Monday, June 23rd 2008
That Isn't Cellulite
That isn't the cheese section of your local grocery store on the thighs of international supermodel Phoebe Price. It's.....um.....it's....what the fuck is that?! Seriously, who the fuck keeps airbrushing cotty cheese on the immaculate porcelain thighs of Chicken Cutlets? It's probably those fucking Foster Farms chickens! They are jealous of Phoebe's organic and free-range chicken cutlets! The fuckery must stop! PP is perfection and we know it. That being said, this is the last thing in the world my hangover needed. I think my toilet's calling.
And expect a press conference, lawsuit and declaration of war from PP in 3...2.....
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YIKES!! Is that the burning bush that Moses saw on Mount Sinai???
She has easily become the most over-exposed, piece-of-shit, talentless wanna-be, attention-seeking whore, over-the-hill skank bomb, I've ever seen.
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"Money is the magic wand that turns many a frog into a prince" - ChubbyWubby
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what the christ is she showing
firebush at the beach for?!!
hand me the barf bag.
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"I love fast and I love hard."-MK
well it's been fun, but I think I have to leave now, I suddenly got reeeeeallly ill
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I had to go to Vegas once for a convention... It is awful, awful, soulless, hideous, unnatural awfulness. - Madam S on my hometown (and quite accurate)
Submitted by DiamondDawg on June 23, 2008 - 12:20pm.
Submitted by angel_i on June 23, 2008 - 10:15am.
Rolling Pin...No fucking lie...with a little hot oil, you can roll that shit right off your legs (over time)
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Cycling? Like even in the gym???
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Yeah - "Cyclefit" kinda programs are kick-ass...I ride backwoods and rolling hills and still feel that class. It makes my legs and ass hard like rock tho. (Smooth, yummy, marshmallow rock, that is;)
And the rolling pin is a trick I got from my friend from Vietnam...If you put olive oil in a locked baggy and warm it in boiling water, massage it in to the skin then roll and massage back and forth...like 10 minutes per leg (we always do this kinda stuff while we watch movies)...I got it when I was pregnant and she totally helped me get rid of it.
To be fair, in the wrong light you can see a dimple or two, but you'd really have to get to know me for that;)
♥ Ah...good times, good times...
Lean Like a Chola
Submitted by idiots drive me loco on June 23, 2008 - 1:18pm.
AWESOME!
Im going to have to check that out!
Thats right in my wheel house there!
i have me a nay-nis!
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I love you, Cheetos. Mmm Cheetos, I love you so much!
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on June 23, 2008 - 1:26pm.
Submitted by DiamondDawg on June 23, 2008 - 10:23am.
OMG. I had no idea!!! I thought that was an 80's thing and all fakery. I didn't think it actually worked! I'll do that tomorrow. I have to swim tonight. THANKS HON!!
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ASK PSL!!!! She does a lot of stair climbing and from all those nude pictures of her on the Internet you can see it works!
*OUCH* I hope that was in jest, Mrs. K.
Oh who am I kidding? Of course it was! I'm just clarifying for the lurkers who might get the wrong idea. lol
OMG!!! I just saw the FIRE CR*TCH!!!! I bet hers is redder than Hohan's. PP is a natural super hot ginge!!
MrsK!!! You know my ex? Where the hell are these nude pics of me?! LOL......but thanks for the compliment!
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".......and a taste of love is worse than none at all...."
-Smokey Robinson and The Miracles
Submitted by Kizzy on June 23, 2008 - 1:21pm.
Girl, we need to talk about this self-destructive phase you seem to be into. First you flambe your ladyparts, now you want to set your ass on fire, too? See, if you'd have sat down and smoked a joint, and thought about that shit before you did it, you'd have never done it, either one. I recommend you take 4 tokes and call me in the morning.
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Self-destructive phase... how interesting.. I'm COVERED in bruises and I have no idea where they came from.
