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Kim Kardashian Isn’t Ruling Out Running For Public Office One Day 

June 17, 2018 / Posted by:

 

Kim Kardashian-West recently benefited from all the hard work of the American Civil Liberties Union and Mic by getting herself some airtime as the sudden savior of the free Alice Marie Johnson movement. Johnson, a non-violent drug offender who was serving a disproportionate-to-the-crime life sentence without the possibility of parole, had her sentence commuted by President Trump last week, seemingly at Kim’s behest. Kimmy got this done during a visit to the White House to meet with our burgeoning Dictator-In-Chief one-on-one. She’s just lucky that Alice Marie Johnson is black and that someone clued Agent Orange in that proclaiming white nationalists to be “fine people” probably won’t earn him the black vote in 2020.

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Bow Down, Beyoncé And Jay-Z’s Joint Album Shook The Internet Yesterday

June 17, 2018 / Posted by:

Were you awoken this morning by a chorus of screaming angels, your dwelling shuddering and threatening to splinter apart, and your pets speaking in tongues? Don’t panic. It’s not the end of the world, it’s the long-rumored Beyoncé and Jay-Z collaborative album dropping. Everything Is Love by The Carters (their married named) arrived last night, and you can hear it – naturally – on Jay-Z’s sort of stalled music streaming service Tidal. This is the record that was supposed to save that ego-fest back in ’15!

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Open Post: Hosted By The Siberian Husky Chilling In An Ice Maker

June 16, 2018 / Posted by:

For those of us who are fat and rendered irritable and senseless by fiery temperatures, Kinston, NC’s Mako the Siberian Husky is our new leader. Fuck air conditioning, dips in the pool, remaining perfectly still, or imagining yourself up a snowy mountain. Just straight-up climb into an ice maker and lay your body down. This vid was taken from Mako’s owner and Kinton business owner Eric S. Rouse’ Facebook page (he’s already calling himself Mako’s manager) and posted to YouTube. Mako has his own Facebook page now, too! Here’s the scoop via Kinston.com.

When they got back to the house, Mako had a drink of water and everybody went there own way. But a little later Rouse heard something and went to investigation. He saw Mako’s hind legs climbing into the ice machine near his garage. He called his wife and told her to start videoing it.

“I guess he smelled the ice or felt the cold air and flipped it open with his nose and got in, knowing it would feel good,” Rouse said.

When they opened the door to the ice machine, there was Mako, lying content on the ice. He turned his head away from the attention.

“I’m so ashamed,” Eric Rouse said on the video like he was talking for the dog.

But Mako wasn’t ashamed. He turned his head back around and buried his snout in the ice and went to sleep, enjoying the coolest place in the house.

Ashamed? The hell is wrong with you, Eric? Mako should be celebrated by sweaty bitches everywhere for pooh-poohing social mores and lowering his body temperature in the most efficient way possible. Who gives a crap if some of your customers have dog hair in their soda? The South is sweltering!

Pic: YouTube

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In “Sounds About Right” News, A Minnesota Woman Got Her Head Stuck In A Tailpipe

June 16, 2018 / Posted by:

Everybody’s got a friend like Minnesota’s Kaitlyn Strom. She’s the wacky one who’s always taking things to the next level. She’s the one who sees the exhaust pipe on a big truck and stuffs her fool head in it for laughs! She’s also the one who inspires even more laughs when she can’t get out of that tailpipe and has to remain there with her head up a truck’s ass for 45 minutes until the authorities have to get the chainsaw. Oh, that Kaitlyn is so full of beans!

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Giuliana Rancic Is Returning To E! News To Replace Catt Sadler

June 16, 2018 / Posted by:

E! News’s inadvertent Norma Rae, Catt Sadler, took her blowout elsewhere when she found out that her male co-host Jason Kennedy was making way more money than her at the same job and wasn’t compensated appropriately when she brought it up to her bosses. E! is now reporting that they’ve decided to hire back the racially insensitive gal that Catt replaced! It’s like cleaning up dog shit by dumping the contents of a full litter box on it. Innovative!

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Chris Hardwick Is Denying He Abused His Ex, While Nerdist Has Erased Him

June 16, 2018 / Posted by:

Vulture reports that Nerdist Industries has completely expunged Chris Hardwick, its co-founder and former CEO, from their website. This occurred after an essay by his ex-girlfriend Chloe Dykstra accusing an unnamed ex-boyfriend of domestic abuse and coerced sex went viral yesterday. Chris confirmed that Chloe was writing about him by releasing a statement denying everything to The Hollywood Reporter last night. Between this and pathetic “incelsterrorizing Star Wars actresses off of social media, it makes me wish I had played sports in high school and never taken up D&D. When did being a geek turn troubling and/or evil? Continue reading

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