This Dude Has Had Sex With 1,000 Cars
CAR SLUT! Meet Edward Smith from Washington state. He claims to have romanced around 1,000 cars and he's proud of it. Edward is pictured with his latest girlfriend, a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla. Vanilla is a slut. You can tell. Look at that way she's fucking us with her eyes. No wonder Edward can't keep his genitals off of her. She probably lets him do it in her exhaust pipe. WHORE!
He told the Telegraph, "I'm a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what's in my heart and I have no desire to change. I'm not sick and I don't want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference."
57-year-old Edward isn't attracted to men or women. He only likes cars. It started when he was just 15 and it hasn't stopped. He also doesn't only fuck cars. His said his most "intense sexual experience" was with a helicopter from the TV show Airwolf.
Edward is not alone. He belongs to an internet forum for "car lovers."
This brings new meaning to the saying, "get her motor running."
Visit the Telegraph to read the entire interview and to learn about his other "girlfriends."
Thanks Delilah
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Did he respect them the next morning?
Did he ever call them again?
Probably not. He just moved on to the next classy-chassis with a sexy thumper-bumper!
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Oderint dum metuant. Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (Caligula).
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Submitted by Kizzy on May 23, 2008 - 9:46am.
I'm fairly certain my bf would tell you I have peotillomania.
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Are you kidding? It's all he ever talks about!
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So after a lot of thought
I'd like to reconsider
Please
If it's not too late
Make it a cheeseburger
I actually heard about this on the radio this morning and they had an audio recording of him talking about doing it in the exhaust pipe, and that it was his most intense anal sex experience. Major hotness!
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on May 23, 2008 - 12:38pm.
I'm fairly certain my bf would tell you I have peotillomania.
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♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
I think this might be Edwards favorite song:
(Eddie Money - Shakin')
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QE1Z2-Jo2o
No! Wait! It's Gary Numan's Cars!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8M-jWBmuyc
Submitted by DiamondDawg on May 23, 2008 - 12:40pm.
ROFLMMFAO--- Soooo exactly what I was thinking!! "Fear of long words, huh? I'll show you!!" BWWWAHHAHAHAHAAHA
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♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
If he was single, I'd fix him up with the 'Pussy Wagon' from Kill Bill I.
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The only thing that helps pass the time away
Is knowing I'll be back at Echo Beach some day
Oh man! My name is Dalia not Delilah! I need proper credit for this post, not Tom Jones hotness!
@ Kizzy---ROFL-- sure, make it WORSE why don'tcha!! Give it a name a mile long!! What the hell? LMAO
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baaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaa
The doctor comes in and says to the patient....oh, you have "Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia"
Its probably a doctor joke, translation: "I'm a doctor and you're a stupid phucking ijot for having a fear of long words. Who raised you?"
Perfect song for this guy....
http://youtube.com/watch?v=v8vTaPgKFn4
tanglefast
It would have to be bumblebee. Optimus would intimidate him...
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"I live in the weak and the wounded, Doc."
This is completely fucking idiotic. Well, at least he's not into hurting women or children. Right?.
Besides, he's one one fugly dude. It's OK, at least a car could not pay attention to his fugliness.
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-"Fuck you all!! Fuckety Fuck Fuckers! You are not wOrthy opponents! I AM NOT TO BE TRIFLED WITH!" - LOVE ANGELINA.
He may be crazy as batshit but he's not out molesting children or animals so whatever.
Wait...there's got to be another PERSON in these cars, right? Right?
.............
*scratches head*
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It's like judging ducks before they become swans...its stupid. -LA
onomatomania - irresistible desire to repeat certain words
rhinotillexomania - compulsive nose-picking
flagellomania - abnormal enthusiasm for flogging
peotillomania - abnormal compulsion for pulling on the penis
tomomania - irrational predilection for performing surgery
potichomania - craze for imitating Oriental porcelain
-☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
So after a lot of thought
I'd like to reconsider
Please
If it's not too late
Make it a cheeseburger
"Get your motor running...
