A Final Farewell To Our Beloved Jordan

It pains me to do this, but I must bow my head and whisper a final farewell to Jordan. It seems just like yesterday, when I first fell in love with her plastic watermelons, apricot skin, gumball eyes and Barbie weave. Who is this Katie Price and what has she done with the sophisticated and elegant Jordan?

I look at her and I can't help but hear the song "Leave me alone" in my head. She looks like she just finished making a batch of Jesus Juice and feeding her pet chimp. Jacko in cheap bonzer is what she's become.

Hopefully Harvey will mistake her for a giant caramel swizzle stick and eat her whole.

Here's Katie Price, sigh, and her gay in shades out shopping in London.