Spectacular is the one word to describe today's blind. This A list female celebrity chef was overheard in a restaurant the other day. Nothing unusual about that right? I mean people are nosy and we strain our ears. Well, it turns out this celebrity chef who is married was discussing an affair she recently had with this B list male singer with A list name recognition and reputation. She wasn't shy about discussing the details either. I mean explicit, graphic details about what the two did to each other. Nothing out of the ordinary, but definitely not shy in recounting every last act. It does appear to have been a one time thing, but this is totally not what you expect from our chef and the image she tries to portray to the public. (CDAN)

I would like to think that Paula Deen and Willie Nelson get freaky in a tub full of butter sticks, but I'm going to go with Rachel (I refuse to give her the extra a) Ray and John Mayer? And I really don't want to know all the things they do with EVOO. More like EVOHNO.

This celebrity had a little malfunction last week. No, it wasn’t a wardrobe malfunction (although she does have great style). It was a technical malfunction. Our celebrity, a television actress, is dating a non-famous guy. While she was out socializing late one night last week, she sent him a very private text message… along with a revealing photo of a private part of her anatomy. Unfortunately, instead of sending it to her boyfriend, she sent it to his mother (whose name was right below his in her directory). Whoops. The morals of this story – which we would love to see as a PSA – are: Don’t drink and drive. Don’t drink and text. Don’t drink and photograph your hooha. (Blind Gossip)

This could be anyone, because who doesn't send pictures of their vag to their boyfriend's mom? It's the new Christmas card. My guesses are: Michelle Trachtenberg, Zoila from Flipping Out, Ashley Jizzdale, Teri Snatcher or any of the chicks on 90210?

Zac Efron is trying to lure the unicorns to his wannabe magical forest hair. It's not working. - Lainey Gossip

Giada de Laurentiis makes delicious food names sound like something a gynecologist does to your private parts - Gawker TV

Personally I'd rather see Chuck Bass in lacy lingerie - Egotastic!

Xtina begins shooting the unofficial remake of Showgirls - Hollywood Tuna

Ryan Phillipe sucks at hiding - Just Jared

It was Halloween all over again at Tim Burton's MoMa tribute - Popsugar

Cameras are the work of the devil. Case in point: Mop Head nipples (NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

I think Kate Major got confused. Jon promised her a "hand job," not the other kind of job - Celebitchy

Jennifer Hudson to play Winnie Mandela - I'm Not Obsessed

If Julia Roberts suddenly got an extreme case of elephantitis in the face - SOW

What Gay Al Reynolds sees after he closes his eyes at night - Towleroad

Leighton Meester's face is modeling Xtina's "natural" make-up look - Socialite Life

Janet Jackson should've rang up Candy Finnigan - Popeater

Avril Lavigne's vagina is not slowing down anytime soon - Hollywood Rag

Somebody stick a block of wood in Chris Brown's mouth already - Holy Moly!

RiRi's alien powers are stronger than we thought, because she can shrink her head on command - ICYDK

If only RiRi could've used her powers to make her dress longer, or her crotch higher - Cityrag

Sofia Vergara was on The View today and they got to talking about how young she looks for having an 18-year-old son. Sofia joked that she had him when she was 13 after she was raped (in real-life Sofia's son is 17 and she had him when she was 20).

Now, usually when the word "rape" comes up on daytime TV, the lights go down, the studio audience is shuttled out the exit door and Diane Sawyer comes out to ask some "serious" questions. But most The View hens and the audience just laughed away. Well, all of them except for Whoopi Goldberg, who was probably thinking to herself, "But was it RAPE-RAPE?"

via Jezebel

Yes, this video of Sidney the "domesticated" baby otter playing around like a newborn kitten made me weak in the soul and lukewarm (as opposed to ice cold) in the heart, but then I got to thinking about the family of otters I once watched viciously attack each other. Shit was REAL.

Seriously, otters look like they are full of rainbows and heart-shaped kisses, but they will bite your nostril off for the last fish eye. They would.

That being said, I guess micro pigs are out and baby otters are in. You know Pararsite Hilton will have one of these by the end of the week. It will end in tears when her new pet otter gobbles up all her beloved coochie crustaceans.

Source: Buzzfeed via Best Week Ever

Today is Wednesday, which means that somewhere in the world is a brand new baby who will learn to look Lil Wayne dead in the eye and say, "Where's my check, boo?!"

RapWeekly reports that Lil Wayne is a father for the second time this year. You know how 2009 has been called the year of death? Well, I think we're going to come out even thanks to Lil Wayne's sperm.

Apparently, singer Nivea popped out Lil Wayne's fourth child over the weekend. There's not many details and the name of their kid was not released. I'm guessing that Wayne is going to keep it simple by naming his new spawn "#4." I mean, how is he supposed to remember all the names of his baby mamas and the babies. He's going to have to start numbering them sooner or later.

Wayne already has a 12-year-old daughter (with his ex-wife Toya), a 1-year-old son (with an unidentified woman) and a 2-month-old son (with actress Lauren London). These are the babies that we know of.

Don't stare at that picture of Wayne too hard or you may feel a kicking down below. No, it wouldn't be the frozen burrito you had for a morning snack! It would be Wayne's fifth child trying to get out.

Don't go running through the streets shouting "FINALLY! PRAISE JESUS" just yet, because this shit is faker than Brooke Hogan's rubber vagina. Sorry to break your heart like that.

At a press conference for Hulkmania in Australia, Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair got into a brawl which ended in tomato sauce being shed. Bitches are so dramatic.

Either the McDonald's ketchup packet hidden under Hulk's bandanna popped at the right time or he pulled a Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler by taking a razor to his head. Bitch should've taken a razor to that peroxide weave of fug instead.

