And in a surprising PLOT TWIST, the lady getting all shanti shanti on a plane was not Namalookatme Master Hilaria Baldwin. Not this time, anyway.
Flying is hard and some of us deal with it by chanting the ancient mantra, “Um, excuse me, but can I have some wine and please keep them coming,” before going into a deep meditation that involves blasting songs by Seduction into our ears through headphones while watching porn on an iPad under a blanket. But others deal with the mile high struggle other ways, like this lady who busted out a mini yoga class on a short flight from Los Angeles to Cabo. You probably already looked at those screen shots and said, “If that’s not Hilaria Baldwin, then she’s a definitely a Californian.”
Chris Brown started his day yesterday by saying, “Fuck the police,” on Instagram after he was accused of pointing a gun at a woman, and his day ended with the police saying, “No, fuck YOU,” to him after taking his $250,000 bail money. The Los Angeles Times says that Chris bailed out of the Los Angeles County Jail at 11:15 last night. He has to show up to a hearing on September 20. Fisty was booked on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon, which is a felony, for allegedly threatening a chick with a gun at his house in Tarzana early yesterday morning. Chris swears that he’s innocent and that he couldn’t have waved a gun at a woman, because he was asleep. Maybe Fisty was asleep. Some tricks walk in their sleep, maybe Chris Brown pulls guns on women in his sleep. It’s very possible.
Good celebrity peen pics are about as rare as a day that doesn’t end with you weeping at the bottom of a hot shower while clutching a vino sippy cup full of Barefoot white zin. (What? Just me?) So many of us peen pic dilettantes (yes, I have a Word of the Day calendar) appreciated when Orlando Bloom made the brave decision to go naked paddle boarding and risk a sea creature trying to get at his dangling dick after mistaking it for a marine spoon worm. But there’s one person who thinks that Orlando made a stupid decision and that someone is his ex-wife/mother of his kid, Miranda Kerr. Put your kewpie doll lips together, Miranda, and keep them shut! Nobody asked you for your opinion! Okay, actually someone did ask.
The bored, hot and hungry helicopter dude who was bored, hot and hungry while hovering about The Difficult Brown’s lair for what felt like centuries yesterday!
For a good chunk of the day yesterday, TMZ had up a live feed of footage outside of Fist Brown’s Palace of Methed-Out Fuckery because people wanted to know if his latest mess was going to end with a Heat-like shootout or if the LAPD was going to take him up on his really tempting offer and siphon a wet doody bubble out of his asshole. (SPOILER ALERT: It ended with the tattooed and tweaked-out Jack Skellington getting arrested.) But before Chris visited his old friends at the police station, he sat outside of his house for forever. The ingrown hair on humanity’s puffy anus ring sat on the ground and talked to his lawyer as the cops searched his house The people watching waited for something to happen and nothing happened. It was like watching a skid mark dry. And one of the dudes in the helicopter capturing all the riveting footage co-signed that.
Richard Gere (67)
Joe Budden (36)
Jeff Hardy (39)
Shar Jackson (40)
Sara Ramirez (41)
Chris Tucker (45)
Deborah Gibson (46)
Queen Rania of Jordan (46)
Jonathan LaPaglia (47)
Dee Bradley Baker (54)
Gina Schock (57)
Julie Brown (58)
Marcia Clark (63)
Van Morrison (71)
Pic: Herb Ritts/Fashographyscans