Valtrex Has A New Theme Song

Wonky McValtrex's love has inspired Benji Madden to write her a song. You know GlaxoSmithKline wants to buy that shit.

Wonky talked about this nauseating tune to People, "He surprised me with it. It's called, 'Shine Your Light.' It's this really beautiful love song about me. It was the sweetest thing that anyone has ever done for me." Wonky has forgotten about the time a dude drew a heart on her chest with his own sperm. That was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for her. How soon she forgets.

She went on to chirp, "He's my best friend. He's just different from any guy that I've ever been with. I just trust him completely, and I know that he'd be there for me, no matter what." Can't you hear her saying that in a little girl voice? Will somebody please feed one of her warts after midnight, so that it can swallow her whole already.

Here's Wonky and Boy Douche being gross yesterday.