We recorded this on National Pepperoni Pizza Day, so it’s actually amazing that we didn’t take the day off to worship the pepperoni pizza. But after Allison and I pay tribute to the pepperoni pizza, we talk about Chevy Chase solidifying himself as Old Man Yells At Cloud, Alicia Silverstone considering having a baby with her ex-husband, and Kristen Bell vaping weed around her sober husband. Then we quickly shoot the shit about Suge Knight going to prison and Noah Cyrus’ $12,000 bottle of tears. We finish with a game of F/M/K, and that’s when I make a great case for a mental health professional to have me committed…FOREVER.
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Cary Fukunaga, the director who is responsible for many hos getting hospitalized with dehydration after thirsting over him, will direct the next Bond movie. This is just an awful decision, business wise, and the movie is going to take twice as long to shoot, because every time he yells “ACTION!” the cast and crew isn’t going to move. They’ll be too hypnotized by his beauty to do anything – Lainey Gossip
I’m the definition of desperate, and I am not victim blaming here, but even I wouldn’t go into that house for some Grindr dick. Okay, maybe I would – Towleroad
The chick one looks like a Dollar Tree Kardashian, which is saying a lot since the Kardashians look like Dollar Tree Kardashians – Reality Tea
It was very sweet of the paparazzi to take a pregnant Hilary Duff’s picture instead of help her ass pick up that bottle – Drunken Stepfather
And I’m guessing that Kristen Bell chose to wear that tacky garment bag dress on a Sunday, because she was obviously high as hell when she did – Celebitchy
Here’s more pics of the new Bond director for everyone to cream over – Pajiba
Err, shouldn’t it be that Jessica Chastain is busting out like cherries? – Popoholic
I think Bert & Ernie went rogue on Sesame Street and officially came out with this song – SOW
Heidi Klum isn’t engaged to that Tokio Hotel dude yet – Just Jared
Are you a mega rich bitch who is looking for something to waste your money on because you’ve gotten bored with burning it in front of the poor or blending it into lube to use while fucking a $2,000/hour escort in front of the poor? Well, the spawn of hillbilly possum Billy Ray Cyrus and former pro groupie Tish Cyrus has a new and perfect thing for you to waste your cash on while letting everyone know you’ve got more FuckIt money than you need.
Duchess Meghan’s mom, Doria Ragland, hasn’t moved to London yet. But a few days ago she flew over to her daughter’s new homeland, and if she thought she was going to spend her days there sipping gin and Morrissey tears with THE QUEEN (and guzzling down three after Prince Philip tottered on in and asked, “Who are you spongeing off, love?“), she thought wrong. Because today, Doria put her wavin’ hand and smilin’ mouth to work at the launch of the charity cookbook her daughter did with some of the survivors of the Grenfell Tower fire. Prince Hot Ginge also came along and won the title of Sexiest Third Wheel Ever.
Dramatic Ass Minivan Bear!
If you didn’t at all look at that picture and only looked at the words, then congratulations, you’re one of the rare freaks who only reads the words in a post instead of only looking at the picture and moving on. But if you’re one of those rare freaks, then you probably thought to yourself, “John Travolta drives a minivan?!” But today’s HSOTD is an actual bear.
Nicole Minkin Lissenden of North Carolina writes in the description of the YouTube video that a bear got into her family’s minivan, and after she figured out that a wild intruder had broken in, she ran off. The bear was trapped inside and the minivan’s automatic doors failed to work at a time when they should really work, so her husband ran to unlock it. As Nicole recorded, her husband unlocked the door, thinking that I don’t know, the bear would suddenly learn how to open up a mini-fucking-van and stroll right out. That didn’t happen.
A bear opened the door to our unlocked van. I unwittingly closed him in, then went back a while later to retrieve something from the car, I realized a bear was inside. After the automatic doors failed to open, my husband had to unlock it with the key. The bear found another way out. We’re alive – our van, not so much!
Here’s the video, and yes, I salute that bear!
I salute that bear, because bitch knows how to make a dramatic exit. Sure that bear could’ve suddenly learned how to open a minivan door and slid on out like a normal, but who wants to be normal when you can be an extra motherfucker? Now THAT is an exit!
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