Open Post: Hosted By Lady Gaga Posing For Her Life At The AHS: Hotel Premiere

October 4, 2015 / Posted by:

The premiere of American Horror Story: Hotel was held last night in Los Angeles, and if I were to guess by these pictures of Lady Gaga serving up ten tons of I’m an actress now FACE on the red carpet, I’d say she was the star of this shit. Obviously that’s not true, since any cast that includes life legend Kathy Bates means that Kathy Bates is the star. (Note: This rule changes if Jessica Lange is on the call sheet, but since she’s not in AHS: Hotel., Kathy Bates takes her place). So really, Gaga needs to step aside and see if she can use those posing hands of hers to carry Kathy Bates’ purse or something.

Here’s more of Gaga doing her best version of Angelina Jolie at the Oscars (which ends up looking like Lady Gaga at a Real Housewives of New Jersey audition) at the AHS: Hotel premiere. I’ve also included everyone who was able to steal some of the spotlight from Gaga, because damn if they didn’t have to work their asses off for it, and they deserve some recognition for their efforts.

Pics: Splash,


Jennifer Aniston And Justin Theroux Made Their First Appearance Since Getting Married

October 4, 2015 / Posted by:

It’s been almost two months since Jennifer Aniston made Justin Theroux husband no. 2, and apparently they hadn’t been photographed together since before their wedding. Although to be honest, I wasn’t really checking. The Brangeloonies, however, were no doubt joyfully cackling that Jen and her sloppy seconds (you know they call him that) hadn’t been seen in public since they got married, and therefore were on a one-way train headed for divorce town.

Well, the Brangeloonies can rest assured that Jen and Justin are still totally together and not digging a grave for their marriage. Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux walked the red carpet of the season 2 premiere of The Leftovers in Austin last night. UsWeekly says that an eyewitness at the premiere gave them this EXTRA EXTRA hot tip scoop by telling them: “When Jen and Justin got out of the car, Justin’s body was angled toward Jen, almost protectively.” So for those of you wondering if Justin pushed Jen out of the way before yelling “Beep beep, move it or lose it” after they got out of the car, he did not.

I know I should be filing Jenniroux’s first sighting as Mr. and Mrs. away into a folder marked VERY IMPORTANT NEWS in my brain, but once again I can’t focus on anything besides Justin’s flare. Like…what is that belt. Are those studs? And is that a skinny leather tie? Maybe that’s why Jenny’s head is angled the way it is. She’s like “Just a little bit lower…a bit lower…is my hair covering the tie yet?

Here’s more of Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux at the premiere of The Leftovers last night. I wish Justin had walked the red carpet in character and given us a heaping helping of lumpy trackpant bulge. THAT’S how you really make the most out of your first public appearance as couple!

Pics: Splash/INF

Justin Bieber’s Friends Say Justin Bieber Is Totally Sober

October 4, 2015 / Posted by:

Despite the fact that he spent most of a recent concert in New Zealand chugging booze straight from the bottle and sucking back joints (or as he calls them, grown-up juice and silly daddy cigarettes), Justin Bieber – seen above shotgunning a beer in an Instagram video posted three weeks ago – is sober. Or at least that’s what Justin’s famous friends would like you to think.

TMZ says the humanoid tied-off Spring Break condom known as Riff Raff came to Justin’s defense by claiming that Justin isn’t the out-of-control toddler he sometimes appears to be. According to Riff Raff, he and Diplo were hanging out with Justin last week at a recording studio in Hollywood and he was too busy polishing his halo to engage in any bad boy behavior with them. Riff Raff says he and Diplo were “fucked up“, but that Justin was just saying NO to all that shit. They later decided to go to a club, and Riff Raff says Justin was sober the whole time.

When asked about the footage of him acting like Lampwick at Pleasure Island in New Zealand last week, Riff Raff says he may have fallen off the Little Tykes wagon, but added that it was probably just a one-time thing.

