An Asshole And A Vagina Got Married Yesterday
Ashlee Simpson married Pete Wentz last night at her parent's douche palace in Los Angeles. I know the ban on gay marriage was lifted in California, but I didn't know we could get married already. That was fast. Congrats to these two homo tampons.
A spokesbitch told People, "We're delighted to confirm that Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson were married this evening in front of family and close friends."
Asshole wore a dress made out of toilet paper and Pete wore a tux made from guyliner. Papa Joe wore his lucky cock ring. Tony Romo wore a ball and chain aka Jessica Simpson.
Papa Joe also performed the ceremony (for real), Jessica was the maid of honor and Pete's bulldog, Hemingway, was the ring-bearer. Guests included Tony Romo (he had no choice), Nicole Richie and Joel Madden.
Expect a pregnancy announcement in 3....2......
UPDATE: OK! reports that Asshole confirmed her pregnancy to everyone at the reception. Gross.
I think it probably IS a shotgun wedding and that these two empty-headed biproducts of rampant materialism ARE having a baby soon. I'm guessing that it won't be a child as much as a corporate-sponsored object made of space aged polymers and covered in Hot Topic logos.
Submitted by LunaChick on May 18, 2008 - 10:27am.
Does anyone ever get married *before* they get pregnant anymore?
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Nope. Been doing it since 03'. These Hollywood bitches are finally catching up :)
...He was like, "I need money." I was like "N*gga, Me Too!". And we been together ever since!-- How High
Gee I can just see this marriage lasting the distance. Not.
And boy will that kid be fug.
will papa joe join in on the honeymoon sex as well?
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that's twice you called me stupid...well that's twice you answered...
Hm yes Ashlee always looks pretty good in photos but on tv the chin is enormous and she just looks plain. The old nose was absolutely horrendous as well and there's no way their kids will escape it - strong features are dominant and always get passed down (take it from one who knows!). I've always liked Jessica, she just seems really down-to-earth and normal and not aware of how good-looking she is at all. Ashlee on the other hand just grates on you. I've seen her interviewed a couple of times on shows in the UK and she is such hard work for the interviewer, she hardly says a thing, answering every question with literally a few words. The only thing people know her for over here is being Jessica's sister so audience's are always completely disiniterested and unimpressed. Which makes it all the more funny when she does things like refusing to say how Pete proposed, saying "there are some things that I want to keep sacred". Its hilarious because in this country we've hardly heard of either of them so no-one gives a fuck anyway! Oh yes Ashlee you must "keep some things sacred" cos Britain is just beating down your door to find out about you! She acts like the big star and we're like seriously who are you again?!
Why wasn't Paris there with that other Madden? That could have been the end of civilization, imagine Jessica and Paris in the same room. All of the air and humanity in the room would have been sucked out in one big vortex, leaving them to choke on each other's plastic skank fumes.
ok i don't know all the details .. but how can papa joe perform a marriage ceremony?
is there anything he DOESN'T do?
geez
I'm so shocked that Pete Wentz's sperm even works to make a baby, he wears far more mascara then Ashlee does...so the proof that he can even impregnate the likes of her is quite the conundrum!
Your face!
Does anyone ever get married *before* they get pregnant anymore?
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"There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls."
So a douche supreme is cooking on ASShley's sleazy-bake oven?
Well at least the Jolie-Pitt kids will have someone that brings them together to bully and make fun of.
Of course she was knocked up. Papa Joe made her skanky ass get married to blow smoke and mirrors up everyone's ass.
But everyone knows...
'once a ho, always a ho'
And now this child should pray not to inherit her old nose!
www.myspace.com/triston
Shotgun wedding. F'ing classy.
~*Head Bitch*~
Submitted by original putas on May 18, 2008 - 10:33am.
Yucko, perhaps you're in need of a date? If Pete Wentz of all people were to show up in my dreams as a lover, that would be my first thought. If you live in NYC, Barnes & Noble is a really good place to meet dates. Hang out for more than 15 minutes though. The more you browse, the easier it is to meet people.
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Well, you might be right. I think my dreams are following a very bad "theme." Friday night I had a dream that I went on a date with Tila Tequila in a mall. (We were looking at wash clothes in a boutique?)
I don't ever think of these personalities outside of seeing them online or rarely on television, so I'm not really sure what conjured them up in my head. But I have some really weird dreams at times.
does anyone want to place bets on whether or not ashley's starter marriage will last longer than her tranny sisters?
♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫
Keep your friends close, your ganja closer.
Submitted by original putas on May 18, 2008 - 10:33am.
Hey, it happens! The most weird celebrities show up in dreams. Like my sister had a dream a few days ago about NKOTB, that they were all her boyfriends and that they where at the beach. She blames it on the pregnancy (22 weeks)
I just thought it was hilarious.
So yucko maybe you had too much dinner that night.
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"Hahaha....you are eating my caca and paying for it. Meeeeow." No gracias. MK
Pete needs to keep his boy toys under the radar until the kid is born.
~"~"~"~"~~Mess with me and I'll bite you!.....Monquita Loca~~"~"~"~"~
Submitted by mike on May 18, 2008 - 8:46am.
Wasn't it just Thanksgiving when Papa Joe didn't want Pete in the house because he (Pete) supposedly once kissed a guy?
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It ain't "supposedly"....Pete reeks of bisexuality. You know he loves the peen.
I guess Papa Joe changed his mind once Asslee got knocked up.
I have been having sex for almost 20 years and never have gotten pregnant- what the fuck is wrong with these idiots?
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“Like anyone would be, I am flattered by your fascination with me...."
-Alanis Morisette "Uninvited"
Wasn't it just Thanksgiving when Papa Joe didn't want Pete in the house because he (Pete) supposedly once kissed a guy?
He's one step closer to Tony Romo. His wedding wish come true.
~"~"~"~"~~Mess with me and I'll bite you!.....Monquita Loca~~"~"~"~"~
CTH - LMAO @ "dry dusty fuck"
I am beginning to wonder how it is that I have been fucking for a good ten years and have somehow never managed to accidentally get knocked up. Am I doing it wrong???
<(*.*<) ^(*.*)^ (>*.*)>
Facials, blow and cake?! Count me the fuck in. - MK
Yucko, perhaps you're in need of a date? If Pete Wentz of all people were to show up in my dreams as a lover, that would be my first thought. If you live in NYC, Barnes & Noble is a really good place to meet dates. Hang out for more than 15 minutes though. The more you browse, the easier it is to meet people.
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Submitted by yucko on May 18, 2008 - 11:15am.
Ah, I'm heartbroken!
I never cared about Pete Wentz, and I haven't read the gossip blogs in about a week. So, I had pretty much no clue what was going on. And yet, strangely enough, last night I had a dream that Pete Wentz asked me on a date, which followed with another dream of him breaking up with Ashlee right in front of me. In my dream he was like a cute version of himself, so suddenly I feel concerned. He actually looks better than usual in this picture--it must be the angle or something.
Okay, so they will get a reality show just like the other "Little People" on cable. Such a waste of time and space.
Submitted by Candy Blackmail on May 18, 2008 - 9:01am.
As usual, there's no mention of Tina Simpson.
Does she even actually exist?
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I wonder what they did with the body...
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Geez, Banana shut your friggin' gob, okay?
Ah, I'm heartbroken!
I never cared about Pete Wentz, and I haven't read the gossip blogs in about a week. So, I had pretty much no clue what was going on. And yet, strangely enough, last night I had a dream that Pete Wentz asked me on a date, which followed with another dream of him breaking up with Ashlee right in front of me. In my dream he was like a cute version of himself, so suddenly I feel concerned. He actually looks better than usual in this picture--it must be the angle or something.
People magazine paid a MILLION DOLLARS for those pictures. Why? Who cares?
I still think they will name the baby some stupid like Emo Black Wentz.....
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“Like anyone would be, I am flattered by your fascination with me...."
-Alanis Morisette "Uninvited"
Tony Romo: quarterback and bullet dodger.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The only thing that helps pass the time away
Is knowing I'll be back at Echo Beach some day
Didn't he confess once that he was into guys as well as chicks? Maybe his plan was to get to Papa Joe thru Ashlee.
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I think animal testing is a terrible idea.. they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
"UPDATE: OK! reports that Asshole confirmed her pregnancy to everyone at the reception. Gross."
BOOOOOOOO.....
?&!
"I just watch porn I don't masturbate."
"Just be advised Nicky half of these bitches are mean so be careful dear."
"LOVE ANGELINA"
I wanna give Pete some credit and say that now the he has let them do the ceremony as they wanted he's gonna cut out Papa Joe from their lives.
Let's see how that works....
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"Hahaha....you are eating my caca and paying for it. Meeeeow." No gracias. MK
As usual, there's no mention of Tina Simpson.
