Friday, May 30th 2008

Tastes Like Posh

David Beckham has spent seven-figures on a California wine vineyard as a gift to his beloved shriveled snail, Posh Beckham. The Sun claims he bought that shit as a Barfday gift and the two plan to make wine. A source said Posh and Becks plan to keep their vom juice for themselves and friends, they aren't planning on selling it.

A source said, “The Beckhams became wine buffs when he played in Spain. The vineyard went down a storm with Victoria. She was delighted.”

Please, you know Posh doesn't drink that shit. Too many calories and fat grams. I know it doesn't have fat in it, but Ginger Spice told her that to fuck with her. Posh will probably make her own calorie-free wine. Anovino! It will taste like a mixture of burnt flesh, Mickey Mouse sperm, stale silicone and fierceness. I can't believe I just typed "fierceness." Take my homo card away now.

Posted by: Michael K


tinkerbell-hilton's picture

i think victoria is beautiful and a true fashionsta. her boys are adorable. gotta love the name romeo!!

4lice4nn's picture

burnt flesh, Mickey Mouse sperm, stale silicone and fierceness

LMAO!

aneurysm's picture

my ex really likes posh. he made some valid points regarding her. he said that unlike most celebrities, you never really heard of posh speaking ill or causing grief for others. he noted she is a devoted hands on mother & faithful wife. i'm sure there were some other things, but those are the key things that stood out & i thought about it for a second & had to concur. when you watch her in interviews, she seems quite charming actually, surprisingly down-to-earth. *shrug*

---------------------------------------------------
http://www.myspace.com/naervana

zoloftpony's picture

I'd rather smile and have dimples than look like the fucking Ice Queen from Narnia all the time.

And I only have ONE dimple.

"If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone who's life has given them vodka, and have a party. -Ron White

http://www.myspace.com/zoloftpony

Otter Pop's picture

I thought that bitch only drank Strawberry Hill.

stake_spike's picture

That's funny in an interview sometime this week she said "I never drink".

Yet now she's buying a vineyard becasue she loves wine? And then there was that one time she hid an entire open bottle in her Birkin and she was walking around London like that.

I know she's an idiot but doesn't she know wine is a form of alcohol?

I tried an early sample. I thought it was haughty and pretentious, with overtones of desperation and a clinging aftertaste.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My name is Jessica. Some kids call me a slut. And I have a dirty habit for Ecstasy.

"Went down a storm"? Where do the Brits make up this stuff? And what the hell does that mean?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My name is Jessica. Some kids call me a slut. And I have a dirty habit for Ecstasy.

Kizzy's picture

Submitted by Mabel Hodges on May 30, 2008 - 11:41am.

I just subscribed to your blog. You give great advice. I's afeared of the MySpace, but I signed up anyway, just to subscribe to your blog. Keep up the hilarious good work.

OnT-Figures she'd like wine, the more acidic, the better, so she can retain that sucking-sour-lemons look on her face.

************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥

NitWitty's picture

Heyo, Mabel! You hot slut. I think MK needs your help. He just used Fierceness for Pete Wentz's sakes! Oh, well admitting it is half the battle.

Mabel Hodges's picture

ANOVINO.

