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Jennifer Hudson's ex-brother-in-law, William Balfour, was found guilty for murdering her mother Darnell Donerson, brother Jason Hudson and 7-year-old nephew Julian King over three years ago. The jury talked it over for 18 hours and declared his ass guilty of three counts of first-degree murder. The jury also found William guilty of home invasion and residential burglary. USA Today said that it took 3 long days, because at one point they were split. Yeah, that part made my brain burp up a question mark too.

During the trial, prosecutors told the court that William went on a crazy rage over a balloon that somebody gave Julia Hudson, his ex-wife and Jennifer's sister. William thought the balloon was from a boyfriend.

JHud was in the court room during every day of the trial and she was in the court room today when the jury slapped William down. He faces life in prison and he's obviously going to get it.

I see Katy Perry picked up a goth girl starter kit from Hot Topic, but she's still missing a coffin-shaped lunchbox and torn up Emily the Strange t-shirt - The Superficial

Who cares about Duchess Kate's bland ass? Who is the vision behind her in the 3rd picture in the fourth row? - Lainey Gossip

Maria Menounos makes it so easy - Hollywood Tuna

Uncle Terry + Lady CaCa + her taped nipple = No. - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

Uncle Terry + RiRi + hand hugging his nipples = Capital NO. - Crunk + Disorderly

It's all fun and laughs until Jessica Simpson tries to eat her butterball turkey baby with gravy and canned cranberries - Celebitchy

This must be Nylon's charity issue. I bet they did it for the write-off - The Berry

Jake Shears and Babydaddy on Gay Times - Towleroad

That tick tock sound you hear is me patiently waiting for The Daily Mail to do a story on Kate Upton's dry knees - IDLYITW

Today's "I Hate Myself" moment brought to you by me searching Katherine Heigl's crotch for a camel toe - Popoholic

The grandpa who covered Drew Barrymore's cold shoulders with his favorite blazer is a true gentleman - ICYDK

Is Charlize Theron's dress made out of an old straitjacket or grandma's used girdle? - Popsugar

Janet Jackson is giving Phoebe Price some competition in the chicken cutlets department - Just Jared

Sharon Osbourne almost SANS FARDS - Celebslam

Cameron Diaz's old nose vs. Cameron Diaz's new nose - Cityrag

It's like watching John Travolta during a massage.... - OMG Blog

If I had to work in an office, this is how I'd get there - Videogum

Kristen Stewart and Charlize Theron on Le Grand Journal - Hollywood Rag

Doggy is like, "Am I smelling one of my own farts or did Tom forget to bathe his beard again?" - Manhunt Daily

Bitch Got Charged: The Matthew Fox Edition - I'm Not Obsessed

Oh shit, she said, "You're kind of in my house here." Tamron Hall of Today and MSNBC put Washington Examiner reporter Timothy Carney's shoes out on her front porch after he accused her ass of blowing up a non-story for maximum media coverage. Now this is how you hand a bitch his car keys, give him his pocketbook and kick him out the front door in one quick swoop. Tamron gets all the points from me for ctrl+alt+deleting a bitch real quick.

via Buzzfeed (Thanks, Ross) 

On last night's American Idol, JLo moved the hell out of her lips while twerking her shit with a chorus of John Travolta's wet dreams. JLo wouldn't be JLo if she didn't shove her piece into our eyes, and so Casper Smart got a starring spot. Casper twirled out, grabbed on JLo's ottoman pouf ass and the two practically swallowed each other's breaths. It looked like an interpretive dance of a seal eating a duck (you decide which is which). I think I speak for the Dragon Tales Twins when I say: "GROSS, MOM! STOP!"

I sort of like that JLo is humping on one of her dancers, because it probably creates serious backstage drama. Showgirls isn't just a movie. It's LIFE! I bet Casper gets his own dressing room, a later call time and doesn't have to eat brown rice and vegetables with the other dancers. Bitch gets it special. I wonder which one of the dancers grabbed Casper backstage and shouted at his ass, "You fuck her for the spot? Or you fuck her cause you wanted to?"

via The Daily Mail

......and it's going to star Zooey Deschanel as Loretta Lynn. I'll wait here while you ask Siri, "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?"