I shit you not; I have SCABS from that fucking waxing/Nair experience. It's bad. It's just been a bad two weeks all around in every aspect except maybe work. Maybe it's just a negative way to express it.
I smoked up a few times but am so GD clumsy that I'd more often than not end up hurting myself so yeah, no more of THAT.
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To Wong Foo - Thanks for everything.
Love Carrottopelina.
VLL.....I hear ya...why the hell do you think I run over 6000 stairs a week?
lol
Diamond Dawg.......she speaks the truth......I have been running stairs for 15 years, and my ass is pretty much in the same place as it was when I started.......keep that ass high!
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".......and a taste of love is worse than none at all...."
-Smokey Robinson and The Miracles
Submitted by DiamondDawg on June 23, 2008 - 10:23am.
OMG. I had no idea!!! I thought that was an 80's thing and all fakery. I didn't think it actually worked! I'll do that tomorrow. I have to swim tonight. THANKS HON!!
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ASK PSL!!!! She does a lot of stair climbing and from all those nude pictures of her on the Internet you can see it works!
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately~~George Carlin
Submitted by Viva La Lohan on June 23, 2008 - 1:19pm.
I run up and down my stairs every night and when it starts to burn and I want to quit I visualize peoples' asses that I DON'T WANT and push through the pain. I think I am adding this to the list tonight.
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You should get a member ship to the Atlectic Club, thats what I do...I got the hommie hook-up on my membership so I havent had to pay anything for 6/7 years, but I think ladies join free anyway. They have a step machine......does wonders!
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on June 23, 2008 - 1:20pm.
OK, hold the fuck up, now. We know that bitch is NOT a natural redhead. WHY DOES THE CARPET MATCH THE DRAPES? EWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! Now, I really feel sick.
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"His name is not 'fat shit cat,' it's Meatball...and he's eating your crab cakes."
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by rotten_egg on June 23, 2008 - 1:16pm
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I kinda agree, but who in the hell would spend their precious time photo shopping PP?
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If you don't leave so I can spend some quality time with my man, next I'll show you my pooter.
I agreee with Rotten Egg. This has been photoshopped. That's not to say that she doesn't have cottage cheese legs, but this is obviously enhanced (on her right leg, there's a real smooth part up top that just looks off, not to mention that hanging crap on her left leg/butt).
She's still disgustingly annoying and hideous, of course.
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on June 23, 2008 - 1:20pm.
I, know, I'm sorry!! I apologize!! I should've kept it to myself! Aaaack!
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It's ok. We all would have seen it eventually. Glad you pointed it out BEFORE lunchtime rather than DURING.
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To Wong Foo - Thanks for everything.
Love Carrottopelina.
Submitted by Kizzy on June 23, 2008 - 10:17am.
Submitted by DiamondDawg on June 23, 2008 - 1:12pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on June 23, 2008 - 10:05am.
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You must do the stairs for the shapely derriere.
Choose your own pace, just do it til you feel your ass cheeks burning, then do one more rep, and you'll have an ass hard enough to bounce a quarter off of.
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OMG. I had no idea!!! I thought that was an 80's thing and all fakery. I didn't think it actually worked! I'll do that tomorrow. I have to swim tonight. THANKS HON!!
Gosh, can't wait to have an asssssssss hard enough to bounce a quarter off of. I should be Frat house ready by fall!!
WTF!! How the fuck does that happen yes I've seen the cottage cheese on PP's thighs before but how the hell do they look so frankencheese in that picture!
Eyes. burning. HELP!
Seriously, what the fuck is that all about. I once watched a special on the Discovery Channel on the fattest woman in the world, and even SHE didn't have that much cellulite!!!
DiamondDawg running also helps, especially if you do it at an incline. I recently started running again and it kicked my ass (literally). Im up to 5 miles a day now and after 2 weeks its done more for me than 4 days a week at the gym ever did. Kickboxing is also awesome for your legs and arms.
