For the past month, the paparazzi have been wandering the beaches aimlessly, wondering what to do with themselves and every now and again they'd come across a dead seahorse lying on the sand and they'd break down thinking about all the beautiful staged bikini moments they had with LeAnn Rimes. Well, the dark times are over for the paps, because LeAnn is out of that spa/therapy clinic/whatever center and is back out on the ho stroll full time, so it won't be long before she starts texting them with the exact GPS coordinates of where to find her posing in a two piece. You can now close your eyes at night, because LeAnn has been reunited with her two true loves: the paps and bikinis!
Late last month, LeAnn checked into an inpatient, part-time therapy center to deal with stresses that were tearing her falcor nerves apart. There were rumors that LeAnn was dealing with an eating disorder, but most of the rumors claimed that she was stressed out from getting into a Twitter feud with two of her biggest haters. LeAnn called up those two haters and they recorded the conversation and then splattered it all over the internet. LeAnn is now suing their asses for invasion of privacy. The courts have forwarded the case to the vice principal of a junior high school, because he's used to handling stupid mean girl shit like that. And here we are now...
LeAnn tweeted the picture above of her channeling her inner "Catwoman" and then she went to premiere of the Batman Live show in L.A. with Eddie Cibrian and his two kids. I'm not one to give LeAnn compliments, because the last time I pet a horse, the other jealous horses threw me side-eyes and tried to kick me, but she's looking refreshed. All those therapy sessions (chemical peels), group meetings (massages) and time alone (facials) really did her some good. LeAnn is so refreshed that she doesn't even mind that Eddie's stache smells like random coochie fumes.
Not to be outdone by Tina Fey, Tina Ray shows that she is also a master of the photo bomb. - herroyalflyness
Awkward moment when you realize the stingray you were talking smack about was behind you the ENTIRE time. - j0ker918
You girls let Joe Francis in the water with you and you're surprised your vaginas detached themselves and sped away like minnows swimming upstream? Well, what the fuck else did you expect to happen?! - cs182
On her 40th birthday, GOOPY kicked off her midlife crisis by forcing her friends to "become one with the Raymond" - Dawn Davenport
When you go on Guys with iPhones, you know you're going to get a whole lot of man nipples, several servings of ass and sometimes fully visible peen. What you don't think you're going to get is a non-stop fashion show extravaganza from a retail twink slut who is turning the site into his own personal lookbook. Dlisted reader Brian directed my attention to a Hot Slut with iPhone who uploads a new picture of him in a different ensemble almost every single day and it's making some of the dudes roll their eyes and scream for him to show a peek of a peen or take his ass to the local Barbizon where shit like this is embraced.
Dude obviously works in a clothing store, because he usually poses in a dressing room area in outfits that'll make both Ellen DeGeneres and Justin Bieber rip each other's hair out to get their hands on. The hate he is getting for this is hilarious and I love all of it. Because nothing makes an outfit some shade. Work it, queen.
And I didn't even know skinny chinos came in that many colors.
Dita Von Teese (40)
Keir Gilchrist (20)
Skye McCole Bartusiak (20)
Hilary Duff (25)
Melody Thornton (28)
St. Vincent (30)
Bam Margera (33)
Carré Otis (44)
Naomi Watts (44)
Mira Sorvino (45)
Moon Unit Zappa (45)
Ginger Fish (46)
Janeane Garofalo (48)
Suzanne Whang (50)
John Sayles (62)
Jeffrey Jones (66)
Brigitte Bardot (78)
A couple of days ago I posted the soul-murdering, vomit-inducing, diarrhea-bringing image of Jason "Gummi Bear" Davis leaving a hotel in L.A. with an open crusty sore on his foot that looked like the portal to hell. Since I'm on WebMD a lot, I diagnosed it as being a staph infection, but that's probably not what it is at all. Gummi Bear's foot sore looks like an exploding sun dried tomato pizza bagel, because he keeps injecting heroin into it. You should know that you don't have to go any further. You can turn around and go and look at a ginger kitten canoodling with chicks instead. That's an option, you know.
