Zac Efron's former lip gloss holder Vanessa Hudgens is looking more fucked up than usual and that could mean only one thing: It's Coachella time again! Vanessa Hudgens normally looks like the L train gargled up the worst fashions from the 90s before barfing all over her, but when April rolls around she really turns up the WTF. This year, Vanessa went hard and really earned a THIS BITCH badge of honor by trying to offend as many groups of people and pairs of eyeballs as possible. Let's go down the line....
That headdress is offending her Native American ancestors (she's like .5% Native American, okay) and 3rd graders who can make a better one using an old belt, construction paper and pigeon feathers. That Sharpie bindi is offending both cholas and Indians for obvious reasons. That peace sign is offending Chicken Cutlets since that her signature pose. And I don't know if that make-up is offending Native Americans, ThunderCats or caca streaks on chonies?
The organizers of Coochella need to be brought up on charges for being an accessory to this dumbassness.
Here's a few more pictures from over the weekend of hos doing it right (see: Ian Somerhalder hugging half of his nalgas) and bitches doing it wrong (see: pretty much everyone else). In order: a damn fool, Trouty Mouth with Horsey Mouth's niece, Johnny Hallyday, Jared Leto, Fuggie Fug with Josh Duhamel, a leftover queef bubble from 2002, Katy Perry, Ke$hit and Ian S.
Since Frances Bean's iPhone has a Crazy Ass Bitch Blocker App and redirects all calls from Courtney Love to the nearest lunatic asylum, Courtney has to use Twitter to throw a sowwy at her own "biological" (copyright: Frances Bean Cobain) daughter. Courtney started this mess last week when she brain queefed up the gross rumor that Dave Grohl took his obsession with Kurt Cobain to SUCIO levels by screwing on Frances Bean. Frances Bean calmly responded by saying that somebody really needs to strap straitjacket gloves on Courtney's hands and keep her away from Twitter. Well, Frances' calm smack down must have temporarily knocked the crazy out of Courtney, because she went on her other Twitter account yesterday to apologize:
Bean, sorry I believed the gossip.. Mommy loves you
— Courtney Love Cobain (@Courtney) April 14, 2012
Mark yesterday as the first day in modern history that the bat litter box called Courtney's head actually had a moment of clarity. I'd like to think that this will teach Courtney to never believe one of the voices in her head after she snorts a crushed homemade Adderall pill she made using a Lohan family recipe, but it won't. Stay tuned for more fuckery from this crazy bitch.
Geronimo, the Double Dutching dog! If you still feel insecure about how much you sucked at Double Dutch in school, do not watch this video of Geronimo doing it better than you ever could. Just look at Geronimo's ass showing off. Save it for your audition for the remake of Jump In!, Geronimo! (I really hope they do a remake of Jump In! starring Geronimo.) Whatever. Geronimo might be king of the Double Dutch, but I'm sure he can't pull a Dutch Oven better than I can (he can).
Samantha Fox (46)
Emma Watson (22)
Eliza Doolittle (24)
Alice Braga (29)
Seth Rogen (30)
Susan Ward (36)
Jason Sehorn (41)
Dara Torres (45)
Linda Perry (47)
Emma Thompson (53)
Linda Bloodworth-Thomason (65)
Claudia Cardinale (74)
Roy Clark (79)