This Has Gone Too Far

 

The National Enquirer claims Jake Gyllenhaal proposed to Reese Witherspoon, but she turned him down. Since I'm in London I'll say "BOLLOCKS!"

 

A source said, "Reese says it is just too soon after her divorce from Ryan to think about marrying again. She is madly in love with Jake, but her divorce just became final, and she doesn't want to rush into anything." 

 

I thought there was a writer's strike? Who is writing this work of fiction. I mean if Reese and Jake got hitched, all the gay angels would die.

 

Maybe this source saw Jake on his knees with a ring on, but it wasn't a marriage proposal that was going down. Jake was on his knees alright, but not in front of Reese. A ring was involved too, but I'm pretty sure cock rings don't have diamonds on them.