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Open Post: Hosted By This Little Girl Dancing To The “Halloween” Theme Song

September 16, 2018 / Posted by:

This little girl is proof of two things. The first is that some people have so much dancing energy inside them that they can dance to any sort of music whether it’s danceable to or not. Secondly, it’s funny what little kids can find fun when they don’t have the context. Props to her parents for not teaching her to be TERRIFIED of large men in masks with carving knives.

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Asia Argento’s Accuser Jimmy Bennett Was Accused Of Sexual Misconduct In 2015

September 16, 2018 / Posted by:

The Daily Beast is reporting that Asia Argento accuser Jimmy Bennett was himself accused of stalking, threatening, and “sexual offenses” by an ex-girlfriend in 2015. This situation is multi-layered like an onion. Except, it’s the kind of onion you wouldn’t use in a salad, or to make French onion soup, and you certainly wouldn’t pair it with peppers and put it on a cheesesteak. This onion should be thrown in a dumpster and the lid should be firmly shut with a satisfying clang after it.

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Gwyneth Paltrow And Chris Martin Tried To Stage An Intervention For Lily Allen

September 16, 2018 / Posted by:

Lily Allen’s new memoir, My Thoughts Exactly, goes on sale next week and it’s got the celebrity substance abuse sadness stories that are really the only reason to write a memoir. No one cares what elementary school you went to, but they do want to read about the time you were giving Orlando Bloom a lap dance at Kate Hudson’s 2014 Halloween party in L.A. and knocked yourself out cold after accidentally head-butting him. Yep, Lily did that. The Sun got a hold of an advance copy of Lily’s book and wrote about the time that she was in such bad shape that the consciously uncoupled Paltrow-Martins had to take her under their assuredly rare and overpriced wing.

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Open Post: Hosted By An Overly Dramatic Reporter During Hurricane Florence

September 15, 2018 / Posted by:

Hurricane Florence has taken several lives and left almost a million people without power. It’s tragic and dramatic on its own, but while reporting from Wilmington, North Carolina during the hurricane, Weather Channel reporter Mike Seidel decided to bring more drama. He appeared to be bravely reporting while being buffeted by torrential rain and winds gusting at a hundred-something MPH that wanted to blow him away to Munchkin Land! Unfortunately, it looks like Mike is somewhat of a meteorological drama queen. While Mike was acting like he was Helen Hunt in Twister, two dudes calmly walked by behind him, seemingly untroubled by the inclement weather. It sort of diluted the moment.

HuffPost reports that, when approached for comment, the Weather Channel defended their reporter because that grass was goddamn slippery! And Mike was tired! And those two rubes obviously don’t understand about dramatic license and how easy it is to ruin a future Peabody Award-winning story!

“It’s important to note that the two individuals in the background are walking on concrete, and Mike Seidel is trying to maintain his footing on wet grass, after reporting on-air until 1:00 a.m. ET this morning and is undoubtedly exhausted.”

A helpful PHD on Twitter also took the time to explain to us laypeople that, if you’re really gunning for that Anderson Cooper during Hurrican Katrina” crown, you want to remember which way the wind is blowing.

Pic: Twitter

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Justin Bieber Is Applying To Become A U.S. Citizen

September 15, 2018 / Posted by:

TMZ is claiming that the reportedly-unmarried-so-far Justin Bieber is applying to become a U.S. citizen. Does that mean we can trade Trump to Canada? Isn’t there some kind of strict mega-celebrity asshole quota between nations that must remain perfectly balanced or the earth will fly into the sun? We can’t live in a country that houses both of them. It’s inhumane.

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