Madonna Will Be Single In 18 Months

Before we get into it, the dude next to Guy Ritchie has amazing hair. I can't stop looking at it. There's enough Dep gel in there to fill a New Jersey swimming pool. I'm sure most NJ swimming pools are filled with Dep gel anyway, because those kids are the only ones using it.

Now to our story! The News of the World (contain your laughter) is reporting that Madonna and Guy Ritchie's marriage is over. Madonna wants to announce the split in 18 months. Why 18 months? Madonna needs time to work with her publicity team on how to handle the split. She also wants to devote time to promoting her new album. Control freak.

A source said, "Madonna and Guy are over. It's all very amicable. They've just fallen out of love with each other. They just think it's for the best as after some great years together they've been going their separate ways. Guy has failed to show up at events which are important to Madge. He just hasn't taken as much interest as he has previously in what she's doing."

The source went on to say that Madonna is planning to move to New York with her children. Guy will stay in London where he just bought a bar in Mayfair.

This is awful news. I was just starting to appreciate Madonna's horrific British accent! Maybe now Madonna can finally go lesbo and shack up with Justin Timberlake. They lurve each other in a bad way. I know they are eating each other's pussies, so now they can finally be together.

With all that being said, this is so not true. Madonna definitely made Guy sign his balls away in blood. He belongs to her....FOREVER!