What Hollywood couple – he’s a rocker, she’s a pop star – have an open marriage where hubby can still hook up with GUYS? The blonde mom is so done with playing the happy homemaker role that she’s telling pals she’s ready to go solo! (National Enquirer via Blind Gossip)
Are we sure there isn't a typo in that blind and they really mean "poop" star? That would make this blind about Fishsticks Paltrow since she is obsessed with poop (see: all the posts dedicated to colonics, cleanses and shit on GOOP). Naw, it can't be about Fishy since the only man ass Chris Martin puts his head in is his own. So that leaves Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale?
Which super-famous female pop star, known for her “bad girl” reputation, has been secretly hooking up with women? The sexy singer has been frequenting European strip clubs, getting lap dances, then taking the raunchiest performer back to her hotel! (National Enquirer via Blind Gossip)
Super famous female pop star and bad girl? That could only be one bitch: DETECTIVE LA TOYA! Exhibit: EVERYTHING.
In Hollywood, it’s popular to be socially liberal and a Democrat. This handsome American actor is an industry leader in supporting Democratic Party candidates. He has donated his time and money and creative fundraising ability to many Democratic causes. However, he has a secret about the way that he votes that only his close friends know. He publicly talks like a Democratic Party loyal. But he actually votes Republican. A lot. (Blind Gossip)
Stacy Keibler now knows why she hears elephant sounds coming from George Clooney's closet. She just figured it was another kink he's into.
Tilda Swinton and her white jumpsuit from David Bowie's closet wins over all these trollops. As usual. - The Berry
FYI: Stepford Katie has not been turkey basted with a drop of L. Ron Hubbard's frozen load again - Lainey Gossip
Normally I'd be grossed out by snobby hos thinking they're better than certain pieces of trash, but in this case I'll slow clap for Beyonce instead - The Superficial
Does Obama take requests, because he'll have my vote if coos out his rendition of the Brian McKnight classic "Let Me Show You How Your Pussy Werks" - Towleroad
Claire Danes looks like an old Fruit Roll-Up (flavor: menstrual berry) - Celebitchy
On a positive note...at least Mischa Barton got a job - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
Carrie Underwood's cousin Sara Jean (I made that up) in Men's Fitness - Hollywood Tuna
The babies with memaw names trend continues thanks to Jack Osbourne - ICYDK
Mila Kunis' shiny coochie cutters remind me of the shiny silver shorty shorts I had in the first grade. I accidentally shit in them while in class one day. Children laughed at me. Thank you for opening that scar, Mila! - Popoholic
The film debut supercut, part II - The Daily What
This should be made into a line of toilet paper - Cityrag
Courtney Stodden being the natural and graceful swan that she is - Hollywood Rag
Couldn't Hillary Clinton bring out her velvet scrunchie (with the metal bead border) for an occasion like this? - Just Jared
Please tell me Jason Segel didn't go on the feeding tube diet - I'm Not Obsessed
Awkward kiss is awkward - Popsugar
Today is the 10th anniversary of the death of Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes and TLC has used this day to announce to TMZ that they are in the middle of planning a reunion tour that will take over the US sometime this year. T-Boz and Chilli have already booked 5 cities and are planning many, many more. Fire up your side-eye making muscle, because you'll feel the need to throw some eye shade after reading the next sentence. The same digital black magic that brought Tupac to life at Coochella will bring Left Eye back to life on tour and TLC plans to dance next to her hologram on stage. And the start of the hologram revolution begins. We're all doomed!
A bitch has to get paid, I know, but does everything have to be hologram this and hologram that? If I want to see a vision of something that really isn't there, I'll just do drugs. Shit. That's what normal people do. Oh well, it could be a lot worse. At least they're not bringing O'So Krispie on tour....
I hate myself for remembering R U The Girl.