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Help Support the Iowa Flood Relief Auction for Evacuated Animals: http://www.iowafloodreliefauction.com/index.html
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on June 23, 2008 - 1:17pm.
Screw the cellulite!
I CAN SEE HER BUSH!! God, how fucking AWFUL! Look at the 3rd pic! She's wearing a see-through bottom!
*pukes violently*
Oh good lord almighty up in heaven above! You made me look! -And, you're right. AHHHHHHHH. Fire bush! Well, the curtains match the drapes. Yikes.
Okay, if that is NOT photoshopped, then that first picture is seriously creeping me out. I know it's been said, but that is a ballsack creeping out of the back of her bikini in that first pic if I've ever seen one. And not just any ballsack, but some hideous troll's lopsided ballsack.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on June 23, 2008 - 1:15pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on June 23, 2008 - 1:07pm
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Girl, we need to talk about this self-destructive phase you seem to be into. First you flambe your ladyparts, now you want to set your ass on fire, too? See, if you'd have sat down and smoked a joint, and thought about that shit before you did it, you'd have never done it, either one. I recommend you take 4 tokes and call me in the morning.
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"His name is not 'fat shit cat,' it's Meatball...and he's eating your crab cakes."
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by tonicbitch on June 23, 2008 - 10:14am.
that muscle will turn to fat eventually.
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When water turns to wine, lead to gold and apples to oranges, then muscle will turn to fat.
-☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately~~George Carlin
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on June 24, 2008 - --------------------
OH MY JESUS GOD! I DIDN'T NOTICE THAT TIL JUST NOW! Fuck me with stripped pipe cleaners in the bum.
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I, know, I'm sorry!! I apologize!! I should've kept it to myself! Aaaack!
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"Aren't we just a little ray of fucking sunshine!"
Submitted by angel_i on June 23, 2008 - 10:15am.
Rolling Pin...No fucking lie...with a little hot oil, you can roll that shit right off your legs (over time)
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Cycling? Like even in the gym??? I can't cycle where I live. I would be roadkill first time out. If not that, then I'd probably wipe out and sustaing 2nd degree burns. I live in the shagging desert for gosh sakes! We were 110 all weekend
But what's this ROLLING PIN thing??? Please exlain the type of oil you use and how hot. How long do you roll? We're talking cooking rolling pin, right?
I run up and down my stairs every night and when it starts to burn and I want to quit I visualize peoples' asses that I DON'T WANT and push through the pain. I think I am adding this to the list tonight.
♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•♪♫•
I had to go to Vegas once for a convention... It is awful, awful, soulless, hideous, unnatural awfulness. - Madam S on my hometown (and quite accurate)
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on June 23, 2008 - 1:17pm.
Screw the cellulite!
I CAN SEE HER BUSH!! God, how fucking AWFUL! Look at the 3rd pic! She's wearing a see-through bottom!
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OH MY JESUS GOD! I DIDN'T NOTICE THAT TIL JUST NOW! Fuck me with stripped pipe cleaners in the bum.
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To Wong Foo - Thanks for everything.
Love Carrottopelina.
I read about it in the best book in the histoyr of the world Lolo--An Underground Education by Richard Zacks. it's full of weird, random stories about religion, sex, medicine, etc. It was in the hermaphrodies section. There was also a man that had two fully functional penises that he could use for sex, as well as pee from both. (it seemed to be a case of a partially absorbed twin, as he had a third leg as well).
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"Self-promotion, for me, is like going to the dentist" —Daniel Craig
Screw the cellulite!
I CAN SEE HER BUSH!! God, how fucking AWFUL! Look at the 3rd pic! She's wearing a see-through bottom!
*pukes violently*
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"Aren't we just a little ray of fucking sunshine!"
Submitted by DiamondDawg on June 23, 2008 - 1:12pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on June 23, 2008 - 10:05am.
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You must do the stairs for the shapely derriere.
