ROBSTEN ARE BROKEN!!!!! For Now……

I’m typing this from a make-shift raft made out of a door, because all of the Twihards have flooded the world with their tears after finding out that ROBSTEN ARE BROKEN (For now)!!!!!! You’d think that all of the Twihards would’ve cried out all the water in their bodies when Kristen Stewart did dry butt sex with Rupert Sanders, but I guess they must’ve replenished their fluids since then, because they are crying like they’ve never cried before! People (aka Voice of the Publicist Weekly) has announced that RPattz is done with smearing his hobo cheese all over Kristen Stewart’s body for now. Just like KStew and RPattz, People’s article about this shit is kind of awkward and wishy washy:

As rumors of relationship trouble continue to swirl, a source tells PEOPLE that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have called it quits after more than three years of dating. Reps for the two could not be reached.

But the source says it would not be surprising if the on-and-off-again pair got back together again.

What I’m taking that to mean is that since the final Twatlight movie is already out on DVD, their contract is expired EXPIRED and they might renegotiate….. but she’s going to smoke a few bowls (or a few hundred bowls) and think about it. They’ll get back together whenever one of them has some shit to promote. But right now, the only thing I care about is Nutty Madam’s response to this shit:

Nutty Madam has either exploded and pieces of her are falling all over Britain right now or she’s hiding in the bushes in front of RPattz’s house and is ready to attack him now that he’s single.

Nutty Madam Finally Breaks Her Silence On Kristen Stewart’s Cheating Ways

I was going to say that Nutty Madam gives me life, but then I realized that YAAASSSS-ing at this video means I officially have no life and am not capable of ever getting one. And this right here needs to play on a loop in the waiting room of every mental hospital’s Twihard Ward.

(Thanks, Lynn)

Nutty Madam Creams Over The New Twilight Trailer So You Don’t Have To

Twatlight: Breaking Hymen made a number two on the internet last night by releasing its second trailer and not one second of it has scooted across my eye balls or ear drums. There really is no point. The only reason that Latter-day Saints lady wrote Twilight was so they could make movies, and the only reason the movies were made was so that there could be trailers for Nutty Madam to react to on YouTube. Nutty Madam is the throbbing clitoris of Twatlight. This much is true.

So why watch the trailer when you can BE the trailer and watch as Nutty Madam loses her virginity, gives birth, has a coronary, dies, turns into a ghost and gets spooked by her ghost reflection in the mirror all in the span of just a few minutes. Yes, Nutty Madam is definitely turning up the levels of ridiculousness and the panty putting pot pie she gives birth to might not be made of completely authentic ingredients, but it still wouldn’t be Twilight Trailer Day without her.

You know, sometimes when my spirit is broken and I feel like I’m trapped in the middle of a Sam Cooke song, I lift myself up by doing the following:

1. Bring up a Nutty Madam reaction video.
2. Mute it and make it full screen.
3. Take off all my panties.
4. Put on this song:

(Sidenote: Edward and that Jacob trick should really settle their feud with a dance off.)

5. Daaance daaaance daaaaance in front of Nutty Madam.
6. Allow my spirit to turn its frown into a smile as my hot naked dance moves send Nutty Madam on a roller coaster ride of emotions.

You should do the same. Doing this will take you higher faster than masturbating while eating ice cream will. Guaranteed! It will also leave you permanently dry in certain parts, but there’s a price for everything!