Night Crumbs

June 27, 2016 / Posted by:

Robert Pattinson showed up looking like this to the Dior show. Instead of laughing at his jacked-up bangs, I’m going to praise him for bravely going out in public after losing a bet that involved him letting his drunk friend cut his hair like 90s George Clooney with baby scissors – Lainey Gossip 

We get it, Chris Martin, you wanna do RiRiCelebitchy

It came from the sea…… – Drunken Stepfather 

Now that it seems like CoCo has sadly retired as the Queen of Camel Toes, somebody needs to take her place and it looks like Erika Jayne has thrown her camel toe into the running – Reality Tea

Ariel Winter and her boyfriend broke up – The Superficial 

Survivor is $25,000 richer (well, $1.50 richer after lawyer fees) thanks to Mike Huckabee using “Eye of the Tiger” without permission at a Kim Davis rally – Towleroad

As expected, Abby Lee Miller declared that she’s guilty of bankruptcy fraud in court today – Jezebel

Two minutes after these pictures were taken, Brit Brit Spears walked by, mistook Natasha Poly for a Flamin’ Hot Cheeto and swallowed her up – The Nip Slip 

For why does Natalie Portman have Wonka Runts on her loafers? – Popoholic

Olivia Munn looks so calm and relaxed like she just finally pooted out a stubborn fart  – Hollywood Tuna

This is what Judd Apatow’s soft peen looks like – (NSFW) OMG Blog

You know, now that Jamie Lynn Spears mentions it, “I Found Out I Was Knocked Up In A Gas Station Bathroom” sounds like the name of a country song by a Spears sister – HuffPo

Lamar Odom is reportedly still partying and boozing – Starcasm

Jay Leno lived to tell the tale of being in a car as it flipped – SOW

Ben Affleck’s chichis are looking as luscious as ever – Just Jared

I thought that was Dorinda Medley next to the Dalai Lama and he probably did too. Please nobody break his heart by telling him that he shook hands with a much less famous trick – Popsugar

Note: The CAPTION THIS Contest’s lazy ass has called in sick today. It’ll be back tomorrow.

Pic: Splash


Lena Dunham Thinks Kanye West’s Creepy Ass Video For “Famous” Is Disturbing

June 27, 2016 / Posted by:

Because of the whole “writing about wooing her little sister like a sexual predator, etc...” thing, you’d think that Lena Dunham would appreciate someone selling disturbing shit as entertainment, but nope! The Taylor Swift squad member watched Kanye West’s creepy naked wax figure sleep study video for “Famous,” and she too wanted to scream for a priest to exorcise the memory of watching it out of her brain. Lena said in a Facebook post that it’s “one of the most disturbing artistic effort in recent memory,” and when Lena Dunham is grossed out by some shit….

Taylor Swift And Tom Hiddleston Are Now Infecting Rome With Their Genuine Love

June 27, 2016 / Posted by:

I am all for ToTay’s shameless world PR tour as long as they keep bringing that hot piece bodyguard (at least I think that’s a bodyguard) with them…

It’s been a little less than two weeks since the start date of Taylor and Tom’s contract Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston’s authentic love grew on a rock in Rhode Island and since then, they have moved faster than two U-Haul lesbians on speed. They went from Rhode Island to NYC to Nashville where Tom dad danced at a Selena Gomez concert and met Tay Tay’s parents. From Nashville, they took their “We’re Really, Really In Love” tour international when they visited Tom’s mom in England and Taylor’s stylist did her up in “old-fashioned English country girl” drag for a completely and private walk with his family and a dozen or so paparazzi on Covehithe Beach (see: the spontaneous and organic pictures below). And now they’re in Italy…. To Rome with UGH!

Taylor and Tom strolled through the Colosseum in Rome today, and she must’ve graciously let the paparazzi have the day off, because it was her fans who took pictures of them and posted that mess on Twitter and Instagram. They probably ended their day at a studio where they practiced riding a Vespa for their Roman Holiday-themed photo shoot for the paps tomorrow.

So, since they’ve met each other’s parents and are in Europe now, I fully expect them to elope in an extremely private ceremony in front of the Eiffel Tower at 11 in the morning on Wednesday. Their honeymoon in Bora Bora will be live-streamed on the Jumbotron in Times Square on Friday and they’ll show off the Baby Alive doll they adopted together outside of St. Mary’s Hospital in London on Sunday. They’ll be divorced a week from today and Tay Tay will get custody of their Baby Alive doll.

But seriously, ToTay is looking so damn fake that it almost defeats the purpose of a PR relationship. Maybe this is one big performance art piece and Taylor’s artistic commentary on how her relationships are perceived by the media. Naw, I’m giving her ass too much credit.

Pics: @Style89,

Open Post: Hosted By The Biker Hooker Elegance Dripping Off Of Mimi

June 27, 2016 / Posted by:

Ever since I watched a drunk chick artfully barf into a champagne flute during the brunch buffet at The Mirage, I’ve known that one of my favorite cities Las Vegas is the country’s epicenter of pure class. So the demure butterfly we all know as Mimi chose the perfect ensemble to wear during a night out in the class capital of America.

Mimi did herself up like the day-shift headliner of a truck stop strip club on the outskirts of Laughlin, NV to make her DJ debut at 1OAK. The thought of Mimi DJ’ing made me laugh, because I pictured her lounging on a velvet settee in front of a laptop and making her minion push the buttons for her as she sipped on pink champagne. But DJ Hello Titties actually stood up and wore headphones and everything! DJ Wonky McValtrex, who?!