Choose your own pace, just do it til you feel your ass cheeks burning, then do one more rep, and you'll have an ass hard enough to bounce a quarter off of.
************************************
"His name is not 'fat shit cat,' it's Meatball...and he's eating your crab cakes."
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by . on June 23, 2008 - 1:13pm.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on June 23, 2008 - 1:05pm.
LC, no worries. Botulism is pretty much a thing of the past (except for home-canning but even that is rare now). Mayo and salad dressing need to be refrigerated because they will just go rancid (being made up of mostly oil). I keep all of my prized olive oils refrigerated as well as my canola. Coconut oil needs no refrigeration though since it's a naturally hydrogenated, stable fat.
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Damn, can you set up camp in my kitchen please?
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To Wong Foo - Thanks for everything.
Love Carrottopelina.
Contrary to popular belief, cellulite is not caused by excess weight. It's all in your genes, which explains why even skinny women can have it (hello Uma!). Cellulite is caused by clumps of fat cells that push up against surrounding fibrous connective tissue. "The inherent thinning of skin's support structure makes fat cells more obvious," according to *David J. Goldberg, MD, in the September, 2007, issue of Elle Magazine. This is what gives you dimples and what appears to be clumps of fat under your skin.
So how to get rid of it? Unfortunately, there's not much you can do ... for now. Much research is currently underway on laser therapies, but none of have proven completely viable (or we'd be lining up at our local dermatologists, with me heading up the line).
Until a "cure" is found, there are some options which some swear are minimally successful:
1. Exercise. Some personal trainers claim exercise can cut down on cellulite. Others suggest building up the muscles in the back of the leg and in the buttocks can mask cellulite.
2. Caffeine. Caffeine, the active ingredient in many cellulite creams, works by pushing water out of fat cells, temporarily reducing the apearance of dimples.
3. Treatments. Some people have found minimal success with Endermologie (not cheap at about $100 a session). This spa treatment rolls and suctions the skin breaking up fat tissue. The results can be significant, according to InStyle Magazine, but short-term.
4. Camouflage. Hide dimples with a fake tan. Self tanner darkens skin, effectively camouflaging dimples.
For all of you hot sluts that have seen seen Ogasmo, I believe that is Choda Boy doing his "Hamster Style".
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If you don't leave so I can spend some quality time with my man, next I'll show you my pooter.
I see a very shitty photoshop job. The way she's bending should tense her back thighs and butt, not make it look droppy. I don't mean to say she doesn't have ANY cellulite, but goodness! that looks much worse than a 90 year old.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
Submitted by Kizzy on June 23, 2008 - 10:05am.
Either work it off, or learn to love it, don't make your legs look like your granny's when you're only half her age.
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Kizzy, what's your work-out for "working it off"? I do:
1. Squats (the manly kind!) with the bar in the weight room standing at 30 degree angle and then the inverted kind. Feet close together works the inner thighs and feet apart works the outer thighs. If I can handle it, I'll do 4 sets of 12 reps in each position.
2. The shagging eliptical(sp) machine! Man I hate those. The treadmill kills my knees.
3. Yoga - the hot kind that singes your eyebrows (bikram). YOu know what's weird? The breathing you do in Yoga is totally different from the breathing you do in swimming. I'm always getting yelled at by the instructor to breathe out of my nose, not my mouth. But I am so conditioned to breathing in and out of my mouth from swimming. She said breathing out of your mouth causes the "fight or flight" syndrome. No wonder I always want to flee Bikram!
4. Swimming - 80 lenghts/40 laps. My upper body can kill you.
AND I STILL HAVE A LITTLE SQUISH ON MY A$$. But I don't work out every day - maybe 3-4 times a week. And I only stepped up my game recently.
Seriously, whats the best method for tightening up the backside? 100,000 squats?
Please. I need to know.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on June 23, 2008 - 1:05pm.
