This Dude Has Had Sex With 1,000 Cars
CAR SLUT! Meet Edward Smith from Washington state. He claims to have romanced around 1,000 cars and he's proud of it. Edward is pictured with his latest girlfriend, a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla. Vanilla is a slut. You can tell. Look at that way she's fucking us with her eyes. No wonder Edward can't keep his genitals off of her. She probably lets him do it in her exhaust pipe. WHORE!
He told the Telegraph, "I'm a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what's in my heart and I have no desire to change. I'm not sick and I don't want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference."
57-year-old Edward isn't attracted to men or women. He only likes cars. It started when he was just 15 and it hasn't stopped. He also doesn't only fuck cars. His said his most "intense sexual experience" was with a helicopter from the TV show Airwolf.
Edward is not alone. He belongs to an internet forum for "car lovers."
This brings new meaning to the saying, "get her motor running."
Visit the Telegraph to read the entire interview and to learn about his other "girlfriends."
Thanks Delilah
ShareThis
Toodles, folks. Have to write two petitions to the California Supreme Court.
************************************************
Oderint dum metuant. Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (Caligula).
************************************************
Ok fine then, slut. We need a brangie thread or cheeto report, stat.
__________________________________________
It's like judging ducks before they become swans...its stupid. -LA
Fucking hell. Where IS everyone today?! Four day weekend whores!
__________________________________________
It's like judging ducks before they become swans...its stupid. -LA
Submitted by Stoney on May 23, 2008 - 1:23pm.
What are all you whores doing in here? I've been looking for you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm not a whore, I'm a slut. Whores get paid. I give my shit away for free.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Out. For. A. Walk. BITCH.
What are all you whores doing in here? I've been looking for you!
*dies of boredom at work*
__________________________________________
It's like judging ducks before they become swans...its stupid. -LA
Attention Ho.
Submitted by Clarisse on May 23, 2008 - 2:05pm.
Reluctant Whore,
Pay-per-view "Junkyard Wars"
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on May 23, 2008 - 2:07pm.
mitted by Reluctant Whore on May 23, 2008 - 11:02am.
I guess we know what car-fucker does with the leftovers!!!
I hope, for his sake, car-biter draws the line at the spooge-covered air filters!!
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by parissucksliterally on May 23, 2008 - 2:07pm.
Hey Kizzy- why are you defending me? Evidently I don't even like you....hahaha
----------
You're just so self-centered that way....LOL
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Hey Kizzy- why are you defending me? Evidently I don't even like you....hahaha
*************************************************
"and the oscar goes to psl for her emmy winning comment
- my educated Troll 5/23/08
mitted by Reluctant Whore on May 23, 2008 - 11:02am.
Actually, if car-fucker joined forces with the car-nibalist then wouldn't car-fucker be biting the exhaust pipe that beats him off?
************************************************
Oderint dum metuant. Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (Caligula).
************************************************
Reluctant Whore,
It would be like that scene from The Princess Bride (only on smack)...
"Hello. My name is Edward Smith. You keeled my lover, prepare to die."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I live in the weak and the wounded, Doc."
Submitted by Clarisse on May 23, 2008 - 1:59pm.
Psssst Kizzy,
I likes you!
KISSES!!!!
I like french fried taters too!
================
Right back atcha, babe!!! I'm a tater fan, myself.
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
I wonder what he would do to the man in the Guinness Book of Records who eats cars. There's a man who has eaten an entire aircraft as well as cars. He took it apart and ate it all piece by piece.
I wonder if the car fucker would consider it, well...actually I have no idea where this would go.
Man freaks out because other man eats first man's car/lover.
Excellent. It sounds like a darker Goon Show script.
www.reluctantwhore.com
www.cafepress.com/reluctantwhore
Psssst Kizzy,
I likes you!
KISSES!!!!
I like french fried taters too!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I live in the weak and the wounded, Doc."
I just post this pics on my blog millionaireloves. com to share with my friends there, they PS it ,looks like he is having sex with the car! so funny, If you want to check it out ,my name it " JAY"!!
Submitted by oklahoma on May 23, 2008 - 1:43pm.
Funny comments! I'm totally LMAO about this 'dude'
-----------------------------------------------
Gives new meaning to "fuck it ALL", doesn't he?
ROFL--who in their right mind would ever admit this outside the confines of psychiatrist's office?
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by PSLsucksLiterally on May 23, 2008 - 1:44pm.
SSSMMOOOOOOOOOCH!!! SMOOCH!! SMOOOCH!! SMOOCH!!
yes, now, I have officially kissed ass(hat)
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on May 23, 2008 - 1:41pm.
Everyone here has great avatars!
BTW: Do you think this car-lover plays Prince's "Little Red Corvette" every time he does his lube jobs?
************************************************
He used to, but she broke his heart when she backfired on his dick.
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by Kizzy on May 23, 2008 - 1:43pm.
Submitted by PSLsucksLiterally on May 23, 2008 - 1:40pm.
I wish I was Paris Hilton
==========
Good news!! You've got the wannabe attention-whore part covered!!
************************************
you are a kiss ass. nobody likes you. psl doesnt even like you.
ass kisser
Funny comments! I'm totally LMAO about this 'dude'
-----------------------------------------------
I'm a soldier, I done told ya, don't Make me Fuck you up! Leave your head bust, I'm a head busta, man, I don't give a Fuck!
Submitted by PSLsucksLiterally on May 23, 2008 - 1:40pm.
I wish I was Paris Hilton
==========
Good news!! You've got the wannabe attention-whore part covered!!
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Everyone here has great avatars!
