Those of us who regularly fill ourselves up with the good shit smoke should be disappointed in ourselves for not coming up with this first. From the brilliant mind Ryan McHenry comes these Vines of Ryan Gosling refusing to eat cereal. I just.... I don't even know what to say.... I'm so glad people have time for shit like this. There's a lot more after the cut. These are best viewed after you've smoked a bowl or twenty. Actually, don't do that, because then you might get the urge to try to eat that spoonful of Corn Pops. GO!
Yesterday, The Wrap posted a story about how FOX is planning to take a giant Magic Eraser to American Idol and get rid of everything except the title and Ryan Semencrest. FOX apparently wants to drop Randy Jackson, Nicki Minaj, Mimi, Keith Urban and Idol's executive producer Nygel Lythgoe into the trash and start all over again. If The Wrap is right, then FOX is one pink slip closer to completing its plan, because they have muzzled the dawg pound.
Randy Jackson told E! that he's taking his final bow this season and won't be back next season:
"Yo! Yo! Yo! To put all of the speculation to the rest, after 12 years of judging on American Idol I have decided it is time to leave after this season."
"I have to decided it is time to leave..." Yes, let's just pretend like Randy Jackson's the one who packed up all his shit and left on his own, and the producers didn't put his water and food bowl outside of the exit door to let him know that he can move on now. Now you know he got fired. I'm sure Idol will replace him with a Randy Jackson soundboard that will spit out lines like "Yo yo, dawg, that was pitchy, dawg" at the touch of a button. But whatever....
Now Randy Jackson can FINALLY go back to Journey.
Vogue kropped Kim Kouchdashian out of their Met Gala slideshow. Game point goes to Anna Wintour! - The Superficial
This might seem like seven shades of ridiculous, but we've all seen what happens when a Mogwai gets wet - Lainey Gossip
RiRi temporarily lost her ability to button a button...or she was just being RiRi - Drunken Stepfather
Gays will turn your potential fun time into the ultimate day of hell at Disneyland, according to One Million Moms - Towleroad
The porn iguana's parched weave could use a date with Pantene Pro V - Hollywood Tuna
....says the monster who looks like his face was covered in dehydrated foreskins - Celebitchy
Beam me up, Kate Bosworth - Popoholic
Is Kiki Dunst playing her Drop Dead Gorgeous character in Anchorman 2? - Just Jared
Tom Hardy and Noomi Rapace might be a thing (no word on how that adorable pit bull puppy is involved in all of this) - ICYDK
Neil Patrick Harris is hosting the Tonys again - The Berry
American Idol doesn't know what to do with itself anymore - IDLYITW
Kate Moss' ass cheeks for St. Tropez self-tanner - Popsugar
Heather Graham is happy she hasn't been forced to retire yet - I'm Not Obsessed
And when you buy Lauryn Hill's album, make sure your check is payable to the Collections Department of the United States Treasury - OMG Blog
Billie Joe Armstrong knows a lot about the herp - HuffPo
Melinda Brown Duncan for Mayor of Detroit! - Crunk + Disorderly
Bethenny Frankelstein wasn't a bad person until her marriage made her that way - Reality Tea
Zach Galifnakaiaksisisis is EVERYWHERE - Videogum
Bai Ling shows Courtney Stodden how to really wear a pair of denim coochie cutters - Moe Jackson
There's just too much YES in this picture from the dude on the left saying "I did not clock in to deal with this fuckery" look in his eyes to the kid at the bottom throwing a side-eye of sympathy at that Noah dude to the girl hanging her head in shame to those two pinnacles of society doing Florida proud. Picture, meet and get to know the wall of my iPhone, because you two are going to be together for a long time.
Deadspin says that this classy leather blossom who flipped off Joakim Noah at the Heat vs. Bulls game last night isn't just your regular middle finger-throwing vixen. Her name is Filomena "Phyllis" Tobias and her story should be turned into a Showtime mini-series starring Edie Falco (or Cameron Diaz if Edie is too busy with that Nurse Jackie shit). Bitch was accused of murdering her fourth husband and more!
