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Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 12, 2017 / Posted by:

The wiggling dick hair tie! 

Not since the scrunchie or the banana clip, has there been such a simple and tasteful hair tool that lets everyone know that you’re both practical and appreciate classic style. Reader Kelly stuck this tip into my inbox that was posted on Instagram by stylist Sheff Pavel, and there’s not much to say about it (because it’s kind of hard to type words while you’re licking the screen). If you don’t have time to fuck with your hair, just put it into a ponytail with help from the gorgeous peen and huevos hair tie (which is fitting since that thing is hung like a pony) and wear it with pride. It’s also the perfect thing to wear if you want to tell the world that you’ve always got dick on the brain, or in this case, dick on the hair.

These wiggling dick ties can be bought on eBay, and I’m sure they’re also for sale in the Scientology Celebrity Centre’s bathhouse salon. Sure this hair tie makes Shia LaBeouf as hung as Jon Hamm, but I’d still chase it down the street with mouth wide open. Size queen: I ain’t.

And this reminds me of Coco Chanel’s (more like Cocko Chanel’s) most famous quote: “Before leaving the house, a lady should look in the mirror and put on a pink dick hair accessory.”

Pic: Instagram

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Birthday Sluts

August 12, 2017 / Posted by:

George Hamilton (78)
Bex Taylor-Klaus (23)
Cara Delevingne (25)
Lakeith Stanfield (26)
Justin Gaston (29)
Leah Pipes (29)
Maggie Lawson (37)
Dominique Swain (37)
Natalie Mendoza (39)
Plaxico Burress (40)
Casey Affleck (42)
Mercedes Javid from Shahs of Sunset (45)
Michael Ian Black (46)
Yvette Nicole Brown (46)
Rebecca Gayheart (46)
Pete Sampras (46)
Tanita Tikaram (48)
Peter Krause (52)
Sir Mix-a-Lot (54)
Bruce Greenwood (61)
Ann M. Martin (62)
Sam J. Jones (63)
Jim Beaver (67)
Mark Knopfler (68)
Dana Ivey (76)
Jane Wyatt (1910-2006)
Cecile B. DeMille (1881-1959)

Pic: Pinterest

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July’s Hot Slut Of The Month Is…..

August 11, 2017 / Posted by:

The spectacular diving board brows that snatched away every spotlight from Jabba the Trump during his press conference on healthcare!

When July’s Hot Slut of the Month showdown started, I prayed to the Hot Slut gods to make it a tie between the show-stealing bug antenna brows of my dreams and the First Lady of Japan. It was close for a quick second, but in the end, the title went to the perfect pair of long division brows that every math teacher should paint on their faces if they want their students to take them seriously as an authority on arithmetic. If Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting was a chola, not only would he be a zillion times more interesting, but he’d have brows like that.

Last month, the gorgeous garden hoe brows on the face of an “Obamacare victim” became the only good thing that Jabba the Trump has ever given. As he caca’d at the mouth about healthcare, those brows caught the attention of every pair of eyes watching. And this month, those same stunning brows earned the most votes from you hos and is now our reigning Hot Slut of the Month. The brows that perfectly expressed our feelings about Trump got 36% of the votes, beating out the first lady of my heart, Akie Abe (31%), Elishaly D’witshes (21%) and the Air Peddling Husky (12%). If we don’t get nuked to Jesus by January (Side note: those brows will survive the nuclear war and live forever), those brows will battle it out in the Hot Slut of the Year semi-finals. And now let’s all raise a fine point Sharpie and salute our new HSOTM!

Thanks to everyone who voted!

Pic: YouTube/Dreamstime

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 11, 2017 / Posted by:

Taco Bell’s latest abomination that will truly give you a case of explosive diarrhea! 

If one of your dreams is to wrap your mouth around something that looks like a blended-up abortion on top of a freshly creampied prolapsed anus, then please pick up the phone, dial 911 and turn yourself in since you’re obviously a sick fuck with brains cut from the same cloth as Jeffrey Dahmer’s. But as the police are shuffling you off to prison for life, ask the paddy wagon driver to stop at a Taco Bell in Santa Ana, CA so that you can fulfill your fantasy of wrapping your mouth around something that looks like a blended-up abortion on top of a freshly creampied prolapsed anus.

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Birthday Sluts 

August 11, 2017 / Posted by:

Viola Davis (52)
Alyson Stoner (24)
Tomi Lahren (25)
Chad Johnson (30)
Asher Roth (32)
Chris Hemsworth (34)
Merritt Wever (37)
Will Friedle (41)
Ben Gibbard (41)
Tinsley Mortimer (41)
Roger Craig Smith (42)
Carolyn Murphy (43)
Ashley Jensen (48)
Anna Gunn (49)
Sophie Okonedo (49)
Joe Rogan (50)
Embeth Davidtz (52)
Duane Martin (52)
Miguel A. Nunez Jr. (53)
David Henry Hwang (60)
Joe Jackson (the British one) (63)
Hulk Hogan (64)
Steve Wozniak (67)
Eric Carmen (68)
Ian McDiarmid (73)
John Gorrie (85)
Arlene Dahl (92)

Pic: Moves Magazine

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