But back to that stunning outfit… Jazz dancer tights + fishnets  + garter belts = CLASSY OVERLOAD. Mimi outdid herself in the elegance department. She looks like the Cowardly Lion in Vanity cosplay and that is the look of all looks. And Mimi brought a double dose of glamour to 1OAK on Saturday night, because that manager everyone hates escorted her while looking like a Pussycat Doll who was fired from the group due to Nicole Scherzinger’s jealousy!

Pics:, Splash


Winona Ryder Gave Her Thoughts About The Abuse Allegations Against Johnny Depp

June 27, 2016 / Posted by:

It was only a matter of time before someone asked Winona Ryder to spill out her thoughts about Amber Heard accusing Johnny Depp of abuse. Johnny Depp’s first wife Lori Ann Allison and Sherilyn Fenn both took a spot on Team Scarves. Vanessa Paradis also defended Johnny hard by saying that he never got violent with her and the allegations are “outrageous.” Winona was talking to Time about her new Netflix show Stranger Things when she asked about her ex’s alleged lady beating ways. Winona’s publicist either was not there or was taking a piss break, because they probably would’ve tackled her and put their hands over her mouth as soon as Johnny’s name was brought up.


The Raw Emotions Poured Out Of Sheila E. During Her Prince Tribute Last Night

June 27, 2016 / Posted by:

Approximately 35 milliseconds after Madge warbled out her tribute to Prince while dressed like Willy Wonka Goes To The Bordello at the Billboard Music Awards last month, BET released a shady tweet where they declared in so many words that their tribute to Prince would be better. They tweeted, “Yeah, we saw that. Don’t worry. We got you.” When they said, “We got you,” they must have meant that they were going to cover our eyeballs and fill our ear holes with so much Prince that we’d find ourselves shitting purple glitter afterward.

There were several Prince tributes during the BET Awards and everyone from Jennifer Hudson to Stevie Wonder to Janelle Monae to Erykah Badu to The Roots partook in one. You can watch all of the tributes here. But the biggest one came from one of Prince’s muses and collaborators Sheila E. While dressed like a member of a cult led by Mr. T, Sheila E. closed the BET Awards with a medley of The Purple One’s hits. Sheila E. drummed! Sheila E. danced! Sheila E. sang! And she did it all barefoot!

Sheila E. worked it so damn hard and sweat so much that I expected her to melt into a puddle on stage. I think I burned at least 1,000 calories just from watching her. The video of Sheila E.’s Prince tribute (with cameos from Mayte Garcia, Jerome Benton and a special purple guitar) auto-plays, so it’s after the cut.

And Here’s The Powerful Speech Jesse Williams Gave At Last Night’s BET Awards

June 27, 2016 / Posted by:

At last night’s BET Awards, actor and noted hot piece Jesse Williams won the Humanitarian Award for his dedication to many important social issues including the Black Lives Matter movement. Jesse used his time at the mic to give a sermon about cultural appropriation, gentrification, fighting for equality and much more. The house came all the way down several times during Jesse’s speech. If Samuel L. Jackson, who was honored with a Lifetime Achievement Award last night, was wearing his signature Kangol hat, that shit would’ve flown right off of his head. Because Samuel L. Jackson said that Jesse’s speech was something his ears haven’t heard since the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960s. The video of Jesse’s full speech auto-plays, so I put it after the cut, but here’s what he said at the end of his speech:

“We’ve been floating this country on credit for centuries, and we’re done watching and waiting while this invention called whiteness uses and abuses us, burying black people out of sight and out of mind while extracting our culture, our dollars, our entertainment like oil — black gold! — ghettoizing and demeaning our creations and stealing them, gentrifying our genius and then trying us on like costumes before discarding our bodies like rinds of strange fruit.

Just because we’re magic doesn’t mean we’re not real. Thank you.”

Hot Slut Of The Day!

June 27, 2016 / Posted by:

Sully, the thespian seagull whose name should be above and before Blake NotSoLively’s in every single ad and commercial for The Shallows!

After seeing The Shallows over the weekend, I am confused as to why Blake Lively did all of the press for the movie while the real star, Sully the Seagull, did none. Even Blake agrees that Sully is the true star of the movie. Sully is probably a real actor who trained at Juilliard and unlike Blake, he’s about the art and not about all the attention. Obviously, that’s the reason!

The plot for The Shallows is well (get ready to GONG me), shallow (GONG!). There’s not much to it. Blake NotSoLively goes surfing, ends up in a cunty Great White shark’s feeding zone, it attacks her  and she swims to a rock formation where she tries to get herself together and figure out how she’s going to get away from Jaws’ apprentice. That shark must’ve been on some kind of macrobiotic diet, because I don’t know why it wants to chomp on Blake’s bland ass so bad. Blake spends a good chunk of the movie on that rock formation. And just when you begin to think, “Shit, am I going to have to look at Blake NotSoLively the entire time?“, we meet the movie’s real lead, Steven Seagull, mostly played by the Meryl Streep of seagulls, Sully.


Birthday Sluts

June 27, 2016 / Posted by:

Sam Clafin (30)
Lauren Jauregui of Fifth Harmony (19)
Cece Fry (25)
Alanna Masterson (28)
Ed Westwick (29)
Drake Bell (30)
Antoine Dodson (30)
Khloe Kardashian (32)
Bianca Del Rio (41)
Tobey Maguire (41)
Christian Kane (42)
Jo Frost (45)
Draco Rosa (46)
Ravi Kapoor (47)
Viktor Petrenko (47)
J.J. Abrams (50)
Michael Ball (54)
Tony Leung (54)
Lorrie Morgan (57)
Ted Haggard (60)
Isabelle Adjani (61)
Julia Duffy (65)
Vera Wang (67)
Ross Perot (86)
Helen Keller (1880-1968)

Pic: Pinterest


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