Michael from the video for Timex Social Club’s Rumors!
My name is Michael and I’m gayer than a pink-dyed Persian cat in a tiny blue sequined top hat. So if I got a dollar for every time someone asked, “Are you the Michael in that Rumors song?“, I’d have enough money to buy a hundred pink-dyed Persian cats in tiny blue sequined top hats.
Timex Social Club became a group in 1982 and four years later they released their debut album Vicious Rumors and on that album was the MEGA HIT of the 80s Rumors. Timex Social Club can still be booked for parties and festivals today, but shortly after Rumors took over the world, they broke up and stayed broken up for a while. They probably figured that there’s no way they could ever outdo the musical and visual masterpiece of the Rumors song and video.
In the video for Rumors, the tricks being rumored about are all cartoons and the one who really makes temperatures rise is Michael, who some say might be gay. They made sure that Michael was a giant cup of stereotype and I’m surprised that he doesn’t bend over and fart up glittery unicorns surfing on a rainbow wave with dick-shaped surfboards. But Michael is forty pounds of hotness in a two pound sack. He’s like a Rubenesque Hollywood from Mannequin and is working it from the tippity top of his hair to the tips of his pizza-slice shaped white freakum shoes. It’s as if Blac Chyna drag king’d it up as a Jackie Collins-infused Rob Kartrashian (and that is the only compliment I’ll ever give those two).
I don’t know why dude is trying to argue about Michael. Michael is gay and he’s every layer of YES!
Nia Peeples (55)
Teyana Taylor (26)
Patrick Flueger (33)
Xavier Samuel (33)
Summer Phoenix (38)
Emmanuelle Chriqui (39)
Evelyn Lozada (41)
Meg White (42)
Arden Myrin (43)
Brian Molko (44)
Michele Mahone (45)
Bobby Flay (52)
Sir Kenneth Branagh (56)
Rod Blagojevich (60)
Susan Dey (64)
Gloria Loring (70)
Fionnula Flanagan (75)
Agnes Nixon (1922-2016)
Michael Clarke Duncan (1957-2012)
Emily Dickinson (1830-1886)
In “Florence Henderson must be rolling in her grave” news, a crazed Cindy Brady went on an insane, threatening rant on Facebook against a man who shook his head over her spewing out “idiotic lies” and “misinformation” on her L.A. talk radio show. Cindy Brady called the man a “faggot ass,” among other things. A part of me wishes that Cindy Brady would do a dramatic reading of her rant, because I kind of want to hear her crazy ass scream, “thaggot ath!” – Towleroad
Aaaaaand she got fired – Kenneth in the (212)
Cate Blanchett and her husband (the one who was accused of getting with another) busted out professional co-worker poses at an event. What does it all mean?! – Lainey Gossip
The British royals must be going broke, because Duchess Kate (prepare to gasp) repeated a gown (and gasp) again (and gasp again) – Celebitchy
Dorinda Medley was probably just scratching at her attention whore spot when she said that she’s marrying her sleazy boyfriend – Reality Tea
Khlozilla did GQ Germany – Drunken Stepfather
I wonder how many “pearl necklace” jokes did Katy Perry get that night? – Popoholic
Finland is now my favorite country – Hollywood Tuna
You’ve heard this a couple of times before, but Bristol Palin is knocked up – Popsugar
Soap opera legend Joseph Mascolo has gone on to heaven to scheme with the angels – SOW
In more sad news (and cross-file it to: Fuck Cancer), Louis Tomlinson’s mother Johannah Deakin has died at the way-too-young age of 42 – Just Jared
Even though there were several thousand write-in votes for Joan Collins (read: there were 4 write-in votes for Joan Collins and they came from my 4 different e-mail addresses), Boston the Boxer still managed to get enough votes to win the title of Hot Slut of November. Boston can now put his HSOTM trophy on his shelf of achievements next to the award he got for beating everybody at the Mannequin Challenge. (Note to Boston: There’s no such thing as a HSOTM trophy due to the fact that we have no budget. Our holiday party involves texting each other beer emojis. We can’t even afford the champagne bottle emoji.)
Boston the Boxer has become our 11th HSOTM of 2016 after winning 40% of the votes. Boston easily beat out Dickliner (24.5% of the votes), the badass baby iguana from Planet Earth II (24.5% of the votes) and Ding Dong foil (11%). Boston will go on to the illustrious Hot Slut of the Year showdown in January.
Thanks to everyone who voted!
Since not everyone works in the Scientology Celebrity Centre (where it’s perfectly acceptable to look at pictures of Dickmas trees), I put the uncensored picture after the cut.
Harry Connick Jr.’s daytime talk show Harry is still on and I’ve got the answer if you’re asking, “But why?” The answer is: Harry’s show is still on so that everyone can get a serving of him putting some sissy on that walk while stomping in a pair of Kinky Boots.
Todrick Hall was on Harry to promote his run in Kinky Boots on Broadway, and he took a little time to “teach” Harry how to make b-holes pucker and harden nipples by sashaying in a pair of red hot fuck-me boots. I put “teach” in quotes, because please, Harry has done this before. Harry saying “techno kind of thing” may make you soft, but you’ll rise all the way up when he struts like his landlord is on their way with an eviction notice. Click clack (get those ratings), Harry!
And the Kinky Boots costume department should go ahead and write those boots off, because they’re not getting them back. Harry is going to spend all of his free time setting the floor on fire with those boots and the only time he’s going to take them off is when his wife asks, “Harry, can we please do it without you wearing those fucking boots for once?“