Scientology Scandals!!!!

Andrew Morton's new tell-all on Tom Cruise isn't coming out in the U.K., but it is coming out in the United States on January 15th. The Daily Mail has a few juicy tidbits on what Andrew alleges. I'm scared, because those Scientology bitches are crazy. The article in the Daily Mail is long as hell and you can go here to read it, but let me break it down for you.

Suri Cruise was conceived using the frozen sperm of L. Ron Hubbard! Many fanatical Scientologists believe this. Morton compares it to Rosemary's Baby "in which an unsuspecting young woman is impregnated with the Devil's child". Suri is the Alien Queen!

Tommy Girl is the #2 Scientology member in the world!

Tommy Girl has an extremely close relationship with Scientology leader, David Miscavige, and David even came to his honeymoon with Katie Holmes. GAY LOVERS!

When Tommy was falling in love with Nicole Kidman he told David he wanted to run through a field full of wild flowers with her. So David had his Scientology goons plant a field near Tommy's home. He didn't like it the first time, so he made them do it again. EXTRA GAY!

Nicole Kidman has kept her mouth shut, because she's afraid her audit tape will be leaked. When you join Scientology they "audit" your ass and tape all your confessions. It's mostly about your sex past and Nicole doesn't want that getting out. LESBIAN!

When Tommy was dating Penny Cruz, her father was afraid of the cult known as Scientology, so he emailed an organization that helps dealing with cults.

Tommy's next mission is to recruit David Beckham.

Tommy's lawyer, Bert Fields, denies it all and claims the book is filled with nothing but lies. He said Morton didn't speak to anybody around Tommy Girl and it's just an attack on Scientology.

I'll be surprised if Andrew Morton sees 2009.

I believe every fucking word of this. Suri Cruise is the chosen one and will one day rule Scientology. I hope she realizes was a freak castle that joint is and blows the lid on that crap. She won't, because she's programmed not to.

Below is a picture of Tommy Girl and Alien King David. I love the twinkle in their eye. The twinkle in their eye is telling me that there's also a little twinkle in their buttholes. Awww....gay love. There's nothing like it.

Now I must go and padlock all my doors and windows and take shelter under my bed. I know garlic thwarts off vampires, but what the hell thwarts off Xenu? The truth? Yeah, probably the truth. Don't take me Xenu!!!!! Somebody hold me....

Thanks Julia