She’s supposed to be the doting mother. Ask the people who help her with her kids. They certainly don’t agree.
First of all she’s never around. And when she’s present she’s distant, not only not involved, but almost irresponsible about it. One of her children may have developmental challenges. As such, diet can exacerbate the issue. Since she can only spend so much time with her children, and often slotted in like appointments in her schedule, she doesn’t bother observing the food requirements that can help with the child’s behaviour. Mom supplies junk food because it’s quick and dirty so that she can get out of there that much faster. When the kid acts out because of the shit he’s just consumed, she’s incapable of dealing with it and takes off anyway.
It’s left then to the staff to raise her family. How does she treat them? Nannies’ cell phones are confiscated at 8am and not returned until 10pm. There’s a trusting and kind working environment, non? Totally encourages loyalty.
As you expect, bosses like this always play favourites. Her favourite? Curiously enough, it’s the bodyguard. He’s been seen rubbing her feet. Of course that had nothing to do with the separation ...even though the foot massages have been happening for a while now.
It’s not Gwyneth Paltrow. (Lainey Gossip)
Let's do the math:
Takes a 5 minute break from the ho stroll to throw Arby's at her chirruns for dinnertimes before getting back to the ho stroll +
Is paranoid that her nannies will document her foolery on their cell phones and sell it to Radar for a quick check +
Thinks she's the Whitney to her bodyguard's Kevin Costner +
Totally has her head stuck up fame's asshole -
GOOP = Hmmm. I'm still not sure yet. Wait, if I carry the cunt, I get KATE GOSSELIN?
Which reality show star was spotted acting erratically on a recent flight from New York to LAX? Yes, this person made at least 20 visits to the bathroom on this nearly 6 hours flight, and our spy says that during one of those visits, was spotted reaching into the back of his pants and pulling something out before fully closing the door. And in between these visits? Well our star was just chatting everybody up: From fellow first-class passengers, even making his way past the fabled curtain to shmooze the plebes sitting in coach. Nope, no naps for this guy. Just an apparent bladder problem and lots of talking. He also apparently kept throwing napkins into the aisle, which were quickly cleared by the patient flight attendants. (Best Week Ever)
The Situation? It isn't what you think, though. Bitch probably keeps a tube of self-tanner up his Jersey Turnpike, because he thinks his tan will fade on a 5 hour flight and he always needs to keep his shit poppin.
So, this very solid A list movie actor who has rocketed to almost A+ status in the past year has had a series of gorgeous girlfriends. Back to back to back they have been B+ or A list actresses. Anyway, it seems that our actor is not above getting a little male action on the side. Never a main course, but always on the side. He also prefers them younger than him. Our actor has been sending e-mails to a brand new A list actor who is just getting started with his own franchise. The two actors have been communicating, and even gone out once or twice, but so far the young actor is resisting the advances of the A lister. (CDAN)
In the deepest part of my wet dreams, I want this to be Ryan Gosling, because it's really time for a "Hey boy..." meme. But I'll say Bradley Cooper and that Liam Hemsworth dude?
He used be a genuinely nice guy. Serious about his music, surrounded by people who cared about him, kind to his fans, grateful for his good fortune.
Then he surrounded himself with an entourage of users and hangers-on and everything changed. The members of this entourage are very versatile. His drummer is also his drug dealer. His bodyguard parties with him and engages in Twitter wars for him. The models double as escorts. The rest of the party crowd uses his name to hawk their wares, everything from jewelry to drugs. He doesn’t mind. It makes him feel popular. Then there’s the slimy actor pal who has quite the impressive track record of ruining young lives (and is about to add one more to the list).
Thanks to his choice of friends, the formerly wholesome singer started doing drugs last year… and hasn’t stopped since. He now drinks every day and parties every night. The party usually starts around 4 PM, the shots of Patron start at 8 PM, and then it’s constant drinking and smoking cigars and drugs until 4 or 5 or 6 AM, even when he’s scheduled to work the next day. As he gets more and more loaded throughout the night, he likes to rail about how much he hates his life, how much he hates his family, and about how he’s the one who really deserves the success one of his band mates is now experiencing.
