Which One Of These Hobags Won American Idol?
YO MAMA! Yo mama probably would make for a better winner. Anway, find out who won this dog and pony show after the jump. JUMP!!!!
Oh shit! David Cook took candy away from a baby (David Archuleta) and won this motherfucker. I'm seriously saying a few silent prayers tonight for Fetus Archuleta. He's not my thing, but I'm cringing just thinking about the beat downs that are coming his way. You know his daddy is getting his belt ready.
The look on the face of Archuleta's sissy says it all!
She's already mourning the loss of her brother, because she knows her daddy isn't going to be kind to him for losing. I hope that right after Cook was announced as the winner, Archuleta ran backstage, broke his piggy bank and headed for the bus station. Run Fetus! RUN!!!
As for the rest of the show.....HOMO EXTRAVAGANZA! You know how Simon always compares bad performances to "cruise ship performances." This shit was epitome of cruise ship entertainment! Entertainment on a fucking gay cruise. Seriously, the ship would sink to the ground from all the gayness on that stage tonight. Out of control!
And the real winner of the night was Skunk Head!
This bitch could give a fuck! I loved how she sort of half-danced around and barely moved. She wanted to be in her local bar, drinking some moonshine and dirty dancing on some fat cowboy. Anywhere but on that Idol stage. She made my fucking night. Well, vodka really made my night, but she comes in second.
So, that's that! There are no losers......scratch that. I'm a fucking loser, because I devoted umpteen hours to this shit show! And you know what? I'll devote a million more when the next season starts. I'm a glutton for punishment, awful singing, horrible dancing and Paula Abdul! Oh how I'm going to miss that drunken fool.
There's still so much to talk about. I might do a few more Idol posts tomorrow, but I seriously need to detox from this shit. I'm drunk and I'm spent. Gooooodnight!
Click here to see the video of David Cook being announced as the winner and Fetus realizing that his days are numbered!
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BEST POST EVER! God how I laughed.
SO glad you posted this. Our DVR stopped right before Gaycrest announced the winner. We also indulged in vodka for the finale and by the George Michael medley, we were starting to get waaay too drunk and all realized how much we looooved George Michael! ow owww...
That was quite an exciting show! Dr. Dre was on the edge of his seat! He wouldn't let James Haven speak a word until the commercials.
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Angelina Jolie and I love each other. IF that's unusual these days, that's sad.
Someone call child protection services RIGHT NOW!!!
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Yeah!!! I like using the word dude. It saves me from actually having to think.
FIRST! Not...
Who fuckin cares. I stopped watching at the top 7. Archuletta was the better singer tho.
Thank God. I didn't like Archtard's wheezing/singing. But I really feel for him cuz his dad is gonna whip his ass.
Most excellent win.
What a wuss crying and all that!
Glory to David COOK!!!
RIP Archie
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You can't stop the BEAT!
"A little hoo-ha, a little poot-poot, hee-ha, a little foo-fah..."
Didn't watch AI this season but everyone kept saying the younger David was better last night. I wonder why the older David won.
Uh oh! His dad is going to cut him with Bics, pour lemon juice and salt all over his wounds, and then beat him down with wet rusty chains that are sure to give him tetanus!
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http://www.myspace.com/rainbowsrule
Leave Britney alone. She is my favorite. She will still rocks.