Let's go way back in time to the year I was born when catalog touch-ups were done with lead-based paint and mongoose hair and when Victoria's Secret truly cared about background ambiance. I didn't even know Victoria's Secret was alive in 1979, but it was and Fashionising brought out these pictures from their catalog. Oh those were the days when a panty model's marabou feather slippers were as fluffy as her crotch bush and her hair was always done up like a fourth-string bridesmaid at a Texas wedding. The VS catalog was much more realistic back then too. Don't act like you didn't know that every grown woman in 1979 did needlepoint in her lingerie while hanging out with her girlfriends in her grandma's "nice" living room. I bet grandma slapped the baby's breath out of that woman's hair when she found a stray pube on her oriental rug.
And I know what the model with skin the color of creme brûlée was doing before this shoot. She was the one sunbathing on her driveway for hours and you know she used Vaseline instead of suntan oil.
Not a week goes by when I don't use "Excuse my beauteeeeee!" and "Because I like tans on my legs, not on my face!" in casual conversation, so I must give a special brow pencil-lined thanks to Dlisted reader Amanda for keeping the hope of Stephanie Yellowhair's return to television (hopefully not on Cops) alive! As of August 2011, the hottest bitch in the Circle K was alive and well....back in the clink again. Stephanie was busted in Albuquerque, NM and I'm guessing she was put in cuffs for working her looks or for killing lesser hos with glamour (SPOILER ALERT: She was arrested for DWI).
Miss Stephanie also has a Facebook page, which is where my eyeballs have been living for the past few weeks, and a now abandoned blog. I will continue to bring you updates on this highly important story.
And if you haven't seen the sole reason why motion picture recording devices were invented, please watch this in its entirety and memorize every one of Stephanie's lines. There will be a quiz in the morning.
That cop and Stephanie are truly the Laurel & Hardy of this and every generation. SHUT UHHHHHHHHHP!
It looks like that future Mommie Dearest-like tell-all about Katherine Heigl will have two authors instead of one! Because a rep for Katherine (insert the sound you make when you hawk up a crusty phlegm ball) tells Just Jared that she and her husband Josh Kelley have made their 3-year-old daughter Naleigh a sister by adopting a second kid. Katherine's rep closed their mouth to all details about her second kid, but who needs Katherine's rep when we've got The National Enquirer? A source tells the Enquirer that Katherine and Josh adopted an 8-day-old girl from Louisiana. The source went on to say this shit:
“As soon as they got the word the baby was born, Katherine and Josh flew from California to Louisiana to pick up their new daughter. But they didn’t want to let the cat out of the bag too soon about their new little girl. Katherine wanted the infant to have a chance to get acclimated to her new family and surroundings before she introduced her to the world.
To keep the whole thing under wraps, a friend sat with their baby five rows in back of them on the plane trip back to Los Angeles. Only a select few people even know their newborn baby’s name!”
Katherine recently admitted that it took a while to bond with Naleigh and it seemed like her daughter hated her at first ("Do you blame me?" - Naleigh).
We all know Katherine as an insufferable, egotistical asshole whose smug smile makes you want to tell her that you'll see her next Tuesday, but motherhood has softened her edges a bit. I mean, she's not totally a mega bitch anymore. And that's a good reason to never have kids. Raising kids softens your cuntiness! Who wants that?!
It's (NSFW) Lurid Digs: The BABY!!! Hoarder Edition!
If I had 14 kids living under one roof with me, my house would have the word Ayúdame (written by me) scrawled on all of its walls, there would be used heroin spoons scattered all over the floor and every door would have been pulled off of its hinges. Obviously, I'd use the doors as a shield against all the baby poop thrown at me on an hourly basis. Basically, my house would make Grey Gardens look like the "after" shot in an episode of Clean House. But that's why I don't have 14 kids! Which leads me to these pictures from TMZ of OctoMom's House of Horrors. Honestly, I expected a lot worse. Don't get me wrong, it still looks like an abandoned mental hospital turned crack house and I'm sure it smells like a diaper genie's fart times a million, but I still thought it would look a whole lot more disgusting.
