I was hoping for a Cynthia Nixon and Rojo Caliente wedding, but I'll take this. TMZ reports that Ellen Degeneres told her studio audience today that she will get married to Portia de Rossi now that the California Supreme Court overturned the ban on gay marriage. Portia was in the audience during the announcement and everyone went wild for the two hot lesbians.
Ellen told the Advocate today:

I’m thrilled that the California supreme court overturned the ban on gay marriage. I can’t wait to get married. We all deserve the same rights, and I believe that someday we’ll look back on this and not allowing gays to marry will seem as absurd as not allowing women to vote.

P.S. I’m registered at Crate & Barrel.

Crate & Barrel?! Everyone knows lesbians only register at Home Depot.

Congrats to Ellen and Portia! Cynthia and Rojo better be next or I just don't know!

I always knew Posh was a shemalien from Venus and now here's proof. She floats! She totally looks like a teen alien boy here. Tommy Girl has new jack-off material for the weekend! Thanks to Posh!

Here's the shemalien promoting her line of overpriced crap jeans in London.

Two girls told Life & Style that Vince Vaughn turned down a threesome with them. Like that ball of dough would ever turn down a threesome.

Sisters Liza and Suzi Graves said they met Vince at Velvet Margarita bar in LA last week. Suzi said that her sister dared her to ask Vince if he wanted to have a threesome. She said, "On the dance floor, we made eye contact, and I pinched his butt. When he turned around, I said, 'I just wanted to say you're hilarious!' He looked surprised and said, 'You don't think that's been used on me before?'"

When she asked if he wanted to do sexay times with them, Vince said, "No, honey, that won't be happening tonight."

Oh please! This is what really happened. Vince accepted their threesome proposal, but wanted to hit up an all-you-can-eat Korean buffet first. When he finally woofed down his 28th BBQ pork leg, they went back to his hotel. Vince got undressed and the girls immediately started going into violent convulsions. They threw up everything they've ever eaten. Vince quickly put his velvet robe on and gave the girls $1,000 each to forget this whole little thing. He threw in another couple grand if they told a tabloid he was the one who turned him down.

I'm the biggest slut the world has ever seen and I still wouldn't hit that. Ok, yes I would. Only for the free Korean BBQ!

Star Magazine has a picture of Tony Romo's "mystery blonde." This is the chick that he was chatting up in Chicago. As expected, she's a trick ass ho. Just like Jessica! At least we know Romo has a type. And Romo's no kiwi himself. He looks like he was made from Play-Doh.

A source denies that anything went on between Romo and Lindsey Betrus (the mystery blonde). The source said, "Lindsey is a terrific, down-to-earth woman — and she's never been a Hooters Girl, as some people have mistakenly reported!. And as for her time with Tony, he was totally the aggressor that evening!"

Jessica's whores continue to deny that her relationship with Romo is over just like her career. The Dallas News also claims they broke and said Romo will be Jessica's date to Asshole's wedding this weekend. Of course he will. It's in his contract! Papa Joe probably made him sign it in blood.

Scratch that. I meant, "4 saggy hags minus Cynthia, Kristin and Kim."

My Little Pony Parker looks like a ribbed condom. For here pleasure, of course. Kristin's dress looked better on Mamie Eisenhower. Cynthia is looking fucking hot. Drinking from the fountain of Rojo Caliente is doing good things for her skin. Rojo is totally a squirter. She should bottle that shit.

Here's 3 lovely ladies and one nasty hag at the German premiere of "Sex in the Shitty." Damn, they are working hard for this shit. My Little Pony is going to need a long rest after this. Hopefully, a long rest in a retirement home.

Phoebe Price has landed in Cannes! The other International supermodels can go home now, because the master has arrived. Our lady of chicken cutlets crashed the premiere of "Kung Fu Panda" today. No, PP didn't crash! She's a seat filler. An International seat filler, thank you very much. No, PP was invited....I think...I guess?

I bet you Angelina Jolie tried to get PP off the red carpet, because she was stealing her shine. That's fine. Angelina isn't the first to feel threatened by PP's utter glamour.

Even that skank bag of a woman, Eva LongWHORIA, tried her hardest to take the spotlight. Who the hell does this raccoon-eyed bitch think she is? Eva stole that shit from the costume closet of "Wicked" on Broadway. Stupid tramp! Too bad someone didn't trip her ass down the stairs. A flurry of chiffon flying down the red stairs would have made for a dazzling pre-show.

Owen Wilson finally woke up from his 2-month walking coma. People reports that Owen and Kate Hudson have split up - AGAIN. The two started dating in 2006, but then they broke up and started dating again 2 months ago. There were rumors that Owen popped the question, because Kate was spotted wearing an engagement ring. The ring was a prop for her movie "Bride Wars."

A source close to Owen said it was a bad breakup for him, "Owen said it was a tough one. He definitely doesn't want to dwell on it. He wants to put it behind him." A source close to Kate said, "She feels dumb thinking it was so serious." A source close to me said, "Who gives a rat's fuck hole?!"

Now Owen is free to date Jennifer Aniston or Reese Witherspoon. Kate Hudson is free to date John Mayer or Jakey Poo. I mean, they all date each other. It's like one big boring key party.

Sorry, I still have that Shania Twain (see below) song in my head. Here's Brangie at the Cannes Film Festival premiere of "Kung Fu Panda" today. Blah...blah...blah... What's there to say? She's Angelina and she's pregnant with two chosen ones. He's Brad Pitt and his hair might be fake. Seriously, I want to yank on it to see if comes off. Well, I want to yank on it anyway.

Angie Jo was also joined by her co-stars Dustin Hoffman, Jack Black and that hot bitch Lucy Liu. She's the only wonky I approve of. Her wonk is major! I think she can stare into the sun and stare into the ground at the same time.

Just reading the name "Shania Twain," instantly makes me say "Ok, so you're Brad Pitt. That don't impress me much!"

Unfortunately, Shania isn't impressed by her husband anymore. People reports Shania and her producer husband, Mutt Lange, have split.

Her spokeswhore said, "Shania Twain and her husband, music producer Robert 'Mutt' Lange, are separating after 14 years of marriage. This is a private matter and there will be no further comment at this time."

Ok, so you're Shania's spokeswhore. That don't impress me much!

As you may have heard (because the queen in the cubicle next to you probably shouted it from the roof top), the California Supreme Court has overturned the ban on gay marriage. California could become the second state in the US to legalize gay marriage.

The California Supreme Court ruled today that same-sex couples should be permitted to marry, rejecting state marriage laws as discriminatory.

The state high court's 4-3 ruling was unlikely to end the debate over gay matrimony in California. A group has circulated petitions for a November ballot initiative that would amend the state Constitution to block same-sex marriage, while the Legislature has twice passed bills to authorize gay marriage. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger vetoed both.

I'm totally going to California just to get married. I want to see what all the misery is about. I know, I'm an awful example. Marriage is a sacred institution. HA! It's true. If gay marriage was already legal, I probably would be thrice-divorced by now. I love fast and I love hard.

Congrats California!