He’s going downhill fast. He’s been blowing off writing sessions and missing rehearsals. The rest of his group (who genuinely do care about him) make excuses for him and reschedule rehearsals again and again. He doesn’t seem to care about anything except the alcohol and the drugs and being the king of his party entourage. He even ditched a charity event last week because he decided that he would rather go party in Miami. He has nothing but contempt for his fans (he makes fun of them and tells them to “get a life”). And all that smoking has completely ruined his voice.
Yes, he used to be a genuinely nice guy. Now he’s just an ungrateful, jealous, bitter alcoholic with a smoke-ruined voice, surrounded by users and losers, hating his fans, hating his life.
We know you’re reading this. Get help, dude. (Blind Gossip)
Joe Jonas and Wilmer Valderrama? And maybe it's because I'm an awful person, but booze and drugs sounds more fun to me than purity rings and Disney songs.
Either Megan Fox just sucked on an entire box of Lemonheads or she's pulled her face into a permanent pucker position - Celebitchy
I'd like to think that's an anal bead wand that Meryl Streep is wearing as a necklace - Lainey Gossip
Kate Beckinsale on Australia's Men Style - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
Awkward is The Situation trying to tell Jionni that Snooki's engagement sort of got stuck up in his no-no when she drunkenly fingered him in the smoosh room - The Superficial
That ashy blond wig makes Vanessa Hudgens look like a community college student who was kicked out for getting caught huffing gasoline out of her professor's car in the parking lot - Hollywood Tuna
The Reunion of Brandy & Monica: The Video! - ICYDK
The who's who of Valtrex's most wanted list - The Berry
Vivienne Jolie Pitt's red lipstick is a direct threat to Suri - Popsugar
For the Johnny Weir in your life: MANTYHOSE! - OMG Blog
Jamie Chung is bow-legged in the eyeballs too - Popoholic
The parties responsible for Piece of Chet Haze get caught on the kiss camera - SOW
Pig, out. - Cityrag
I like Ann Romney's way of thinking. Let me try this: I don't consider myself a dumb slut. Nope, didn't work. - Videogum
Alessandra Ambrosio Salad is posing with a lady shaver while pregnant. HOW DOES SHE DO IT? - I'm Not Obsessed
Terror Reid looks....good? - Just Jared
I think I'm in love with an ATM - The Daily What
Kim Novak took out a full page ad in Variety a couple of months ago, because she wanted to shine a light on the INJUSTICE the makers of The Artist brought down on Vertigo. Kim basically citizen's arrested The Artist for using a piece of Vertigo's score even though the producers of The Artist gave credit and paid for it. Kim said that hearing Vertigo's score while watching The Artist felt like rape. At the time, I didn't make anything out of it, because a miniature Whoopi Goldberg was living in my head and told me that Kim didn't mean rape rape, but oh she did. Kim clarified her comments to the Associated Press and said that she was raped as a child so she knows what it feels like. And hearing Vertigo's score in The Artist felt just like rape. Err... ummmm... errr... lawd... yeah:
"It was very painful. When I said it was like a rape, that was how it felt to me. I had experienced in my youth being raped, and so I identified with a real act that had been done to me. I didn't use that word lightly. I had been raped as a child. It was a rape I never told about, so when I experienced this one, I felt the need to express it. I never reported my real rape, so I felt the need to report this one. I felt that someone needed to speak up because the music has been taken advantage of too much. I hope that in the future, maybe somehow it will do some good."
Why do I feel like my emotions just fell out of a church tower after a nun spooked my ass? Now every time I watch The Artist (because I watch it all the time, obviously), I'm going to think about how it raped Vertigo.
And I give this entire story 5 out of 5 face palming Uggies.
For some strange reason, someone pulled a "Roseanne opening credits" on Brit Brit and made a video of her morphing from baby to crazy to now. It's sort of like watching a Cheetos melt under a McDonald's heat lamps, backwards. Watching it all crash into a pink wig of insanity after KFed and Wonky is creepy, borderline horrifying and I had to look over my shoulder a few times to make sure a green umbrella wasn't coming at me. What I'm saying is that whoever did this, should do this to Lindsay Lohan.... and Mickey Rourke... and Jocelyn Wildenstein... and Jodie Marsh... and you... and you.... and EVERYBODY ELSE. Well, everybody except me, because if you morphed my face from baby to now it would probably look a lot like a worm flaring his anus in slow motion.
