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Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 24, 2016 / Posted by:

Revlon’s Outrageous line of outrageous shampoos and outrageous conditioners that outrageously transformed your non-outrageous hair into an outrageous mane of outrageous beauty and outrageous shine!

The hair of the people today is a lot less outrageous than it was in the 90s, because sadly, Revlon’s Outrageous was discontinued in the US and you can only get it on eBay, Amazon and possibly in Canada. In the 90s, Revlon decided that the word “outrageous” wasn’t getting enough love, so they created  Outrageous shampoos and conditioners and outrageously used the word “outrageous” at least 5,689,488 times in the ads and commercials for it.

I don’t know if “Outrageous” was the right name. “Classy” or “Elegant” would’ve been better, because that’s exactly what the bottle design for Outrageous was. Back then, I thought the black bottles with gold writing was SO EDGY and SO CLASSY and SO GLAMOROUS. It looked like one of Alexis Carrington’s dildos. The commercials were also the corner where 90s glamour and 90s elegance met. “Nothing except for a hard 9 inch peen lying on a Double Double” is the only acceptable answer to the question: What’s better than Cindy Crawford and Claudia Schiffer flipping their stringy hair to a Technotronic song in between shots of a gold satin bed sheet blowing in the wind made by a fan?

Okay, maybe I was wrong about how Revlon shouldn’t have went with the name “Outrageous.” Because according to Dictionary.com, the definition of “outrageous” is:

1. of the nature of or involving gross injury or wrong.
2. grossly offensive to the sense of right or decency. 
That name makes a lot more sense now, because I’m sure many hos tripped and injured themselves while running to the drugstore to buy Outrageous after seeing that outrageous commercial. And it was illegal and indecent for Claudia and Cindy’s hair to be full of that much body and shine. Outrageous!

Pic: Pinterest

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Birthday Sluts

July 24, 2016 / Posted by:

Lynda Carter (65)
Bindi Irwin (18)
Emily Rickards (25)
Daveigh Chase (26)
Jay McGuiness (26)
Mara Wilson (29)
Megan Park (30)
Lisa Hochstein (34)
Elisabeth Moss (34)
Anna Paquin (34)
Summer Glau (35)
Rose Byrne (37)
Torrie Wilson (41)
JLo (47)
Kristin Chenoweth (48)
Laura Leighton (48)
Kadeem Hardison (51)
Barry Bonds (52)
Pam Tillis (59)
Gus Van Zant (64)
Michael Richards (67)
Robert Hays (69)
Gallagher (70)
Chris Sarandon (74)
Dan Hedaya (76)
Ruth Buzzi (80)
John Aniston (83)

Pic: Fanpop

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The “Wonder Woman” Trailer Is Finally Here

July 23, 2016 / Posted by:

After waiting for what feels like 6,789,400 years for Wonder Woman to finally get her own movie, the trailer for the WW movie moistened tips with nerd nectar when it was shown at Comic-Con in San Diego today. I only screamed, “SHOULD’VE BEEN LYNDA CARTER, SHOULD’VE BEEN LYNDA CARTER,” like 6 times while watching it, so that’s a good thing.

The trailer opens up with Wonder Woman (played by Gal Gadot) finding Chris Pine on the shores of Paradise Island, and I prayed she wouldn’t start singing “A Part Of Your World,” because that beginning part gave me way too many Little Mermaid vibes. But thankfully for all of us, she doesn’t and the trailer then gives us Robin Wright on a horse, Wonder Woman doing some kind of Matrix floor slide and Wonder Woman taking down bitches with that Lasso of Truth. (I can’t wait for Halloween when messes dress up as WW and carry around a Lasso of Truth made of Christmas lights plugged into a tiny generator.) Never mind that Gal Gadot’s acting is a little on the “my Ambien is about to kick in” side, I am all for her preparing to destroy tricks with her sword while wearing a gown.

I am not a superhero nerd at all, but Lynda Carter as WW was one of my glamour icons as a child, so this trailer made me feel this weird thing called emotion and it warmed the blackened ice orb I call a heart. I had to go and look at a picture of Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston to feel cold and bitter again. The only thing that trailer is missing is an invisible plane and Lynda Carter showing Gal Gadot how to spin into her Wonder Woman outfit as the 70s WW theme song plays. I’m sure that scene is in the final cut.

