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Birthday Sluts

October 25, 2014 / Posted by:

Katy Perry (30)
Rylan Clark (26)
Ciara (29)
Gillian Zinser (29)
Josh Henderson (33)
Mehcad Brooks (34)
Mariana Klaveno (35)
Bat for Lashes (35)
Craig Robinson (43)
Adam Goldberg (44)
Adam Pascal (44)
Chely Wright (44)
Mathieu Amalric (49)
Michael Boatman (50)
Tracy Nelson (51)
David Furnish (52)
Chad Smith (53)
Nancy Cartwright (57)
Helen Reddy (73)
Marion Ross (86)
Barbara Cook (87)

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Night Crumbs

October 24, 2014 / Posted by:

Possible ovaries exploding material: Jake Gyllenhaal got all fatherly while shooting scenes with a toddler for some movie. On a different note, is it just me or has his brows gotten bushier ever since he went the Matthew McConaughey route by losing a ton of weight for that Nightcrawler movie? That carousel horse needs to nibble down his brows a bit. Just a bit. – Lainey Gossip

Finally, some nice news: Hilary Swank does good things – Celebitchy

Err, the guy at the gas station who plumped up Naya Rivera’s lips with air went a little too far because bitch can’t close her mouth! - Drunken Stepfather

Heidi Montag is starting to look human again – Reality Tea

Ariana Grande Latte isn’t Venti-izing her chichis area – The Superficial

In “still working for those gay dollars” news, Nick Jonas plays a game of “Guess the Bulge?” – Towleroad

Carmen Electra’s dress looks like a losing game of Tetris and I would know because I played Tetris a lot and lost a lot – Hollywood Tuna

Danny DeVito shows up in a One Direction video and still manages to have better hair than all of those twinks – Time

Benadryl Cumberbund’s Beyonce strut looks like a T-Rex on coke trying to find a bathroom while having to piss really bad – HuffPo

A funny thing happened when Amanda Seyfried took her dog for a walk. She didn’t stop and mouth kiss him like she usually does – Popoholic

Okay, but I still want to hang that True Blood cast photo over my toilet – Pajiba

If you watch Gotham and have thought to yourself, “I wonder what The Riddler’s nalgas look like,” here’s your answer – OMG Blog

Homer is the greatest poet who has ever lived and no, I’m not talking about that Greek one – The Berry

Because we can’t close the chapter on Renee Zellweger’s current face until we’ve heard Heidi Montag’s thoughts about it, here’s Heidi Montag’s thoughts about it – Celebslam

BREAKING: Jennifer Lawrence still trusts Apple – Moe Jackson

That moment when you think to yourself, “DAMN that dude is hot,” and then realize it’s Kristen Stewart - Just Jared

That moment you mistake Ryan Gosling for Brad Pitt for a minute – Popsugar

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A Gross, Shitty Situation Just Got Grosser And Shittier (UPDATE)

October 24, 2014 / Posted by:

The whole “Mama June dating a convicted child molester” situation was already ten layers of barf wrapped in twenty layers of shit and dipped in pure awful, but it gets worse and I didn’t think that was possible. TMZ says that Mama June’s eldest daughter, 20-year-old Anna “Chickadee” Cardwell, wants people to know that she was the one who was molested by her mom’s alleged boyfriend Mark McDaniel. This is your cue to heave your way over to a video of a cat sleeping on a red bell pepper.

TLC dumped Here Comes Honey Boo Boo in the trash bin today after they discovered information that proves that Mama June really is dating the piece of shit who spent 10 years in prison for molesting an 8-year-old girl. He got out of prison in March and Mama June has been seeing him ever since, allegedly. Mama June screamed “LIES!” and claimed she hasn’t seen him in 10 years, but TLC didn’t believe her after they found out she went shopping for a car for her child touching boyfriend.

TMZ says that at first, Anna believed her mom and thought it was just a made-up lie. But Anna started to get more and more information that made her believe that Mama June has been filling her ears with deep fried lies and has betrayed in the worst way by dating the trash who abused her. Anna is letting it be known that she’s the victim because she wants everyone to know that Mama June is fifty tons of pure evil.

Anna wants it known she’s the victim because it makes what her mom is doing all the more egregious. We’re told Anna feels her relationship with her mom has been destroyed, and the only way June can see her granddaughter is if McDaniel is nowhere to be seen.

Gawker says that Anna spent most of her life living with her memaw. Anna’s memaw raised her and she moved back in with Mama June to shoot the show. Anna gave birth to a girl on the show when she was 17 and earlier this year married a guy she was dating for 2 years.

I knew Mama June was trash, but I thought she was the good kind of trash. I will never ever trust scripted reality TV again!

Jesus, take the wheel, pick up Uncle Poodle, drive by June the Hutt’s lair of evil, throw Honey Boo Boo and her sisters in the car and drive far, far away. I mean, when you make Pimp Mama Kris and Kate Gosselin look like legitimate Mothers of the Year…

UPDATE: Anna tells Radar that her relationship with Mama June is pretty much dead.

“I believe she is seeing him and hanging around him. I’m hurt. I think me and Mama’s relationship may well be over.”

Radar also says Anna’s abuser didn’t go to prison for molesting her. That case was later dismissed. He went to prison for a different molestation case.

Open Post: Hosted By Whatever The Hell Is Going On Here

October 24, 2014 / Posted by:

Meanwhile, at an airport in Sydney, Australia…

Since everyone yawns with their eyes every time we see pictures of Miley Cyrus’ chipmunk nipples and suffocating cooter, she came up with another way of getting attention by doing herself up like a raver toddler coming down from Ecstasy or like a Prozac-needing refugee unicorn who’s got the sads because they were forced to flee Robert Pattinson’s enchanted forest hair.  Trick looks like something from the island of the discarded carnival toys. She’s the visual embodiment of an MDMA comedown. And I don’t know how she did it, but even in that baggy onesie, she still has camel toe.

