It’s a bad time to be Aunt Becky. Lori Loughlin WAS at a smoking hot period in her career, what with starring in two TV shows (as her signature Aunt Becky role in Netflix’s Fuller House and something called When Calls The Heart on the Hallmark Channel). That was until she and her husband Mossimo Giannulli got pinched for allegedly using scads of money to make like their spoiled brat daughter was on the crew team so she could get into USC. Both TV shows dropped her and Lori and Mossimo are facing several federal charges and several years in the decidedly un-Hallmark Channel-envisioned prison. AND one of her former shows got renewed for an additional season without her! Ain’t that a bitch?
Who hasn’t been dumped by a man they had a five-year relationship with despite having never met? The answer is everyone except those who need to live in plastic bubbles because of immune system deficiency issues, and Dina Lohan. TMZ reports that former suspected catfisher Jesse Nadler (who comes off like your flip phone-using dad posing as a sleazy Hollywood agent who specializes in direct-to-video in the clip below) has dumped Dina Lohan right before they were finally going to meet and consummate their love.
This is a delicious mystery! HuffPo reports that a mysterious someone is leaving bowls of mashed potatoes on people’s “cars, porches and mailboxes” in Jackson, Mississippi’s Bellhaven neighborhood. Pardon me while I call a barge to move my all my shit down the mighty Mississippi River to live in Bellhaven. Free mashed potatoes? That’s the promised land!
Possibly eschewing the four-year wait between record releases that was the gap between 1989 and Reputation, Taylor Swift has switched out her social media platforms to signal something is coming from her on “4.26.” That’s 13 days from now. It could be a new album. It could be a trailer for future bomb Cats. It could be the Rapture. Please, Jesus, let it be the Rapture so we don’t have to see a trailer for Cats.
Unrealized Disney villainess Kris Jenner tells CBS News in an upcoming interview that her plastic-molded clan of overinflated innertube terrors “definitely” make “six figures” when it comes to pushing products like laxative tea to their millions of followers. People get paid less for internal organs in order to save lives. This can’t be life.
Following In Melissa Etheridge’s Footsteps, Chelsea Handler Is Done Publicly Hating On Angelina Jolie
It’s a brave new world when Chelsea Handler reveals that she will no longer be air-kissing the c-word over at Angelina Jolie anymore. Life seems so strange and unfamiliar now that Chelsea Handler is wishing Angelina Jolie good luck on talk shows! ET reports that Chelsea told yappy celebrity ass-licker Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live this week that she’s through publicly shitting on her arch-nemesis Angelina Jolie. Meanwhile, in some refugee camp somewhere, Angelina Jolie overheard the name “Chelsea Handler” in relation to hers on Radio Free Europe or whatever and asked aloud, “who?”