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Ringling Bros. Circus Is Closing After 146 Years

January 15, 2017 / Posted by:

Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, the biggest circus in the world and self-styled “Greatest Show On Earth” is packing up the big top after 146 years. 146 years! That’s A LOT of assuredly depressed animals. NBC reports that the circus is calling it quits due to low ticket sales they’re blaming it on not using elephants any longer. Oh, sure, blame it on Dumbo!

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Uma Thurman’s Ex-Boyfriend Accused Her Of Mixing Alcohol And Pills In Court

January 15, 2017 / Posted by:

Agonizing custody battles” has become an unfortunate trend with our celebrity friends lately. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have reportedly been scrapping over their hundreds of children (how do they even keep track of them, there’s so many). Yesterday, we watched a dismal video of law enforcement at Paula Patton’s house on behalf of Robin Thicke (he was trying to leave with their son, but no dice). Today’s the day we learn that Uma Thurman and her ex-boyfriend, French financier Arpad (Arki) Busson, have been yanking on either arm of their 4-year-old daughter Luna like she is a child-sized wishbone.

Arki publicly accused Uma of mixing booze and pills to battle mental illness during their custody trial on Friday. One, how Valley of the Dolls. Two, who doesn’t?

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Open Post: Hosted By Tom Hardy’s Kind Of Penis-Resembling Autograph

January 14, 2017 / Posted by:

Tom Hardy is so dreamy with his DSLs and his sweatshirt and beanie and the smile and the actually being nice to dickkick-level annoying paparazzi. Sigh.

What? Oh, yeah. Uh, so this dude at TMZ observed to Tom Hardy that his signature looks like a dick. Watch the video and then judge for yourself:

Thoughts? Maybe? I’m kind of seeing sperm. And no, I’m not just typing that because I want to make a Junior reboot with Tom in which he makes me pregnant. I’m not even going to delete that. What’s done is done. Why do all my Tom Hardy posts end up underneath the gutter, in the place where the alligators writhe around and the scary clowns live? You can’t blame me. Have you seen that pic from his new show? #loincloth

Pic: TMZ

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TV Land’s “Heathers” Reboot Is A Go

January 14, 2017 / Posted by:

Shannen Doherty had damn well better be the lynchpin of this project. If they’re going to take my adolescence out back and shoot it in the head with this Heathers reboot, they better salvage all they can from the original version. And I don’t mean Veronica Sawyer with her annoying tendency to journal and her disingenous friending of Martha Dumptruck! I’m talking a red scrunchie back on Heather Duke’s head!

Deadline Hollywood reports that TV Land has definitely picked up the new Heathers, with a 10-episode order for next fall.

Heathers, TV Land’s first hourlong series, was originally developed and ordered as a half-hour pilot. It came in long, 38 min, and when TV Land brass found it nearly impossible to cut, they decided to make the series hourlong instead.

The show is going to be an anthology, ala FX’s Fargo, spotlighting different characters in different episodes. The core group of Heathers, however, appears to still be an overweight girl, a lesbian, and a gender-queer kid. Honestly, it won’t be Heathers without a quartet of snotty white girls, but I’m all for progress.

And yes, tv royalty Shannen Doherty will be involved. But, her involvement so far is mysterious!

Original Heathers cast member Shannen Doherty will guest star as a pivotal, unnamed character in the series.

So, obviously she’s going to be someone’s mother. Or the DJ who hosts Hot Probs. Either or, is fine.

Pic: TV Land

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Disney Won’t Be Digitally Recreating Carrie Fisher

January 14, 2017 / Posted by:

There are a few things about the entertainment industry that I loathe even more than physical labor. For instance, the usage of the phrase “baby bump” (because body horror should never be cutesy) and the Koven. But what I really loathe, is when they use digital age trickery to resurrect a dead performer, just so the money train keeps rolling down the greed tracks. There’s NO need to prop a corpse up on stage with you via CGI.

Cover the song, pay homage to the character in the script, but let them rest in peace without making the public do a full-body cringe. It should have been a “one and done” idea with Natalie Cole and her pops, right?

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Jennifer Holliday Pulled Out Of Donald Trump’s Inauguration

January 14, 2017 / Posted by:

Original Dreamgirls Jennifer Holliday was scheduled to perform at President-elect Donald Trump’s inauguration next week, but now she’s telling you that she’s not going. Maybe the “death threats, suggestions of suicide, warnings of boycott and racial slurs” that she told Billboard she received on social media after announcing the gig got to her? Or there weren’t enough zeroes on the impending White House’s check? Let’s find out!

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