Okay, first of all, how in the world would Riff Raff and Diplo even know if someone is sober? Diplo is too busy nervously looking over his shoulders for Taylor Swift’s sugar cookie soldiers and starting shit with tweens on Twitter to notice if Justin slipped some hooch into his sippy cup. And Riff Raff – I mean, would Riff Raff even be able to recognize what “sober” is? Riff Raff’s sober is a regular person’s messy as fuck (or a Lohan’s buzzed).

Maybe TMZ should have asked Riff Raff to be more specific. He never said what they were “fucked up” on. “I was snorting lines of osteoporosis pills cut with Scrubbing Bubbles, but I swear Justin didn’t touch any of it.

Here’s the poster boy of sobriety climbing a boat in Australia last week. Yeah, that’s totally something a not-high person does.

Pics: Instagram, Splash/INF

Apparently Hillary Clinton Does A Pretty Good Donald Trump

October 4, 2015 / Posted by:

Then again, it’s not exactly hard. You just squint your eyes, react to every question as if you caught a whiff of a stinky steak fart, and call everyone a “LEW-sur.” But Hillary Clinton is doing the future presidential hustle, so it’s not surprising that she yanked at Donald Trump’s stale cotton candy weave on SNL last night.

Just like the last time she was trying to tip-toe into the White House, Hillary Clinton made a surprise appearance in a sketch about Hillary Clinton (played by Kate McKinnon), but this time she didn’t play herself. She played a bartender named Val, who…was pretty much just Hillary Clinton. Still, it wasn’t the worst. Especially when Hillary vanishes at the end and leaves nothing but a “hard tan business shoe” behind.

Plus she got in a sloppy impression of Donald Trump, and that’s never a bad thing. Donald Trump impressions are like pizza and sex; even when they’re bad, they’re still pretty good. It was actually the second one of the night; the show opened with Taran Killam and Cecily Strong as Donald and his gorgeous wife Melania Trump. But we won’t talk about that, because I’m still sore over how dirty they did Melania (the impression is NOTHING unless you commit 100% to Melania’s squinty-eyed frozen-faced glamour).

Obviously, the best part was the return of Darrell Hammond as Bill Clinton at the 3:50 mark. I actually would have loved if the camera followed him out of the bar. Where did Bill go? That’s the sketch I want to see! What am I saying? Bill totally went to Hooters.

So, This Was A Thing That Happened Last Night…

October 4, 2015 / Posted by:

Don’t worry, that giant hair clog you fished out of the shower drain didn’t come to life; it’s actually Miley Cyrus just looking like one while performing on Saturday Night Live last night. Everybody’s favorite hollerin’ high-billy was the host of the 41st season premiere of SNL and – this will be shocking to absolutely no one – Miley went full Miley. Sorry, that’s not technically true; she didn’t “accidentally” flash her nipples or rub her pickled pork rinds against the Weekend Update desk. But she did look a mess and brag about smoking ~so much~ weed like your badass 14 year old cousin, so that’s just about full Miley to me.

In case you missed it (“I wouldn’t say I missed it” said everyone), the Moonshine Princess sang two songs off her Miley Cyrus & Her Dead Petz album, the first of which she performed while dressed in some home-made “Cousin Itt at Burning Man” couture. You can watch that here, but I will warn you: you will feel very itchy.

She also opened the show in one your granny’s old Easter Sunday cast-offs and sang about all the Rachel Dolezals and Lion-Hunting Dentists we met over the summer.

Damn, Aidy Bryant does a better Kim Davis than Kim Davis. Speaking of, I’m sure that delusional bitch has already sent out a blast mail from her GeoCities account to all her friends letting them know that she was totally invited to SNL last night.

Of course, it wasn’t all Miley (despite her best efforts); SNL also came for Taylor Swift’s chronic friend collecting. Well, there goes Mango’s chance of ever being please welcome to the stage‘d by Tay Tay. Lorne Michaels, how could you? You know he would have loved that.

