Sales for funnels that fit in ear holes and bleach strong enough to cleanse away dark-sided-wrapped darker-sided shit jumped up when news came out that Esquire was going to completely pull the stained, disgusting curtain off of Bryan Singer’s alleged predator ways. That was last fall, and Bryan Singer himself tried to get ahead of the Esquire article by saying it was a dirty smear campaign full of blatant lies. Most of us (read: none of us) nodded at his statement like, “Yes, we believe you,” because we’ve only heard stories about how he’s an upstanding citizen who only has consensual relations with men of legal age (read: we’ve heard the opposite).
Esquire never published that article, but what Esquire wouldn’t do, The Atlantic did. They published a Bryan Singer exposé including interviews with new accusers who claim that he used and/or raped them when they were underage boys. Bryan already slammed the article for being a lying piece of gay-hating filth, which makes sense, because bitch has a career (and a Red Sonja reboot) to try and save. Whenever I read or hear the word “exposé,” my stuck-in-the-80-mind thinks of THEE Exposé, and well, maybe this article will lead to Bryan’s career really hitting the point of no return, the point being the bottom of a shit can.
The dog-loving dolphin and the dolphin-loving dog!
The world is a charbroiled ass scab and pimple pus sandwich, and things are more divided and gross than my ass cheeks while I’m taking a hole pic for Grindr, but this clip of today’s HSsOTDs remind us that not everything is ugly. There is sweetness in the world and there are some living things who can get along.
Humans at Patawalonga Creek in Adelaide, South Australia got a live performance of some real-life Disney shit when a dolphin and a black Labrador playfully swam together like they were reincarnations of the Fox and the Hound. This clip makes me want to yodel out an Australian cover of Best of Friends called Best of Cunts (hey “cunts” sometimes means “friends” to Australians, okay?)
Finally, some cuteness and happiness on this site (and shut the hell up if you’ve got footage of the dolphin leading the dog out to the ocean where the sharks who hired the dolphin are waiting to snap the pooch up. Not today, please!)
Rachel Crow (21)
Doutzen Kroes (34)
Draya Michele (34)
Julia Jones (38)
Tito Ortiz (44)
Lisa Wu (46)
Ewen Bremner (47)
Lisa Snowdon (47)
Mariska Hargitay (55)
Gail O’Grady (56)
Princess Caroline of Monaco (62)
Robin Zander (66)
Richard Dean Anderson (69)
Anita Pointer (71)
Rutger Hauer (75)
Chita Rivera (86)
Jeanne Moreau (1928-2017)
Dlisted: The Podcast, Episode 33 – Woe Is Bradley Cooper! Where’s Mister Rogers? And Other Oscar Nominations Talk
After a 4,598 year hiatus (or a little over a month if you want to be specific about it), we are back with a third co-host. Allison delivered a human bundle of baby and she joins us for the first part of this episode. We got rid of her for the second part, because she goo goo’d out lines that are a million times funnier and smarter than anything we could come up with and we were tired of her showing us up like that.
Allison and I get into the Oscar nominations from the snubs to the surprises to the predictions to me butchering name after name while angering my ancestors. We also say a few words about Chris Brown’s latest arrest, Anne Hathaway giving up booze for her kid, and the lavish dog funeral. We end with me asking Allison the question of 2019: Would you suck dick to get Evian into the Fyre Festival?
You can listen to us on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Google Play. Subscribe and rate us if you haven’t already. And if you have an important (or not important question) that you want answered, e-mail us at: email@example.com!
Neri Oxman, the MIT professor who may or may not have bumped fuck parts with Brad Pitt, pretentiously announced in The New York Times’ Style Section that she and her billionaire boyfriend are married and she’s pregnant. Hmmm… pregnant about three months after denying that she ever dated Brad Pitt? Neri’s going to have some serious explaining to do if she gives birth to a bong that thinks it’s a regular Michelangelo – Celebitchy
Chris Pine is serving up 19th century accountant on Casual Friday – Lainey Gossip
When you’re rich like Karlie Kloss and just go from the heated SUV to the venue, you don’t have to worry about a peasant thing called “covering up your legs while in Paris in the winter” – Drunken Stepfather
Tom Hanks’ character in That Thing You Do! was gay and doing it with Howie Long, and it’s great that I know that, but now I also have that annoying ass title song of cheese stuck in the crevices of my brain. The price you pay for shit – Pajiba
Like every season, the Chanel couture show went down at the Grand Palais in Paris today, but unlike other haute couture seasons, the Grand High Vampire Witch of the Haus, Karl Lagerfeld, was not there to look over his multi-multi-thousand dollar creations in between beaming ice cold “Suck it in, fatté!” glares through his sunglasses at models who ate more than air before the show.
Kunty Karl usually comes out at the end of the show with the “bride” to take in the applause of his devotees before opening his Jack-O-Lantern-on-meth mouth to “kiss” the bride as he sucks her soul out of her young body. But the bride’s soul was spared today, because Karl wasn’t feeling well and bowed out of bowing.