Hetero, My Ass

 

InTouch hired a private investigator named Paul Barresi to find out if Tom Cruise is gay or straight. Paul's final findings are that Tom Cruise is straight as straight can be. Uh huh.

 

Paul said, "Everything I've found and everything I know points to Tom being heterosexual."

 

The Scientology goons got to him, right? Yeah, they can be pretty scary. Now Paul needs to use his investigative skills to find out if Tommy Girl is of this planet.

 

Wait...is this the same P.I. Britney hired to follow KFed? It would make so much sense.

 

And on that note, I'm out of this bitch! I've got a plane to catch, but I'll be posting tomorrow. Posting will be light through the weekend, but I'll still be posting. Probably half drunk, but you haven't noticed before....or have you? If my plane should crash tell Britney to "eat it, snort it, lick it, fuck it" for me.