the first this time!

THEY HAD A GREAT TIME CELEBRATING THE BIRTH OF SHI. What????
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Leave the thinking to horses, they've got bigger heads.

Submitted by lizzieb on July 2, 2008 - 10:43am.

Submitted by Lindalou on July 2, 2008 - 3:03am.
I read the first 100 or so of the comments over at JJ. Surprisingly, I find it even more disturbing than the haters.

That's very true. At least haters have some independent thought. The very idea that there is anything to like about this ghastly 'family' is disturbing indeed. Let's hope when she pops out the undernourished ones and goes off to China for a boy twin shopping, with a pitt (ha de ha) stop in Africa for a matching sibling for Zahara that even the loonies will have pause for thought. We can hope.

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Leave the thinking to horses, they've got bigger heads.

Submitted by Sunday on July 2, 2008 - 7:16am.

she looks so happy.Her husband and she were said to be invited to an interview by a luxury millionaire&celebs dating site RICHLOVING.COM. That sounds crazy!!

Submitted by parkrangerpete on July 1, 2008 - 10:57pm.

Oh, i thought the dinosaurs were coming back

Whatever you do: Don't Feed The Celebs

Submitted by Lindalou on July 1, 2008 - 10:33pm.

I read the first 100 or so of the comments over at JJ. Surprisingly, I find it even more disturbing than the haters.

Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on July 1, 2008 - 9:02pm.

Submitted by Clarisse on July 1, 2008 - 3:05pm.
Oh, just like M.E., i couldn't stop myself from peeking over at Just Jolie...

here's a gem "Good morning all BAMPZS+2 fans. Ohmygawd this is so exciting."

Um...BAMPZS? Oh my god Oh my god OH MY GOD!
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BAMPZS is stupid. I guess I'll refer to my family as SEED, as that is the first initial of all our names.

Those JJ loonies are like the Holly Hobbie of blog posters. Cutesy, cutesy, cutesy, BARF!

♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠♠
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin

Submitted by DreamyAguileraEyes on July 1, 2008 - 8:54pm.

We can now all begin the long wait until the "birth" annoucement because PEOPLE have confirmed that Saint Angie is indeed ready to pop out The Holy Twins.

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20209772,00.html

~♥~my little boy breathes new life into me~Xtina to Glamour~♥~

~♥~Rather than change who I am for Max, I bring the life lessons I've learned to the table~Xtina to Glamour~♥~

Submitted by Puggles on July 1, 2008 - 6:58pm.

All the best brange...

Submitted by DebFrmHell on July 1, 2008 - 5:48pm.

For Canada's 141 could MK pull his influence with his future SO and get Prince Hot Ginge in a mountie uniform???

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"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."

Submitted by Lindalou on July 1, 2008 - 5:44pm.

Submitted by Bondagebarbie on July 1, 2008 - 5:06pm.
Are we to believe Ange will have a vaginal birth?Please ,there is no way she will stretch her precious jewel lined coochie.Scheduled c-section all the way.

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Unscheduled birth is so last year. Not even the 17 year old sisters of former pop stars do that anymore. Its more convenient for the plastic surgeon that way too.

Submitted by Bondagebarbie on July 1, 2008 - 5:36pm.

Are we to believe Ange will have a vaginal birth?Please ,there is no way she will stretch her precious jewel lined coochie.Scheduled c-section all the way.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Submitted by Clarisse on July 1, 2008 - 5:35pm.

Oh, just like M.E., i couldn't stop myself from peeking over at Just Jolie...

here's a gem "Good morning all BAMPZS+2 fans. Ohmygawd this is so exciting."

Um...BAMPZS? Oh my god Oh my god OH MY GOD!

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Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion – they're two words which are both … different. In spelling.

Submitted by Lindalou on July 1, 2008 - 5:24pm.

Angie wont give birth prematurely, her ute is silk lined Kevlar!

Submitted by angel_i on July 1, 2008 - 5:01pm.

Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz:
Yes. She weighed less than two pounds at birth. She will be 23 (years) next month.
Great kid.
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FANtabulous! That's a nice story (in a way ;s). We don't get enough of those.

♥ ThreadKilla! Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan. Lean Like a Chola

Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on July 1, 2008 - 4:57pm.

Submitted by angel_i on July 1, 2008 - 1:22pm.

Yes. She weighed less than two pounds at birth. She will be 23 (years) next month.
Great kid.

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DAE:I think some of them are missing important parts of their brain.
VLL: Yeah, the brain part.

Submitted by Migraineuse on July 1, 2008 - 4:57pm.

Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on July 1, 2008 - 4:57pm.

Oh noooo....

*twitches, convulses, straightens up*

Canada? It's Canada's birthday?

CANADA FOR HOT SLUT!!!!

_______________________________________

I second that emotion! Whatever it was!