Radar has a lovely video from Tuesday night on their site of Gummi Bear bandaging his foot up after allegedly shooting heroin into a vein. There's blood all over the floor, because the vein couldn't take it anymore and quit life by popping. A source says that Gummi Bear, who was on the fourth season of Celebrity Rehab, is living in a sober house, but that doesn't stop him from chasing after the tip of a dragon's tail whenever he can. The emergency room has become a second home to Gummi Bear, because the diabetes he suffers from mixed with his heroin use regularly puts him in front of a doctor. One of Gummi Bear's friends said this about what happened after he shot heroin into his foot on Tuesday night:
"His foot is black and blue and it's disgusting. There was blood everywhere and Jason's so out of it and lazy that the blood stains are still all over his room and on the sheets. He hasn't cleaned any of it up. He begged his friends to take him because he didn't want to be taken in an ambulance. And this is how bad his addiction is; before they took him to the hospital he asked them if he could get him heroin! Obviously no one gave him heroin and after a few hours in the hospital he came back with a huge nasty crater in his foot. I really hope this guy gets help, because he is definitely not sober and he's causing chaos in that sober house."
So there you go, Gummi Bear's foot doesn't look like a prolapsed rectum because he has a staph infection. It looks that way, because he's shooting the liquid bad shit directly into it. I know, when it was a staph infection it made me go: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Now that I know it's a heroin sore, I'm still going: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and stretch my leg, and find a way to bring my foot up to my mouth so I can kiss it and tell it that I'll never treat it like that. If I ever want to inject heroin, I'll just inject it into my taint. It's not like I need a taint anyway.
Scenes from the new movie Mad Max: Beyond Thunderthighs - The Berry
If you were in Poland yesterday and just so happened to stick your peen in a glory hole, you could've been licked by Casper Smart himself - Lainey Gossip
Australian realtor Kieren Gray knows that man nipples are the secret ingredients to selling a house - Towleroad
Please, open up and take your vitamin E (for elegance) by looking at these pictures of England's finest rose - Hollywood Tuna
Did one of the Toddlers & Tiaras mom style this Cameron Diaz photo shoot? - Drunken Stepfather
What I'm getting from this is that Kristen Stewart hates armpit sex. PRUDE! - Celebitchy
White Oprah giving parenting advice to Amanda Bynes' parents is like John Travolta giving Tommy Girl advice on sex with a vagina - The Superficial
Ali Landry is not really on land and she's totally not dry. I'll see myself out. - Popoholic
But doesn't Kristen Stewart ALWAYS look like a pile of dirty clothes that magically came to life? - ICYDK
It's all awwwws and warm tingles until one of them bites the other one's nose off - Cityrag
Kristie Alley is looking exquisitely gorgeous and I'm only saying that because she looks like La Bruja mashed together with Mickey Rourke - Celebslam
Justin Timberlake is too good to show full crack - OMG Blog
January Jones went to Whole Foods and you probably just went to the emergency room after almost dying from over-excitement from reading the first part of this sentence - Popsugar
HAND ME MY SHANK! - Just Jared
Joanna Krupa somehow found a way to make herself look even more tacky - Moe Jackson
Jennifer Garner used the phrase "wonder sperm" - Hollywood Rag
Men hate wedges, so says Mindy Kaling - I'm Not Obsessed
(Pic via PCN)
"She's pretty much Elizabeth Taylor reincarnated" is the line that came out of Grant Bowler's mouth in this behind-the-scenes shit for Lifetime's Liz & Dick and I can't believe those words came out of his talk hole without his family and loved ones showing up in the frame to calmly take his hand and walk him to rehab since he's obviously beyond high on the wrong stuff. After Grant spit up that butt corn of delusion, I totally expected to see a giant net fall over his body and for him to scream as two men in white coats dragged him to a waiting van, because he's talking CRAZY!
Does his ass even know what "reincarnated" means? Maybe he thinks it means that Lindsay Lohan has taken Elizabeth Taylor's image, butchered it until it's barely recognizable and then sold it in pieces at a carniceria in the valley, because if that's what he mean then he's making sense.
How can Grant say that mess of words when he's sitting there staring at Lindsay Lohan looking more like Elizabloat Taylor than Elizabeth Taylor. Whatever it is LiLo gave you to snort, Grant, stop it before more loads of crazy spew out of your mouth and before your nose looks like this:
It wasn't NOT funny!
