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Open Post: Hosted By The Teen Who Ate A Hot Pepper Every Time Ariana Grande Said “Um”

July 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Kids CAN do astonishing things! The AV Club has introduced the world to this brave and probably seriously injured teenager who tortured himself to help Ariana Grande with her public speaking. He made a video in which he ate a hot pepper every time Ariana said “um” in an award acceptance speech. This is amusing at first, but then it veers into torture and (spoiler alert) ends with gagging. So, is it possible to completely burn out your taste buds so they’ll never come back? Does this child have the ability to taste anymore?

It was no joke. The kid wrote in the video caption:

“Words can’t not [sic] describe the amount of pain I experienced after turning the camera off.”

Hopefully Ariana sees this video and realizes the amount of pain the verbalization of her thought process is causing. Watch the poor boy, below.

Pic: YouTube

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Do Whoopi Goldberg And Gina Gershon Owe Somebody Money?

July 22, 2017 / Posted by:

All of you supposedly serious auteurs can just cancel your plans for Cannes next year. The next film to win the Palme de’Or is here! Charlie Sheen, Gina Gershon, and Whoopi Goldberg (?!?) are starring in the most tasteful and necessary film experience in decades. Picture it. Total strangers trapped in a high-rise elevator must work together to survive before the cable snaps! It’s a pulse-pounding race against time! Why is the cable snapping? Because a plane just hit the North Tower! Yes, somebody thought it was a good idea to make a cheesy, predictable thriller about 9/11. Is anyone involved in this film ALLOWED in NYC anymore?

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John Heard Passed Away

July 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Kevin McCallister’s dad from Home Alone died. TMZ says actor John Heard‘s body was found in a hotel in Palo Alto, CA yesterday by maid services, according to “family sources.” He was 72. For those of you in my age range, join me in accepting that everything you know, love, and clung to as a child for comfort and warmth is pretty much gone. What’s left? Who’s left? Betty White? Luckily, she sold her soul to Satan for longevity and good fortune, so she’s safe. Someone bubble-wrap E.T. before they reboot it. Continue reading

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Open Post: Hosted By A Pizza Parlor Fight In Toronto

July 16, 2017 / Posted by:

As Michael K pointed out when he called my attention to this item, you’d assume that “pizza parlor fight in Toronto” would be two polite Canadians saying, “No, sir, you order first, please” to one another over and over again. Everything in Canada is magical, and every Canadian I know is a sparkling gem from the north. I don’t lie. There’s nothing bad in Canada, except maybe a serial killer or two, and whatever evil spirits possessed the Canucks involved in this brawl.

Reddit (via blogTO) brings us footage of the war that broke out at a Pizza Pizza location in Toronto (“near Queen and Broadview Plaza” if you know the area). Legend has it that a late order caused a patron to jump over the counter and “throw around some potato chips.” That’s when it all went to hell! Women grapple. Chairs are picked up in hopes of being thrown. That one gal was pissed because she was punching people to STOP the fight. There is so much going on here, it’s like they all caught a shared madness and are each acting out some private trauma. This Twitter user was right:

Is Pizza Pizza good enough to inspire such brutality? Watch below and judge for yourselves.

Pic: YouTube

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Gordon Ramsay Hates Pineapple Pizza, But Ate It For Charity

July 16, 2017 / Posted by:

Why does “pineapple pizza” keep popping up in all my social media feeds lately? It’s that and “fidget spinners.” I can’t escape them! Raging celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay hates him some pineapple pizza. He hates it more than when a masochistic chefs screws up on one of his many reality shows. He hates it more than he hates Amy and Samy Bouzaglo! Continue reading

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