Here's Prince Hot Ginge making what some would call the "Ginge on a Cross" or "King of the Ginges" pose, but what I call the "imaginary blowjob and double finger bang" pose, because I'm romantic like that. PHG stretched and flexed with Olympic gold medalist Usain Bolt in Jamaica this morning as part of his royal tour to up the production of panty pudding in the Caribbean.
You know, earlier I was at my favorite place on the Internet, The Daily Fuckery, and read some of the comments people made about this blessed event. A few people said that PHG is nothing but a ginger-crusted scab who gets paid to pose in silly photo-ops while they're slaving away in front of the broiler making meat pies out of human flesh to pay their rent! (Everything I know about the British economy, I learned from Sweeney Todd.) Those people are so off base that they're licking dirty jockstraps in the dugout with the Kardashians. PHG is doing the work of a saint. Every nation deserves to know what it feels like to quiver in the loins at the sight of PHG sucking off an invisible peen made from the same air they're breathing. It's life-changing. If I didn't already think Phoebe Price is the Mother Teresa of gingers, I'd say PHG is.
I would write more slobbery words pulled from my ass about PHG, but these pictures and I have a date with Photoshop.
Either Paula Deen has an orange mic on her second chin or that's a Cheetos mole and "backbackBritneybackback" will soon replace the n-word as her favorite phrase. You know Our Lady of Cheetos is going to try to gnaw that thing off.
The n-word I'm talking about is not "nobuttah." A stick of margarine would pass between Paula's lips before that word (yes, it's one word in the south) does. I'm talking about the other n-word. So, Paula Deen and her brother Bubba Hiers (government name: BUBBA HIERS) co-own Bubba's Oyster and Seafood House in Savannah, GA and they've both been sued by the former general manager of the restaurant for throwing all kinds of deep fried fuckery at her during the 5 years she worked there.
Radar says that in the lawsuit filed in Georgia on Monday, the former GM Lisa Jackson claims Bubba brought the following foolery on her:
- Created a porn prison around her by always watching fuck films on his computer in the small office she shared with him.
- Showed her the printout of an email with the subject line "Why Gay Marriage Should Be Legal" and a picture of two ladies coochie bumping below it.
- Bubba once grabbed Lisa's face and told her that he loved her. Romance.
- Bubba forced the black employees to only use the bathroom in the back while letting the white employees use the customers' bathroom in the front.
- Told Lisa and another manager that they should send President Obama "to the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico so he could n***er-rig it."
- Lisa finally quit in 2010 after Bubba spit in her face during an argument.
As for Paula, Lisa claims that the general manager before her got fired for wet humping on the servers and the butter messiah made it clear that she wasn't going to let that fuck with her business. Paula allegedly said this to Lisa:
"If you think I have worked this hard to lose everything because of a piece of pussy, you better think again, and now I'm going to do something I have never done I am going to put a woman in a man's job."
And about that n-bomb shit, Lisa says Paula dropped it while giving her staff ideas for a wedding they catered:
"Well what I would really like is a bunch of little niggers to wear long-sleeve white shirts, black shorts and black bow ties, you know in the Shirley Temple days, they used to tap dance around. Now, that would be a true Southern wedding wouldn't it? But we can't do that because the media would be on me about that."
This is all from Lisa Jackson's mouth and so far both Paula and Bubba are as quiet as a bit-off scrimp head. They ain't saying shit. On one hand, it's strange that this alleged crap went on for five years and Lisa never recorded any of it or got witnesses to back her up. On the other hand, you can't fully trust a family who seriously named one of their own BUBBA!
(Picture via Wenn.com)
Some paps obviously need more education in the subject of superstar beauty, because a bunch of them mistook the naturally beautiful international star Debbie Harry for a freckled bag of hardened silicone in a gutter ass wig.