Since we’re on the subject of visual nerd lube, DC also squirted up footage from the Justice League movie at Comic-Con today. This shit has way too much Batffleck and not nearly enough Jason Momoa nipples.

Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 23, 2016 / Posted by:

The “Not The One” Swan whose last nerve has snapped and now he’s on a mission to destroy all model boats in his path!

Lakes are a swan’s home, and one swan in the town of Needham Market in Suffolk, England is done with intruders, like model boats, trespassing on his private space and has declared an all-out war on those bitches. The Telegraph says that the Not The One Swan of Suffolk is putting the HAM in Needham by going crazy on anything that gets in his way. The swan has destroyed around 8 model boats and one of those boats reportedly cost £15,000. (I know, the REAL story here is that a model boat can cost thousands of dollars.)

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Birthday Sluts

July 23, 2016 / Posted by:

Woody Harrelson (55)
Daniel Radcliffe (27)
Krysta Rodriguez (32)
Tristan MacManus (34)
Paul Wesley (34)
Michelle Williams (36)
Tom Parker (39)
Stephanie March (42)
Kathryn Hahn (43)
Monica Lewinsky (43)
Marlon Wayans (44)
Alison Krauss (45)
Charisma Carpenter (46)
Stephanie Seymour (48)
Slash (51)
Eriq La Salle (54)
Lydia Cornell (63)
Edie McClurg (65)

Pic: Pinterest

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Night Crumbs

July 22, 2016 / Posted by:

Goopy Paltrow’s friend Mario Batali burped up his thoughts about a couple of her exes. Mario liked Brad Pitt, but really wasn’t into Ben Affleck and he even made a nanny joke. I love that Mario Batali throws nanny shade at Ben Affleck, but his opinion is invalid as long as he insists on wearing those Satanic shoes made from the devil’s colon. Invalid! – Lainey Gossip 

We could’ve lived in a world where Brangelina weren’t a thing and Gwen Stefani won a Razzie for playing Mrs. Smith – Celebitchy

I thought that headline said “Jose Canseco’s Nipples” and I got so confused…. – Drunken Stepfather

Ramona Singer’s mouth farted out the duh of duhs – Reality Tea

I’m sure one of the Duggar sons will be looking to “court” soon, so Backdoor Farrah should hold out for one of them – The Superficial 

If you play tennis, then follow Charli XCX’s lead and wear this sporty yet elegant ensemble the next time you hit the court – Egotastic!

Colton Haynes is doing Scream Queens 2Towleroad

Emma Roberts’ bringing “dominatrix secretary” to Comic-On gets a yes from me, but I have a feeling that her suffocating, overheated chichis don’t feel the same way – Popoholic

The Fixer Uppers from HGTV are getting their own magazine – Starcasm

Chloe Grace Moretz, Debra Messing, America Ferrera, Eva Longoria, Lena Dunham, Katy Perry, Demi Lovato and Alicia Keys are all speaking at next week’s Democratic National Convention. I know, no Susan Sarandon. I’m overfilled with SHOCK! – IDLYITW

Emily RideAJetSki’s nalgas, here they are – Hollywood Tuna

The Fappening hacker will spend the next 6 months fapping in a prison cell bunk bed – HuffPo

I guess I need to start watching Bates Motel again so that I can witness RiRi’s impeccable acting as Marion Crane – Just Jared

My dream of Hillary Clinton picking Angelyne as her running mate didn’t come true…. – Popsugar

Pic: PBS

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FYI: Goopy Paltrow Was Doing Yoga Before Yoga Was Cool

July 22, 2016 / Posted by:

Yoga is thousands of years old and tricks have been Downward Dog-ing and Child’s Posing in the US for decades, but I guess Goopy Paltrow has steamed her coochie so much that loads of hot air have traveled up to her head, because she believes that she was doing yoga before yoga went mainstream. Yes, Goopy is a wellness hipster.

While talking to The Cut (via Celebitchy) about wellness stuff, the interviewer verbally rubbed her taint by saying that she made wellness “cool.” Goopy was then asked if she remembers when she first started using the word “wellness.” She spit out this stream of bullshit that may make you do the rolling tuck pose with both of your eyes:

I don’t know. We’ve talked a lot about health and wellness at Goop. I’ve always been interested in alternative ways of achieving this elusive wellness. I’ve been very experimental and I’ve tried all kinds of modalities, diets, and juices. I kind of like being the guinea pig for it all.