In case your eyes haven’t seen enough of Miley looking like drugs farted on high-fructose corn syrup, here’s Miley wearing the contents of my favorite sticker book from third grade at the SNL afterparty:

Pics: NBCSplash/INF

Open Post: Hosted By Jared Leto Looking Like A Fashion Fever Dream

October 3, 2015 / Posted by:

Looking hot’s arch nemesis Jared Leto is currently in Paris for Paris Fashion Week. And because Jared Leto is an artsy type who loves couture and looking a mess, he decided to stroll down la rue wearing what can only be described as what happens when fashion gets a rough case of food poisoning after eating some questionable buffet shrimp. I see a cape blanket thing, I see a tie-dye t-shirt, I see leggings, I see random zippers, I see more colors than an acid trip. I also see some greasy bubblegum pink Manic Panic hair buffoonery on the head of a 43 year old man, but I love my brain too much to start questioning why that is happening.

But back to that outfit. Suicide Squad wrapped filming back in August, so I have no idea why Jared Leto is still dressing like The Joker. Actually, no. The Joker wouldn’t. This is more like The Joker’s younger brother, The Jester (spelled Jesstyr, of course), who dropped out of Gotham Villain School to become an aspiring stylist in whatever Gotham’s version of Brooklyn is. I’m joking, but we all know that if when Hollywood decides to reboot Suicide Squad four years from now for the Instagram generation, that will totally be the plot.

Pics: Splash


Happy Amber Rose SlutWalk Day, Everybody!

October 3, 2015 / Posted by:

If you’re a ho (or a ho at heart) who woke up with a little extra pep in your step this morning, this would be the reason why. The Amber Rose SlutWalk was held in downtown Los Angeles earlier today by proud slut type Amber Rose to celebrate a slut’s choice to be a shameless tramp. Well, technically it’s a walk to fight against “sexual injustice, victim blaming, derogatory labeling and gender inequality” according to the Amber Rose SlutWalk website. But I can’t imagine she’d have a problem with my description of it, because there’s no shame in the tramp game.

To be completely honest, I am SHOCKED that this is what Amber Rose wore to the SlutWalk. This is downright demure compared to Amber Rose’s usual wardrobe. I was fully expecting her to march through the streets wearing nothing but a set of nipple pasties and a g-string made from a single piece of dental floss. Although I can’t totally hate on that black satin slip thing, because it looks like something Vampirella would wear to her great uncle’s funeral after her friends assured her it was modest enough, and that’s a pretty good look.

Of course, if seeing Amber Rose dressed in her boudoir best isn’t enough to warm your heart, please enjoy this picture of Amber Rose’s mama ripping a hot slutty fart all over Kanye West.


In case you’ve forgotten, “Fuck yo 30 showers” is a reference to the time Kanye hissed that he had to take 30 showers after he left Amber and got with Kim Kardashian. Sadly, Amber’s mom’s message will never reach Kanye, since Kanye’s assistant Kim will no doubt keep getting distracted by the exclamation point every time she tries to read it (“It’s my favorite cause it looks like a dick!“).

Here’s more of Amber Rose at the Amber Rose SlutWalk. Also, Nick Cannon was there. Sure, why not.

Pics: Instagram, Splash

Robin Williams’ Family Is Done Fighting Over His Estate

October 3, 2015 / Posted by:

Eight months ago, Robin Williams’ kids found themselves in a truly awkward position after their stepmother (and Robin Williams’ wife of three years) Susan Williams started getting greedy and trying to grab more money from their part of their father’s will. At the time, Susan was pulling an “I don’t know them” every time Zachary, Zelda, and Cody Williams pulled up to the front gate to collect the stuff their dad left to them in his will, which is always a classy move. Well, eight months later, Page Six says that Susan and the Williams kids have finally reached a settlement.

According to Susan’s lawyer, Susan gets to keep the San Francisco Bay Area home that she shared with Robin and will get enough money to maintain the house for the rest of her life. No word on whether that’s Swiffer cloth cash or a full-time housekeeper cash, but I’m assuming it’s the latter. Susan also gets one of Robin’s watches, a bike they bought on their honeymoon, and all their wedding presents. Somewhere in a home in the San Francisco Bay Area, Susan’s lawyer is Photoshopping the words “$16.8 million dollars, Item No. 4528L” onto a Crate & Barrel gift receipt.

