One good thing that has come out of Kim Kardashian getting flour bombed, besides Kim Kardashian getting flour bombed, is that her sister Khloe Kardashian is respecting the whore oath by sticking with Kim and killing her relationship with PETA. PETA is taking zero responsibility for Kim's gross ass getting showered with flour, but they did back the flour bomber and say they would pay for her defense lawyers if it came to that. Khloe farted out a bunch of letters on her blog today and when you put them together she basically said that she can't with PETA'S "bullying" (buzz word, buzz word) ways. This is the mess that Khloe splattered on her blog:
Hi dolls. I’m sure you all heard what happened to Kim last week (thank you SO much for the love and support you all showed her), and I just received word that the woman responsible has very close ties to PETA, despite PETA publicly stating otherwise. Not only has PETA lied to the public, but they have proved that they support this kind of behavior. I’ve been a vocal supporter of PETA for a long time but I have also been very vocal about anti-bullying, so this was a huge disappointment for me. As you all know, I don’t condone violence and bullying and what happened last Thursday was just that. I am absolutely disgusted by their behavior.
Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and opinions — I personally don’t wear fur but that doesn’t mean I am going to force my views on anyone else, ESPECIALLY by violating them. I am a very proud sister right now, because Kim handled last week’s incident like a champ. She got cleaned up and was back out there in a matter of minutes. Go Kimmie!
We all need to practice what we preach. I will still continue to NOT wear fur, but I will no longer support PETA. Bullying and harassment is NEVER a solution, and I won’t be a part of any organization that thinks otherwise.
Never mind that somebody needs to shower this dumb bitch with the true meaning of "bullying" and never mind that her huge head is shoved so far up her own ass that she has no idea that PETA has done shit like this for years, this is the best news ever. This news is making my retinas clap. Stunt Queen Khloe breaking up with the Stunt Queens at PETA means that there will be no more pictures of her looking like a shaved and electrocuted sasquatch farting on her hand. Sadly, Harry from Harry and the Hendersons will have to look elsewhere for new fapping material, but think of all the copies of Photoshop that have been spared!
In "bitches staying messy" news, Bobby Brown was pulled over by the police today in Reseda, CA, because he's Bobby Brown so they knew he must be up to some backwards shit. No, they pulled Bobby Brown over, because his dumb ass was talking on the cell phone. When the cops walked up to his window, the musky scent of a bar sink filled their nostrils and they pulled Bobby out for a breathalyzer test. Bobby blew over the legal limit and it was off to jail his ass went.
TMZ says that Bobby was taken to the jail in Van Nuys to pose for his (insert the number of times you rolled your eyes at this entire post and then you'll have the number)th mug shot. Bobby's "people" somehow got his bail money together by checking under sofa cushions and asking the other members of New Edition to give a FREE BOBBY!!! concert in the parking lot of a laundromat. Bobby bailed out at around 2:30 PST, just 2 hours after he was busted.
If charged, this will be Bobby's second time at the DUI party. Bobby served 8 days in jail in 1996 after he pled guilty to a DUI in Georgia.
Reading shit like this mess makes me blow an air kiss to my daddy for walking out on our asses so I didn't have to see him fuck up before my very innocent eyes.
Who the hell drives drunk at 12 in the afternoon on a Monday? Bobaaaaay B, that's who. Telling Bobby to pull his shit together is a waste since everyone has been telling him to pull his shit together for the past ten million years. Your energy would be better spent on taking off your pants and sliding your ass on the carpet (© Abe from Mad Men).
Kendra Wilkinson's right tit just had a traumatic flashback about rubbing up against Hef's crusty mouth and so it's trying to jump up out of there - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
Husband in your head Ryan Gosling is still in Thailand and he's still cheating on you with that home wrecking whore tramp Eva Mendes. Crank up the Adele and weep in your cubicle. - Lainey Gossip
George Clooney has extended his contract with Stacy Keibler - Celebitchy
RiRi wandering around like she's blind, which would explain those pants - Hollywood Tuna
Speaking of escaping chichis, I'm pretty sure Uma Thurman's left one falls under that category too - The Superficial
The boring moment when Madge sucked 20 years from Nicki Minaj's lifespan - Towleroad
My mom and Ben Stiller had the same exact hair in 1978 - The Berry
Isn't there a law on the books stating that Ceiling Eyes is only allowed outside if she brings her drunk gem of a mother with her? - Popoholic
Does Paula Abdul have an alibi? - ICYDK
Jessica Simpson threatens the lives of dozens of wedding goers by showing up even though her fire hydrant vagina is going to shoot out an amniotic fluid tidal wave any minute now - Popsugar
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My wet dream of seeing Mickey Rourke do gay sex on the big screen is over - OMG Blog
Well, bitch's pompadour bangs look good at least... - Just Jared
And I bet his cholesterol shoots up and his arteries clog up whenever he tries to lick on that coochie - Crunk + Disorderly
SAMMY SOSA'S FACE. That is all. - SOW
Is this a clip from KFed's new weight-loss reality show? - The Daily What
M-I-C-K-E-Y... M-O-U-sit down, bitch, you look like a fool! - Hollywood Rag
Guess the stunt double? - Cityrag
So many "But can I still call you daddy?" jokes, so little time - I'm Not Obsessed
Showing the good people of Copenhagen how she snagged herself a prince, Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, got messy with some cream in a waffle feedbag while visiting the oldest ice cream shop in Denmark with Prince Charles earlier today. While many basic hos can brag that taking a thick creamy load to the throat made them a star, Cumilla is one of the only ones who can say that it made her royalty. Bow down.