Octo's hairstylist (I'll get to that later) gave TMZ the pictures after she filed a complaint with the La Habra Police Department. Stephanie the hairstylist told police and TMZ that the house is covered in graffiti and it has only one working toilet. The kids have to use potty training toilets in the backyard. Octo tried to get the plumbing fixed, but she decided against it after a plumber told her it would cost $150. Stephanie says that the children run around pantless and some of them even have to sleep on the floor since there's not enough mattresses for all of them. Oh, and what's locked behind door number WTF in the picture above? It's not Octo's sanity! It's her kids. Octo told Stephanie that sometimes she keeps them in the bedroom. Do not show this picture to my dog or he may use the same trick on my ass.
La Habra police as well as Child Protective Services paid a visit to Octo's house and looked around for about 90 minutes. They ruled that none of the kids are in immediate danger, so they didn't remove any of them from the house and will continue to investigate.
And about Octo's hairstylist, even though she's still on government assistance and refuses to pay $150 to fix the toilets, she wrote Stephanie a $520 check for two haircuts and a Brazilian blowout.
Octo's house is a mess, the children are pooping in the backyard, their sleeping pads were made by Lumber Liquidators and it's only a matter of time before they declare mutiny on her by drowning her in baby piss, but at least her hair looks hot, right? Who cares about the needs of children?! Nothing else matters when your beauty is intact.
Fine silverware will be traded for Dixie plastic sporks and an open bar will be traded for a pitcher of water at the White House Correspondents Dinner this year, because Lindsay Lohan will show up as a guest of Greta Van Susteren. LiLo will join an illustrious list of past White House Correspondent Dinner guests that includes Kim Kardashian, Bristol Palin, Jeremy Piven, Brooke Burke, Sanjaya, Justin Bieber, Jessica Simpson and Omarosa. I know, reading that list is like visiting the planetarium. So many bright shiny stars! If they were a constellation, their name would be the Orilly (short for the O Rilly These Whores Were Actually Invited To The White House?). Susan Sarandon has no laughs for that.
LiLo's spokeswhore confirms to The Washington Post that she will be there along with her lawyer Shawn Holley who I'm guessing will be there as a crackheadsitter to make sure that ho doesn't break a glass over Hillary Clinton's head for looking at her wrong.
The bad news is that Michelle Obama will have to Super Glue her diamond bracelet to her wrist if she doesn't want LiLo to snatch it away like the sneaky thief she is. But the good news is that the Secret Service don't have to go all the way to Colombia to get some leased coochie. This time, the call girl is coming to them!
And here's LiLo looking like a freshly bloomed marigold at a Star Magazine party in L.A. last night.
People has released their annual World's Most Beautiful Woman issue (known to you and me as the Whose Publicist Agreed To Give People The Most Exclusive Stories And Photo Spreads In Exchange For A Title That Doesn't Mean Shit? issue) and Beyonce beat out the likes of Christina Hendricks, Sofia Vergara and Paula Patton for the crown. Meanwhile, Solange was just named, for the 10th time in a row, the Basement's Most Beautiful Baby by Moth Ball Magazine (subscriber count: 1).
Beyonce used her interview with People to let all of you pillow baby conspiracists know that B.I.C. came directly from her cashmere-covered womb. If you're a South American surrogate living in a Manhattan apartment mysteriously bought by a company called Lace Front Inc., please hold your laughter.
"I feel more beautiful than I've ever felt because I've given birth. I have never felt so connected, never felt like I had such a purpose on this earth.
The best thing about having a daughter is having a true legacy. The word 'love' means something completely different now."
No comment. But I will comment on that cover. I, for one, am glad Beyonce was named the World's Most Beautiful Woman, because if she wasn't we wouldn't see this picture that looks straight out of a Glamour Shots in New Mexico.
And now I leave you with these pictures of Dlisted's Most Beautiful Woman, Auntie Dionne, getting all the numbers in Philadelphia last night.
This is just the beginning. Wait until you see what she has in store for the Team Pitt verses Team Theroux wedding day battle. - zomay
She Twi'ed Two Hard. - turnelbup
When she read "Taylor Lautner enjoys a flamer with a giant tent" on one of the gossip websites, she knew just how to get his attention. - GingeMinge
The House of Dereon has launched a line of plus size prom dresses. The designs are inspired by Illuminati fixtures such as teen werewolves, vampires and Satan's ninth circle of Hell. - SteelCityGirl