After taking a vow of silence from opining on the important hot topics of the day, Matt Damon is dipping his toes in the waters of controversy once again by giving his honest and unfiltered opinion on one of the most important issues facing not just Hollywood but all of mankind: Ben Affleck’s back tattoo. Matt appeared on The Daily Show and Trevor Noah asked him if he was planning on distancing himself from his longtime bro because of his embarrassing ink. Matt answered (via Page Six):
“Unfortunately, I can’t seem to shake him — I’ve known him since I was 10, so that’s 37 years,” Damon said, adding, “I mean, it’s not one man’s job to tell another man what he can do to his back. I support him in all of his artistic expression.”
Some might call it a shady answer but Matt can barely cast a shadow let alone throw shade. Ben’s never cheated on Matt (as far as we know) so he doesn’t have any reason to not play nice, unlike Jennifer Garner who played kitty coy by licking her paw and purring “bless his heart” which is the only thing Jennifer’s ever said that I thoroughly enjoyed.
Despite what he says about a man’s back being his own or whatever, as Ben’s BFF, Matt is partially responsible for that mess. Ben’s always sticking his honey bear nose in pots he has no business in but refuses to step up to his responsibilities as a Ben handler. Matt blatantly ignored Ben’s peas for help. We all heard them yet were powerless to intervene. Maybe instead of fantasizing about being Thor’s neighbor in Australia, Matt should have focused his energies on the crisis here at home.
If it looks like a doddering old pepaw, and makes weird, questionable remarks like a doddering old pepaw, then guess what. It’s a doddering old peeaw! That’s the lesson learned from Burt Reynolds’ attempt to explain his “say what now?” comments to Hoda Kotb on Today about her purdy mouth and his love of a 7-year-old Sally Field who he didn’t actually meet until she was 31.
Because 2018 clearly doesn’t have enough assholes of its own, 2004 has kindly offered to let us take one of its biggest off its hands for free. You guys remember Vincent Gallo, right? Greasy looking fellow who said Roger Ebert had “the physique of a slave-trader” and put a hex on his colon saying he hoped he got cancer for panning The Brown Bunny? No? He’s the guy that auctioned himself off as a male escort saying “Heavy set, older, red heads and even black chicks can have me if they can pay the bill” but said “no way Jose” to gay men or transgender women but “lesbos” were ok? Yeah, that guy. He’s back to talk about Harvey Weinstein, piss on Roger Ebert’s grave and compare himself to Donald Trump in an essay posted to AnOther Man.
The whiplash inducing on again, off again relationship between Chris Evans and Jenny slate has officially careened off a cliff. Or maybe it just swerved a little on the freeway while Jenny was trying to light a bong between her legs and the car did a little badump badump badump on the idiot bumps between lanes. You never know with these two! But according to The New York Times, it’s over.
As far as clown archetypes go, you won’t find one more iconic than Bozo The Clown. Big red nose, check. Eyebrow game on fleek, check. Clown pattern baldness, check. WCVB in Boston reports that Frank Avruch, the man who played Bozo The Clown from 1959 through 1970 has died. Frank was more than just a clown. He was also a beloved Boston local celebrity who hosted and appeared on numerous shows on WCVB-TV including Good Day, The Great Entertainment and Man About Town.
Another purple nug from the Prince vault has been unearthed. Prince apparently had aspirations of becoming the face of the Black Lives Matter movement. But Price wanted a second so he thought and he thought about who he’d like to have join him in his crusade against racial injustice. I guess Chaka Khan wasn’t unavailable so he went the next person on his list, Donatella Versace.