BTW: Do you think this car-lover plays Prince's "Little Red Corvette" every time he does his lube jobs?
************************************************
Oderint dum metuant. Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (Caligula).
************************************************
I wish I was Paris Hilton
Does he use sheepskin seat covers when he's feeling romantic, and switch to bamboo beads when he feels kinky?
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
his beatle IS pretty hot!
@Rishkin-- Thanks, but I'm just trying to keep pace with all you hilarious bitches here!!
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on May 23, 2008 - 1:30pm.
As are you, the gasket-condoms-every car in the shop----brilliant!! I'm cryin' laffin' too!!
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Thanks Kizzy
You ARE funny as hell
Crack me up every time. ♥
__________________________________________♥
Kizzy: You are too funny (tears rolling down face while snort-laughing).
************************************************
Oderint dum metuant. Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (Caligula).
************************************************
♥♥♥ Cheers, Rishkin!! Love your avvie :)
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Theres nothing wrong with lovin' on the autos!!!You hear me!!!NOOOOOOthing!!
**snicker,snicker**
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rP2h16m8X1Y
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on May 23, 2008 - 1:21pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on May 23, 2008 - 10:09am.
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on May 23, 2008 - 1:03pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on May 23, 2008 - 9:56am.
=============
Those Midas bitches are too touchy-feely, he doesn't like the way they fondle his shocks.
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
I have no idea if he was sticking the exhaust pipe up his ass, or putting his ding dong in the exhaust pipe. Either way, must've come out pretty sooty.
BARF!
Submitted by Kizzy on May 23, 2008 - 10:09am.
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on May 23, 2008 - 1:03pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on May 23, 2008 - 9:56am.
=============
He thought he had an STD, so he went to Meineke
######################3
I would have thought that he preferred the Midas Touch -- especially in his tush.
P.S. Does he use gaskets as condoms? After if he has sex with one car then he has sex with every car that was in the repair shop with it.
************************************************
Oderint dum metuant. Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (Caligula).
************************************************
I knew that Harley guys fucked and sucked their bikes, but cars too - wow!
Submitted by Kizzy on May 23, 2008 - 1:09pm.
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on May 23, 2008 - 1:03pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on May 23, 2008 - 9:56am.
=============
He thought he had an STD, so he went to Meineke
************************************
Ahahahahaha!
That was funnny
__________________________________________♥
What a fucking freak. There are some WEIRD people in this world! How can you be attracted to a CAR? A CAR? And how the hell do you have sex with a car? Now that will definitely leave you burning.
"There have been certain cars that attracted me and I would wait until night time, creep up to them and just hug and kiss them." He should be arrested that's car sexual harassment!! That sick fuck! I can't get over the fact that he said he had a 12 year relationship with a car!! LMAO! What she left you for a Honda? LOL! Idiot. He must be mentally unstable. And probably can't get a woman anyway.
Wait Whoa! An exhaust pipe up the ass?????? WTF!?!?!?!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I live in the weak and the wounded, Doc."
if he really has sex with helicopters and cars, where does he stick it??
--------------------------------------------
Like CLOTHES? visit my blog for fashion news and lots of my drawings :)
http://www.lackofcouture.blogspot.com
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on May 23, 2008 - 1:03pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on May 23, 2008 - 9:56am.
=============
He thought he had an STD, so he went to Meineke
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Talk about your Greased Lightning!
Here in my car
I feel safest of all
I can lock all my doors
It's the only way to live in cars
Here in my car
I can only receive
I can listen to you
It keeps me stable for days in cars
Here in my car
Where the image breaks down
Will you visit me please
If I open my door in cars
Here in my car
You know I've started to think
About leaving tonight
Although nothing seems right in cars
*************************************************
There's nothing the matter with my face. I got character!
Submitted by PicklesnCream on May 23, 2008 - 11:47am.
I actually heard about this on the radio this morning and they had an audio recording of him talking about doing it in the exhaust pipe, and that it was his most intense anal sex experience. Major hotness!
***
noooooo, seriously?? an exaust pipe up your ass?!?! *shudders to think*
_____________________________________________
"Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke."
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Submitted by Kizzy on May 23, 2008 - 9:56am.
Not to mention those hydraulic frame lifters that go up and down at the flick of switch.
Ah, automotive paradise!
************************************************
Oderint dum metuant. Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (Caligula).
************************************************
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on May 23, 2008 - 12:49pm.
He can't help it, he's a sucker for spinning rims. Those sluts call to him like sirens do a sailor.
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on May 23, 2008 - 12:38pm.
onomatomania - irresistible desire to repeat certain words
------------------------------
Wouldn't that just be stuttering on purpose?
************************************
No one has replaced the sofa batteries in the sock slots for over a week. Time to get county on the phone and pray for new tennis cans, for all of our sakes.
I guess a rental is this guy's hooker...
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on May 23, 2008 - 12:49pm.
Submitted by Kizzy on May 23, 2008 - 9:46am.
I'm fairly certain my bf would tell you I have peotillomania.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Are you kidding? It's all he ever talks about!
-☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
ROFL--But gently, though, GENTLY.
************************************
♥♥ If you don't talk to your Cat about Catnip, who will? ♥♥
So does he stick it in the tail pipe?
Do the cars run on Diesel jizz? Or Unleaded?
If he molests a friends or relatives car, does it make him Mr. Goodwrench?
?&!
"I just watch porn I don't masturbate."
"Just be advised Nicky half of these bitches are mean so be careful dear."
"LOVE ANGELINA"
Damn. Thinking about cars makes me think of I-tunes. I have some songs I need to buy. Like Jewel's Standing Still (tons of cars!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4clfOinQOc8
BBL