*______________________________________*

"I thank God I wasn't born to a life of idle douchebaggery." - Secret Original, 6/24/08

Submitted by angel_i on July 1, 2008 - 4:52pm.

Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz:
she went into the hospital on August 19. Her blood pressure was so high the docs were afraid she would have a stroke. They attached her to some kind of fetal monitoring machine. The baby was born via C-section on August 26,
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Whoa nelly. Poor girlie. Everybody was ok, yes?

♥ ThreadKilla! Avvie courtesy of Viva La Lohan. Lean Like a Chola

Submitted by Viva La Lohan on July 1, 2008 - 4:52pm.

Ha! Love the siggie Mrs. K!

♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•
maybe you should sign yourself in to see your physogologist to help u with your major self esteem issues! - Kitty whosafuck

Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on July 1, 2008 - 4:48pm.

UPDATE: The Associated Press reports Angie is sitting her ass in a French hospital right now waiting to pop out her two golden money makers. A spokeswhore for the hospital said she's fine and everything is going well. She was admitted so the hospital could watch her ass and she's not expected to give birth anytime soon. BLAH!
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She may not have the babies for a while. It is very possible that the due date really is August 19. A friend of mine was due on October 4 (1985), but she went into the hospital on August 19. Her blood pressure was so high the docs were afraid she would have a stroke. They attached her to some kind of fetal monitoring machine. The baby was born via C-section on August 26, because the dials on the machine were off the charts.

(of -☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
DAE:I think some of them are missing important parts of their brain.
VLL: Yeah, the brain part.

Submitted by de Cosmos on July 1, 2008 - 3:25pm.

Kate Kretz will definitely have to do a new version of "Blessed Art Thou" for Santa Angelina's latest additions to the chosen family.

Isn't it $20 million for the baby pics now?

The Brangeloonies are going to need extra medication.

Submitted by lizzieb on July 1, 2008 - 2:43pm.

Submitted by M.E. on July 1, 2008 - 5:29pm.
Why the hell did I just go over to JJ to read their comments.

WTF is wrong with those people? They are posting like Brangalina is going to read it!

I know,I should know better but just went over to JJ to see how the Brangeloonies are taking this blessed omen- garment renting, sympathy labour pain (like she’d labour- knock her out, cut out the tailor made IVF babies and wake her up when the make up artist arrives) multiple orgasms etc. Guess what? It was worse than I thought- in just a half dozen entries there was an ‘OMG it’s my mother’s birthday today’ and some wanker saying it was all too wonderful as the golden twins would be born on her daughter’s birthday. This is a level of sad, deluded, shit eating craziness that actually worries me.
PS I bet on 4th July so Americans like them again.
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Leave the thinking to horses, they've got bigger heads.

Submitted by DreamyAguileraEyes on July 1, 2008 - 2:37pm.

Submitted by Viva La Lohan on July 1, 2008 - 6:09pm.
Submitted by DreamyAguileraEyes on July 1, 2008 - 9:54am.
I think some of them are missing important parts of their brains
*********
Yeah, the brain part

lmao!

~♥~Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted~ Carrie Underwood~♥~

Submitted by rotten_egg on July 1, 2008 - 2:13pm.

A breeder popping her in vitro spawns, how surprising. Meh.

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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.

Submitted by Cyclone on July 1, 2008 - 2:13pm.

She's gonna be pregnant next year AGAIN

Submitted by Better Off Dead on July 1, 2008 - 2:01pm.

she is so overrated but I think she is really pretty. She used to be anyways. Now she's just a skeleton with big lips.

Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on July 1, 2008 - 1:49pm.

I can't go to JJ and read that hysterical glurge, because I plan on having an ice creamy latte beverage from Tastee Freeze later, and that's my sugar quota for the day.

Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on July 1, 2008 - 1:48pm.

Whoa, my chair is spinning. The power of Christ compels you! Out, demon, OUT I SAY! Both of you!

Submitted by Viva La Lohan on July 1, 2008 - 1:39pm.

Submitted by DreamyAguileraEyes on July 1, 2008 - 9:54am.
I think some of them are missing important parts of their brains
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Yeah, the brain part

♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•
Let us pray the Pimp's Prayer. Lord, please pray for the soul of this bitch and guide my pimp hand and make it strong Lord, so that she might learn a hoe's place. Amen. - A Pimp Named Slickback

Submitted by M.E. on July 1, 2008 - 1:27pm.

And of course it's been "planned for some time" DUH!

Submitted by DreamyAguileraEyes on July 1, 2008 - 1:24pm.

Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on July 1, 2008 - 5:13pm.

OMG that is some skeery shit, DAE!!!!

WHAT is wrong with those people?!?!?!?!

I think some of them are missing important parts of their brains.

~♥~Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted~ Carrie Underwood~♥~

Submitted by LoLo on July 1, 2008 - 1:18pm.

