Which One Of These Hobags Won American Idol?
YO MAMA! Yo mama probably would make for a better winner. Anway, find out who won this dog and pony show after the jump. JUMP!!!!
Oh shit! David Cook took candy away from a baby (David Archuleta) and won this motherfucker. I'm seriously saying a few silent prayers tonight for Fetus Archuleta. He's not my thing, but I'm cringing just thinking about the beat downs that are coming his way. You know his daddy is getting his belt ready.
The look on the face of Archuleta's sissy says it all!
She's already mourning the loss of her brother, because she knows her daddy isn't going to be kind to him for losing. I hope that right after Cook was announced as the winner, Archuleta ran backstage, broke his piggy bank and headed for the bus station. Run Fetus! RUN!!!
As for the rest of the show.....HOMO EXTRAVAGANZA! You know how Simon always compares bad performances to "cruise ship performances." This shit was epitome of cruise ship entertainment! Entertainment on a fucking gay cruise. Seriously, the ship would sink to the ground from all the gayness on that stage tonight. Out of control!
And the real winner of the night was Skunk Head!
This bitch could give a fuck! I loved how she sort of half-danced around and barely moved. She wanted to be in her local bar, drinking some moonshine and dirty dancing on some fat cowboy. Anywhere but on that Idol stage. She made my fucking night. Well, vodka really made my night, but she comes in second.
So, that's that! There are no losers......scratch that. I'm a fucking loser, because I devoted umpteen hours to this shit show! And you know what? I'll devote a million more when the next season starts. I'm a glutton for punishment, awful singing, horrible dancing and Paula Abdul! Oh how I'm going to miss that drunken fool.
There's still so much to talk about. I might do a few more Idol posts tomorrow, but I seriously need to detox from this shit. I'm drunk and I'm spent. Gooooodnight!
Click here to see the video of David Cook being announced as the winner and Fetus realizing that his days are numbered!
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There'll be much wailing and gnashing of teeth at the temple up Utah way.
& meh.
I hope that right after Cook was announced as the winner, Archuleta ran backstage, broke his piggy bank and headed for the bus station. Run Fetus! RUN!!!
Mikey, you just make me laugh and laugh and laugh. This was, by far, the best review of tonight's outcome. That poor kid - he's doomed. And as for Cook - he's inheriting Collective Soul's career! Good luck, bro.
yay.
Mitten nods to James Havens..
still holding to the branch.
Thanks sir. There is an email at the office
for you if you didn't get it. You did a good thing.
Talk to you later.
I'm fast in a slow kinda way - John Waters
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNLHqhRh0Vw
Nite Mittsy!
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Angelina Jolie and I love each other. IF that's unusual these days, that's sad.
Submitted by Shaniquanaynay on May 21, 2008 - 11:42pm.
Oh thank you. I am back posting here but only after five...thanks for the support.
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I'm fast in a slow kinda way - John Waters
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNLHqhRh0Vw
Time to say niter Mr. President.
Heart, nice to to see you happy.::
Gucci:: sweet whisper.. steve madden is
kicking your ass in cruise. James Haven
mitts curtsey::: damn Dick dressed as a sailor
James must do something.
Nite and love to all
::::over I go::Weeeeee!
james Havens:;
Still have a few bits of the branch.
Brad must need it back by now?
I'm fast in a slow kinda way - John Waters
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNLHqhRh0Vw
Michael K, you never disappoint! Not only did you save all of us who recorded this on our DVRs, you totally keyed in on Miss Amanda, a redneck trucker's dream! My daughter thought she was drunk - I thought she looked like she'd been pulled off a stool at the all night truckstop after trolling for clients...
Anyway, glad Mr. Cook won, he seems mature enough not to fall for all the crap and he is a really good singer and musician. Fetus reminded me of Dondi - all big dark eyes and annoying sincerity.
And better a 25 year old deal with the snakepit that is the music biz than a baby like Davey A!
Submitted by Mr. President on May 22, 2008 - 12:02am.
Thank you Mr. President, that was very nice and unexpected. If only James Haven was loved like this at home.
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Angelina Jolie and I love each other. IF that's unusual these days, that's sad.
