She Needs Super Glue
Who the fuck did this to Salma Hayek?! Her personal fake eyelash applier must be executed! This is not acceptable. It's also not acceptable that Salma kept her chichis to herself. Salma has the greatest chichis in the business and she must show them off. A falling lash and covered up chichis. I'm disappointed! Penny Cruz would not be pleased.
Salma attended the Cannes premiere of "Indiana Jones and the Battle for the Last Cialis Pill" tonight. Harrison Ford brought his mummy to the premiere. Oh, silly me. That's Calista Flockhart. The bitch looks so frail. She needs an Ensure. I've also thrown in some Cate Blanchett. Perfect as usual. Boooring.