Submitted by ballaenerG on July 1, 2008 - 12:45pm.
Haha Sister Mary Ramona described the miraculous birthing

I hear Sister Mary Ramona is lesbian who was really describing the efforts it took to get her pinky ring back.
______________________________________________
I love you, Cheetos. Mmm Cheetos, I love you so much!

Submitted by ballaenerG on July 1, 2008 - 1:15pm.

Haha Sister Mary Ramona described the miraculous birthing on celebrity prayer list, i love how everyone is elevating them to God status, even the hardcore Catholics!

Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on July 1, 2008 - 1:08pm.

Clarisse on July 1, 2008 - 12:32pm

ACK!
The Brad's balls are now turned to stone.

Well, the Brangelina's reps and PR teams to keep tabs on JJ. To keep it all very unbiased because they never do a thing wrong.

*mentally flips through adultery files, lie teller files, fame whore files, nope, don't see nothin' wrong there, slams file drawer shut*

?&!
"Don't get me twisted with average fan losers you have encountered. I am not one of them."
"I am more of a manipulative bitch than a cunt"
"LOVE ANGELINA aka HEART ANGELINA aka ???"

Submitted by M.E. on July 1, 2008 - 1:04pm.

Well then there you have it. The loons at JJ have begun smearing themselves with feces.

Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on July 1, 2008 - 1:04pm.

mike on July 1, 2008 - 12:29pm.

Le Monde is stating that both kids were born with vestigial tails.

- And tiny pitch forks? Horns?

?&!
"Don't get me twisted with average fan losers you have encountered. I am not one of them."
"I am more of a manipulative bitch than a cunt"
"LOVE ANGELINA aka HEART ANGELINA aka ???"

Submitted by Clarisse on July 1, 2008 - 1:02pm.

Bradi,
Yeah...but Angie is getting to the point where all the surgeries in the world aren't going to help. She's starting to look like a bad Harryhausen effect.
http://www.monstrula.de/filme/kampfdertitanen/still03.jpg

Viva La Lohan,
Well, NOW i am!

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Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion – they're two words which are both … different. In spelling.

Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on July 1, 2008 - 1:00pm.

PARIS, France (AP) -- Angelina Jolie has gone into a hospital in the south of France where she expects to give birth to twins.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been living in France for months.

Nadine Bauer, a spokeswoman for the Lenval Hospital in Nice, says Jolie is fine and that everything is going well. She said the actress' admittance to the hospital's maternity wing had been planned for some time.

Bauer said Jolie will almost certainly remain in the hospital until she gives birth. She said Jolie was admitted so she could be kept under surveillance and not to give birth immediately.

Bauer would not say when Jolie was admitted.

-☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
You're not a dancer. You're an elf and you're going to wear panties like an elf.

Submitted by mike on July 1, 2008 - 12:59pm.

Le Monde is stating that both kids were born with vestigial tails.

Submitted by M.E. on July 1, 2008 - 12:59pm.

Why the hell did I just go over to JJ to read their comments.

WTF is wrong with those people? They are posting like Brangalina is going to read it!

Didn't see LA over there though.

Submitted by Obsessa on July 1, 2008 - 12:58pm.

It's confirmed: CNN.COM main page.

LOL

Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on July 1, 2008 - 12:54pm.

Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on July 1, 2008 - 8:10am.
M.E. on July 1, 2008 - 11:09am.

Have the gates of hell opened up????

- Yes, yes they have. But there's a free all you can eat buffet and Bingo.
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Now that sounds like my kind of par-tay, sistah.

-☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
You're not a dancer. You're an elf and you're going to wear panties like an elf.

Submitted by Verbatim on July 1, 2008 - 12:54pm.

She should've had her babies in Montreal since her mom's French-Canadian. That would've been a greater Canada day surprise.

Cool

Submitted by Viva La Lohan on July 1, 2008 - 12:51pm.

Is anyone else hearing the theme from The Omen? I have been humming "Spiritus Dominus" all day!

Submitted by idiots drive me loco on July 1, 2008 - 12:50pm.

sweet lord, can you imagine the molesting a ton of Mr and Mrs. Smith and Tombraider posters are getting right now?

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
"Self-promotion, for me, is like going to the dentist" —Daniel Craig

Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on July 1, 2008 - 12:43pm.

Submitted by DreamyAguileraEyes on July 1, 2008 - 7:24am.
I wanted to see what the Angieloons had to say about this so I went to JJ *shudders*
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OMG that is some skeery shit, DAE!!!!

WHAT is wrong with those people?!?!?!?!

-☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
You're not a dancer. You're an elf and you're going to wear panties like an elf.

Submitted by kacky on July 1, 2008 - 12:40pm.

If she had them naturally, I will eat my hat. She didn't have the first one naturally (breach, my arse, pun intended) These weren't conceived naturally, and she ain't-a gonna have them naturally either.

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A video movie could improve your life.