Tommy Girl’s titties are sitting up real nice in that turtleneck and that dude in the glasses definitely agrees with me. He is taken with Tommy’s titty game and then some.
Tommy has never been accused of being the sharpest tool in the shed, but at last night’s Hollywood premiere of Oblivion, everybody accused him of being the sharpest bitch on the carpet. Turtlenecks are just crew neck sweaters with foreskin, so course Tommy worked that top like the alien invasion is coming and this is the last time we’ll ever see him. I hope Tommy doubled up on panties last night, because you know he was squirting out barley nectar just from thinking about how he had wool foreskin around his neck. I don’t know if it’s the uncut peen sweater or if he put an extra pair of lifts in his shoes, but he almost looks statuesque. Work it till those Thetans gag on your fabulousness, bitch.
And here’s Melissa Leo and Olga Kurylenko trying to out-glamour Tommy last night. (They failed.)
After watching Melissa Leo’s acceptance speech at the Oscars last night for the third time, it seems like she practiced it for hours beforehand in front of the bathroom mirror in her hotel suite and made her assistant shine a flashlight at her in lieu of a spotlight. When Melissa looked up at the “little people” in the balcony with the same wide-eyed look I throw when there’s a 9-inch peen in front of me (in my dreams), I thought Toto was going to scamper out on stage and she’d break into an acoustic version of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” If those kids didn’t claim that song for the finale, she would’ve. Laying it on thick! Seriously, Melissa is like the mobile park version of Mindy Grayson.
Before snatching the walking apparatus from a fragile and precious invalid (aka Kirk Douglas), Melissa shot the fuck word at the audience. ABC hit the ‘THINK OF THE CHILDREN” button and so it was bleeped out for TV, but here’s the uncensored clip below:
Kathie Lee Gifford, who is forever the epitome of grace and class, couldn’t believe that Melissa would spit out such filth during her big moment. To which I say, why the fuck not! a) Sometimes our internal emotions are percolating so much that the only way to get them out is through the letters F-U-C-K. b) A fuck gets more attention than a no fuck.
Melissa apologized later backstage saying that she was so overcome with emotion: “I apologize from the bottom of my heart. Just slipped out. I was a little excited.”
Fun fact: That little quote is the exact same thing Kevin Spacey said after pulling down his fly in front of Jake Gyllenhaal backstage.
But Melissa should really apologize for wearing your memaw’s favorite Easter doily table runner under your old Christmas wrapping.
Here’s more of Melissa Leo’s crazy ass as well as the other acting winners from last night (click here for the full list if you haven’t already memorized it).
Here’s Melissa Leo at yesterday’s Independent Spirit Awards in Santa Monica dressed like a track home madam who is about to flee through the sliding back door of her DIY brothel in Palmdale after authorities received an anonymous tip that she’s housing imported whores in her garage. Tell me that isn’t a look that screams “You’ve got a $20, I’ve got a hand job ho for you!”
You know, I’m so sick of dumb asses declaring that Natalie Portman “is the girl to watch” at the Oscars tonight. Yeah, I’ve been watching the fashion moves of that Ivy League al dente noodle for months and it’s about as exciting as taking the SATs with a No.2 pencil on a Saturday morning while completely sober. Bitch is fashion Ambien. But Melissa Leo on the other hand, that ho knows that the best accessory is always a giant coat of CRAZY. Melissa’s look tells a damn story. Yes, that story airs on truTV several nights a week, but a story it still is! Natalie’s basic ass looks like it was attacked by an exploding lemon danish. Next.
Click here to see the ISA winners if that’s what you need and below is a bunch of pictures of everybody who gave pose on the grey carpet yesterday. In order: the best dressed of the night Melissa Leo, Prince Von A-Hole, Chuckie Finster with Warren Beatty, Rosario Dawson, Taye Diggs, Illeana Douglas, James Franco, Thierry Guetta, Saint Crazy’s daughter, Baron Baby Wipes, Vera Farmiga, Dana Delany, Nicole Kidman, Diego Luna with Camila Sodi, Ewan McGregor about to take a pee pee, Eva Mendes, Natalie Portman, Aron Ralston, a drunk Jeremy Renner, Mark Ruffalo with a hand full of Sunrise, Zoe Saldana, Lea Thompson, Kerry Washington and Naomi Watts with Liev Schreiber.
This is some shit Lea Michele’s brain might burp up during award season when she’s practicing her acceptance speech in the mirror while hugging the Oscar, Emmy, Grammy and Tony award reproductions she had made at the trophy store around the corner from her house. Deadline Hollywood says that Melissa Leo of The Fighter, who will be making out with an Oscar statue in a couple of Sundays, used her own money to place “For Your Consideration” ads in all the trade papers like Variety and The Hollywood Reporter. Melissa tried to keep shit classy by posing in a fur with the address of her website printed in small print in the corner. It sorts of looks like an ad for a fur company you might find in the back pages of a Las Vegas hotel magazine. But okay….
Some think this is a tacky ass move that screams “I’ve got a 9-inch erect ego,” but Melissa tells Deadline that she really had no choice since no magazine would put her on their cover due to the fact that she’s not a 20-something starlet. 50-year-old Melissa says that the media isn’t even trying to look at her because she’s older and not a box office star. Melissa breaks it down like this:
“I took matters into my own hands. I knew what I was doing and told my representation how earnest I was about this idea. I had never heard of any actor taking out an ad as themselves and I wanted to give it a shot.
I am quite certain I have not overstepped any boundaries of the Academy. I did hear a lot of very positive comments, particularly from women of a certain age who happen to act for a living and happen to understand full well the great dilemma and mystery of getting a cover of a magazine. I also heard there were negative comments, but no one said them to my face, sadly. I like to hear what people think. I could explain myself.”
The ad on the left looks like it should also contain the words “…..donating your arms to this woman” because Melissa’s only got fur stumps!
But sometimes you really have to grab the dick yourself and make shit happen, so I understand what she’s saying. However, Melissa should’ve really just saved her money for AFTER she wins the Oscar for playing a graceful Irish rose. I mean, “SUCK ON THIS, AGEIST WHORES” ads would’ve been so much better.
via The Slatest