If I was Seacrest I would have said: "Ladies and gentlemen, neither of these two pretenders are worthy of the title. I am therefore giving it to the one true American Idol: James Haven."
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Yeah!!! I like using the word dude. It saves me from actually having to think.
I guess Archuleta is gonna be the next Clay Aiken, 2nd place but selling more records...
Submitted by Shaniquanaynay on May 21, 2008 - 11:42pm.
Thanks Shani!
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Angelina Jolie and I love each other. IF that's unusual these days, that's sad.
James Haven,
Did you go back and read the posts on your birthday? I am also very happy that you are back. Your posts always entertain me.
To add, LA I hope you decide to come back. I agree with James Haven, that it is nice to see someone committed to something.
David Cook! yes! i love you baby! David A can sing but he needs more voice development as well as life experience!
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Honestly, this girl needs to dig a hole and stick her head in it.
She has no intelligence, no class, no beauty, no charm NOTHING doing for her.
Submitted by Lucy Goosey on Rumor Willis
Submitted by C on May 21, 2008 - 7:50pm.
is it wrong that after watching that i wanna fuck david cook? and jason is so hot--maybe a scissor sandwich! wait...does there have to be 2 vaginas involved while doing any kind of scissoring?
gah!!! i'm an old, horny pervert!
Noooo, I've wanted to do sexy times to David Cook for awhile and that damn crying makes him hotter.
Remember that chick from Flavor of Love that had those scissoring videos? What the hell was her name? The drunk one.....argh!! Toastee!! That's it. Anywho, she didn't need an extra vagina.
Submitted by No Words on May 21, 2008 - 11:14pm.
James Haven, so nice to see you again...missed you!
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Missed you too, sweets!
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Angelina Jolie and I love each other. IF that's unusual these days, that's sad.
Best performance tonight and/or during commercial breaks: George Michael.
Yea, David Cook won, I guess.
Just glad creepy Artichoke didn't.
?&!
"I just watch porn I don't masturbate."
"Just be advised Nicky half of these bitches are mean so be careful dear."
"LOVE ANGELINA"
Whoever is saying Archuleta is a better singer must have watched the show with cotton stuffed in their ears, because homeskillet was ALWAYS off key. They both suck actually. BOOO AI.
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A worthy cause: http://dogsindanger.com/ or http://hua.org/
I was surprised. Especially after the luv fest that the judges gave Archie last night.
My favorite parts were the two guitar hero commercials with our boys doing Tom Cruise and the take off on the Pips with Jack Black, Robert Downey Jr. and Ben Stiller as the background funny men. This Idol show didn't suck like it usually does.
http://www.cafepress.com/heartwants/4554606
I demand a recount
Submitted by James Haven on May 21, 2008 - 11:11pm.
Submitted by Sensimina on May 21, 2008 - 11:00pm.
Creepster?! Harsh word to describe James Haven, no?
Whatever! Let their words be like rubber to your glue. They don't even know James Haven!
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http://www.myspace.com/rainbowsrule
Leave Britney alone. She is my favorite. She will still rocks.
James Haven, so nice to see you again...missed you!
I'm actually really happy David Cook won.
He deserves it and *gasp* I was smiling I was so happy.
Submitted by poo on May 21, 2008 - 11:09pm.
Thank you poo, for those kind words.
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Angelina Jolie and I love each other. IF that's unusual these days, that's sad.
Submitted by Sensimina on May 21, 2008 - 11:00pm.
Creepster?! Harsh word to describe James Haven, no?
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Angelina Jolie and I love each other. IF that's unusual these days, that's sad.
What's with the hats? Does Daddy Dearest have some cranial deformity? Scalp tattoo?
Monchichi's doomed.
But on the bright side, at least daddy never wanted a castrati in the family. It's too late for that.
Isn't it?
And James Haven, you're a delight. So pleased to see your sultry stare back in the threads.
Good evening all,
Didn't watch American Idol tonite but I'm glad David Cook won.
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Submitted by James Haven on May 21, 2008 - 11:00pm.
LOL. Wow wouldn't have pegged Angie for AI fan either. Yeah Carrie Underwood is hot and I don't even like country music but she is soooo awesome.
