They Have Sex?!

UsWeekly claims Ashlee Simpson is knocked up! Their "source" confirms that she's expecting a baby with Pete Wentz. The two announced their engagement recently.

You need to have sex in order to get pregnant! These two just lay in bed giggling and drawing black hearts on each other's thighs. They might get into heavy petting, but that's about it.

If Ashlee is knocked up, she's going to give birth to black eyeliner. It will have its father's eyes and its mother's personality.

You know that after Jessica Simpson heard this news, she started frantically poking holes in condoms and replacing her birth control pills with Tic-Tacs. Jessica will not be outdone!