And yes, I should tell you in advance that this post was co-written by Bitter and Petty. (“Aren’t all your posts?” – you)
Even after NBC did Ann Curry wrong, continued to shove Matt Lauer’s smug nutsack face in my eyes (and I usually love a good teabagging) and has kept trying to make frozen stick of wood Megyn Kelly the new sweetheart of morning shows, I have stuck with Today. I am Today’s sloppy bottom bitch and nobody has been a ride or die for anyone harder than I have for Today. You can look at me and say, “Err, sorry Michael, but I’m the ultimate ride or die bitch, because my man robbed a bank and I took the fall for it and spent 10 years in prison,” and I’d shake my head at you. Because I’m sorry, suffering through all 4 hours of that shit show Today for the past 10+ years is worse than prison. But I may have been lured to Today’s rival, Good Morning America, thanks to Robin Roberts shit-talking a guest this morning.
Celia Weston (66)
Tori Kelly (25)
Vanessa Hudgens (29)
Mike Fuentes (33)
Jackson Rathbone (33)
Sophie Monk (38)
Tammy Blanchard (41)
KaDee Strickland (42)
Tia Texada (46)
Michaela Watkins (46)
Beth Orton (47)
Natascha McElhone (48)
Ted Raimi (52)
Alice Ripley (54)
Cynthia Gibb (54)
Ginger Lynn (55)
Cliff Williams (68)
Dee Wallace (69)
Jane Birkin (71)
Abbe Lane (85)
Patty Duke (1946-2016)
Lee Remick (1935-1991)
Anderson Cooper’s Twitter account called Trump a pathetic loser and tool early this morning, and CNN claims he was hacked. Either “hacked” is serious journalist talk for “plastered on after-work martinis” or Kathy Griffin got hacking lessons – Towleroad
BUT WAIT! CNN later said that Anderson Cooper’s assistant, who is the only other one with access to The Silver Fox’s Twitter, left his phone unlocked and unattended at the gym and someone grabbed it and made that tweet. Either CNN threw Andy’s assistant under the bus while pulling this excuse out of their asses or Kathy Griffin goes to the same NYC gym as his assistant – Buzzfeed
Further proof that Lorne Michaels truly loves him some Colin Jost – Lainey Gossip
It’s that time of year when the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame shows how meaningless they are by not inducting Stacey Q, Martika and Samantha Fox! – Celebitchy
The new Annihilation trailer has Oscar Isaac nipples, Jane the Virgin with a gun and Lisa Frank-looking ass animals – Pajiba
The thing about being engaged to a rich prince is that you can’t turn your head without some social climbing, crown-digging harlot skank with no morals rolling up to steal your man. That is why Meghan Markle made a big mistake in not escorting Prince Hot Ginge to last night’s London premiere of Star Wars: The Last Jedi. Because look at that petite Rubenesque ginger beauty charming both Prince William and PHG. Well, at least Duchess Kate and Meghan Markle can share an Uber after their men kick them out of Kensington Palace and leave them for this more voluptuous piece.
Prince William and PHG play stormtroopers in The Last Jedi, because when you’re a prince you can say, “Hello, I am a prince and I command you to make me a stormtrooper in your movie.” They joined their co-stars at last night’s premiere and spent way too much time falling for the transparent charms of BB-8.
People says that royal protocol is going to be broken later this month when Meghan Markle becomes the first royal fiancee to spend Christmas Day with the royal family. Usually you need a wedding ring to spend Jesus’ born day with THE QUEEN. Err, royal protocol is going to be broken this Christmas but not by Meghan Markle. Meghan Markle will be weeping into a bag of mini pretzels while on a commercial flight back to the U.S. as Prince Hot Ginge shows up to Christmas Day celebrations with, yup, that palacewrecking tramp BB-8. And I’m sure BB-8 will wear a capelet that will sell out faster than anything Meghan or Duchess Kate has worn!
Congratulations To John Stamos For Getting The Cover Of People Magazine (Oh Yeah, And Also For Making A Baby With His Fiancée)
Just a month ago, John Stamos declared that he, John Stamos, is ready to bestow his precious jizz onto some lucky ovary eggs. And today, John Stamos graciously shared his face with the masses to announce that he did bestow his precious jizz onto some lucky ovaries eggs belonging to his fiancée whose name doesn’t really matter since this is all about John Stamos!