Pics: Splash

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Greta Gerwig Is Probably Going To Play An Adult Wiener-Dog In A Follow-Up To “Welcome To The Dollhouse”

October 24, 2014 / Posted by:

I’ve watched all of Todd Solondz’s fucked-up, weird movies (Happiness, Storytelling, Palindromes, Dark Horse, etc…) several times, but the one that speaks to my soul the most is 1995′s Welcome to the Dollhouse, because it perfectly sums up how awful, awkward and shitty junior high school is. In that ode to 90s preteen awkwardness, Heather Matarazzo played Dawn Wiener, a fashion forward, nerdy 7th grader who’s constantly bullied at school and has a home life that is just as crappy. In Palindromes (SPOILER ALERT), we learn that Dawn Wiener offed herself in college. IMDB says that Todd Solondz wanted Heather Matarazzo to play Dawn again in Palindromes, but she told him, “Drop dead, lesbo.” No, but she didn’t want to play Wiener-Dog anymore for some reason, which makes no sense to me, because why wouldn’t she want to put on that white nutsack hair ponytail again?

The Hollywood Reporter says that Todd is working on another Welcome to the Dollhouse follow-up called Wiener-Dog and indie actress Greta Gerwig, who was in Frances Ha and To Rome With Love, is in talks to play grown up Dawn Wiener. Todd is also talking to Julie Delpy about taking a role. THR explains Wiener-Dog’s plot like this:

The script tells several stories featuring people who find their life inspired or changed by one particular dachshund, who seems to be spreading comfort and joy.

What I’m getting from that HIGHLY detailed plot line is that after Dawn Wiener killed herself, she was reincarnated into an actual wiener dog. They better cast a wiener dog who can work the hell out of a ruffled clown blouse and who will keep the Special People’s Club alive.

What I really want to know is, who in the hell is going to play Dawn’s only friend Ralphie?

ralphie-2

Glenn Close in Albert Nobbs kind of looks like Ralphie, so my vote for the grown up Ralphie is Glenn Close in her Albert Nobbs drag.

Pics: Wenn.com, MNPP

Bristol Palin Spits On The Media For Twisting “The Truth” About Her Family’s Drunken Brawl

October 24, 2014 / Posted by:

The Palin family’s drunken, messy, sloppy, snowmobile tussle is truly the trashy gift that keeps on giving.

The other day, audio came out of the Camo Duchess of Wasilla, Bristol Palin, crying out to the police after her family was involved in a booze-fueled fight at a snowmobile party in Anchorage. TMZ also posted pictures of Bristol’s LIFE-THREATENING (not at all) cuts and bruises. There’s been several versions of what happened. Some says that the Palins started it and others (read: The Mama Grizzly Gang) says that the Palins are the innocent victims in all of this. Bristol, a lifelong card carrying member of the victim club, farted out a blog post (via UsWeekly) about this SCANDAL and of course, she writes that her family is innocent and the “liberal media” is only dragging the story out because they’re conservatives. Bristol wonders if we even heard about Joe Biden’s coke-snorting son getting kicked out of the Navy for Lohan’ing it or the story about Chelsea Clinton’s fraudster father-in-law. Um, Bristol should take a tip from her mom and read ALL the papers, because those stories were covered.

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And There Goes Honey Boo Boo…..

October 24, 2014 / Posted by:

Just one day after TMZ puked up a two-week-old picture of Mama June cuddling up next to the ex-piece who just finished serving 10 years in the chokey for molesting one of her 8-year-old relatives, TLC derailed the sketti sauce train and cut their losses while watching it crash and burn. The makers of diabetes meds are in the fetal position under their desks this morning, because the show they counted on to push more product is done. A entire season of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo was shot, but TLC is not airing it and has canceled the show over the allegations that Mama June is dating a convicted child molester. TLC executives fed cheese balls and sketti sauce to a bull and waited around until it shit up this pile of bullshit:

“Supporting the health and welfare of these remarkable children is our only priority. TLC is faithfully committed to the children’s ongoing comfort and well-being.”

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 24, 2014 / Posted by:

Nosy Bears, the coked up teddy bears from the 80s!

Coke really was the bad shit of choice in the 80s and it was so big that even the teddy bears were snorting it up. The Nosy Bears were neon and pastel colored teddy bears with snow globe noses that came alive when you’d squeeze their bellies. Each drugged up, raver ass-looking Nosy Bear had a plastic globe nose with a scene in it. There was a Nosy Bear whose nose popped popcorn and a Nosy Bear whose nose had a little car in it. Ghost Of The Doll says they hit the toy store stroll in 1987 and were around until they retired (read: went to rehab) sometime in the 90s. Playskool, their creators, replaced them in the 90s with the Rolly Eyed Bears, bears with eyes that would light up and roll around every time you waved a glow stick in front of their faces (because coke was out and E was in). No, the Rolly Eyed Bears didn’t exist, sadly.

Warning: If you press the play button on the Nosy Bears commercial below, the song will snort its way into your brain and stay there all day. “They have a nose for fuuuuuh-uuuuuun….

We know what the Lohan kids got every year for Christmas in the late 80s.

The Nosy Bears have been out of the spotlight for years, but it’s been reported that they recently turned up in Brazil at a Neves 4 Prez rally. They have a nose for fun and for Brazilian politics!

Pic: MLPTP (For Meagan)

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