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Open Post: Hosted By A Baby Peachick Peacock-ing For The First Time

July 15, 2018 / Posted by:

Spread your wings and preen, little peacock! Boing Boing has taught us so much with this YouTube video. Did you know a baby peacock is called a “peachick?” Did you know “peacock” can be used as a verb? Did you know there’s some sort of farm place in White Oaks, Georgia called Hairy Farmpit Girls? (They make bath products. That would be an unsettling brand name to be seen in your bathroom unless you live on a commune outside Northhampton, MA.)

Drew here is “peacocking”. It’s when a peachick busts out the Vegas showgirl headdress on his ass for their first time! Besides being a diva on the rise, Drew is also a rags-to-riches story. Actually, he’s a garbage-can-to-riches story. People suck.

“Drew was thrown in a garbage can out in Douglas, Georgia,” Jennifer Evitts, owner of Hairy Farmpit Girls… “Someone saw what happened, grabbed him and then reached out to us to see if we would take him as she didn’t know what to do with him.”

Ok, maybe I do want that brand name in my bathroom because the Hairy Farmpit Girls’ business also serves as an animal sanctuary. Congrats to Drew!

Pic: YouTube

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John Mayer Mocked Justin Bieber And Hailey Baldwin’s Hot Tub Moment

July 15, 2018 / Posted by:

Does a John Mayer-issued mockery of Justin Bieber actually cancel itself out before it can even reach Bieber because they’re both douchey? Or is the burn more potent because when even fellow douches are shading you…? “Runaways at the train station”-looking couple Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin celebrated their recent engagement by posting a photo of themselves making out in a hot tub. John figured that the photographer of this pic would have had to actually BE in the hot tub with these two, and called the two of them out on it.

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Meghan Markle’s Dad Says He Could Die Soon, Wants To Reconnect With Her

July 15, 2018 / Posted by:

In addition to celebrity connections, and scandalizing shoulders, Duchess Meghan brought one more item of interest with her when she married Prince Harry back in May. She brought drama-spewing family members willing to sell her ass out for fame and riches! The Markle ne’er-do wells looking to cash in on Meghan’s star-crossed romance are numerous, and currently leading the charge has been Meghan’s dad, Thomas Markle.

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Celebrities Signed An Open Letter In Defense Of Asia Argento

July 15, 2018 / Posted by:

Ever since we lost Anthony Bourdain, trolls have been taking it out on his girlfriend, actress Asia Argento, online. They’re claiming the reportedly devastated Asia had left Anthony for another man motivating him to commit suicide, as well as allegedly using him and the #MeToo movement to further her career. A group of celebrity ladies (along with celebrity dude Terry Crews who was allegedly on the receiving end of a #MeToo moment) released an open letter to the Los Angeles Times defending her, according to Deadline.

The trolls then took to the Times’ comments section to further troll on the open letter, saying that Bourdain’s suicide shouldn’t be conflated with the #MeToo movement. Is there a Raid-type spray to use on trolls to shoo them away? Do they still make spray deodorant? That might work.

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Open Post: Hosted By High-Heel Crocs

July 14, 2018 / Posted by:

Now I know PRECISELY what to get Michael K for his born day! Some fashion-forward individual at the Crocs company came up with the brilliant idea to make the sexiest shoe around even sexier. Behold, high-heel crocs! Your naughty nurse fantasy just got more fap-worthy!

Called “The Cyprus Heel,” the new Croc with a high heel and an open toe is now on sale on Amazon. The shoe comes in black, white, pink, and leopard. It sells for $80 to $225. (Note: If you know someone paying $200 for high-heeled Crocs, you need to divorce/reject/leave/commit them.)

AJC reports that the latest innovation in ugly has hopefully actually caught fire on social media.

As you may know, Balenciaga is selling their version of platform Crocs from HELL for $850.  Pull the plug, universal deity, it’s time.

Pic: Amazon

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Chuck E. Cheese Held Their Own Build-A-Bear “Pay Your Age” Apocalypse

July 14, 2018 / Posted by:

Not since the Fyre Festival (aka Lord of the Flies for douchebags), has #Murica seen a cash-grab disaster on the scale of Build-A-Bear’s “Pay Your Age” promotion on Thursday. The scariest store at the mall (it’s like stuffed animal vivisection in reverse) let parents pay the amount of their childrens’ ages for their bears. It didn’t go so well. Insanely long lines, an inadequate supply of bears, and thousands of screaming children led Build-A-Bear to cancel mid-promo. It almost led to riots and definitely led to some really angry moms squawking on social media. The marketing people at Chuck E. Cheese must subscribe to that old adage that any press is good press because they held their own “Pay Your Age” promotion the next day. Are they not aware that, once ripped out of their moorings, those animatronic rats can make for lethal weapons?

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