John Mayer Is In Love With The Paparazzi

John and the paps sitting in a tree d-o-u-c-h-i-n-g! That's too many letters, but you get the gist. The paps gave John Mayer a little pressie outside of Hyde Lounge last night. They gave him some Tinactin for itching. John has joked to the paps before that he has severe jock itch. John loves him some paparazzi. They should get married, move to the suburbs and raise kids. They want to do each other bad.

In other Mayer news, The Sun reports that John blogged about an ex-girlfriend and they think it's Jessica Simpson. I checked his blog and I didn't see any of this shit, but I'll take The Sun's word for it. You know, because they would never tell a lie. John blogged about some song lyrics he wrotes while waiting for a flight. He said to not read too far into it.

"Dear Ex Lover,

"Perhaps you didn't understand the last time I told you to stop contacting me, so I'll do my best to spell it out for you. I do not wish to have you in my life anymore.

I don't know how much more clear I can be about it. It would serve you best to move on with your life and find someone who can put up with you, because I'm done trying.

"I hope this is enough closure for you.

"Goodbye.

"P.S. If you need me, you know how to find me."

Chestica! Stop calling John. You have a new fake romance now. I'm going to tell Papa Joe on you and he's going to bend you over and give you a few slaps. Your pain is his pleasure.