Paula Won't Go Live

Paula Abdul won't be performing live at the Super Bowl on Sunday. Paula is still expected to perform her new shitty single, but it's going to be pre-taped. OK! Magazine reports that Paula's segment was already taped on January 27th in front of a studio audience. Producers are saying that the last-minute decision to add Paula is the reason why she won't perform live.

However, OK! reports that it's actually nerves. A source said, “She is fragile emotionally and too much of a perfectionist to handle a live show." All the more reason to have her perform live! A live Paula Abdul meltdown would be so much hotter than Janet Jackson's nip slip.

Did you see American Idol last night? Bitch looked like she was drunk the whole time. The Super Bowl needs her. Actually, screw the performance and make her a sportscaster for the night. Give her some vicodin soda with a couple of rubbing alcohol chasers and make her comment on the game.