How DO you do it, MK? You were born to write a Pulitzer prize-winning novel. I'm holding my breath.

~~~
How little we understand what touches off that tingle,
That sudden explosion when two tingles intermingle. --Mrs. Kravitz

http://www.myspace.com/mabelhodges
ASK MABEL!!!

tree's picture

I can't believe she's the same age as me. I sure don't think I look that old!

Migraineuse's picture

Submitted by Rishkin on May 30, 2008 - 6:44am.

Migraineuse, DIMPLES? I'd be more embarrassed by the nose.

_______________________________________

And the bolt-on Frankentits, orange tan, and scary skinniness.

*______________________________________*

"Put down the Oreo kraikerz and quit doing the saix."

Stock Broker's picture

So they are going to bottle "Pretentious Slude".

Gag.

The C word's picture

Wonder what she’ll call the first vintage....Xenu Juice? Spice Hurl? Orange Glo?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I'm sort of shy, and I'm not much of a talker, but if you poke me I'll probably rustle up a sentence or two.

kikysweety's picture

I'm just a bit curious. The Magazine HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP reported her profiles were found on the famous 30+ 40+ rich men seeking affairs site www.JSeniorMatch.com last week and she was seeking her mature baby there now!

NovaNightly's picture

She actually looks very pretty when she smiles...but bitch probably is afraid of getting smile wrinkles in her fragile flesh. Dimples eh? I just figured she thought you could never smile and be a true fashionista!

Rishkin's picture

Migraineuse, DIMPLES? I'd be more embarrassed by the nose.
________________________________________♥

Green Is Good's picture

Looks like Becks is STILL paying for screwing his female assistant. And he's going to keep paying until the day he dies.

Your Mom Ate the Taco's picture

Submitted by Migraineuse on May 30, 2008 - 9:38am.
She doesn't smile, because she has dimples and she's embarrassed by them. According to Ginger Spice that is.

-----------------------------

Can't you fix dimples these days, with all the wonders of modern technology and plastic surgery advances? I can guarantee that if she had that procedure done it'd probably be less painful than the partial labotomy she's obviously gone through.

*******************************************************
Cross over children. All are welcome. All welcome. Go into the Light.

soul's picture

~~~~> O_* <~~~~
"She was delighted.”
so now Pecks think they're wine connoisseurs.good luck with that! :P

Hekki's picture

A friend of mine grew up on her father's vineyard in CA and she couldn't wait to get away. A vineyard is really a FARM. Isolated, dusty, lots of work. Even if it's a fully-staffed vineyard, it's going to be a big fat headache.

I love (hate) the way these celebs buy monkeys or kinkajous as pets because they're "exotic" and "cool" and then quickly realize how much work and responsibility it is.

Ugh, she looks like one of those old-fashioned cardboard dolls that you can change "clothes" on. She's fug.

.............................................................

"Ahhhhh....youth is wasted on the wrong people!"

Migraineuse's picture

She doesn't smile, because she has dimples and she's embarrassed by them. According to Ginger Spice that is.

*______________________________________*

"Put down the Oreo kraikerz and quit doing the saix."

suzieqq's picture

Ughhh.. Has anyone ever seen this skank smile? Send this bitch back to England.

Rishkin's picture

Does she ever smile? I really can't stand her.

Mickey Mouse sperm? haha, you come up with some crazy shit.

________________________________________♥

Kizzy's picture

Submitted by ISprainedMyUvula on May 30, 2008 - 10:24am.
I hate the word "fierce". That dumbass Perez ruined it for me.
==================
Between PiggyPosh and Pigez, they both ruined it for me, so much that I automatically despise anyone else that uses it.

************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥

Mel-Tang's picture

ugh. These two are very annoying.

<3-------------------------------<3

Welcome to White Oprah's School of Puppetry.
Por favor, mantenganse allejado de las puertas.

madam s.'s picture

When did Posh turn 70?

ISprainedMyUvula's picture

I hate the word "fierce". That dumbass Perez ruined it for me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hate you all, your mom's a whore.

Your Mom Ate the Taco's picture

Mrs. Jaundiced Mannequin is looking about 50 years old right there. Who would've known it takes that much money to make yourself look like a memaw cougar?

*******************************************************
Cross over children. All are welcome. All welcome. Go into the Light.

He is my favorite player. I believe he will have better performance in new season. By the way, I saw his profile on millionaire&celeb dating site "W e a l t h y l o v I n g . c o m " last week. It is said he is only interested in dating wealthy young women on that site.

Mr. President's picture

"It will taste like a mixture of burnt flesh, Mickey Mouse sperm, stale silicone and fierceness."

In other words, like a 40 ouncer of St.Ides malt liquor.

*******************
Actually, I'm just the President of the Dungeons and Dragons club here in town.

chefcammi's picture

shriveled snail... classic! i love the witty-ness on this site.. make me giggle!

·.·´¯`·.·•chefcammi•·.·´¯`·.·
Gummy and gross in the mouth area since 2008!