Does she even actually exist?
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Beauty's only a light switch away.
Submitted by Sensimina on May 18, 2008 - 8:54am.
FritoDortito-
Me fucking too! The sad thing is that Ass is probably jealous of the attention Jessica always got from Daddy, which is creepy as hell!
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Eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww! You're right, she probably would be. If I were about to marry into a family and I heard that the dad would be performing the ceremony (especially one so creepy as that) that would be a deal breaker to me. If that guy has to butt in to everything including the marriage ceremony... damn.
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Geez, Banana shut your friggin' gob, okay?
FritoDortito-
Me fucking too! The sad thing is that Ass is probably jealous of the attention Jessica always got from Daddy, which is creepy as hell!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
http://www.myspace.com/rainbowsrule
Your [sic] an idiot. How is putting a scorpoin [sic] down your pants being a slut? IDIOT
Submitted by DebFrmHell on May 18, 2008 - 9:50am.
If the rabbit died, how do you have an "Alice in Wonderland" themed wedding...?
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The "down the rabbit hold" theme was probably one of Pete's 'inspired' themes.
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Beauty's only a light switch away.
Submitted by Sensimina on May 18, 2008 - 8:49am.
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If I were Asslee, I would thank my lucky stars every day that I was not the fave daughter.
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Geez, Banana shut your friggin' gob, okay?
If the rabbit died, how do you have an "Alice in Wonderland" themed wedding...?
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No comment, the family will issued a statement after the police investigation has concluded.~~~Deborah
Submitted by FritoDorito on May 18, 2008 - 10:45am.
Papa Joe performed the ceremony? What, did he feel Asslee's and Pete's no no parts after every sentence? Gross fuck.
LOL GROSS! I don't think P. Joe is that into Asslee...his heart has always belonged to Jessica and her double D's! *shudder*
I think it's because Ass looks like her mom only uglier and Jess looks like Papa Joe.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
http://www.myspace.com/rainbowsrule
Your [sic] an idiot. How is putting a scorpoin [sic] down your pants being a slut? IDIOT
"Nashville here is your new Johnny and June Cash."
Without the talent.
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Beauty's only a light switch away.
Did Tony and Jessucka break up or not?
Oh, and Fallout Boy should give Wentz the boot, as now they've lost all credibility.
Papa Joe performed the ceremony? What, did he feel Asslee's and Pete's no no parts after every sentence? Gross fuck.
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Geez, Banana shut your friggin' gob, okay?
Billboard shows her CD has been out 3 weeks and went from #4 to #31 to #79 this week. I have no doubt they're cutting back on expenses and as you say MK, Papa Joe did do the ceremony himself and her dress was made from toilet paper (probably the cheaper single-ply). Nashville here is your new Johnny and June Cash.
They are perfect in their tackery. I'm so happy that that Douche Bag found his nozzle.
Submitted by Alltheprettyones on May 18, 2008 - 9:16am.
This is going to be one unattractive baby. Talk about genetic betrayal.
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No kidding, Ashlee's old nose is going to come back and haunt her with a vengeance.
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Beauty's only a light switch away.
who gives a dusty dry fuck????????????????
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http://s19.photobucket.com/albums/b175/christine43/?action=view¤t=...
As Joe's new son-in-law, Pete can kiss whatever emo career he had goodbye.
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Beauty's only a light switch away.
Haha-ing @ "homo tampons."
Seriously, does anyone give a shit about these two pathetic losers??
So it was an Encino shotgun wedding?
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Ghost of a Texas Ladies' Man
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69BozyMnVSg
So does this mean in 16 years my ears will be assaulted by the grossly shitty music of the Wentz-Simpson offspring? Nooooooooooo.........
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Don't let anyone tell you you're not humpable,
Because you're bumpable. Well I hope this doesn't make you feel uncomfortable
Hi Green Acres! How are you this morning?
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Fat bottomed girls, you make the rockin world go round. ~Queen
Oh yeah - I hope she gets really FAT. Not just pregnant-huge, but FAT. Like fifty or sixty pounds.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
http://www.myspace.com/rainbowsrule
Your [sic] an idiot. How is putting a scorpoin [sic] down your pants being a slut? IDIOT
How to trap a douchebag. Wtf.
This is going to be one unattractive baby. Talk about genetic betrayal.
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There's a lot of pretty, pretty ones
That want to get you high
But all the pretty, pretty ones
Will leave you low and blow your mind
We're all stars now in the dope show