Head out on the highway.
Looking for adventure
And whatever comes our way."
Sigh.
I fear cotton balls...weird, I know.
I should go see Maury about that one.
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do you think he's more a Optimus Prime sort of guy or MEGATRON?
@DiamondDawg-
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia – the fear of long words
ROFL-- sure, make it WORSE why don'tcha!! Give it a name a mile long!! What the hell? LMAO
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♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
LMAO Clarisse.. Thats more like it.. Now i want to pick my nose and cut peoples hair!
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I'm a soldier, I done told ya, don't Make me Fuck you up! Leave your head bust, I'm a head busta, man, I don't give a Fuck!
Thx Clarisse. I had to hit "Refresh" to see the new avie. The trainspotting one is so s*xy times!
Submitted by LovesCarrottopalina on May 23, 2008 - 9:28am.
DiamondDawg - don't forget emetophobia - fear of vomit
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OMG! I had that in college - on saturday and sunday mornings. Those keggers!!
Did you ever see the SNL skit where one person vomits, then everyone else vomits cuz they can't stand to see the one person vomitting? BRB - going to Y-Tube to see if I can find it. I think it was in the David Spade + Chris Farley dayz.
DiamondDawg
The avie as JLMiller from Trainspotting, but i just changed it in honor of Okie....Now its Drop Dead Fred!
I had to read the article, kind of like not being able to look away from a car crash!
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"I live in the weak and the wounded, Doc."
Submitted by DiamondDawg on May 23, 2008 - 12:25pm.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
ThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyou.
me wuvs lolcats.
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♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Oh, and my favorite all-time fear is FEAR OF CLOWNS, aka "Coulrophobia" (George Noory of Coast to Coast AM Radio has it.)
New avie for just for you Okie!
LMAO!
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"I live in the weak and the wounded, Doc."
DiamondDawg - don't forget emetophobia - fear of vomit
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No one has replaced the sofa batteries in the sock slots for over a week. Time to get county on the phone and pray for new tennis cans, for all of our sakes.
Submitted by Clarisse on May 23, 2008 - 9:24am.
Holy sh*t on a stick...it has a name!!! mechaphilia
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Thank you Ms. Fact Checker. That was awesome. (love your av, too -- who izzat?)
Here's a few more freak disorders I found (OMG/LOL!!):
Ambulophobia – the fear of walking
Anablephobia – the fear of looking up
Arachibutyrophobia – the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of one’s mouth
Aulophobia – the fear of flutes
Barophobia – the fear of gravity
Cataptrophobia – the fear of mirrors
Chionophobia – the fear of snow
Chromatophobia – the fear of colours
Chronomentrophobia – the fear of time
Cnidophobia – the fear of string
Cyberphobia – the fear of working with computers
Genuphobia – the fear of knees
Geumapobia – the fear of taste
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia – the fear of long words
Hypnophobia – the fear of sleep
Kyphophobia – the fear of stooping
Levophobia – the fear of objects to the left
Metrophobia – the fear of poetry
Mnemophobia – the fear of memories
Octophobia – the fear of the figure eight
Ommetaphobia – the fear of eyes
Optophobia – the fear of opening one’s eyes
Peladophobia – the fear of bald people
Scuirophobia – the fear of squirrels
Siderophobia – the fear of stars
This guys should get together with picnic table fucker and write a handbook called "Inanimate Object Fucking for Idiots".
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Fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin world go round. ~Queen
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on May 23, 2008 - 12:24pm.
Now THAT gives me an orgasm!
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Especially in the bathtub. So much more vibration.
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No one has replaced the sofa batteries in the sock slots for over a week. Time to get county on the phone and pray for new tennis cans, for all of our sakes.
Dlisted has a magical way of making me loose my appetite. I lost 30 lbs on the Dlisted system! You can too.
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Submitted by zomay on May 23, 2008 - 12:23pm.