Before marrying millionaire hedge-funder Seth Tobias, Phyllis was married three times and one of her ex-husbands accused her of being a pill-popping mess who regularly beat his ass. Phyllis married Seth in 2005 and during their marriage, he allegedly snorted more coke than your average Lohan, gambled away tons of money and was accused of getting it on with male hustlers. Phyllis did nothing but spend their money and constantly get on her husband about being a cokehead. New York Magazine published a fascinating and crazy story about this scandal in 2008 and you really should read all of it if you haven't, but in the meantime here's one of the best parts:
Phyllis would often appear at the office and demand cash. “Give me 15,000 fucking dollars. Give me 15,000 fucking dollars,” she hissed on one visit, according to the former Circle T staffer. Tobias had promised Phyllis that he would stop using cocaine, but she didn’t believe him. In the fall of 2005, the couple was having dinner at Bice, a Palm Beach restaurant, with six other people. Just after sitting down, Phyllis jumped from her seat and placed her lips over Tobias’s nose and began sucking. She was searching for cocaine residue.
That might sound crazy, but that's how the Lohans greet each other and it's kind of touching when they do it.
To make a long, scandalous story shorter, Seth was found dead in the pool of their Jupiter, FL mansion in 2007. Phyllis' gay phone psychic Billy Ash later claimed that she crushed Ambien pills into Seth's pasta the night he died. Billy also claimed that Phyllis and Seth met at a sex party and their marriage was only one of convenience. He wanted a trophy wife beard and she wanted a rich husband. Billy also said that Phyllis once kidnapped a gay stripper named Tiger, because Seth was really into him and it made her jealous. It goes on and on and on... Phyllis was later cleared and she inherited a huge chunk of her late husband's fortune.
Andy Cohen should really be fired, because I can't believe this bitch hasn't been given her own show on Bravo!
Long before Anne Hathaway made me throat punch a pixie when she gave her "...it came true..." speech at the Oscars, I worshiped her as a rodeo princess turned platinum-haired ice cold businesswoman in Brokeback Mountain. Maybe that's why I like her platinum Bieber circa 2010 'do. It's what her Brokeback Mountain character would look like if she had a breakdown and took a kitchen knife to her hair while a cigarette dangled out of her mouth. It's also what a Lord of the Ring elf would look like if she time traveled to the 60s.
Here's more of blond-haired Anne with her Bashful Buzzard-looking ass husband at the Tate Americas Foundation Artists Dinner 2013 in NYC last night.
Teen Mom Farrah could be nice to the tattered, bruised and battered half brain cell inside of her head if she just came out and kept it truthful by saying, "I got dicked in the culo on camera for fame and money. The end."
But Teen Mom Farrah keeps overworking that half brain cell by coming up with crap excuses and reasons for why she took a James Deen dick up the butt in front of a camera. Farrah Abraham told Entertainment Tonight that she did the tape for her own private use, because she has no friends and has a sad a lot of the time:
"I have no relationships and I'm, like, sad sometimes. So taking all this into consideration, which some find it hard to, that's what brought me here today. I felt this was my way of embracing my sexuality and being happy for me."
Thinking is hard, right, Farrah? I've seen Farrah's porn and the extras (I clearly don't have a life/hate myself) and while I agree with her that butt sex before a jizz facial is Mother Nature's Prozac, there's nothing happy about that video. James Deen's peen is al dente most of the time and he looks like he'd rather be mouth fucking an alligator. Getting butt boned by a dude who clearly hates you is totally chicken soup for the soul. (Read that as "chicken soup for the hole" if you need the perfect lunch time image.)
Feya Abraham goes on to yank dicks by saying that she hired a professional porn star, because she felt he wouldn't blab about it and her private sex tape would stay private. But then she says that James Deen started running his mouth, so she had no choice but to shop the tape to porn companies. Again, thinking isn't Farrah's strongest skill:
"I was under the belief this would help better protect me and my privacy. So I was like, 'If this guy's so professional and everything's going to be fine,' then I was like, 'I'm happy with this choice.' [But Deen] made it like his own thing and that's why I was like, 'You know what, let me be one step ahead and let me gain control of my own video again.' That's why I was meeting with different adult entertainment companies."
