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Oprah Winfrey's "Support OWN So I Don't Have To Put On A Reality Show Where Gayle And I Go To Work As Colonic Irrigation Technicians" campaign is picking up steam. Following up her kinda predatory-in-the-timing interview with Bobbi Kristina, God went to Gaga's mom's place and spoke to mother and attentionsuck.

Gaga sez her creative process involves her closing herself off from the world (*eye-roll*) and then informed O that this would be her last interview during her Born This Way Ball Tour (ugh, please edit that title).

"No press, no television, if my mom calls and says, 'Did you hear about ...' I shut it all off ... I don't read a damn thing," Gaga claimed. There is no way this one shuts off her Watchmen multimedia wall globally attuned to every little mention of her. She's got a @ladygaga Twitter feed that runs inside her eyelids.

And the big funny statement:

"Other than this interview, Oprah, I do not intend to speak to anyone for a very long time."

*chortle* Does anyone else envision Michael K. dancing a gay little jig over that statement? Uh, actually those are just booze-induced seizures.

This ain't gonna happen, by the way. Ms. Germanotta gave imaginary interviews in her nappies. Gaga without a camera in her face and a mike in her mouth is like like Lohan without courthouse camera clicks or cocainya. It would be a horrible Trainspotting-esque withdrawal scene for both of them. Gaga's real hair might actually grow back if she stopped giving interviews.

Oh, and she also says that she wants kids. She wants enough for "a soccer team". The kid playing goalie is gonna look sorta weird with glass dildo cleats.

TMZ posted another video of Invisible Children co-founder and KONY 2012 director Jason Russell in the middle of a naked mental breakdown on the streets of San Diego and to answer the question floating in the gutters in your brain: there's zero signs of fapping and no VP (visible peen). It's pretty crystal meth clear that Jason's mind is in another dimension in this clip, but damn, he's giving BODY, snapping for the children, twerking it out and reading the devil with a whole lot of sass. Turn to the left, now turn to the right.

None of us should judge a ho, because who hasn't looked sort of like this while tweaking out under a disco ball at the White Party? This might be wrong of me to say ("That hasn't stopped you before and it won't stop you now, you lukewarm cunt!" - you to me), but this video might have convinced me to put down the Sourdough Jack (or "Sourdough Yack" as my mom calls it) and do a crunch or fifty. Because it's more than likely that I will one day have a nipples-out "OH GURL!" meltdown in public and when it gets uploaded to YouTube, I want my body to look as tight as this.

In the trailer for Prometheus, dick-of-the-moment Michael Fassbender is looking thoughtfully at his fingers and says "big things have small beginnings." We get it. Prometheus is obviously a thinly veiled allegory about his huge cock. There's a lot of running and screaming, slimy goo on fingers, Charlize Theron looking intense, and planet-shattering. This is what happens when he swings it about. Oh, and Clooney publicly salivates over it at the Golden Globes.

Director Ridley Scott's Prometheus is supposedly the prequel to the Alien series. The lead chick (Noomi Rapace) was Lisbeth Salander.0. She played The Girl With/Who before the Vulcan Rooney Mara was living long and prospering on David Fincher's face.

This extremely shrieky trailer gave me a total fanboy hard-on. Sexy astronauts hauling ass through spaceship corridors because they're being chased by hideous alien monsters gives me the same feeling a KatherineHeiglKateHudsonSarahJessicaParker rom-com gives Jennifer Love Hewitt. A deep feeling of intense jealousy and a moistening of the pussy area.

Timothy Tross and Ben Clifford, the dudes who bombed a Rick Santorum speech with gayness at the Christian Liberty Academy in Arlington Heights, IL Friday night.

I tried watching Rick Santorum Santoruming away during his long ass speech, but whenever I'm exposed to political shit, whatever is left of my brain immediately evaporates into a cloud with a picture of two dudes sucking face floating in the middle of it. Timothy and Ben read my mind, because in the middle of Santorum's speech of words, they screamed "MIC CHECK!" before giving each other a tongue check. Bitches clutched their Tampax Pearls, freaked out and the blonde lady was so disgusted and horrified that she pushed out a smile, because a Santorum rally was finally giving her something she can pinch her nipples to. Timothy and Ben won't say if they're gay or straight, because that's not what their message is about.

Yes, Timothy and Ben both look like the members of a Foo Fighters cover band, but I'll still take it! Get into their gay bomb below (at the 3:35 mark):

Why are these bitches screaming "USA! USA!"? They should be screaming "TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF!" That's the American way. Wait, maybe USA stands for: Undress and Sex that Ass? If that's the case, USA! USA!

via Towleroad

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