Jessica Simpson Ruins Everything

THE FUCK!? No, this is not Tony Romo wearing of one Ken Paves Hairdo clip-ins! It's Jessica Simpson on the cover of May's Esquire magazine. If Tony ever gets sick, Jessica can definitely sub for him in a game. The bitch looks like a quarterback! I'm sure Cowboys fans would adore that.

In honor of Esquire's 75th anniversary, they are re-creating iconic covers. Don't ask me why they chose Jessica to re-create Virna Lisi's March 1965 cover. Virna looks hot, Jessica looks like she's a few surgeries away from fulfilling her lifelong dream of becoming a real woman.