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Just like Fishsticks Paltrow, Nicole Kidman, Falcor Rimes and Brooklyn Decker before her, Rumer Willis covered her tater dimples and sprouts with the most overworn dress since the legendary Slut Dress. Now that this shelf paper-looking dress has gone from Nicole Kidman all the way down to never-was Rumer Willis, can we throw it back into the sea where it belongs? No, that would be too easy. It's going to terrorize us for many years to come. It'll go from Rumer's body to the clearance rack at Barney's to Off 5th and eventually it will find itself crumpled up at the bottom of a last call box at TJ Maxx. Then you'll see your co-worker try to rock this shit with Chinese Laundry heels and a clutch from Claire's at the office holiday party in about 4 years. The horror will never end.

Tater wore this mess to the premiere of Paul McCartney's video for My Valentine at the Stella McCartney store in West Hollywood last night. Yes, we're having premiere parties for music videos now. If you need help getting lulled into a mid-afternoon coma, watch Paul's video which stars Natalie Portman and Lea DeLaria Johnny Depp. I'm guessing that watching Natalie Portman do sign language is only slightly less boring than watching paint dry on Natalie Portman.

And here's a few of the tricks and tramps who came out for that shit last night. In order: Tater Head, Pamela Anderson, Zooey Deschanel (who is still wearing toddler dresses from the 60s), Ginnifer Goodwin, Joan Jett, Miranda Kerr, Paul McCartney with his Nancy Shevell, Stella McCartney, Fishsticks (I am setting my closet on fire and reconsidering my life choices, because I wore the gay ho version of that outfit last night), the always acid trippy Linda Ramone, Gwen Stefani, Kristen Stewart, Reese Witherspoon and Jane Fonda.

Woe is Ryan O'Neal AGAIN and this time it's not his fault. Ryan has had leukemia, been arrested with his son for meth possession, has a fucked up relationship with all of his children and now he's battling stage 4 prostate cancer. Stage 4 cancer sounds like some beyond serious shit, but Ryan tells People that he's undergoing treatment right now and he's not going to take a ride on Farrah Fawcett's angel hair wings anytime soon. According to Ryan, he's going to fully recover.

"Recently I was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer. Although I was shocked and stunned by the news, I feel fortunate that it was detected early and according to my extraordinary team of doctors the prognosis is positive for a full recovery.

I am deeply grateful for the support of my friends and family during this time, and I urge everyone to get regular check-ups, as early detection is the best defense against this horrible disease that has afflicted so many."

Ryan also said that he has a book coming out May 1st.

Never mind that the phrases "early detection" and "stage 4 cancer" don't normally go together, this news come just days after Ryan shaded our earth God Oprah by blaming her for the failure of his reality show on her network. And now Ryan has cancer. Oprah, YOU WOULDN'T!?

Magica De Spell, the stunningly gorgeous sorceress who regularly serves up duck a l'glamour as she tries to steal Scrooge McDuck's Number One Dime. Thanks to DuckTales and Darkwing Duck, Magica is and will always be a money-grubbing icon for our future gold diggers of the world. Magica devotes her entire life to getting her duck hands on McDuck's prized Dime, because it will make her the most powerful, shameless and richest gold digger since Heather Mills. But I don't even know why Magica bothers with that stupid Dime, because she has something Scrooge McDuck will never have: BEAUTY!

Over the years, hos have tried to emulate Magica's beauty. Examples: Edgier cholas have tried to replicate her purple black hair color and fine point Sharpie brows. Every time Angelica Huston sashays into her coif shop, she pulls out a picture of Magica and tells them to give her THAT and to get it right this time (they never do). Lana Del Rey fills her lips with pieces of duck cartilage hoping that they'll be as pouty as Magica's. And don't get me started on that trick Jessie J. Bitch has copy + pasted Magica's look from top to bottom. All, except for the cholas, can have a seat since there is only one Magica!

Sarah Michelle Gellar (35)
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