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Birthday Sluts

January 18, 2017 / Posted by:

Dave Bautista (48)
Becca Tobin (31)
Benji Schwimmer (33)
Samantha Mumba (34)
Joanna Newsom (35)
Estelle (37)
Jason Segel (37)
Jay Chou (38)
Burnie Burns (44)
Jason Gray (45)
Jonathan Davis (46)
DJ Quik (47)
Jesse L. Martin (48)
Dave Attell (52)
Jane Horrocks (53)
Mark Rylance (57)
Tom Bailey of The Thompson Twins (61)
Kevin Costner (62)
Ted DiBiase (63)
Phillipe Stark (68)
Takeshi Kitano (70)
Oliver Hardy (1892-1957)
Cary Grant (1904-1986)
David Ruffin (1941-1991)

Pic: Splash

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Night Crumbs

January 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Seen above with her latest toy/man accessory/walking guide Bryan Tanaka, Mimi was in London were she got over $3 million to perform at the wedding of a Russian billionaire’s granddaughter. If I was that Russian rich girl, I’d demand that Mimi sing Touch My Body in my native tongue, because seeing her try to lip-synch in Russian would be worth every ruble – Lainey Gossip 

Jamie Dornan is on the cover of GQ Australia making the same face I made when a server at Red Robin told me they were all out of freckled lemonade. How does that happen? That shit should come out of the faucets there – Celebitchy

This spread of Gigi and Bella Hadid should be titled: Upstaged By Wallpaper – Drunken Stepfather

And somewhere in Coto, Vicki Gunvalson is working on her next storyline (aka accusing Tamra Judge of making up skin cancer for attention) – Reality Tea

Here I was thinking that Goopy Paltrow’s kidney stones are worth at least a few thousand dollars, but now I’m hearing that she puts $66 cooch-tightening stone eggs in her. I know, just $66! Is she broke? – The Superficial 

That rock Jennifer Holliday was vacationing under must’ve been lovely – Towleroad

Elizabeth Olsen emotes drama even while looking for her car in a grocery store parking lot – Popoholic

Naked videos starring a British twink diver not named Tom Daley are making the rounds – OMG Blog

Netflix released the trailer for that show where Drew Barrymore plays a zombie in Santa Clarita, CA. I have family in Santa Clarita and whenever I go, I have to get as stoned as a zombie to deal, so I can sort of relate to this show – Pajiba

You know your mind runs on gutter water when you watch this video and think, “DAMN! His beej skills must be next level!” – Hollywood Tuna

As the chirrun on Twitter say: keep it! – Starcasm

Charlie Sheen tells RiRi he’s sorry for calling her a bitch – Just Jared

This world can be a real shit hole, but there is light sometimes like this smile-inducing video of Betty Fucking White on her 95th birthday – Boy Culture

Pic: Splash

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Former “Apprentice” Contestant Summer Zervos Has Hit Donald Trump With A Defamation Lawsuit

January 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Today in Los Angeles, Gloria Allred held another one of her signature press conferences where she announced that her client Summer Zervos has filed a defamation lawsuit against Donald Trump. Gloria says that Trump defamed Summer by calling her a liar when she accused him of grabbing her breasts and kissing her without permission when she met him for what she thought was a job interview in 2007. “Your honor, we ask that you dismiss this case on the basis that we all know my client doesn’t grab tits. He grabs pussies!” – Trump’s laywer, probably

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Open Post: Hosted By Coco Oiling Up The Sexy On Miami Beach

January 17, 2017 / Posted by:

It’s been way too long since I’ve temporarily pulled Dlisted out of the gutter and carried it to upper echelons of elegance by posting about Coco. The once-reigning Queen of Camel Toes has been really busy doing regular mom things like dressing up herself and her 1-year-old daughter Chanel in matching outfits for Instagram photo shoots. But thankfully, Coco has taken a much-needed break from that exhausting mom shit to sun her oiled-up magnificent silicone melons on Miami Beach today. I didn’t know that people still used brown bottle Hawaiian Tropic, but leave it to Coco to stick to a classic. Although, if she was a true traditionalist who doesn’t give a hell about skin cancer, she would’ve slathered her goddess body with Baby Oil, Crisco, Vaseline and that cooking grease my abuelita kept in an old Prego jar under the kitchen sink.

On a different note, seeing Coco’s body in that red, white and blue two piece gave me an idea. Earlier today I read something about how the Wonder Woman movie may be as much of a CGI’d turd as Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice was. Well, if that’s true and DC wants to save it before it comes out this summer, there’s an easy fix. All they have to do is summon the cast and crew of WW to Miami Beach and shoot new scenes with Wonder Woman’s new sidekick: SHE-HULK! If they put Coco as She-Hulk in the WW movie, the only thing DC executives would have to worry about is finding a shelf strong enough to hold all their awards and accolades!

Here’s more of Coco giving the people of Miami Beach a giant serving of oily gorgeousness while enjoying the sun with  Chanel.

Pics: Splash

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Justin Bieber Thinks Selena Gomez Is Using The Weeknd

January 17, 2017 / Posted by:

The 8th grade love triangle drama between Selena Gomez, The Weeknd and Bella Hadid just got a huge injection of used douche water. Troublemaking 5th grader Justin Bieber has shoved himself into the drama. Oooooh, the hall monitor is totally going to report the Biebs when he gets caught trying to sneak into the upper grades side to tussle with his ex and her new dude.

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