Debbie Harry and Lindsay Lohan are both staying at The Mercer Hotel in NYC, and the paps started screaming the latter's name when the former came sashaying out. This is Debbie Fucking Harry! Show some respect! Does Debbie Harry's lips look like two shellacked uncooked sausage links? No. Does Debbie Harry have two plastic testicle cheeks sandwiching her nose? No. Does Debbie Harry smell like burnt Silly Putty, Red Bull, wet cigarettes and a bull's colostomy bag? Not that I know of, but still. If paps weren't sure, they should've thrown a Ziploc bag full of sea jasper rocks into the street and if she ran after it, then it's LiLo. Mistaking Debbie Harry for Lindsay Lohan is like mistaking a spring daisy for a dusty plastic flower lying on a dirty linoleum tile in the clearance section of a Big Lots. It's truly a sad day when entertainment professionals make mistakes like this.
If I see a clip of the paps screaming Lindsay Lohan's name as Edgar Winter walks out of a hotel, I'm totally going to find a way to get all those not knowing bitches a full scholarship ride to Education Connection.
The black cloud of woe is still fucking with the blossom in the garden of dead weeds that is MySpace. Tila Tequila lost the love of her life Casey Johnson, miscarried the baby some say she faked for attention and now TMZ is saying that she's on her way to a clinic after trying to get a date with the Grim Reaper all week.
Last Wednesday, the ambulance showed up to Tila's house after her roommate called 911 and told the operator that she was knocking on death's door all week long. Tila was falling in and out of consciousness in front of the paramedics, so she was taken to the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. Tila was released shortly after, but her manager called 911 last night to ask officers to check on her ass, because he had a feeling something wasn't right. The officers showed up to Tila's house and tried to see if she was okay, but she's currently in a wheelchair so she couldn't answer the door. The cops left and she's resting at home.
Radar says that Tila's health and mental problems started when a brain aneurysm almost sent her to Jesus. Tila apparently had a brain aneurysm in the middle of the night and while she was in a state of confusion, she tried to stop the head seizures by downing two whole bottles of prescription drugs. Tila threw up the pills and managed to send a strange text to a friend who immediately came over to find her convulsing on the bed. Tila was in ICU for a week and was released two Mondays ago. Radar's source had this to say about Tila's traumatic brain experience:
"She was in two hospitals for the span of a week and is still not in perfect health, so she's going to check into an outpatient program. It's sad to think she may have some permanent brain damage. She still can't fully speak properly."
Where is Daddy Spears, a pot of Velveeta grits and a 5150 from the courts when you really need all of them? Ho needs help. Then she can get better and go back to entertaining us on Ustream with her sex chair dancing moves (but she should wear a helmet next time). Oh shit, it all started with that fucking chair, right? BLAME THE CHAIR!!!
Not since Jessie Spano overdosed on meth pills has her insides been this EXCITED!!! about anything. Elizabeth Berkley told TMZ yesterday that sometime this summer she's going to thrust thrust thrust out her first baby with her artist husband Greg Lauren. Yes, Greg Lauren is the romance novel cover beauty in the picture above. The wind is always blowing in Greg's luscious mane, his eyes are always sparkling like he can see the sun setting in your eyes and it's always 5 o'clock on his beard area. Nomi chose well.
Nomi's mouth birthed out this block of cheese about her baby news:
"In life there are moments you cherish forever and this is one of them. We are so excited to share this moment and special news! The baby is due this summer"
If Nomi doesn't name her kid "Versacye," I will never forgive her. I will also never forgive her if she doesn't have a pool birth and get Kyle McLachlan to be her lamaze partner, so they can recreate the pool flopping scene from Showgirls. AKA the greatest scene in the history of fine cinema.
Republicans are often asked what will be done with all those unwanted babies if abortion and birth control are outlawed. Their solution? Clothe the homeless with them. - turnelbup
Can somebody give Jessica Simpson a C-Section already? Look at her, she's bursting at the seams! - cs182
Beyonce had a whole tree of Blue Ivys to pick from. - daisy100
Not having a stroller large enough, Brad & Angie have switched to velcro. - AbFab