Oh. My. XENU!!!!!!

Excuse my hyperventilating. Just ignore it. Tommy Girl is about to claim my beloved Pete Doherty! Somebody stick a dildo made from Prozac in Tommy's ass! That's the only way he will be destroyed.

The Sun reports that Pete is cuckoo over Scientology after meeting some dumb bitch Scientologist named DJ Nadine Ruddy. Pete has bought some books to study the alien word. A source said, “Nadine is really into Scientology. She takes her beliefs very seriously. Pete’s chatted a lot with her about it. He went out and bought some books to read up about it. He just wanted to find out more about Nadine and what she believes in.”

NO! NO! NO! Who the hell is Tommy Girl going to take next? Phoebe Price? La Pequena? Soon, everyone I love will be staring at me with alien pupils, screaming about the evil demon known as psychology.

I need a time machine, so that I can bring Petey back to the day where he was a major crackhead and enjoying cracked out love with Kate Moss. It was beautiful times. Hey, it's better than Pete being in bed with Tommy Girl.