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ANOTHER PLOT TWIST! All Criminal Charges Against Jussie Smollett Have Been Dropped (UPDATE)

March 26, 2019 / Posted by:

The entire production team at Empire needs to drop whatever they’re doing and start filming every piece of this Jussie Smollett situation, because it’s more riveting, ESCANDALOSO, dramatic, and has more plot twists than any  of their story arcs combined. Jussie was charged with several felonies for allegedly staging a hate crime in Chicago (with help from the Nigerian Right Said Fred), and those charges got him scrubbed from the rest of the season of Empire. I’m sure that Jussie was working on Empire: The Musical, which he was going to put on for the prison musical, but he can stop doing that for now, because all 16 charges against him have been dropped and his record has been wiped clean. Every prisoner who was making a Cookie wig out of shredded bed sheets and commissary-bought markers to audition for Jussie’s prison musical is going to be so disappointed.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 26, 2019 / Posted by:

Crystal Ball Dog!

Finally, finally, finally! I’ve been waiting for someone, anyone, to take down that fraudulent twink Tyler Henry and that peroxide Bride of Frankenfraud Theresa Caputo as the country’s most famous spiritual guide, ghost whisperer, and future-seer. And we finally found someone, and this one actually has skills!

If you’ve said before, “Shit, anything will go viral these days, like a dog staring at an empty snow globe would totally go viral,” then not only were you right, but you’re also a bona fide SLYCIC. Because the internet’s new favorite fortune teller is a Redditor’s crystal ball reading dog. We’ve all heard of seeing eye dogs before, but this is a SEES FUCKING ALL dog.

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Birthday Sluts

March 26, 2019 / Posted by:
Diana Ross (75)
Nina Agdal (27)
Carly Chaikin (29)
Jonathan Groff (34)
Keira Knightley (34)
Sara Jean Underwood (35)
Amy Smart (43)
Natasha Leggero (45)
T. R. Knight (46)
Larry Page (46)
Leslie Mann (47)
James Iha (51)
Kenny Chesney (51)
Michael Imperioli (53)

Pic: Wenn.com

Eric Allen Kramer (57)
Jennifer Grey (59)
Leeza Gibbons (62)
Martin Short (69)
Vicki Lawrence (70)
Steven Tyler (71)
James Caan (79)
Nancy Pelosi (79)
Alan Arkin (85)
Sandra Day O’Connor (88)
Leigh Bowery (1961-1994)
Leonard Nimoy (1931-2015)
Tennessee Williams (1911-1983)
Robert Frost (1874-1963)
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Night Crumbs

March 25, 2019 / Posted by:

Us brought in $70 million over the weekend, and $12 of that came from me, and another $12 came from the woman in front of me who threw up her hands and cheered every time someone got killed. First of all, I’m glad that the bunnies from The Favourite got more work. Second of all, I hope Lupita Nyong’o isn’t forgotten during awards season because she deserves several trophies for her (SPOILER ALERT) impeccable voice impersonation of Elizabeth Holmes with dry mouth – A.V. Club

Jon Hamm took the Hammaconda (not pictured) out for a night on the town – Lainey Gossip

Alanis Morrissette and Souleye made another baby, so prepare for a baby name that sounds like a cross between an indica strain and a Hunger Games character – SOW

The tears of gays is still the secret ingredient in Chick-fil-A’s chicken batter  – Pajiba

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Dr. Dre Bragged About His Daughter Getting Into USC On Her Own (And I’m Sure His $70 Million Donation Didn’t Help At All) 

March 25, 2019 / Posted by:

As Felicity Huffman (reported net worth: $20 million), William H. Macy (reported net worth: $45 million), Aunt Becky, and Mossimo (reported combined net worth: $100 million) curse and spit at the universe for being poor and not rich enough to get their kids into college by buying an entire building, Dr. Dre, who is definitely rich enough to buy a university building and did, dropped a bitchy fart on them by announcing that his daughter got into USC all on her own and he didn’t have to pull ILLEGAL schemes.

But the thing is, when you throw hate at parents who bought their kids’ way into college and everyone remembers that you made a $70 million donation to the school that your daughter just so happened to get into, you’re going to get dragged. That’s exactly what happened to Dr. Dre. It’s a shame he’s not a real doctor, because he’s going need a prescription for topical antibiotics to treat those dragging bruises. Although, maybe USC threw in a medical degree with that $70 million donation.

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Hot Sluts Of The Day!

March 25, 2019 / Posted by:

Charlie and Maverick, the blind Gold Retriever and his seeing eye pup!

Above is an actual picture from the future of a geriatric me (so like in one year) posing with my seeing (brown) eye twink after I finally go blind from all my damn eyeball surgeries. Please, like I’ll ever be that cute. Above is Charlie and Maverick, the stars of the story that caused global warming in my chest last week when my heart melted while seeing their tale on Today.

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