Whenever you see a sexy piece making the "snake going into the cave" gesture with his hands, that's your cue to take all them panties off, dip your nasties into a bowl of lukewarm Crisco, and line your fuck part with your condom of choice for Easy Pass access. So you know what drill I busted into when I first saw this picture of The Silver Fox. No wonder my neighbors from across the way always have their shades drawn.

Here's Mah Boo at the CNN Heroes Awards along with DoMe Howser, Baby Wipes Howard, The Rock, Eva Mendes, Carrie Underwears and Leona Lewis.

Gangsta bitch Martha Stewart sugar coats a lot of shit, but her opinion is not one of them. The other night, a reporter asked the cuntress of crafts her thought on Sarah Palin's book, etc.... Martha shanked Sarah with her words by calling her "dangerous," "boring," and "a problem." Martha also basically said that she would rather eat a TV dinner on a Styrofoam plate than even glance at Sarah's book. Martha is straight-up!

Martha's bitchy words on Palin comes on the heels of her saying that Rachael Ray is not a cook. Will somebody please ask Martha her thoughts on drunk ass Sandra Lee! My cunt gene is tingling just thinking about.

And in case you missed this last night, here's SNL's trailer for Palin 2012. Palin/Beck 2012!

Carmen de Mairena, legendary Spanish beauty who really is a tranny of all trades.

Carmen was born Miguel de Mairena, and became a popular singer in Barcelona in the 50s. Around the same time, Miguel started doing gay stuff with singer Pedrito Rico. ESCANDALOSO! The two were jailed several times, because butt sex was illegal back then. And even though he kept being thrown in a prison cell, Miguel wasn't going to let the government get in the way of him getting dick! That is true activism right there.

By the 70s, Miguel started the transformation from Spanish boy to the ravishing flower of Spain now known as Carmen. Miguel got some titty sacks installed and began to perform as Carmen on TV and stage. By the 90s, Carmen was the premiere tranny wonder of Spain. Carmen also had been under the knife so many times that she was basically the fried ham version of Jackie Stallone (that is a compliment).

In the year 2000, Carmen decided that at the age of 70, it was about time that she dip her tranny peen into the porn game. Carmen made a few fuck films to prove that you're never too old to do ho shit on camera.

See what I mean? This tranny wreck has conquered all.

And now I know you're thinking to yourself, "That's fine and everything, but I need to feed my eyeballs a picture of Carmen in all her tranny naked glory." Ask and you shall receive. Take your pants off, and click here!

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While watching JLola's "Fresh Out of the Oven" video, you may be waiting for a 1-900 number to pop up, but unfortunately it never comes. Instead you gets a zillion shots of her "Looweebatons," her scarecrow wig, her red lips and her shadow dancing moves (Paula Abdul just filed a copyright infringement lawsuit for that one).

If the song alone made your ears close for business, then brace yourself for the video, because it taints all your senses. You know, for a song that talks about cookies and ovens, you'd think JLola could throw in a shot of a delicious pie. Even a close-up of a half-eaten Donette would be better than seeing her damn ass shoes over and over.

If you'll excuse me, I must go watch Rocky Horror Picture Show to cleanse myself of this mess.

via Just Jared

This is why Posh is a super alien from a far off planet. Any other ho who wore ankle-breaking stilts on a daily basis would have feet like a dead chicken, but not Posh! Posh is still able to glide around like her feet are wrapped in clouds from heaven. Shit, she probably falls and breaks her bones whenever she tries to walk in sneakers. Bitch has talent.

Here's Posh going to the yogurt store with her boys yesterday. Posh didn't get her own yogurt, because she gets full just from staring at it for a few quick seconds. Another talent!

Yes, Seal does have a last name, and his wife of four years Heidi Klum has officially taken it. Yesterday in Los Angeles, a commissioner (just think of Michael Chiklis) declared that Heidi Klum is officially Heidi Samuel. Yeah, Heidi Samuel doesn't make my Schnitzel tingle as much as Heidi Klum, but she's doing it for love. Love makes you do crazy things like wipe nostril diarrhea from your man's nose when he's sick and use his name on your drivers license. Go figure.

Heidi's rep would not say whether or not she plans to use her new last name professionally.

Not only does Seal have a last name, but he also has like fifty middle names. Dude's full name is Seal Henry Olusegun Olumide Adeola Samuel. If you don't have a middle name, send hate mail to Seal, because that ho hogged them all up for himself.

Source

And now your loins can exhale, because Levi Johnston's Playgay spread has made its way onto their website. Levi already said that he's not going to drop his Alaskan meat on our foreheads, but he does give us some pubes and full nalgas. Levi's built like a soft-serve cone and his nalgas aren't going to win contests anytime soon, but my no-no isn't going to bitch or moan. It takes what it can get.

I'll stop, so that you can get to the goods already after the jump. By the way, this is not PORN. It's in black and white, so that mean this is high-art. Just tell yourself that while you pinch at your nipples and flick your taint. Also, his Bristol tattoo really adds the touch of elegance this phoot really needed.

UPDATE: Images removed per request, but you can skip on over to Playgirl and drop a few coins to see the nekkidness.

Sandahl Bergman - Broadway star, stuntwoman and more importantly, the glamorous swordstress Valeria in Conan the Barbarian.

Sandahl was mostly doing Broadway stuff before she landed the dreamiest of dream roles - a muse in Xanadu! Most of us would've ejaculated all of our insides at even the thought of being a part of that disco gay butt fuck masterpiece, but Sandahl managed to hold herself together. After she finished creating gay magic, Sandahl went on to make cinematic history by playing Valeria in Conan. She has also been in Red Sonja, Airplane II, All That Jazz and Designing Women. That is everyone's DREAM resume!

And if you still are convinced of Sandahl's innate glamour, I present this to you:

It's a wrap!

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