Page Six says both sides are happy with the outcome of the settlement, and the only thing left is for a judge to give it the OK. Zachary, Zelda, and Cody’s lawyer adds: “I think they’re just very happy to have this behind them.” I’d like to think that was shade, but it’s probably just the truth.

So there we go. The ghost of Robin Williams can finally sleep peacefully at night knowing his family isn’t fighting over petty shit anymore. Now he can start focusing on more important things, like reenacting episodes of Mork & Mindy with the ghost of Jonathan Winters for the angels in Heaven (please don’t try to convince me that’s not what he’s doing, it’s what I want to believe).

Pic: Splash


Scott Disick Has A New Girlfriend And She’s An 18 Year Old Model

October 3, 2015 / Posted by:

Well, this is…something. 32 year old father of three Scott Disick, seen above using his arms to show how big of a douchebag Scott Disick is, is apparently chasing his dead relationship with the least fame whorey (I CANNOT believe I just typed that) Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian, with an 18 year old girlfriend. “Oh Scott, I knew you’d step up to the plate and give us something good to work with for the next season of KUWTK” cooed Scott’s former pimp-in-law Kris Jenner.

TMZ says Scott’s new girlfriend is a recently-legal blonde model from Canada named Lindsay Vrckovnik. They’re currently hanging out in Florida, because that’s what you do when you’re a 32 year old man who doesn’t have a job, I guess. TMZ has pictures of Scott and his new girlfriend frolicking on the beach, if that’s something you want to see.

I know there are grosser things than a 32 year old dating an 18 year old, but let’s put it into perspective. Scott’s new piece was 13 when his first kid was born. Scott was 14 when his girlfriend was born. Most importantly, Scott’s new girlfriend was barely a year old when Spice World was released. I mean, how the fuck do you relate to someone who wasn’t around when Spice World came out?

On the up side, Scott now has someone who will be there waiting in his hotel room to clean his ass up when he comes home drunk from the club, since his current girlfriend isn’t old enough to get in.

Speaking of 18 year olds who are dating grown-ass adult men with kids, here’s Scott’s former sister in law Kylie Jenner leaving a studio in Los Angeles yesterday.

Pics: Instagram, Splash

Xander From Buffy Got Arrested Again

October 3, 2015 / Posted by:

Yes, Nicholas Brendon, aka Xander from Buffy, got arrested again, but this time it wasn’t for being a drunk mess at a Comic-Con. It’s actually for something a lot more sad. According to People, Nicholas Brendon was arrested on Wednesday night in Saratoga Springs, New York for choking out his girlfriend. Giles, drop whatever dusty book you’re reading and come get Xander.

Saratoga Springs police say they got a call around 11:30pm on Wednesday night about a domestic at a motel. When they arrived, they found a 33-year-old woman who said Nicholas got into it with her shortly after she tried to drop off some of his shit. She claims that when she tried to leave, Xander grabbed her car keys and smashed her phone. Then he got all ragey and allegedly started choking her before fleeing the scene. People says he was found a few blocks away and was arrested. UsWeekly adds that police told them “alcohol was involved” in the incident.

Nicholas Brendon has been charged with two counts of criminal mischief, one count of obstruction of breathing (which is the fancy law way of saying choking someone, I guess), and robbery in the third degree.

In case you’re keeping a tally, this is Nicholas Brendon’s fourth arrest in the past 12 months. The last time we heard from him, he had checked himself into rehab and was asking TV doctors to help him battle his demons. But as any of you who watch Dr. Phil know (not that that’s something you’d admit to, I know), Nicholas recently slapped at one of the hands trying to help him out by walking off a recent episode. So…he’s in a pretty shitty place. Once again, Giles – please come get Xander. Or anyone, really. At this point, I’d be ok with Dawn. Dawn, make yourself useful and come get Xander.

Pic: Saratoga Springs Police Department

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