Jagged Little Pill came out when I was too young to get the mall by myself, so luckily someone bought me the tape for my birthday. (A tape which I immediately hid under my bed because there was a “fuck” in it and I thought I was going to get in trouble). The only other person at my school who had Jagged Little Pill was this girl who constantly bragged that she stole it from Zellers. That always made me sad, because why would you wanna rip off Alanis Morissette like that? Well ,Christine the 8th Grade Shoplifter wasn’t the only one to do Alanis dirty.
If the Oscars and the Emmys are your fancy old uncle who drinks expensive scotch and loves British shows on PBS, then the People’s Choice Awards are your aunt who drinks canned Bay Breezes and asks if you wanna get high in her LeBaron. The People’s Choice Awards are for the people, damn it, and they don’t need prestige or class or gowns that requires every inch of your intestines to be crammed into Spanx.
Blake Lively clearly knows this and after going full-fashion at the Golden Globes two weeks ago, she wore one of Britney Spears’ rejects to the People’s Choice Awards. It’s like she couldn’t find her glasses and just assumed the dress code on the PCA invitation said: “Come dressed as a dancer from a Bob Mackie-inspired cruise ship show who is trying to get fired.” She looks like the messiest pledge at a sorority for ravens.
Some people still don’t understand that you don’t have to try so hard at the People’s Choice Awards. Jennifer Lopez, I’m looking at you.
Almost two weeks ago, Ciara decided she was done fighting with her ex-fiancé Future and dropped her $15 million defamation lawsuit against him. As much as Ciara would love for Future to disappear from her life for good, that’s not going to happen. Ciara and Future share a two-year-old son Future Zahir. They’ve been fighting over who gets custody of Baby Future, but that fight is over now too.
Ciara and Future originally agreed to joint custody back when they first split up, but then he got mad at her for letting Baby Future spend time with Russell Wilson, which turned into a defamation lawsuit, which prompted Ciara to attempt to get sole custody as a “fuck you” to her ex. Sources tell TMZ that Ciara and Future have recently agreed on joint custody. However, Baby Future will spend most of the time with his mommy. So Ciara sort of gets that sole custody that she wanted before, but in a far less dirty way.
The reason Ciara will haev so much time with Baby Future is because Daddy Future is on the road a lot. The source states that when Future is back home in Atlanta, he’ll have “reasonable access” to Baby Future. Seeing the words “reasonable” made me nervous, because if there’s one word I would never use to describe Ciara and Future’s relationship with each other, it’s “reasonable.” But TMZ’s source seems to think this situation won’t turn ugly again. Apparently Ciara and Future just want to close this chapter and move on with their lives. I hope so! Ciara is about to be a mom again, and I’m sure the last thing she wants to do is deal with both a screaming baby and a screaming baby daddy.
Now that all the divorce drama between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard is officially over, he wanted to thank all the fans who stuck by him during his messiest time. And he did it at the People’s Choice Awards last night in Los Angeles. Johnny tidied up a little (aka his assistant Febrezed him) and slipped into a clean suit (aka he picked the suit in his closet that looked the least like a family of feral dogs had been sleeping on it) and accepted the Favorite Movie Icon award.
Yesterday a source told TMZ that Justin Bieber thinks this drama-causing thing between The Weeknd and Selena Gomez is just Selena being Selena and hooking up with anyone she makes new music with. UsWeekly says Bella Hadid is co-signing that theory. Except she’s not just gossiping with her friends in the girls bathroom about it; she’s also warning The Weeknd about them. Bella truly is the Paul Revere of her generation.
Like Justin Bieber, a source says that Bella thinks Selena is the type to get involved on the job and Selena is reportedly recording music with The Weeknd. Apparently Bella has alerted her former boyfriend several times about the possibility of Selena using him. Several times! Bella is concerned. Sadly, The Weeknd hasn’t been listening to Bella’s warnings.
“Bella has reached out to Abel a few times and told him Selena is using him,” says the Hadid pal. “He thinks she’s just jealous and isn’t listening to her.”
Good effort Bella, but why does she think The Weeknd cares? I’ve listened to Starboy several times, and it made me want to walk through a Los Angeles pool party high on pills and find some emotionally broken person to have sex with while I contemplate my own existence. What I’m trying to say is, The Weeknd strikes me as the casual type who likes a girl with issues and doesn’t like to get too attached. If anything, Bella’s warning probably just made The Weeknd more into Selena. “So what you’re saying is, she’ll be gone as soon as the song is out? Great, thanks for the tip!”
Gwyneth Paltrow recently discovered yoni eggs, which are egg-shaped stones you shove up your snatch to allegedly help you keep things tight and tingly. Yesterday we learned that Gwyneth was selling a $66 jade egg on her website specifically to put up your vagina. Goop claimed that the jade egg would work in a number of magical ways, which included increases in chi, orgasms, vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance, and feminine energy. She also did a Q&A with the maker of the eggs, Shiva Rose. GOOP’s jade egg has already sold out.
A gynecologist named Dr. Jen Gunter has chimed in with her thoughts. Dr. Jen wrote an open letter to Gwyneth, and surprisingly it wasn’t to congratulate Gwyneth on successfully finding a new way to waste people’s money.