I remember when I started doing yoga 20 years ago, and people thought I was super weird and didn’t know what I was doing. It’s the same way with organic food or acupuncture. I was always the one saying “Hey, this is cool,” and people being like, “You’re super weird.” And now, yoga is … [Gestures big].

You know the words “I told you so” are on the tip of Goopy’s tongue and can’t wait to launch them when poon steaming salons pop up in mini-malls from Key West to Spokane, and everyone’s grandma is getting her crotch wonton hit with a cloud of hot air every other week. When vagina steaming becomes mainstream, Goopy will let us know she was the godmother of it! But back to Goopy being a hipster yogi, I’m just going to leave this video from 1993 of Jane Fonda here:

Nobody would’ve dared call yoga “weird” if Jane Fonda was doing it. Goopy stays proving that even though she gets a million colonics, she’s still full of shit. On another note, that Let It Go chick from Frozen totally stole Jane Fonda’s ‘do.

Pic: Wenn.com

Open Post: Hosted By Celine Dion Trying To Twerk

July 22, 2016 / Posted by:

The diamond-encrusted French-Canadian nightingale can usually be found belting out musical notes of gold into the ears of her fans in Las Vegas, but she is now sharing her magnificence with the world while promoting her new album Encore Un Soir. Last night, Celine Dion fluttered into The Tonight Show and played that game where a guest and Jimmy Fallon take turns doing a totally off the cuff musical impersonation that they totally didn’t rehearse beforehand.

Celine delivered her best Cher (which sounded like Celine Dion with laryngitis), her best Sia (which sounded like a Valley Girl Celine Dion) and RiRi. The international treasure got up out of her seat and sang out a mash-up of Work and Row, Row, Row Your Boat while trying to twerk. Watch as Celine works that ass and vocal cords:

That twerk is a little “puppy with worms rubbing its puppy ass against the wall,” but since this is Celine Dion doing it, I will declare her the GREATEST  (French-Canadian million superstar) TWERKER IN DA WORLD! And here’s pictures from this morning of Celine Dion looking like a disco ball going to a casual business meeting while performing on Today.

PicsWenn.com

ToTay’s Love Is So Strong And Pure That Nothing, Not Even Kimye’s Betrayal, Can Break It

July 22, 2016 / Posted by:

The Daily Mail has thrilling pictures of the diabolical piece of julienned jicama Taylor Swift smiling while walking with Tom Hiddleston in Los Angeles yesterday. Yes, the people of the Gold Coast in Australia can once again leave their homes without a bottle of Pepto on them, because now that Tom and Taylor are gone, they won’t get hit with the heaves while watching those two display their love in a photo-op.

Tom has finished up filming his scenes for Thor 3 in Australia, so he and Taylor are back in California, where they’ll probably spend the next few weeks with a choreographer and a body language expert who will coach them on how to look so naturally in love while posing on the red carpet at the Emmys in September. A source tells E! News that Tom and Tay are still very much together and the entire scandal of her getting exposed as a liar by Kim Kartrashian, of all tricks, didn’t dim the love he has in his heart for her.

Taylor is still painting a thick layer of victim all over herself and thinks that Kimye are just using her for publicity (well, yeah, but pot…kettle). She has vowed to never speak to Kanye again! And Tom has vowed to stand by Taylor forever! A source read from the script that Taylor’s publicist gave them, I mean, spilled out these spontaneous words to E!:

“Tom is not annoyed by the negative media attached to Taylor. He knew that would come with the course of dating her. He has been supporting her and enjoying the time he’s having with her. They’re having a great time and are always laughing.

Taylor and Tom are in love with each other. He told her she is the kind of woman he wants to spend his life with. They have gotten very close. She is enjoying the time off from working. She has been writing during her travels, and Tom has been an inspiration in her music.”

What I’m getting from that statement is that if there is a relationship contract, that shit is no joke and the out clause portion of it probably reads:

ONLY DEATH! BLEHEHEHEHEHEHEE!

Pic: Splash

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