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I'm sure NAMBLA is going to hold a candlelight vigil in the near future.
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When life stops being worth it, is it time to quit?
I was kind of sad that Simon was so hard on Cook last night. It was nice of him to apologize. I also wondered if Simon was trying to make sure Cook won by being so mean to him. (The public would then rally).
I am very happy that Cook won. That was a monumental moment in his life, it's ok to cry.
i didn't watch one episode this season but I somehow knew that David Cook would win. Too much backlash for Archuletta's dad and young age. I know all of this from not having watched any of it--that's how overexposed this show is.
Submitted by HEART ANGELINA on May 21, 2008 - 10:58pm.
Well LOVE, it was Angie that got James Haven started on AI. We used to watch it together faithfully. It was Carrie Underwood that stole James Haven's heart. He is a sucker for a pretty face and a hot pair of legs!
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Angelina Jolie and I love each other. IF that's unusual these days, that's sad.
James Haven!! I was just looking at some pics of you and Angie! Such a stunning couple!
http://famousignoramus.blogspot.com/2007/04/james-haven-angelina-jolies-...
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http://www.myspace.com/rainbowsrule
Leave Britney alone. She is my favorite. She will still rocks.
Oh James Haven I didn't have you pegged for an American Idol fan. I am not surprised though. I am glad the guy you wanted to win won. Maybe next season you'll be a celebrity judge.
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Sanjaya was totally robbed last year. The show lost all semblance of credibility after that.
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Yeah!!! I like using the word dude. It saves me from actually having to think.
I dont watch this show, but as a Blue Springs resident, I'll be glad to not have to see the "Vote for David Cook" signs all over town now! :D
Half expected to see Miley escape from
handcuffs and Madge make a guest spot for the
children. But we still got Miss summer?
Does Donna make Brad tap a toe?
I'm fast in a slow kinda way - John Waters
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNLHqhRh0Vw
Submitted by HEART ANGELINA on May 21, 2008 - 10:48pm.
James Haven, you were late this evening lovely. How are you??? Love your Avie.
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Sorry LOVE. James Haven had to watch AI because he is a big fan, even though he was never chosen as a celebrity judge.
Then he had to write his commentary on Winona Ryder and the pocket watch. Now he has settled in for some fun with the dlisters!
OnTopic: James Haven thought the best man won!
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Angelina Jolie and I love each other. IF that's unusual these days, that's sad.
Wait a minute. I thought this was supposed to be a LIVE show. It's still on where I live.
is it wrong that after watching that i wanna fuck david cook? and jason is so hot--maybe a scissor sandwich! wait...does there have to be 2 vaginas involved while doing any kind of scissoring?
gah!!! i'm an old, horny pervert!
Poor David Archuleta. No food for an entire month! Don't worry kid, you'll be fine. You're still way young...you need to A) mature, and B) not sell your career to the American Idol machine before it's even begun, to say nothing of your soul. Besides, what Idol winners have been successful? Kelly Clarkson (1st winner) and Carrie Underwood (niche market). Non-winners have seemingly had more success anyway(Clay Aiken, Jennifer Hudson, Chris Daughtry). Plus the AI contract is totally shitty. This time next year everyone will be asking "Who is David Cook?" Most...boring...name...ever.
Don't watch this show but I love reading MK's wrap ups and everyone's comments...I hate reality shows in any way, shape or form.
The Mitten escaped her engagement
only to see GM looking rather thin::
I'm fast in a slow kinda way - John Waters
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNLHqhRh0Vw
James Haven, you were late this evening lovely. How are you??? Love your Avie.
Yay, the right hobag won.
Submitted by MittenFreak on May 21, 2008 - 10:44pm.
Hey Mitts....
Dr. Dre wasn't really feelin' it for Seal. He was, however, up and on his feet for Miss Donna Summer. Dr. Dre loves old school disco.
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Angelina Jolie and I love each other. IF that's unusual these days, that's sad.
nell, i'm totally doing that to my lips this upcoming weekend
I'll send you more stuff when you aren't high on Benadryl, MK
James Haven:
Did Dr. Dre enjoy Seal? and the band?
I'm fast in a slow kinda way - John Waters
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNLHqhRh0Vw