Eva LongWHORIA is still yammering about how she piled on a little chunk to play a frumpier Gaby on "Desperate Housewives." Last month, she even said on French TV that she wasn't pregnant, she was "just fat."

In the new issue of Allure, Eva once again says she's not knocked up. She also said that even though she gained a little lard, she never changed sizes. Eva opened her OBESE mouth and said, "I never went up a size! I just got rounder. I'm still a size 0."

Somebody should tell this queef bag that her IQ matches her dress size. While you're at it, tell Eva her talent level also matches her dress size. She's a zero all-around!

Beyonce barely released a video for that "If I Had A Peen" song and she's already put out another one. That's how she operates. Her upcoming album will probably be a box set of 8 CDs and 4 DVDs. Beyonce will release a single and video every week for the next 2 years. Daddy Knowles stretches that shit out.

Beyonce's new video is for some shit called "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)." Bitch needs to put a lid on it.

The video looks like it was shot down in Solange's basement in about 20-minutes. It would have taken 10, but Solange kept running in and ruining the shot. They finally had to handcuff her to the radiator.

I feel like Beyonce's body was going through some shit while dancing in this video. It looks like she's trying to make a baby with herself. It's her "I'm going to shimmy that sperm to my egg" dance.

Don't ask me what that robot arm is about. I bet Solange made that shit for herself using old lawnmower parts and Beyonce stole it!

And thanks to reader Andrew for pointing out that Beyonce jacked this shit from the Fosse "Mexican Breakfast" bitches. Beyonce doesn't even come close to being as hot as these hos. She needs to watch this video below and try again!

I was waiting for international supermodel Phoebe Price to make an appearance to the famewhores celebrities-only pumpkin patch in West Hollywood, CA. The owners of the patch probably paid PP's regular fee of a $50 gift certificate to The Ivy to come to their establishment and pose with the pumpkins. Chicken Cutlets is the grand dame of posing with inanimate objects. She can make two ordinary pumpkins look like they just sashayed off the runways of Paris. When PP touches them, they suddenly become works of art. Wait. Those are pumpkins and not her chichi balls, right? Because her titties might be the same color. Just making sure that I don't need to put NSFW bars over them.

Below are a few more pictures of Chicken Cutlets with her dog Henry. Just so you know, I'm going to try and recreate her extremely expensive shirt tonight using old puffy paint pens and magic markers.

Lisa Marie Presley ejected twin girls out of her body on Friday night and now we know their names. Star Magazine claims Lisa and her Tommy Petty-wannabe husband have named their bundles of joy Harper and Finley.

Okay, what's with celebrities giving their babies talking animal names? Julia Roberts set the trend by naming hers Phinnaeus and Hazel. Minnie Driver continued that fuckery by naming her kid Henry Story. And now Lisa Marie and her goofy ass husband have named theirs Harper and Finley. The next celebwhore to pop should keep it going by naming their baby Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle, Jemima Puddle-Duck or Squirrel Nutkin.

Well, at least when Harper, Finley, Phinnaeus, Hazel and Henry Story get older, they can form a band like the fucking Brementown Musicians. Either that or they can all move to a village in the forest together where they'll work as old-timey cobblers and milliners.

Last night, I was busy doing hood rat stuff and being gross when I checked my e-mail and found that a few of you whores had written me with the subject: FIGHTING CHOLAS ON AMAZING RACE. I immediately turned on the TV and expected to see those Amazing Race hobags in a Sharpie fight with some gorgeous chola beauties named Smiley Girl or Baby Gigglez. Unfortunately, this was not the case.

They had to fight with wrestling cholas from Bolivia! They were still hot, but all natural and shit. There's a difference. It was still entertaining, but I was a little disappointed that Tina (below) didn't do the challenge. I mean, if you dye her hair dark burgundy and trace her no-brows with a Sharpie, she'll kind of look like one. Her chola name can be La Bitch Face.

Hugh Jackman turned 40 yesterday and he celebrated by giving a bunch sunbathers in Sydney the gift of his body. You know that when Hugh got into the water, everybody had to run out and head to the bathroom because their crotches were about to explode. It was like a panty pudding fountain. Shit. You better check your own panty situation. It's probably covered in clitty litter. Mine is a lost cause. It's going right into the "burn pile."

There has to be something wrong with his ass. His dick must be all sorts of disappointing. I bet he suffers from cashew dick. It's probably small, curved and salty. Yeah, because I can't believe that his body is that perfect.

Hugh's Mrs. Claus-looking wife must have been some kind of saint in a past life to nab such a piece of hotness. If I was married to him, I would never leave his side. Ever. And if some slick bitch looked at him with lusty eyes, I'd shoot that ho. No joke.

Here's Hugh making genitals burst at the beach yesterday and out with his wifey the other night.

Birthday: October 10, 1903
Age: 105!!! (Larry King is still older)
Birth Name: ?

Original Date of HS of the Day: October 10, 2008
Claim to Fame: She's the 105-year-old virgin and she's gorgeous! Clara says the secret to her long life is attributed to the fact that she's never given up the granny panty.

Where is she now? Jacking it in the nursing home bathroom. No! Clara is basking in the glory of being 105 and pure "down there." Clara celebrated her birthday with a glass of wine on Friday at the Perran Bay nursing home in Cornwall.

Why is she HS of the Week? I praise so many shameless whores on this site, that I felt it was time put a virgin on a pedestal. Clara proves that you can still be a hot slut without being...well...a slut.

Lunch time! Here's a side of Fuggie Fug's droopy meth face to go with your sandwich - Hollywood Tuna

Ceiling Eyes gets greasy for Maxim Magazine - Egotastic!

Denise Richards has mom ass (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Jon Hamm, just because - Popsugar

The final "Twilight" trailer - Lainey Gossip

Jude Law as Dr. Watson - Just Jared

Sharon Osbourne is right - Hollywood Rag

The Best of LOLCats - Cityrag

Vadge is a demanding bitch? Naw. I don't believe it - IDLYITW

Basically, Lance Bass wants to slut around - Towleroad

HoHan is a genius when it comes to picking Halloween costumes. Full Disclosure reports that she's chosen to go as Sarah Palin. You know, because ten million other people aren't going to dress as Palin for Halloweenie. Seriously, that's why I'm considering staying inside. The streets will be covered with Palins. There's not enough drugs or booze to help me deal with that. Wait. Maybe I should go as Cindy McCain? Then I'd have a valid reason to pop Vicodin all night. That would be a hot costume.

Anynotoriginalcostumechooser, HoHan's official vagina cleaner SamRo is considering dressing as Todd Palin. TODD?! For real? That's the best she could come up with?!

If HoHan insists on dressing as Palin, then SamRo should at least wear a Joe Sixpack costume. She doesn't even have to dress up. She just has to wear her normal clothes and carry a six packer of Natty Ice.

Here's these two crazy gayelles going to see Vadge at Madison Square Garden in NYC last night.