Remember Gay Pride rainbow supernova ass-shaker Mark Kanemura and his devastatingly fabulous performance of Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Cut To The Feeling?” (How could you forget? One of my friends who is strangely delighted by public pratfalls probably played the vid where he eats the floor on a loop.) Mark was the official Gay Pride HSOTD this summer and people were throwing his vids at Carly Rae left and right. Well, Carly finally got around to performing with the human rainbow of prop drama and it went exactly as you imagined. It was WIGS, WIGS, and then some WIGS. All that was missing was the Babadook shitting glitter over everyone.
Nothing is more pleasing to one’s mind, body, and soul than when two crazies who were previously in crazy cahoots turn their crazy on each other. There’s a possibility for mutually assured destruction which would be totally glorious and proof that our world isn’t dropping into a universal sinkhole of evil. Our case in point is straight from the mixed-up files of Mrs. Omarosa Manigault-Newman.
Rumor had it that Omarosa had audio recordings from her time at the White House as the Director of Communications for the Office of Public Liaison. And it turns out, she does. Omarosa showed some of her receipts on Meet the Press with Chuck Todd this morning (via TMZ). Specifically, Omarosa played selections from her firing by White House Chief of Staff John Kelly. (You can listen to the whole thing below.) So if you want to hear a beleaguered man who knows he made a critical error in his career advancement tell a crazy to pack her shit, this one’s for you.
Who would have thought any of us would have something in common with Nicki Minaj besides a big butt and general disdain for Mariah Carey (guilty)? Nicki is easily annoyed by her fellow humans. Just like us! She’s especially annoyed by some of her male peers in the rap game. On Barbie Dreams, a track off her new album Queen, she pisses on Drake. And DJ Khaled. And her ex Meek Mill. And Young Thug (hopefully for that name). Some of it makes sense. DJ Khaled thinks it’s unmanly to go down on a lady so he’s a tool. And we’re all sick of the “In My Feelings” dance and it’s all Drake’s fault. Hate away, Nicki! Nicki spoke to Apple Beats 1 (via Variety) an hour before her new album dropped and revealed why she packed so much shade into one song.
The nerve of that old drama queen! So many people have been waiting for a call from Prince Harry for decades now (step-mom Camilla the Duchess of Cornwall, his real dad James Hewitt, Michael K) and this bitch actually received that call and HUNG UP? (Can you guess which one of those aforementioned people sent Harry full-body boudoir shots of themselves with their phone number drunkenly scrawled across the ass?) Duchess Meghan Markle’s difficult dad Thomas Markle told The Daily Mail that he once hung up on Prince Harry during a phone call about his bullshit staged photo shoot prior to the royal wedding.
Get ready for some sacred information that could revolutionize our linen closets. This shrill but knowledgeable woman named Terri Metz has discovered a novel way to fold those fitted sheets that were one thought previously impossible to fold. It involves actually climbing INTO the sheet and using your feet and then your whole body! This would never have occurred to me. Honestly, if you look at my (and many others’) linen closet, there’s one shelf that is just stuffed with fitted sheets lacking any sort of organization. You could probably hide a corpse in there because no one would want to ever get near such a chaotic mess. Well, now, you’ll have to move that body because Terri Metz is a barefoot genius (via Neatorama)!
P.S. It should be noted that your blogger tried this attempt and couldn’t quite get it right. I almost asphyxiated myself with the sheet. It’s possible that your blogger is just a pinhead or this method takes practice. Anyway, I can hide a body in my linen closet again. Yay me!
Bizarro World’s most esteemed philosophical genius, Kanye West, was offered a porn directing gig with full artistic control. That potential production (at least there would be less taupe leotards) would be especially kinky seeing as Kanye recently admitted via new song that he wants to tap all of wife Kim Kardashian’s sisters. That’s a lot of filler and toxic chemicals into which to stick your dick. Plastic Globule Fucking with Kanye, Vol. 1?