Night Crumbs

October 26, 2016 / Posted by:

More pics from the set of Ocean’s Eight came out and judging by their outfits, Cate Blanchett is playing a hot washed-up lesbian rock singer turned con woman and Helena Bonham Carter is playing Helena Bonham Carter – Lainey Gossip

The fashion industry is still trying to make Hailey Baldwin happen – Drunken Stepfather

…and they really need to stop – Hollywood Tuna 

Somebody please tell Prince Hot Ginge that I’ve read that a cure for baldness is saliva from a desperate skinny fat gay American blogger. I read this on WebMD! – Celebitchy

Teresa Giudice is serving up “Planet of the Apes meets I Dream of Jeannie” – Reality Tea 

If you’ve have a hard day and are stressed out, soothe your nerves and meditate on Katie Price’s hypnotizing camel toe – The Nip Slip 

When Kelly Preston’s son died, Donald Trump, being the tasteful and sympathetic kind soul he is, wrote about how he tried to fuck her once – The Superficial

Bump Watch (yes, I want to punch myself for writing that): The Natalie Portman Edition – Popoholic

Hillary Clinton has won the coveted try-hard performance artist douche demographic – Towleroad

NOT THIS STUPID SHIT GAIN! (It’s paint, duh) – SOW

NOT THIS STUPID SHIT AGAIN AGAIN! (It’s Bill Murray, duh) – Popsugar

I hate James Corden for not throwing Lady Gaga’s dumb pink hat out the window when he had the chance – OMG Blog

Patton Oswalt wrote a soul-melting piece about the loss of his wife – Pajiba

Michael Phelps got secret married months ago. If Ryan Lochte had a brain, it would explode while thinking about not using your engagement and wedding to get as much attention as possible – Just Jared

Great, now Donald Trump is going to scream that a wall must be built around his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and East Hollywood has to pay for it! – HuffPo



Open Post: Hosted By The Drunk Chick Who Doesn’t Want To Die In A Freezer

October 26, 2016 / Posted by:

Off the top of my head, there’s two answers to the question, “How in the hell do you end up folded up like a Choco Taco in a freezer bin?” Answer 1 is: You just did bareback butt sex with Russell Brand and sat in there to stop the burning. Answer 2 is: YOU DRUNK. The second one is most likely the answer to how this British flower ended up ass-first in a freezer at a store.

Reddit (via Death and Taxes) posted a clip of a woman hollering for dear life as she risked getting frostbite of the b-hole. Oh, booze, one second it tells you to get some crisps at the store, and the next second it tells you that getting into a freezer bin is a really funny idea. As her friend tried to shush her up, the drunk mess screamed about how she doesn’t want to be known as the fat girl who dies in a freezer.

Sadly, the girl died in that freezer and her tombstone reads, “She will always be known as the fat girl who dies in a freezer…

But seriously, she acts like being known as the “fat girl who dies in a freezer” is the worst thing ever. It’s not. If your drunk ass dies in a freezer, you won’t be alive to hear people making fun of you for it. Shitting in a freezer is worse! I mean, sometimes booze gives people the runs and if you got in that position… SPLAT! Suddenly those frozen peas have some gravy to go with them. And you wouldn’t be able to walk down the street without someone pointing at you and saying, “HA! HA! You’re the drunk who shit in a freezer.


Jeff Lewis Is Officially Somebody’s Father Now

October 26, 2016 / Posted by:

Anybody who watched Bravo’s Flipping Out last season knows that Jeff Lewis and his partner Gage Edwards (or as Zoila, and now I, call him “Barbie Bitch”) were getting ready to add another human to their full house of neurotic madness. Jeff Lewis has always seemed as paternal as a male grizzly bear (male grizzly bears hate all children) to me, but he and Barbie Bitch seemed excited about raising a child together. And that child is now here. Last night, Jeff announced on Instagram that their surrogate gave birth to their first child, a girl. Sadly, Jeff and Barbie Bitch didn’t name their daughter Zoila Jenni (Z.J. for short).

At 4:22pm today, I grew up. Welcome Monroe Christine Lewis.

A photo posted by Jeff Lewis (@jljefflewis) on

I’m going to choose to believe that Jeff and Barbie Bitch named their daughter after Monroe Ficus from Too Close For Comfort and NOT after Marilyn. That is the only reason to name your child Monroe.

Some say that becoming a parent mellows you out and to those people, I say, you must not know any parents. Because nearly every parent I know is stressed out, worn out and screaming for Calgon to take them away. But maybe being a father will mellow Jeff out. If it doesn’t and Baby Monroe picks up on some of her daddy’s behavior, then I’m sure her first complete sentence will be, “Goddammit, Zoila, you messed up the lunch order AGAIN!”

Pic: Instagram


DCFS Is Now Investigating Brangelina’s Entire Family And Other Possible Incidents

October 26, 2016 / Posted by:

The L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services was mainly looking at Brad Pitt’s alleged drunken meltdown on a plane and his side tried to convince everyone that it was a one-time thing, but after talking to the kids and Angelina Jolie, DCFS has reportedly opened up their investigation and are now passing their magnifying glasses over other incidents that may have gone down. Yup, this mess got messier…

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 26, 2016 / Posted by:

The performant artist tree who got arrested for blocking traffic in Portland, Maine!

Portland, Maine threw its hat of foolery into the ring for the title of the Florida of New England on Monday afternoon when police had to deal with the people screaming, “Leaf the poor sap alone!”, at them as they arrested a walking tree. WCHS6 (via Buzzfeed) brought us the important news of a 30-year-old dude in tree drag who held up cars at the intersection of Congress and High (“high” is right) Streets by walking real slow across the crosswalk. Trees can’t walk, but if they could, they’d probably walk real slow, so this crazy dude’s impersonation was spot-on. The police didn’t appreciate it, though, and they told him to get his fir-ey ass out of the street. At first he listened to them, but then he went all, “Hell no, tree won’t go,” when he went back to the crosswalk. So the cops handcuffed his branches (I’m guessing) and arrested him.

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