Thats just gross. Your Mother should of taught you that never worn socks are the only way to go.
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She did, I just chose to ignore her. The dirty ones have a better smell.
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No one has replaced the sofa batteries in the sock slots for over a week. Time to get county on the phone and pray for new tennis cans, for all of our sakes.
Totally off-topic:
LOLCATS Redux:
I believe THIS is the ORIGINAL LOLCATS site:
http://lolcats.com/
I will not rest until marrying a car is legal!
Submitted by LovesCarrottopalina on May 23, 2008 - 9:22am.
Or the feeling of passing a hot fart?
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Now THAT gives me an orgasm!
-☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
So after a lot of thought
I'd like to reconsider
Please
If it's not too late
Make it a cheeseburger
Holy shit on a stick...it has a name!!! mechaphilia
"There have been certain cars that attracted me and I would wait until night time, creep up to them and just hug and kiss them."
OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG!
What a fucking world!
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"I live in the weak and the wounded, Doc."
Are those spammers BOTS or are they real peeps? I wonder when they're going to drop the bullSH*T and start posting about the celebutards? It's infintely more entertaining. What a stupid job. Actually...getting paid to post SH*T on the internetz...hmmm
This guy has posted his personal ad to a celebrities dating site . That site called "millionaireloves.com". I just visited it, he is so famaous there, and someone PS his pic with car having sex, It's so funny!!
LovesCarrottopalina on May 23, 2008 - 8:21am.
"I'm not sick... cars are just my preference."
Riiiiiigggghhhhtttt. Wanting to make sweet love to inanimate objects isn't gross at all. In fact, it's competely normal. I personally like to make out with my used socks, but that's just me.
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Thats just gross. Your Mother should of taught you that never worn socks are the only way to go.
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on May 23, 2008 - 12:21pm.
I had an orgasm the first time I used the heated leather seats in my car.
OK, it wasn't actually an orgasm, it was more like an urge to pee.
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Or the feeling of passing a hot fart?
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No one has replaced the sofa batteries in the sock slots for over a week. Time to get county on the phone and pray for new tennis cans, for all of our sakes.
theCWord.. OMG.. Good Call.. good imagination.. *coughs up* *beats memory canal to death* damn, i don't want to think about that.. But it's really funny!!!
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I'm a soldier, I done told ya, don't Make me Fuck you up! Leave your head bust, I'm a head busta, man, I don't give a Fuck!
Can we please have another post, MK? This one, um, kinda SUX!
http://www.intimatemingle.com
what a joke! someone just PSed his pictures to hot ones and then uploaded to the famous dating site~~ I n t i m a t e m i n g l e . c o m ~~, a site for interracial romance, interracial relationship... so he is said to seek an extramarital relationship with a white model there! lol
I had an orgasm the first time I used the heated leather seats in my car.
OK, it wasn't actually an orgasm, it was more like an urge to pee.
-☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
So after a lot of thought
I'd like to reconsider
Please
If it's not too late
Make it a cheeseburger
"I'm not sick... cars are just my preference."
Riiiiiigggghhhhtttt. Wanting to make sweet love to inanimate objects isn't gross at all. In fact, it's competely normal. I personally like to make out with my used socks, but that's just me.
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No one has replaced the sofa batteries in the sock slots for over a week. Time to get county on the phone and pray for new tennis cans, for all of our sakes.
Aint that the truth Drop Dead Fred.. LOL J/k Clarisse.. j/k..
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I'm a soldier, I done told ya, don't Make me Fuck you up! Leave your head bust, I'm a head busta, man, I don't give a Fuck!
Maybe he was the “takee” (thinking of stick shift)...?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The only thing that helps pass the time away
Is knowing I'll be back at Echo Beach some day
uhhm, what?
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"Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke."
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Yeah, how exactly was this guy having sex with cars and helicopters?
See, having people in the world like THIS, is reason #1 why i drink.
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"I live in the weak and the wounded, Doc."