At a show at the Grand Ole Opry in 1979, Loretta brought Sissy Spacek onstage and announced she handpicked Sissy to play her in the Coal Miner's Daughter. Loretta did the same thing for Zooey at the Ryman Auditorium last night. According to Playbill, Loretta told the audience:

“It’s a long way from Butcher Holler to Broadway in New York City. I never imagined I’d see 'Coal Miner’s Daughter' on a movie screen, and now I can’t believe it’s going to be on a stage for people to see,” said Lynn. “I’m going to be right there in the front row. And I know Zooey is going to be great – she sings and writes her own songs just like I do, and we even have the same color eyes!”

The show has a star, a website and producers, but it doesn't have writers or a director, so it might not even happen. Yeah, I'd rather Loretta Lynn play Loretta Lynn on Broadway (yes, she still can) than a come-to-life Holly Hobbie doll who is too damn lazy to look outside her window to see if it's raining, but I don't have any feelings either way about this. But mostly that's because the only feeling I'm feeling right now is queasiness. It isn't from this news, it's from eating a multi-vitamin with my lunch. See, I try to do something healthy and my body rejects it! I bet this wouldn't have happened if I ate a donut with my lunch. Fuck vitamins!

The Daily Mail has a picture of Homewrecker Hall of Fame recipient Sienna Miller sipping on what looks like a flute of champagne in Portofino, Italy the other day. It could be a fancy kind of sparkling chamomile tea that calls for an extra fancy glass, but it's probably carbonated sweet nectar. Sienna is on a "babymoon" with her fiancé Tom Sturridge and one of her friend tells InTouch Weekly (via Celebitchy) that she's been lubricating her tonsils with wine (GASP!) and champagne (GASP! GASP!).

Sienna's friend said that it's not like her unborn baby is going to stumble out of her vagina saying shit like, "Yooooooo knows what yer problems is?!" The friend said that she's just sipping, “Sienna is European and it’s common there for a pregnant woman to have a glass of wine or champagne. She’d never do anything to harm her unborn baby.”

Is it really just a European thing, though? I thought it was an international thing especially since more and more women are chomping on their placentas after giving birth. And any chef will tell you that meat is most delicious when braised in wine. SO DRINK UP!

On another note, are we really using the phrase "babymoon" now? Why don't you just gag me with a CROC? It'll bring the barfs up faster. Not only does "babymoon" sounds like something a prankster baby does, but it also sounds like "Over the Moon's" equally gross first cousin. Can we not?

On another nother note, what is Tom Sturridge's ass trying to accomplish with that updon't? Is he really trying to look like a skinny hipster sumo wrestler? Can he not?

In that picture above, is John Travolta making an "over-the-shoulder two-handed handjob" pose or a "Hooray for me for getting it DP-style" pose? Or is he grossed out because he just realized he made a vagina with his hands? Process that through your brain and we'll discuss later.

The masseur who opened up the unlocked, glass Pandora's Box of John Travolta's man molesting ways has come up to the podium to shrug while saying, "Ooops!" John Doe #1 first claimed that John Travolta grabbed at his peen without an invitation on January 16, 2012 at the Beverly Hills Hotel. But after John Travolta's team pulled out completely suspect pictures, a receipt from. Mr. Chow and flight records proving that he was in NYC that day, John Doe #1 says he got the date wrong. More like John D'OH! #1.

A source tells Radar that John Doe #1 is now claiming that John Travolta touched him wrong BEFORE January 16th.  The source says that John Doe #1's lawyer will amend the lawsuit, but every other detail in the documents will stay the same. John Doe #1 and his lawyer aren't worried that this will screw up their case. The source went on to say:

"The lawsuit will likely be amended, but this doesn't change the facts of the lawsuit. John Doe #1 gave very specific information, and staff from the Beverly Hills Hotel will absolutely be included as witnesses in the case. Let's not forget John Doe accuser #2. It's very interesting that Travolta's team hasn't gone after him. 

This case will absolutely proceed through depositions and to a trial. The lawsuit can't and won't be thrown out because the date was wrong by the first John Doe, which will ultimately be up to a jury to decide. Both accusers are ready to go public, and aren't afraid of John Travolta, and they will see this through to the end."