Gotcha. Thank God! I was afraid I was going to come down with botulism in the next couple of days or something.
LC, no worries. Botulism is pretty much a thing of the past (except for home-canning but even that is rare now). Mayo and salad dressing need to be refrigerated because they will just go rancid (being made up of mostly oil). I keep all of my prized olive oils refrigerated as well as my canola. Coconut oil needs no refrigeration though since it's a naturally hydrogenated, stable fat.
-And, as for PP? I still can't believe that somone with such a smooth, fit upper body can have such a flabby lower body. I'm confused by this picture.
Bwahahaha C Word!
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
~George Carlin. RIP George.
Submitted by DiamondDawg on June 23, 2008 - 12:12pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on June 23, 2008 - 10:05am.
Either work it off, or learn to love it, don't make your legs look like your granny's when you're only half her age.
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Kizzy, what's your work-out for "working it off"? I do:
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I know you din't ask me but I'll tell anyhow!
Cycling...I don't drive.
Stairs...I don't use elevators
Yoga...but you said that already:)
Rolling Pin...No fucking lie...with a little hot oil, you can roll that shit right off your legs (over time)
♥ Ah...good times, good times...
Lean Like a Chola
Submitted by Kizzy on June 23, 2008 - 1:07pm.
Funny you should mention anal, I'm guessing that will be your first alert if there's a problem.
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I much prefer anal food poisoning side effects than oral. Let's duplicate anal food poisoning side effect sounds, shall we?
*sploooosh* *squirt* *splaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaash* *slop* *bloop* *toot* *plop* *splaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaash*................ *plop*.............. *plop plop*........... *splaaaaaaaaaash* *squirt*...........*toot*..........
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To Wong Foo - Thanks for everything.
Love Carrottopelina.
"DiamondDawg's picture
Submitted by DiamondDawg on June 23, 2008 - 11:12am."
There's no formula some women are just genetically prone. Personally I avoid doing muscle building exercises on my legs because that muscle will turn to fat eventually. Low carb and lots of cardio is what works for me, but everyone is different.
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Help Support the Iowa Flood Relief Auction for Evacuated Animals: http://www.iowafloodreliefauction.com/index.html
That looks horrendous.
Ummm... Yeah... I have to call bullshit on this one.
*Sweating like a whore in church.
Submitted by DiamondDawg on June 23, 2008 - 1:12pm.
lunges and squats and stairs oh my!
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I love you, Cheetos. Mmm Cheetos, I love you so much!
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on June 23, 2008 - 1:08pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on June 23, 2008 - 1:05pm
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Yeah, lipo makes the cheese look worse when it comes back, part of what we're seeing is from where it was sucked out. It's not done perfectly evenly, so when the fat cells come back, they don't grow as evenly as they did before you got it done. She went to JiffySuck a la Tara Reid.
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"His name is not 'fat shit cat,' it's Meatball...and he's eating your crab cakes."
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Ha ha! I WANT to believe she's 29. I'm 30 and now my self-esteem glass is half-full!
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If you don't leave so I can spend some quality time with my man, next I'll show you my pooter.
Submitted by DeeDee on June 23, 2008 - 12:59pm.
It's either a ball sack or PP need to look into getting a vag lip tuck procedure.
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Yeah, when people start thinking you’re Hugh Hefner wearing Holly’s bottoms (from behind), it’s time to look into getting something done. :D
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I'm sort of shy, and I'm not much of a talker, but if you poke me I'll probably rustle up a sentence or two.
_Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on June 23, 2008 - 1:06pm.
Youre gonna be okay baybay!_____________________________________________
I love you, Cheetos. Mmm Cheetos, I love you so much!
That can happen if you have liposuction and too much fat is taken out unevenly. The celulite doesn't go away, but you can get uneveness and sections may "cave in" from missing fat.
Whenever they mention the positives of liposuction, they always say that you will look better in your clothes. They don't mention how you will look on the beach in front of the paparazzi.