Farrah said that she's already put some of the money (more than six figures, she claims) away for her daughter's education and she's going to use the rest of the money to open "her restaurants." But she didn't want to get into her finances, because she's "private like that."
Yes, Farrah continues to think we're all as dumb in the brains as she is and don't know how porn works. But I will say that while watching eight fingers pull the missing sock I've been looking for out of her steak burrito cooch, I did think to myself, "She's got some talent!"
In case you didn't already know from looking at her, Avril Lavigne is never growing up and when she's 50, she'll be in the backyard of some abandoned house, downing wine coolers as the 13-year-old sk8r bois do ollies in the empty pool.
The Hot Topic Pikachu put out a video for her new single "Here's To Never Hitting Puberty' and in it she wears her old outfit from the Complicated video, whine yodels at a prom and trashes a school hallway with a bunch of teenagers. Bitch is 28 years old and spraying champagne at a bunch of high schoolers! Shouldn't she be on a list or something?
Believe it or not, this isn't the most embarrassing thing the Canadian Peter Pan has done. Getting engaged to the humanized Top Ramen brick will always hold that title.
Maybe Avril Lavigne stays looking like a 14-year-old circa 2002, because she really has no choice. She's smeared so much black tar on her eyes that she can't get it off and so she's going to look that way forever. When you've got permanent black paint eyes like that, you can either retreat to the mountains of China and live the rest of your life as a panda or you can keep your Kohl's version of punk rock look.
At a screening of The Great Gatsby in NYC on Tuesday night, noted slut whore Gerard Butler was seen talking to de-winged Victoria's Secret angel and Orlando Bloom's wife Miranda Kerr for a few minutes. When photographers took pictures of Gerard and Miranda sharing words with each other, he asked them to kindly delete the pictures or he'd screw every single one of their husbands or wives and when they look down at the freshly bloomed genital wart on their husbands or wives' crotch, they'll think of him!
Page Six says that Gerard must've known one of the photographers on a friendly level, because when he asked the dude to erase the pictures, they "high-fived and bro-hugged." The source also says that Miranda was SMILING while talking to Gerard for 20 minutes.
What does it all mean?!!!!!!!!!!?!!!!!
Whatever, can't a married woman smile while talking to a certified slut for 20 minutes without a bunch of nosy hos thinking that something (read: his dick) is up? Yeah, no, not when it's Gerard Butler we're talking about. Something is always up when he's talking to a chick. I bet that in those 20 minutes, they boned 3 different ways, cuddled, shared a cigarette and boned 2 other different ways without anybody noticing. The Butler is that smooth. The Butler is that stealth.
And you know when Gerard Butler and that photog "bro-hugged"? Yeah, his dick did the reach-under anal move. He's that good.
But didn't they have a cat together? THINK OF THE PUSSY!
UsWeekly says that things might be a little awkward on the Vampire Diaries set, because Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder have stopped wet humping each other behind the cameras. Nina and Dobrev started dating three years ago after meeting on the VD set and now they're done. Some source says that they are "consummate professionals" (Note: If you just woke up and haven't caffeined up your brain yet, you might've read that as "constipated professionals" like I did.) and "will continue to work together and remain best friends, which is where the relationship started."
"We'll remain best friends" really is the "over the moon" of break-up statements.
So there you go. One of those vampire couples set their love on fire. At least we still have Kristen Stewart and RPattz (SICK!) and Sookeh and Beeehl (BARF!).
And earlier this morning, Ian Somerhalder tweeted this:>
Who knew that when Ian Somerhalder's heart breaks a little he turns into an Emo 7th grader who cuts with a butter knife and listens to Fall Out Boy ballads on a loop? But what I want to know is, did he smirk and throw smug eyes at the monitor while typing that tweet?
Marlee Matlin signs "BOY that's a noisy model." - TexnDoc
The rejects from the Hamburger Helper auditions opted for a career in fashion. - dbella
via The Chive