After being broken up for a little over a month, it appears that 18-year-old millionaire lip gloss mogul Kylie Jenner might be letting Tyga work his creeper weasel game on her again. Just like that, the KUWTK writers let out a giant sigh of relief. They’ve finally secured a back-up story line for when viewers lose interest in the Toy Story Live! fight between the factory defect Troll doll and Teen Talk Barbie.
“And that where Channing put skin stick. In the lady cave. Channing do good sex.“…is what I like to think sexy caveman stripper doofus Channing Tatum is explaining in the picture above. Oh, who am I kidding? If he’s saying anything, it’s probably: “I TOTALLY HIT THAT BEEEEEOTCH! HAHAHAHAHA.”
If you have ever wondered what sex is like between Channing Tatum and his wife Jenna Dewan Tatum, you’re in luck. Channing got all Taxicab Confessions during a Facebook Live interview with Cosmopolitan (via UsWeekly) about their sex life, and it’s capital S-E-X-Y. Channing says that sometimes they do it fast. Sometimes they do it slow. And sometimes he just lays there and lets her do all the work. Ooooh, someone open a window; it just got very hot in here.
“I just lay there. I just lay down, sometimes I nap. Yeah, she’s really athletic. We get down! We truly have all different kinds of sex. Sometimes it’s like, ‘Look, you gotta get this done. I gotta go to work.’ And that’s a real thing. To me, that’s us being completely open…Then you have full-on, just completely totally connected otherworldly connections. We communicate very well. We don’t hate fuck each other. That’s not what we do.”
Hold up. Who said anything about hate fucking??? That interview took a really sharp turn. That doesn’t exactly seem like Cosmo sex tip material. Then again, I haven’t read Cosmo in a couple of years. But I think I would have remembered passing a cover boasting “23 NEW Ways to Hate Fuck Your Man” in the grocery store.
So there you go. Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum have normal people sex. That’s fine. But what I really want to know more about are those “otherworldly connections.” Like, are we talking ‘fucking so good you go forward in time and get a thumbs-up from your own ghost’ kind of otherworldly? Or is it more like a ‘humping yourselves into an alternate universe that you can only return from via a three-way with Dr. Sam Beckett‘ kind of thing. I need to know these things, Channing! Have you had Quantum Leap sex or not?
On Tuesday, Michael posted some recent-ish pap pictures of Amber Heard during his post about Johnny Depp’s ongoing bromance with Doug Stanhope, and it made me realize that I hadn’t seen any new pictures of Johnny Depp’s dirty ass in a while. My first thought was that maybe he had gone incognito to throw off the paps, like wearing an elaborate disguise, or showering. As it turns out, there’s a reason for why we haven’t seen Johnny Depp recently. He’s still in the Bahamas.
A source tells People that poor sad Johnny is so sad about everything that has been happening with his soon-to-be ex-wife lately, he hasn’t left his private island in the Bahamas. He’s been there for a couple of weeks and he’s not going back to L.A. anytime soon.
“He has no plans to return to L.A. He misses nothing about L.A. but his kids, and they are visiting him in the Bahamas.”
The source claims that Johnny’s daughter Lily-Rose Depp has recently visited him on Scarf Island. His son Jack and Johnny Depp Fanclub Member Vanessa Paradis will visit sometime in the next couple of days. The source adds that a whole bunch of Johnny’s friends have flown to the island to hang out with him. Apparently Johnny “likes being surrounded by people” and that everyone is “trying to cheer him up.”
Johnny can’t stay on his private island forever. He’s due back in the United States in July to continue touring with the Hollywood Vampires.
I totally get having a Calgon, take me away moment when shit gets ugly. But it’s a little surprising to me that his private island in the Bahamas is still his happy place. Johnny seems like a ~superstitious~ type that would think there was too much bad vibes on the island leftover from their second wedding ceremony. But maybe that’s why he keeps having so many damn visitors. They’re not there to keep him company; they’re there to help him cleanse the island of all of Amber’s energy. “Hey guys! Don’t forget to pack your shaman-blessed sage! And if someone could bring me a couple extra quartz crystals, that would be great.”
When part-time singer/full-time social media mess Demi Lovato returned to Twitter on Tuesday after a 24-hour hiatus from “sayin shit” and “the haters“, she promised that she was coming back “more honest than ever.” In Demi Speak, that usually means she’s going to start ranting so loud, even the Ghost of Coked-Up Demi Past would be like “Girl, stop, you’re giving me a headache.” And last night she delivered on that promise.
If you haven’t been following music lawsuit news or have a middle-aged Dad in your life who is really into both classic rock and plagiarism, then this will be new to you. Two years ago, a lawyer representing the estate of guitarist Randy Wolfe, formerly of a band called Spirit, filed a copyright infringement lawsuit against Led Zeppelin. In it, they alleged that the guitar intro to Led Zeppelin’s 1971 song “Stairway to Heaven” had been stolen from an instrumental song Spirit released in 1968 called “Taurus.” However, the Associated Press says a jury didn’t agree, and earlier today they decided Led Zeppelin didn’t steal shit.
Back in 2012, Chris Brown decided to hire a new manager in an attempt to fix the Tupperware container of rotten leftovers that was his reputation. Chris was still trying to climb back from violently beating on Rihanna before the Grammys in 2009, as well as deal with the public’s perception that he was an all-round asshole. So he hired a guy named Mike G to help him repair his image, get him out of debt and off drugs. In an unfortunate twist of irony, TMZ says Mike G is suing Chris Brown and claiming he beat him so bad he ended up in the ER.