In real-life, Hulk could destroy Ric just by flashing one of his roidy-filled veins at him. Shit, I think most of us could win in a battle against Ric. Look at that pepaw! All we would have to do is distract him by throwing a warm compress in the corner or dangle a bag of Metamucil chips in front of him.

RiRi has found a new piece that will kiss every inch of her infinityhead (which Scientists have proven takes around 8.3 hours total) while cuddling on a cold winter's night. According to Gatecrasher, that piece is actor Tristan Wilds. Tristan Wilds does sound like the name of an Eastern European power bottom porn star, but he's actually a cast member on the new 90210.

The two, who have been secretly dating for a quick minute, acted all couple-like at a party she threw last weekend. A source said, "She likes him a lot, and it shows. From the moment he walked into her party, Rihanna lit up. They'll keep in touch while she's away."

While I understand that RiRi needs a bitch to fiddle with her alien labia now and again, she really needs to stay away from all BOW TIES. If a man is wearing a bow tie without a tuxedo, he's either a dick taster, an old timey piano player/child toucher or a lady beater.

Besides, it's hard to take a dude seriously when he keeps the "Prada" sticker on his eyeglasses.

Here we go again. A new totally staged clip featuring Carmen Electra, some dude and some ho has "leaked" onto the internet. The clip is basically the welfare version of McSteamy and the Noxzema Girl's non-sex tape. It features Carmen guzzling on a champagne bottle, dancing around like a post-seizure chimp on No-Doze, making out with the other skank and unzipping the pants of the dude filming this mess (teaser for part two, I'm sure). And just like the McSteamy tape, there's NO dick.

Not even the tip! What is wrong with this world?! Suddenly bitches have a case of the shies and want to keep their dicks to themselves. Are we pilgrims all of a sudden? Shit, I'm sure even the pilgrim dudes proudly waved their dicks around when they got to Plymouth Cock Rock.

Anyway, I'm sure Carmen Electra will clutch her pearl necklace (smearing it), put her hand on the bible and cry about how she can't believe that someone she thought she trusted would do something like this to her. Then she'll hire a pretend lawyer and file a pretend lawsuit. In the end, Carmen will consent to the tape, because she's "so tired of fighting." Blah blah blah blah... Same old whore song and dance.

Wake me when Spaghetti Cat's "sexy tape" leaks.

Ask my genitals (and the restraining order out against me) and they will tell you that this was definitely the year of THE SILVER FOX! I mean, look at that precious blue background. Wouldn't it look even more precious with Anderson Fox's silver field glittering in front of it? Sigh. People better include a "Sexiest Fox Alive" supplement in this shit. Anymynonowillbesendingthemhatemail....

As you can see Johnny Depp was named People's Sexiest Man Alive (aka Bitch We Want To Bone Badly). Johnny joins Billy Goat Brad Pitt and George Clooney as the only pieces who have been named SMA twice. And once again, Mah Boo shuffles off empty-handed. FOR SHAME!

The rest of the list includes some of the usual suspects (i.e. Ryan Reynolds, Jakey G, Robert Downey Jr., Posh Beckham's purse holder) as well as some new hos (i.e. The Glee Guys, Gilles Marini, Squinty's favorite shopping partner, Glamberace, John Cho, Nick Cannon, John Legend).

And yes, the Keeper of the Unicorn Forest made the list too. Yesterday, there was a fake People cover going around with RPattz on it. People probably decided not to go with RPattz this year, because they didn't want to be responsible for the millions of Twitward vaginas that would explode out of excitement.

Vivid Entertainment got a hold of a series of tapes of Carrie Prejean parting her pink sea, and they want to sell the videos with her blessing. Carrie turned them down. Well, now Vivid has brought out their finest lucite jewel to dazzle Carrie and bring her over to the bright side.

The Empress of Lucite slid into her lucite throne, pulled out her boyfriend's peen, dipped it in her sparkly box and wrote a passionate letter to Carrie where she described her own journey from powerless victim to star, cinematographer, director, costume designer and soundtrack composer of her own fuck film. Shauna said that Carrie could waste thousands of dollars on lawyers, or she could make millions by letting the world see her holy grail on her terms.

Below is the part of the letter where Shauna talks about the pivotal moment where she decided to LEAK HER OWN SEX TAPE be the queen of her own porn destiny:

I went to the meeting full of rage. During the meeting, however, I realized that I could actually take control of the situation. Instead of spending thousands of dollars in legal fees for a lawsuit that could take months or even years to be resolved, I could actually turn things around.

I told Steven that I wanted to eliminate any compensation to the third party since it was my movie that I not only starred in, but also directed and added the music to. I also told him that I wanted to be involved in the marketing of the movie as I really cared about it.

I’m really glad I made that decision. I’m proud of my body and of the passion that I felt during the making of the movie which became “Shauna Sand Exposed.”

Why don’t you consider taking control yourself and handle this situation on your own
terms so that you are in the driver’s seat. It all starts with a telephone call to Steven to find out what your options are. I’d be happy to talk to you one-on-one about how I did it.

If any of us were touched by a lucite angel, we would immediately fall into a deep trance and do anything Shauna asked us to. But Carrie proved that she is not of this world, because she turned down Shauna's offer! Carrie even threatened to sue Vivid if they don't leave her alone.

UNGODLY! Turning down the Empress of Lucite is like turning down JESUS himself. Carrie basically spit on the gates of heaven. Just like she spit on her palm to play with her coochie on that tape!

To quote the a wise woman named Marguerite Perrin: "SHE IS NOT A CHRIIIIISTIIIIIIIAN!"