I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard since I saw Scarlet Takes A Tumble for the first time. Because finding out that Pamela Anderson is a porn prude is almost as devastating as discovering Ronald McDonald hates hamburgers. Alas, it’s true. Pam isn’t here for porn or (GASP) video games because she believes they are turning all the men into mindless zombies.
I don’t know why they ever let Chris Brown out of the house, because whenever there’s a story about him it’s always bad. And today is no different. Chris has been arrested in Paris after being accused of aggravated rape and drug violations. I really wish they would revoke his passport, his license and his library card because he needs to just keep his ass in the house and meditate until all of his “personal demons” have vacated his body.
Since we’re almost balls deep into awards season, many ladies will be downing the laxative tea and sucking in their guts to put on designer gowns that a panel of frumpy folks will judge and critique the following day. That is unless their dress size comes in around a size 8 or so. Because according to Grammy nominated Bebe Rexha, many designers have pulled out their crosses and grabbed holy water to throw at her since a size 8 in the designer world is blasphemy. But Bebe isn’t just crying into a vat of ice cream over this discrimination, she’s speaking out for all the thick girls everywhere.
The Marvel Cinematic Universe is a comic geek’s wet dream come true. However one of its most popular characters, Gambit, has been sitting around for years playing Solitaire waiting for his chance at marketable merchandise fame. Enter Channing Tatum. He has been in talks of portraying the character forever, but after the project was shunned by a slew of directors, he’s laying all of his cards on the table and claiming he will direct the movie himself.
Yesterday, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady clinched his spot to return to the Super Bowl for the ninth time, and all the Brady fan boys jizzed their pants with excitement. Meanwhile, over at the Whitest house in America, a very moist in his nether regions Donald Trump also pursed his lips together to kiss both of Brady’s butt cheeks by tweeting out his congrats after their win.
I’m sure this isn’t the kind of unity Dr. King spoke of back when he told us all he had a dream. Because the nightmare that is Surviving R. Kelly continues to wreak havoc on our minds weeks after it aired. And in the aftermath, many celebrities eventually cancelled R. Kelly but not everyone feels as skeeved out as most people do. Erykah Badu is one of those folks. And recently at a concert in Uncle Pissy’s hometown of Chicago she let the crowd know how she felt. It did not go well.