Searching "Kevin Smith and Bruce Willis" on YouTube will bring up a bunch of clips of Kevin Smith hammering hard into Bruce Willis the same way Tater Head's chin hammers hard into a coke rock when her friends need a quick line to snort up. Kevin Smith has long said that he was excited about directing Bruce Willis in Cop Out, but his fan boy dreams died like the last follicle on Bruce's head when he found out that one of his heroes is a total dick. Kevin Smith still isn't over it and he brought it up on Twitter the other day. Kevin pushed out this Tweet (and later deleted it) to his followers:
"Who am I talking about when I write THIS. He turned out to be the unhappiest, most bitter and meanest emo-bitch I ever met at any job I've held. And mind you, I worked at Domino's."
After literally everybody shouted Bruce Willis' name at once, Kevin Smith responded with: "Took you all of 31 secs! WINNER-WINNER!"
Bruce Willis looks like a dick. No, I mean he looks like an actual peen and if Parasite Hilton saw him at a party, she'd eat him with her pussy and that would be the last of him. But besides looking like a dick, Bruce Willis also seems like he's a dick on the inside too, so I sort of believe Kevin Smith. I say "sort of" because it's very hard for me to fully give my trust to a shit talker who is single-handedly keeping the jean culottes industry in business.
Jan Crouch is the First Lady of the Trinity Broadcasting Network, a Dlisted icon and the only Princess Lolly-haired, tarantula-eyed angel I pray to whenever I need reassurance that there's no power like the power of Christian glamour. A stunning strawberry queef mess like Jan could never steal food out of a child's hand (yes, she could and has) let alone take millions of dollars out of her Christian network to pay for her lavish lifestyle. But that's exactly what Jan's granddaughter is accusing her and her husband Paul Crouch of doing. I know, can you believe it? A Christian televangelist accused of using donations from their followers to buy wigs made of crushed pink diamond dust and lashes made from rare spider pubes. This NEVER happens!
The Telegraph reports that Jan's 26-year-old granddaughter Brittany Koper is suing Trinity Broadcasting Network claiming that they wrongfully fired her as CFO after she discovered that her grandparents took out a "sham loan" to buy a $50 million jet, another $8 million jet for Jan's personal use, 13 homes across the US and a $100,000 RV for Jan's dogs. When Brittany told TBN that she knew about their financial schemes, they made her give an act of Christian contrition by turning over her house, life insurance policy and car to them. Brittany still went to the board with the shit she found out and a quick second after she did that, she was fired. Brittany claims that TBN also tried to take her husband down by accusing him of embezzling almost $1 million from the network. That accusation went nowhere.
A lawyer from TBN issued a statement saying that Brittany and her husband are causing a scandalous diversion to take away from the fact that they stole millions of dollars from the network:
"They're attempting to create a diversion and to create as much public spectacle as they can in the vain hope that this will all get resolved, and that's simply not going to happen."
He said the Crouches travel by private jet because they have received "scores of death threats, more than the president of the United States."
Their ministry keeps large amounts of cash in reserve because incurring debt goes against the Biblical instruction to "owe no man any thing," he said.
He added: "The answer is, there is no fire there. They pay as they go and, every now and then, one of the things that they pay as they go on is the acquisition of a broadcast facility, and that's a multi-million dollar transaction."
TBN made over $92 million in donations alone in 2010.
Brittany Koper is not a CRIS-CHEN-UUUUUH!!!!! How dare that dark-sided, gargoyle heathen bitch accuse this pink tornado of spiritual exquisiteness of fraud! Yes, Jan Crouch swindled her followers out of their hard-earned cash by telling them she would use their money to feed the starving children of the world and instead used it to buy an $8 million private jet, but I'm sure they forgive her. They don't expect a bubble gum flower like her to fly commercial! God doesn't fly commercial, so neither should Jan Crouch!
