As everyone knows, for 18 days, 12 Thai boys of the Wild Boars soccer team and their coach became trapped three kilometers inside a tourist cave located in Thailand’s Doi Nang No mountain. And for 18 days, the whole world watched and thought, “I really hope those boys come out alive.” At the same time, some people in Hollywood must have been thinking “I really hope those boys come out alive…because just think of the movie we could make!” Just one day after every boy and their coach rescued, The Hollywood Reporter is reporting that a movie is in the works.
After much initial secrecy, a dramatic live TV pregnancy reveal, and a half-naked Rolling Stone cover, the day has finally come. Cardi B and her not-so-secret husband Offset are parents of a baby girl. TMZ says it happened last night at an Atlanta, Georgia hospital. They don’t say what the birth was like, so it’s up to me to interpret what happened. And of course I’m picturing the hospital halls being filled with the sounds Cardi busting out some Lamaze-style breathing techniques mixed with vocal trills, while Offset shouts random ad-libs like “Baby,” “Crowning,” and “That’s a lotta goo.”
This is 25-year-old Cardi’s first child, while 26-year-old Offset also has two sons, Jordan and Kody, and a daughter Kalea from previous relationships. Cardi confirmed the news herself on Instagram with picture from what appears to be Beyoncé’s pregnancy photo shoot (minus the clothing budget), and let everyone know the baby’s birth date and the baby’s name. Please welcome to the world, little Kulture Kiari Cephus.
To decode that name a little, Kiari is is Offset’s first name and Cephus is his last name (Kiari Kendrell Cephus). Kulture is…who even knows. It could be Cardi’s way of paying homage to Offset’s rap group Migos, whose second and third album were titled Culture and Culture II. Or maybe it’s not even pronounced like culture, but Koal-tyure, like couture. Nope, it’s probably just straight-up Kulture. Whatever the reason or pronunciation behind it, you know the Kardashians are mad as hell and have already spoken to their lawyers. There goes the perfect name for a yogurt brand launch, and just think of the tasteless, semen-y looking ad campaign that could have been.
Sarah Palin, America’s unofficial mascot of the “I wanna speak to the manager” set, seems to pride herself on being a real no-nonsense, straight-shooting, human bullshit detector. Except that she clearly isn’t. Sarah recently admitted that she was bamboozled by a disguised Sacha Baron Cohen for his upcoming Showtime series, Who is America?. A better title might be Who in America is Still Getting Tricked by Sacha Baron Cohen 12 Years After Borat? The answer is Sarah Palin is. And she’s super-duper gosh-darn peeved-off about it.
This isn’t any normal picture of Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry. Oh no, there’s something shocking happening here. I’ll give you a hint: it has nothing to do with Duchess Meghan’s scandalous bare shoulders or hat that looks like Spirograph’s failed attempt at 3D printing.
Taylor Swift is on the cover of the latest issue of Harper’s Bazaar giving you some second-tier Austin Powers spy sidekick (code name: Awholelotta Bland). But that’s sort of intentional; Taylor’s interview inside the magazine was conducted between herself and 1960’s British model and music girlfriend icon Pattie Boyd.
Only a week ago, Roseanne Barr bragged to her friend Rabbi Shmuley Boteach that she had traded in Roseanne’s famous couch afghan for a blanket woven from TV offers. Roseanne even promised that she’d be doing a TV interview very soon, her first since ABC fired her for her racist tweet about Valerie Jarrett. But Roseanne’s first interview is going to be on YouTube instead of TV.