If you're suing John Travolta and a multi-million dollar settlement is on the line, how in the sore on Xenu's taint can you mess up the date? John Doe #1 says John Travolta found his ass online and they e-mailed back and forth, so wouldn't that shit be in his Gmail or whatever? Either John Doe #1 is a confused ho who really mixed up the date, he's scamming a trick or he's already settled with Travolta and part of the deal is for him to slowly discredit himself. Yeah, that last one is the Detective La Toya in me poking out.

In other Trollvolta news, a third dude who has come forward claiming that John tried to pay him for sex  in 2009. Fabian Zanzi tells The Daily Mail that he was a VIP host on a Royal Caribbean cruise and John hugged him while naked before offering to pay him $12,000 for some peen-on-prostate action. Fabian turned him down.

Never mind that John was trolling for dick on a Royal Caribbean cruise like a regular, middle-class closeted husband from the suburbs, who turns down $12,000 for a few minutes with John Travolta? I swear, morals and standards are so overrated. John needs to work on his trolling skills, because it sounds like his butt hole is always barking up the wrong peen. Every trick I know will gladly stick his peen in the glory hole in John Travolta's closet door for $12,000. Hell, those whores will do it for $12 and an autographed Danny Zuko glossy.

You might want to check on the Ryan Gosling fangirl or fangay (Goshead? Gosloons? Godling Warriors?) in your life, because there's a good chance that when these pictures came out last night, they printed them out on paper, origami-ed that shit into a knife and stabbed themselves in their feeling place. They could be suffering from an untreated paper cut. Check on that.

The Urban Outfitters' answer to Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel strut strut strut their asses in front of the paparazzi in the East Village yesterday afternoon and confirmed that yup, they're still attaching themselves at the crotch when the lights go down. I saw these pictures on a couple of sites last night and the comments softly laughed me to sleep. A lot of the comments were straight hating on Eva Mendes. They called her a manly, never-was, washed-up, attention whoring, old piece of superficial trash who is slowly sucking the life out of a perfect, glistening god man (I'm paraphrasing). I love it!

You know, I've never really had it for Eva Mendes (her Joker brows make me want to dance with the devil in the pale moonlight and I don't like that feeling), but now I'm into her since she's the most hated woman on 2 out of 3 gossip blogs. That bitch knows it too. That look she's throwing above clearly says, "I see you hating on my genie pants, but I won't care when these genie pants are on the floor and I'm riding the boyfriend in your head, bitch!" Yeah, I got all of that out of that nothing look. I can barely read English, but I can read faces.

"Alien VS Sexual Predator" -TexnDoc

Runners-up:

Arnold greets his second love child, the one he had with Whoopi Goldberg. - Glen

Arnie finally meets one of the steroids that he built his career on. - tojo

John Travolta gives Arnie a thank you shake for giving him some good advice on how to do things on the down low without getting noticed. - Coffy73

via Break.com

The Sexational Pam! Don't judge a beauty by her stage name. The Sexational Pam's pristine, untouched pearl has never dipped into the sea of peen (File that under: Why did I write that?), but she's ready to dive in. 70-year-old British jewel Pam Shaw has been waiting until marriage to get her fresh cherry plucked, but her career as a cabaret singer kept her from love. Unlike lifetime achievement award-winning man whore Tom Jones, who The Sexational Pam opened for in the 60s, she's only kissed a man. But now that she's retired and has stepped into the non-stop sunset booze cruise phase of life, she's ready to give a fuck about fucking.

Ashton Kutcher can back the hell up, because he'll never get a chance to christen The Sexational Pam's coochie. The 70-year-old virgin is picky about who she's going to dust her pearl off for. Pam opened up to the eHarmony of British tabloids, The Sun, and told them what kind of man she's looking for and why she's the perfect catch:

“Now’s the time. I’m ready to take the plunge for the right bloke. My standards are still very high, though. I’m hoping to bag a tall, dark and handsome millionaire. I feel I am ready to give marriage a go and maybe go to bed with a man. You are never too old for anything. Just look at Joan Collins. I may be 70 but I’m young at heart. People can’t believe it when I tell them my age. I think I look great, maybe because I’ve never been married or had kids. I’m fun and have bundles of energy.”

Any virgin beauty who counts Joan Collins as one of her idols is an idol of mine. Grab the KY and get the peen, Pam!

(For Michael, Kristyn and Ashlee)