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What Dlisted Means To Me

June 30, 2023 / Posted by:

I’m not a particularly smart woman. I mean, my brain’s a’right, I guess. But it’s not like when I die; anybody’s going to be chasing my corpse around with a mason jar, trying to capture my lobes for science. My shit is 100% USDA-certified Abby Normal. Which is probably why I’m here, honestly, and I suspect, why you’re here too. Michael K rolled out of bed one morning and said to the world, “I am going to create a blog that is so dumb…” and well, the rest, as they say, is Dlistory as of today. Oh shit, I think I’m gonna puke.

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Disney Pulled A Fast One On Florida Governor Ron DeSantis With A Clause That Involves King Charles III

March 30, 2023 / Posted by:

As a grand jury voted to indict Donald Trump today, his GOP nemesis, Florida governor Ron De Santis is still fighting Mickey Mouse. Last month, Ron De Santis held a big press conference to rub his decision to penalize Disney for mildly opposing his so-called “Don’t Say Gay” bill right in the nose of their gayest character, Mr. Busy the Beaver from Lady and The Tramp. But if it seemed like Disney was being awfully blase about Ron stripping them of power over the Reedy Creek Improvement District, which they’d had almost complete jurisdiction over for 50-plus years, there was a very good reason for it. According to The Guardian, Disney had an ace up their sleeve the whole time. In the days leading up to Ron’s preening announcement that there was “a new sheriff in town,” Disney and the existing Reedy Creek Governing board had quietly added a clause in their agreement that called upon a higher power; King Charles III, AKA Him? Royal Highness Charles the third, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of His other Realms and Territories King, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith, AKA Chucky Trips.

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Brooklyn Beckham’s Cooking Has Come Under Fire Again For Putting A Wine Cork In His Bolognese

March 30, 2023 / Posted by:

Ok, everybody simmer down. Brooklyn Beckham’s getting roasted again for his questionable culinary skills after he posted a picture of himself in the kitchen holding a puppy in a sling while stirring a pot of what looks like high end dog food with a wine cork floating in it but which I’ve been assured by The Daily Mail is supposed to be Bolognese sauce. But really, what harm has he done? He’s just a 24-year-old kid making himself a pot of sketti as an excuse to open what is probably a $600 bottle of Merlot on a Wednesday afternoon. Lord knows he’s not cooking for anybody but himself and the puppy. You think his wife Nicola Peltz Beckham would deign to put anything that comes out of that kitchen in her mouth? Ha! Let my boy enjoy his hairy sketti in peace!

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During Gwyneth Paltrow’s Ski Accident Trial, Her Team Deployed Visual Aids And Her Daughter Recalled Her Getting A Massage After The Crash

March 29, 2023 / Posted by:

As day 6,506 seven of Gwyneth Paltrow’s ski accident trial continues to snowplow its way towards justice, and hopefully, hot toddies all around, no expense has been spared on either side. In the life-or-ego-death battle to determine which rich white person ran into the other on that fateful day in 2016, in which Gwyneth alleges she lost a half day of skiing and her accuser, Terry Sanderson, alleges he lost half of his mind, we’ve watched as a parade of expert witnesses racked up the billable hours to so far prove that something abominable happened on the mountain that day.

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Brad Pitt Unloaded His Hollywood Home Of 30 Years For Nearly $40 Million

March 29, 2023 / Posted by:

Hollywood’s not going to have Brad Pitt to kick around anymore. He’s outta here! Dirt reports that Brad’s bespoke Los Feliz estate has sold to an undisclosed buyer for $39 million and change. Brad’s owned the property for three decades, and it was the childhood home of the six kids he shares(ed?) with Angelina Jolie. Considering that a witch once lived there, I imagine it’s haunted by many memories he’s all too happy to forget. What a fool. If I lived in a house where Elvira once hid in the closet, I’d never leave!

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Selena Gomez Dated Zayn Malik A Decade Ago And His Ex Gigi Hadid Doesn’t Care Who He Dates

March 29, 2023 / Posted by:

Yesterday, Emily updated us on what we can only hope is the end of the fan-fueled feud between Selena Gomez and Hailey Bieber. We also learned that Selena was spotted moving on to potentially messier horizons by hooking up with Gigi Hadid’s baby daddy, Zayn Malik, formerly of One Direction. More recently, Zayne was shown the door after allegedly getting physical with Gigi’s mom Yolanda Hadid. But as much as I hate to be the one to unravel Emily’s beautifully constructed murder board connecting Selena’s bits to Zayn’s bobbles by way of Hadids, according to Page Six, Selena actually dated Zayn first, back when he and Harry Styles were still moving in the same direction and Harry was dating Taylor Swift. So you see, it all has to come down. Every last push pin and every inch of string. And somebody (not it!) is going to have to hunt down Taylor’s long-lost red scarf cuz we’re gonna need the yarn.

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