Jessica Simpson Is A Big Box Office Star!

Jessica's movie star dreams have finally come true. She's a huge box office draw! No, not in the US. Not in Canada either. No, not England. Try again! No, not Japan. Not even Germany. No, not Greenland. The Ukraine! Jessica's "Blonde Ambition" hit #1 at the Ukraine box office bringing in $253,008 reports Box Office Mojo (via People).

Box Office Mojo explained Jessica's success in the Ukraine, "The former Soviet nations have a sweet tooth for straight-up comedies. When these comedies have big name celebrities like Jessica Simpson's, that's all that's needed to sell the movie. Russian and Ukrainian audiences have an even bigger urge for escapism than Americans. So, films like Blonde Ambition will gross more than No Country for Old Men."

They want to escape into hell? Somebody needs to send them every 80s comedy we ever made here. The cheesier the better. Howard the Duck, Maid to Order....all of them. Just tell them that Lea Thompson and Ally Sheedy are America's biggest stars. Anything's better than Jessica.

Wait, maybe now that she's a huge star in the Ukrane, she can move there? Sounds like a plan to me.