Yes, most Christians believe that lying is a sin, but lying is not a sin when you're doing so in order to buy a cotton candy machine to whip yourself up a gorgeous head of hair every morning. It says so in the Bible:
"You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor unless you're Jan Crouch and need to maintain your glamour.” Exodus 20:16
While paparazzo Delbert Shaw took these pictures of Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox in Hawaii two Decembers ago, he had no idea that he was about to get a beating courtesy of the douche weasel who poked out Donna Martin's cherry. Years of wearing the fugliest shirts Structure has to offer filled David Silver with a quiet rage and he unleashed it all over Delbert as Megan Fox cheered him off. That's what Delbert claims, anyway. TMZ says that in a lawsuit filed this morning in L.A., Delbert claims that Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox verbally assaulted his ass before issuing a beat down on him.
Delbert says that after BAG and Megan caught him taking pictures of them, they started yelling out all kinds of curse words at him. Shit got serious after Megan shouted at BAG, "Are you going to let him get away with that?" That was Brian's cue to jump on Delbert and punch him out. As BAG beat on Delbert, Megan kept egging him on. Once BAG finished smearing a pap, he stole Delbert's iPhone and threw it into the ocean.
BAG and Megan haven't responded to this mess yet. Delbert is of course suing for unspecified damages.
Who knew that Megan Fox was a chola leader?! Bitch not only ordered the hit, but she also stood there cheering BAG on as he whooped a trick. Let's call her La Gato Face. But seriously, I'm all for beating a ho when the situation calls for it (example: when your friend plays the new Justin Bieber song in the car without warning you first), but this is not one of those situations. Megan and BAG didn't handle it right. BAG should've sat the pap down at a table across from Megan Fox and made him listen to the nauseating words of shit wisdom that come pouring out of her mouth. It would've taken all of 6 seconds for Delbert to bang his head on the table until his brains started coming out of his nostrils. We've all been there after reading a Megan Fox quote. Why bust your fist into a pap's skull when you can let Megan Fox's words do it for you?
The Daily Mail narc'ed on Madge's 15-year-old daughter Lourdes by posting pictures straight from an after-school special of her sucking on a cigarette while standing around with some of her friends in NYC on Friday. A 10th grader swallowing a bunch of nicotine smoke is the opposite of ESCANDALO, but Lourdes doing it is even less of a big deal. If you woke up every morning to the blood-curdling screeches of Baby Brahim getting the youth siphoned out of his peen hole by a memaw vampire and if you had to deal with the world seeing your mom's nalgas try to escape out of her Spandex diapers, you'd be smoking something a lot stronger than a cigarette. But if Madge wants to keep the cigs out of Lourdes' mouth, she should just show her this anti-smoking ad that ruins my life every time it plays:
This ad is some scary shit. It has played in NYC for months, but the evil fuckers responsible for this are also playing it in California now and when I was in L.A. last week it played during every single commercial break. I could be in the best mood from just watching a YouTube of two kittens nose kiss under a rainbow and my smile face would immediately transform into this face as soon as my ears heard this woman wheezing out her last breaths. Every time it played, I thought of the poor whores out there who were in the middle of licking a hot peen in front of the TV when the moment was ruined by this PSA. Yes, this shit is scary enough to temporarily scare you off the dick.
After spending your late night drunkenly twisting in front of a webcam while trying to recreate that Zoo Bee Zoo Bebe Zahara Benet shit from Mad Men, your legs are probably as sore as a twisted nipple. If you're the Empress of Scientology, Suri Cruise, all you had to do was use your telekinetic powers to ring the Baccarat crystal bell next to your princess bed and Stepford Katie would immediately gallop to whisk you off to wherever you want to go.
Suri has a mother whose soul has been replaced with Talking Tina parts and a father who makes bat shit look sane, but besides that she really does have it all. Suri has her own golden geese farm, a closet full of custom-made diamond dust flats and she never EVER has to touch the sidewalk for the rest of her life. You'd think that Katie would have Madge-like biceps by now, because when she's not carrying Suri around, she carries Tommy Girl around whenever he can't walk due to a sprained prostate.
Here's more of human chariot Stepford Katie carrying 5-year-old Suri to their apartment in NYC last night. This is like Footprints in the Sand as rewritten by Veruca Salt.
Lindsay Lohan finally got a star on Hollywood Walk Of Fame....problem was, the other stars so disgusted walked off and are now living somewhere fresher....the sewer. - El Bastardo
The makeover with hipster jumpsuit and statement accessories still didn't help the KKK's image. - zachhcaz
No one suspected the most unlikely planet of all to contain life, until these images of giant dirtstars on Uranus were taken from space. - boredasfuckyo