Blac Chyna is once again proving she totally deserves that Kardashian fetus in her body by posing half-naked and knocked-up for a magazine, this time for Elle. Blac Chyna looked a living John Kricfalusi cartoon in her Paper spread, but she looks someone human in these pictures, which are saying to me, “If the glove does fit, use it to cover a tit.”
Blac Chyna didn’t just pose in her underwear with her bump out for attention. She also spoke about her ex-fiance and the father of her son Tyga. Sorry, did I say spoke? I meant to say “read his cheap ass.”
This week is only three days old, and already there’s been enough bummer news to make me drink like it’s the weekend. Clearly the Universe heard us all screaming “Okay, call me when the week is done” and decided to take pity on us by giving us some genuinely good news.
If Kanye West’s recent semi-coherent ramble at the MTV VMAs is any indication, then Kanye West still has the mind of an ADHD hamster that just discovered what a mirror is. Since Kanye has an attention span of about 0.3 seconds, one would think he would have gotten bored of pulling at Taylor Swift’s metaphorical pigtails by now. But apparently Taylor is still someone he loves to talk about. He reminded us about their feud in his VMA speech, and he did it again backstage.
Two months after she finally decided she was officially done inspecting the crotch of Nick Young’s gymshorts for traces of away game strange, Iggy Azalea has found love. Or at least found someone willing to take her on an expensive makeout-filled vacation to Mexico.
I know it’s redundant of me to even ask, because we all know that Sue Ellen Mischke from Seinfeld has, is, and forever will always work the bra-under-a-blazer look the best. But Amber Rose is coming in a very close second. We all know that Amber Rose has a habit of bringing ten tons of jaw-dropping eleganza to the MTV VMAs. Sometimes she goes straight-up stripper, other times she keeps it a little more demure. This year she went tasteful and sophisticated with just a hint of “Oh, these?”
MTV was really taking a risk by having everyone walk into the VMAs on a white carpet instead of a red one. It was an award show shot in HD, which means it wasn’t a shock to see some people strolling in with their faces covered in a 1/4 inch thick layer of foundation, concealer, powder, the shadow from 6 Morphe eye palettes, 18oz of lipstick, and an entire bottle of setting spray. There’s no way MTV would have gotten their damage deposit back if someone like Kim Kardashian were to trip and land face-first on that carpet. If Kim left a makeup imprint of her face on that carpet, you know the first thing she would have done was had it sent to her mom’s house with a note that said: “Possible $$$ opportunity. Call the rug from Aladdin and set up a camera.”
Thankfully MTV didn’t have to worry about any of that when Alicia Keys hit the white carpet, because her face was au naturel….kind of.