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Heather Locklear Is Single Again, And Doing Outpatient Rehab At Home 

January 16, 2019 / Posted by:

The “Heather Locklear” tag on this site should be filled with news like how she signed an eight-figure deal with Netflix to star in a buddy drama where Sammy Jo from Dynasty (played by Heather Locklear) and Amanda Woodward from Melrose Place (also played by Heather Locklear) team up to destroy the billionaire who’s been playing them both, made history for being nominated twice for a Best Actress Emmy for playing both roles, and again made history for tying with herself for the Best Actress Emmy. But instead, going through the “Heather Locklear” tag on this site is like taking a sad walk down Tragic Lane. Heather’s been busted for going crazy on police officers, she got arrested again and allegedly attacked an EMT, she got sued by that EMT, she suffered an overdose, she got 5150’d, and she finally went to rehab. Well, bring out SammyJoDancing.mov, because we’ve finally got some good-ish Heather Locklear news!

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A Bold Woman Dared To Say That A Pregnant Duchess Meghan Was A “Fat Lady”

January 16, 2019 / Posted by:

Up until a few days ago, I thought we only had a handful of weeks of hearing about the pregnancy of the only woman who has ever been pregnant in the history of women being pregnant. But it turns out that we’ve got a handful of MONTHS before the arrival of the luckiest human who will never have to see the word “late fee” on a bill and gets to call Prince Hot Gingedaddy” and mean it. Though, there’s one woman who doesn’t have to hear every little detail about Meghan’s pregnancy down to what her pregnancy farts smell like (SPOILER ALERT: like the tears of Samantha Markle, the sweat of the servants she HEARTLESSLY overworks, gold, and a splash of ginger), and that’s because there’s no WiFi or satellite reception in the dungeon the woman was sent to for calling Meghan FAT!

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Birthday Sluts

January 16, 2019 / Posted by:
Kate Moss (45)
FKA Twigs (31)
Mason Gamble (33)
Renée Felice Smith (34)
Max Joseph (37)
Nick Valensi (38)
Alyssa Edwards (39)
Lin-Manuel Miranda (39)
Josie Davis (46)
Richard T. Jones (47)
David Chokachi (51)
James May (56)
Maxine Jones (57)

Pic: Wenn.com

Jill Sobule (58)
Sade (60)
Juanita Bynum (60)
Debbie Allen (69)
John Carpenter (71)
Dr. Laura Schlessinger (72)
Ronnie Milsap (76)
Marilyn Horne (85)
Aaliyah (1979-2001)
René Angélil (1942-2016)
Dian Fossey (1932-1985)
Ethel Merman (1908-1984)
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Night Crumbs

January 15, 2019 / Posted by:

The teaser trailer for Spider-Man: Far From Home is out, and it shows Jake Gyllenhaal as the villain Mysterio. But please, I’m sure that sometime during a battle, Spider-Man says to Jake, “Stop it, you’re not Mysterio, you’re just Jake Gyllenhaal in an off-brand Thor costume.” – Lainey Gossip

“Lily! Lily! Pose like you’ve got a ladybug on your nose and you don’t want it to fly away so you’re keeping real still!” – the photographers to Lily-Rose DeppDrunken Stepfather

Anya Taylor-Joy is giving us 60s karate WTFness – Popoholic

If you haven’t already, watch the ad that’s got some dudes mad for no reason. You know, I need new razors and razors are expensive, so I should go on a stroll tonight and pick up the Gillette razors the OUTRAGED bros threw out – Towleroad

I bet Sarah Paulson would never be scared of Julia Roberts’ reverse-aging holes – Pajiba

Vanessa Hudgens must be wearing some strawberry Lip Smackers and that’s why she looks like she’s orgasming from licking her lips – Hollywood Tuna

The Real Housewives of New Jersey must’ve all said, “Give me the natural look!”, while getting their faces painted at Maaco  – Reality Tea

Okay, but did Chris Pratt ask the Jesus of his church Justin Bieber for permission to marry Katherine Schwarzenegger? – Celebitchy

FYI, your monthly Netflix account will go up a whopping zero dollars and zero cents if you’re a cheap whore who uses your friend’s account – Just Jared

Pic: YouTube

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Today’s Definition Of Random Is Brought To You By Kathy Griffin Dragging Don Cheadle, And Him Dragging Her Back

January 15, 2019 / Posted by:

I pretty much forgot that Kathy Griffin’s career hit the shit can when she posted a picture of her holding up a “decapitated Trump head” (aka a Michael Myers mask with the carcass of a Garfield doll taped to the top and covered with ketchup), because so much has happened between then and now, and my brain can only hold a certain amount of fuckery. But Kathy Griffin has not forgotten, and she also hasn’t forgotten those she believes didn’t stand up for her including Don Cheadle. Yesterday, Kathy shit on her “friend” Don for turning on her back then, and he let her know that the half of the “best friends forever” heart pendant she thinks he gave her must’ve come from a different Don Cheadle, because “You Got A Friend In Me” is not a song he’s ever sang to her.

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