It has been over two months since Lindsay Lohan confirmed she was engaged to her Russian trust fund piece Egor Tarabasov. And ever since then, most of their public appearances have been limited to shopping trips and beaches. But last night, they made their first official red carpet appearance as Mr. and Future Mrs. Russian Millionaire at something called the Caudwell Children Butterfly Ball in London.
Now we know why Lindsay wasn’t able to appear at the mini Mean Girls reunion in person yesterday; she had an ultra-exclusive event to go to. Sorry, Damien, but the Apricot Ashtray doesn’t have time to fly to Toronto for your event. She’s rich Russian arm candy now. Sure, it’s an unwrapped candy that fell on the floor at least a dozen times, smells like cigarettes, and is covered in germs and questionable hair, but candy is candy.
It was a very fancy event because Lindsay’s man Egot wore a tuxedo. (My computer keeps auto-correcting his name to Egot, which is as close to an EGOT as Lohan will ever get.) Meanwhile, Lindsay wore a dress that may or may not still have the price tag attached, and it may or may not have been bought by Egor and it may or may not have gone back this morning. “I know it was purchased using a credit card belonging to Mr. Tarabasov, but I already told you: I want a cash refund. And those stains were on the dress when I bought it.”
Here’s more of Egor, who I’m pretty sure asks for the Jake Lloyd Mugshot every time he goes to the barber. And Lindsay who is starting to look like she was made in the same factory as the CGI Spice Girl marionette fairies from the “Viva Forever” video.
But unlike the Judd Apatow movie she starred in almost ten years ago, this knocked up experience won’t end with Katherine Heigl publicly shitting all over the people she worked on it with. It will end with a baby!
37-year-old Katherine and her 34-year-old husband Josh Kelley released a statement to People magazine confirming the news. If you thought Katherine Heigl was bad, just wait for raging pregnancy hormones Katherine Heigl!
The Kelley clan is thrilled to announce that we are expecting a third addition to our family. This is an incredibly exciting time for us filled with hope, anticipation, and hormones. Well, only I’m filled with hormones, but everyone in the family gets to enjoy them. We couldn’t be more excited to be able to finally share this news with our fans and are looking forward to continuing to share the journey with you all.
As mentioned above in their statement, Katherine and Josh already have two daughters. Back in 2009, Katherine and Josh adopted a little girl from Korea they named Naleigh Moon. Three years later they adopted another little girl from Louisiana they named Adelaide Marie Hope.
Katherine and Josh tell People that this new baby will be a boy and he’s due in January. Now let’s guess Baby Heigl-Kelly’s name, shall we? Katherine explained long ago that “Naleigh” was a name her older sister Margaret created by mashing together their mom’s name (Nancy) with her middle name (Leigh). Maybe they’ll combine Katherine and Josh’s first names, like Jorine or Kash. Personally I like Kash. It will make for a funny joke the next time her agent books her another kitty litter commercial. “I’ll do it, but not for the money. I already have all the Kash I need. Lolololol but seriously, how much does that litter commercial pay.”
Here are some pictures of the Kitty Litter Kween eating a granola bar and wearing a baggy bump-hiding shirt at LAX last month.
Just remember: only six weeks until Suicide Squad is finally released and we can say goodbye to the endless reminders that Jared Leto is the most-committed method actor in the history of method acting. But until then, here’s another story about how Jared Leto’s crazy made people nervous on the set of Suicide Squad.
We already know that Jared Leto’s version of The Joker sounds like what you’d get if Mrs. Claus slipped some bath salts in Santa’s hot cocoa; he was constantly giving the cast fucked up presents, like a live rat, a dead pig, and used condoms. It really freaked his co-stars out including Viola Davis, who along with Will Smith, received a box of bullets from Jared. She admitted to E! News that “The Joker’s” gift scared her a bit and she almost pulled out pepper spray when meeting him the first time.
“It was a little worrisome. It made you a little bit nervous and I’m pretty tough. You know I got into a few fights when I was growing up…but it scared me a little bit. Before that I was only introduced to The Joker…and I almost had my pepper spray out. You know, ‘You remember that bullet you sent me?'”
In case you’re not familiar, The Joker became The Joker by falling into a vat of chemicals. So I bet Jared is still so pissed off that Viola didn’t spray a load in his face. “How rude. I had been begging the producers to administer real chemical burns for weeks. Like, was I not clear enough with the used condoms? I take this shit very seriously.”
Here’s Jared arriving at a Gucci show in Milan on Monday. Jared stopped filming Suicide Squad months ago, but apparently that hasn’t stopped him from once again dressing like Harley Quinn’s douchey half-brother, Ducati Quinn.
Pics: Warner Bros., Wenn.com
Based on the fact that he’s one of the highest-paid actors in the world and that his children talk like out-of-touch alien billionaires, Will Smith seems like the kind of rich I can only imagine about being. I picture him doing ultra-decadent shit, like delivering messages to Jada by hiring a skywriter (“We need more paper towels“). Apparently getting mega-rich off of shitty blockbusters that turned him into a massive star was one of Will Smith’s goals. But not anymore. Will spoke at the Cannes Lions festival yesterday about his career, and he says it’s all about the ~art~ now.