(pic of Mr. Busted Coke Nose via DM)
On last night's episode of Masterpiece Theater Presents The Diary of America's Favorite Family, Sugar Bear's brother Uncle Poodle, who's got a little fruit in his tank (copyright: Mama June), came over to the house to work with Honey Boo Boo Chile on her pageant sway and to get into a grass fight with the other members of the Country Bear Jamboree.
Our nation's sweetheart Honey Boo Boo calls her uncle Uncle Poodle, because she calls all gay dudes poodles. (For the record, I am so not a poodle. I'm more like a cockapoo who has to go to the vet every other week for raisin tongue because I won't stop licking my own ass.) Honey Boo Boo took some time out from launching grass bombs at Uncle Poodle to share some words of wisdom on being gay and she did it without murdering gnats or snorting out nose jelly, so you know it's important!
Erin Moran, seen above with Mrs. C during happier days (slap me for that pun, I deserve it) in 2009, is down and out in Indiana after getting kicked out of the trailer park she was living in. Erin, who played Joanie Cunningham in Happy Days, and her husband Steve Fleischmann are motel hopping, because they don't have any place to live and their money is draining away faster than whatever is left of Scott Baio's sanity.
Erin's road to woe started years ago when she was evicted from her California home. To save money, Erin and Steve moved into his mom's trailer in New Salisbury, Indiana earlier this summer, but that situation didn't last long. Steve and Erin both became trailer park rejects after his mom couldn't take their hard partying and kicked them out. The National Enquirer (via Radar) says that Erin got thousands of dollars in a cash settlement from CBS after the Happy Days cast sued the network over merchandising revenue, but she's drinking that money up so fast that it's only a matter of time before her checking account is completely dry. Erin and Steve were living at a Holiday Inn Express for a little while, but they were kicked out for being drunken messes. Some source put it like this:
“On several occasions the hotel management warned Erin to curb her unruly behavior. But they finally had enough of her temper and demanded that she immediately leave the property."
You know what? We've all been there. We've all drunkenly passed out on the scratchy shag rug of a Holiday Inn Express in Indiana and then got woken up by the management throwing our stuff into the parking lot, because we broke the vending machine in the hallway while getting into a fight with it the night before. We've all been there and we'll all be there again. Besides, it could be worse, she could be married to Scott Baio in real life.
So, I'm talking to my mom on the phone last night and in between recapping yesterday's Dr. Oz episode in detail and telling me about how she had to tell my 70-something aunt what oral sex is (FYI: My aunt thought oral sex was just talking dirty and didn't even know the peen could go in there.), she went on and on about a fucked-up, sad, tragic story that was all over the news in L.A. last night.
A man was found dead on the driveway of a home in Los Feliz and the owner of the house, an 81-year-old woman, was found dead inside. My mom, who is practically an LAPD detective since she watches a lot of 48 Hours Mystery, guessed that the guy was a drug addict and killed the woman after she caught him trying to steal her jooree. My mom might be half right (but probably not). Hold on to your badge, Detective La Toya, because my mom is coming for it!
The guy who was found dead on the driveway has been identified by TMZ as 28-year-old actor Johnny Lewis. Johnny was Half-Sack in Sons of Anarchy and played one of Mischa Barton's friends on The OC. Johnny was renting a room from the 81-year-old victim, Catherine Davis, and police believe he murdered her before falling to his death from the roof of the three-story house or a six foot wall. Before Johnny murdered Catherine Davis and fell to his death, he beat a house painter and another guy with a 2X4.
The police are still trying to piece together the series of events (call my mom, LAPD!), but so far they say that Johnny got into a fight with the owner of a house nearby and a house painter. Johnny used to live in that house. After Johnny beat both men with a block of wood and his bare hands, he killed Catherine Davis and then jumped to his death. Catherine Davis died of blunt force trauma.
Sources tell TMZ that the police believe Johnny was either high on meth or PCP at the time, because he showed "super human strength" during his fight with the two men.
Johnny Lewis also dated Katy Perry for a quick second in 2006. And if he was high on PCP, did he not learn anything from the German squirrel?