It’s no shock that The View is probably a messy work environment, but The View of today is mild compared to the days when the Don Corleone of lady journalism, Barbara Walters, was trading co-host slots like us queens swap out our RuPaul’s Drag Race fantasy league lineup each week. One of the more controversial picks was when Jenny McCarthy joined the cast because it was right after Jenny became an anti-vaxxer and said vaccinations heightened her son’s autism, which actually improved by allegedly a gluten-free diet and behavioral therapy. Barbara had already popped off on Jenny once, and it sounds like that was a pretty good omen to Jenny’s time on The View.
In my mind, traveling to Italy and consumption of peaches has skyrocketed since Call Me By Your Name, the movie where Armie Hammer and Timothée Chalamet spent a summer frolicking around an Italian mansion while wet humping and demonstrating how dancing was not taught in the Hammer household. Director Luca Guadagnino indicated he was looking into doing a line of sequels. Even André Aciman, the author of the novel of the same name, said he was down with more movies and was even writing a sequel to book. But now Armie is all, “Nah.” I guess he’s still waiting to make another go at The Man From U.N.C.L.E.
Normally it’s Kim Kardashian winning the Photoshop Awards for having a hiney that looks like the Hindenburg, but this time it’s Kourtney Kardashian’s time to take some heat. Kourt has been promoting some mysterious brand of hers called Poosh, but people have been wondering what kinda poosh is going on with her body in the latest promo shot since her face looks pasted on, she lost a thigh en route to the bathtub, and it looks like she’s got an engorged nipple on her wrist (but it’s probably just a bubble or rogue filler trying to get out of her body).
Jennifer Lopez is the under-the-radar Madge, sucking the life out of the musical youth to preserve her taut skin and perky chi-chis. She had a go at the Booty single with Iggy Azalea and then had Dinero with Cardi B. I guess that wasn’t enough because now JLo is starring in Hustlers, a movie about strippers who get revenge on their Wall Street clients. Cardi B has also signed on. Honestly, I rolled my eyes at this, but Ocean’s 8 with more thong and less Cate Blanchett mop wig sounds perfect.
Nobody puts Janet Jackson in a corner unless it means she’s the first mention of a long-ass list of music acts for the UK’s version of Coachella. It’s that time of year when all your insufferable friends post to Instagram of the music fests they’re buying tickets to in order to wear coochie cutters. The Glastonbury lineup was released, and The Killers and The Cure are the leading headliners followed by Stormzy, Kylie Minogue (going by her first name only just to rub it in Kyie Jenner’s failed legal action face), and THEN Janet Jackson. I’m sure Janet can handle playing caboose to Kylie but not those others! She released her own poster, and it brings Miss Nasty to first place.
If you were expecting promo material for Quentin Tarantino’s upcoming Charles Manson movie, Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, to tip its hat toward the actual material of, y’know, how brutal the Manson murders were, you’d be wrong. That’s not shocking since just about every piece of promo material so far has made this movie seem more like a jolly-good time in Southern California than anything else. Quentin has to splash his special brand of mind-bending whatever on his ninth film, which means the movie poster seems more apropos for Weekend At Bernie’s.